[Wii] Super Paper Mario - "Outer Space" by Bloop

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Paper Mario
Console: Nintendo Wii
Title: Outer Space
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Bloop

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[Sebastian]

Hey. Nice work, bro! I absolutely love this song.
I am currently not able to do any note checking at the moment, but I do have some comments.
- The arranger/composer needs to be right-aligned. Also, go ahead and put the composer names in two lines since they're creeping up under the subtitle.
- You're missing a letter in the first composer's name.
- I don't see any need for those dynamics to be above the staff. Most of them you should just put in the middle.
- The abbreviated piano markings need to be removed.
- Instead of having the last two system distributions as 3-1, go ahead and do 2-2.
- It also wouldn't hurt to separate the systems a little more on pages 1 & 3.
- .....as for the notes.....I'll check them later when my mind is woken up

What a phat song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdgoD-YBNks

[Bloop]

- The arranger/composer needs to be right-aligned. Also, go ahead and put the composer names in two lines since they're creeping up under the subtitle.

but it was already right-aligned
Done!

- You're missing a letter in the first composer's name.

oops

- I don't see any need for those dynamics to be above the staff. Most of them you should just put in the middle.

Dynamic markings should be placed once between the two staves. If the dynamics are different per hand, write each one outside their staff(RH above the staff, LH below).

Being honest though, I've never liked dynamics above (and/or below) staves. I'll look into that.

- The abbreviated piano markings need to be removed. 

oops

- Instead of having the last two system distributions as 3-1, go ahead and do 2-2.

okay

- It also wouldn't hurt to separate the systems a little more on pages 1 & 3.

okay

[Bloop]

yeh

[Bloop]

ye

[Sebastian]

Now for some final thoughts from me:
- You're missing the harmony (it's lower notes that could be defined as "bass" notes) in the second half of M. 1.
- I would recommend adding an octave note in M. 5 of the right hand. It wouldn't only add nice filler, but it can also be heard in the original.
- The left hand from M. 4-16 is a bit wrong. I am not able to take a screenshot at the moment, but I hear this (M. 6 as an example): Ab/quarter - Ab/eighth - Ab/quarter - Ab/eighth - Ab/quarter - Ab/eighth - Bb/quarter - Bb/eighth. I would recommend rewriting/reanalyzing the entire left hand of this section.
- M. 9 beat 4: This note is an Ab, not a C.
- The triplets on beat one (right hand) in M. 24 are incorrect.
- There is some incorrect rhythm in the right hand of M. 30.
-As for the formatting, you can easily clean it up. My recommendation would be to shrink it to 85% (Which isn't that small. I make it a personal rule to never go below 80%). After that, make the measures per system like this: 4-4-4-4-4-4-4-3-3-3.
Once you are done with that, you will have plenty of room on the second page for another system, then you'll be able to "unsquish" the composers/arranger name(s) at the top. And, finally, if you want, you can narrow both the left margins if you wish, to give it a bit more space.

Anyway, I love this song. Can't wait to see it on the site!

[Bloop]

Along with those changes, I revised some more parts about the arrangement. I mainly revised the whole left hand from m. 22-37 (and m. 3), rewrote the right hand in m. 21-23, and fixed a wrong note in m. 27.

- You're missing the harmony (it's lower notes that could be defined as "bass" notes) in the second half of M. 1.

Done.

- I would recommend adding an octave note in M. 5 of the right hand. It wouldn't only add nice filler, but it can also be heard in the original.

I don't necessarily agree; adding an octave would result in that bar being dynamically the same as m. 10-11, while it isn't. I moved the notes up an octave and added some tenuto markings along with m. 8-9, to indicate that they're dynamically the same

- The left hand from M. 4-16 is a bit wrong. I am not able to take a screenshot at the moment, but I hear this (M. 6 as an example): Ab/quarter - Ab/eighth - Ab/quarter - Ab/eighth - Ab/quarter - Ab/eighth - Bb/quarter - Bb/eighth. I would recommend rewriting/reanalyzing the entire left hand of this section.

This is true, but keeping that original rhythm makes that section sound too jumpy imo. I mostly kept my original rhythm, but I did add the Bb's.
N.B. I also noticed that the notes in m. 10-11 were wrong (Cb and Db instead of Fb and Gb). I changed those as well. I also moved the second voice in the left hand in m. 11-12 to the right hand, as there's no place for it in the left hand anymore.

- M. 9 beat 4: This note is an Ab, not a C.

Done. though i liked the C better

- The triplets on beat one (right hand) in M. 24 are incorrect.

Done.

- There is some incorrect rhythm in the right hand of M. 30.

Done.  but the old one sounds nicer

-As for the formatting, you can easily clean it up. My recommendation would be to shrink it to 85% (Which isn't that small. I make it a personal rule to never go below 80%). After that, make the measures per system like this: 4-4-4-4-4-4-4-3-3-3.
Once you are done with that, you will have plenty of room on the second page for another system, then you'll be able to "unsquish" the composers/arranger name(s) at the top. And, finally, if you want, you can narrow both the left margins if you wish, to give it a bit more space.

Done.

[Sebastian]

Excellent. This looks waaay better.
The composer/arranger stills needs to be right-aligned though.

[Bloop]

Done!

[Latios212]

Looking good, just a few things:
- Switch the dotted half/dotted quarter rests in m. 4
- M. 12: The overlapping note has two dots. Also the mus has an extra natural sign.
- Perhaps move the rest back onto the staff in 26

A lot about this track reminds me of Battlerock Galaxy

[Bloop]

Done!

[Bespinben]

Just did a cosmetic layout redux. Not quite a notational overhaul perse, since I didn't touch your layers/voicing at all. Hope you ya like!

[MUS] [MUSX] [PDF]

For the next step, I'd recommend integrating some harmony into the RH octaves in m. 30-36 on the strong beats. Not for the sake of forcing more voices, but since the texture is rather sparse otherwise.

[Bloop]

Just did a cosmetic layout redux. Not quite a notational overhaul perse, since I didn't touch your layers/voicing at all. Hope you ya like!

[MUS] [MUSX] [PDF]

Looks good, thanks!

For the next step, I'd recommend integrating some harmony into the RH octaves in m. 30-36 on the strong beats. Not for the sake of forcing more voices, but since the texture is rather sparse otherwise.

Done!

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Bespinben.

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