[3DS] Pokémon Sun & Pokémon Moon - "Lonely Lillie" by Zeila

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon Sun & Pokémon Moon
Console: Nintendo 3DS
Title: Lonely Lillie
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Zeila]

[Latios212]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[daj]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh boooooooyyyyyyy

[Latios212]

Alright, feedback round one - aesthetics. Overall the notes seem good (haven't checked yet) and for the most part it's easy enough to read. But there are a number of ways to make this sheet look better; here are some.
- Measure spacing. I don't know what happened, but some measures ended up really cramped while others have too much space - most notably in the first and third systems of page 2. Click a note in each measure (throughout the sheet) to reset it to normal.
- Feel free to change up the space between the staves in different systems. Some systems have ample space (like the first) while others have nearly colliding elements from each staff (like m. 13).
- 32nd notes: from a performer's standpoint, these would be much more easily read as grace notes. Measures 22, 23, 30.
- Measure 35: The chord and 16th line seem like separate voices, so I find connecting them a little strange. I'd write them in separate layers.
- Measure 36: The switch-off point between the top staff and the bottom staff seems arbitrary and misleading. It disrupts the contour of the notes: the G-F#-G is difficult to discern. Here I'd recommend taking a look at how daj plays this part and notating it as such.

[Zeila]

Thanks! If I missed anything then let me know!

[daj]

After the reformatting, the bar spacing looks pretty good, and I think the only aesthetic change you need to make is with the staff spacing in the last page - maybe space that out a little more, because the 8vas make things a little messy~

I completely approve of the way you score the last bar though, that makes the most sense to a performer ^^

Anyway, just three small changes you might want to consider:

~

b. 7 is definitely a chord - I recall it's E-G-E

b. 8 - the octave leap on the last beat is really really challenging. I played single notes and I think that's the limit for non-professional pianists. :p whether you'd like to reflect this in the score is up to you haha

b. 20 bt 4 is a G-A instead of an E-G, I'm quite certain. ^^

[Zeila]

b. 7 is definitely a chord - I recall it's E-G-E

I'm assuming you meant E-G-Cnat although I personally don't really hear a G

b. 8 - the octave leap on the last beat is really really challenging. I played single notes and I think that's the limit for non-professional pianists. :p whether you'd like to reflect this in the score is up to you haha

I ended up omitting the bottom notes

I also did some staff spacing and fixed m20. Thanks once again! :3

[Latios212]

Next...
- m. 2 - The LH rhythm grouping is a bit odd here...
- m. 4 - it's not immediately obvious that the accidental carries over the clef change. I'd suggest either adding an extra accidental on beat 3, or better yet, eliminate the clef change there to avoid the problem (perhaps by writing some of the previous notes in bass clef)..
- m. 5 - not really hearing those repeated E's on beat 3, 3.5?
- m. 10 - Bb not A# (and resultantly remove courtesy natural in next bar
- Needs more articulation in the LH
- m. 15 beat 2 - hearing C# not D in LH.
- I would personally recommend breaking the beaming over clefs in m. 15-16.
- m. 17 - raise the staccato, it's on the line. I would also urge you to make the whole note a quarter note for accuracy and for further clarity that the top staff is meant to be played by the RH, and without pedaling through the entire measure.
- I'm not 100% sure what's happening in the last note of 18 and first note of 19. I'm not hearing the final high E of m. 18, and the first note of m. 19 needs an A below middle C - perhaps the LH can take that as an octave.
- Would recommend extending the 8va throughout 20 into 21. Actually, on beat 4, I hear the E, G, and A. That absolutely needs a staccato on it too!
- m. 22 beat 3.5 LH - insert A to make it a triad?
- m. 24 beat 3.5 LH - make top note Eb
- m. 27 - I'm not hearing the E on beat 2.
- m. 35 - flip first pair of 16ths,
- Lastly, the tuplet at the end (m. 36, beats 3-4) is written out incorrectly. If you listen to the original the final A's fall exactly on the first beat of the next measure. This would also eliminate the weird-looking tuplet in the LH.

Whew. That's a lot but overall this sheet is very accurate and very clean. Nice job!

[Zeila]

Next...
- m. 2 - The LH rhythm grouping is a bit odd here...

How's this?

Spoiler

[close]

- m. 4 - it's not immediately obvious that the accidental carries over the clef change. I'd suggest either adding an extra accidental on beat 3, or better yet, eliminate the clef change there to avoid the problem (perhaps by writing some of the previous notes in bass clef)..

I ended up putting the clef change on m3 beat 4.5

- Needs more articulation in the LH

I added some staccatos and accents. If you hear any more noteworthy ones then feel free to specify or input them yourself!

- Lastly, the tuplet at the end (m. 36, beats 3-4) is written out incorrectly. If you listen to the original the final A's fall exactly on the first beat of the next measure. This would also eliminate the weird-looking tuplet in the LH.

When I slowed it down they all seem to share the same note length, and putting a sextuplet then quintuplet sounds off to me as opposed to this:

Spoiler

[close]

Whew. That's a lot but overall this sheet is very accurate and very clean. Nice job!

Thank you! Everything else I didn't quote was updated

[Latios212]

Everything above is good!

Now for a few quick final things before I'm satisfied: the dynamics in m. 9 and 29 are a bit too close to the barline, and the cresc/dim in m. 28 don't seem to be on the same horizontal level.

- Needs more articulation in the LH

Ah crap I meant to refer to measure 12 specifically. For the most part the LH seems fine and strikes a good balance between too little and too much. If I had to make a few comments aside from m. 12,
- m. 17 LH would be nice as tenuto (perhaps with the accent too)
- I would suggest a crescendo to f somewhere around m. 18 instead of accenting all those LH notes in 18-19.

Lastly, flip the long tuplet at the end. And that's the end of all I have to say! :3

[Zeila]

Done! Sorry if I misunderstood anything

[Latios212]

For m. 17 I meant to say only beats 1 and 3, but they're fine on the off-beats too I suppose.

Oh, last thing (sorry ><) the chord in m. 9 should be rolled.

But yeah, looking and sounding fantastic! This is fun to play, can confirm.

[Zeila]

That's alright, and thanks! I fixed it

[Olimar12345]

Measure 4's Eb should be a D#, since the harmony of that bar is still functioning as B7 (D# being the third).

Measure 28's A# in the RH should be a Bb, since the harmony of that bar is functioning s a A7b9 chord, the Bb being the lowered 9th.