[DELETED] [3DS] Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon - "Gloomy Manor" by Retropardies

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon
Console: Nintendo 3DS
Title: Gloomy Manor
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Retropardies

[Retropardies]

[TheMarioPianist]

First of all, replace your .mus file with this. This file has the sheet properly formatted, as well as in the correct key signature. You should also base the PDF file off of this (if you are unable to create a PDF from this, me or one of the updaters would be happy to do that for you). Once you have this file, we can begin to make some more direct suggestions on how to clean this one up a bit. Here would be my general suggestions:

-Staccatos! All of those quarter notes in the bass clef should have staccato markings on them, since they are very sharp and short. Also note that there are certain places in the treble clef that you need staccatos as well. I will let you try your hand at locating them first.
-Dynamic markings: All submissions require at least one dynamic marking at the beginning of the sheet. (Otherwise, the performer wouldn't know how loud to play it!)
-When you have the four quarter note rhythm going on in the left hand, those 2nd and 4th beats are approximately an octave higher than what you have currently (I say approximately because there are a couple spots in which the pitches are not quite correct). Listen to that bass part again; the left hand from measures 1-16 will be doing more jumping than what you originally transcribed. Do not make this change from 17 to the end; at this point we will leave it as is.
-Because of this change in the left hand part, the left hand would be jumping over the right every other beat. The updaters may attack this issue a different way, but my suggestion would be to raise the entire right hand part up an octave. Sure, it's not 100% accurate to the original tune, but I think that it maintains the feel of the piece. We'll see what the updaters say though.
-Showing beat 3: In 4/4 time, showing beat 3 is imperative. For example, anywhere you have a dotted half note on beat 1, you should change it to a half note tied to a quarter note. The only exception to this rule (in your sheet, anyway) is whole notes.

That covers most of the big issues. Now, for the more measure-specific fixes:

Measure 1: Beat 4 of the left hand should still be C-E, not A-C.
Measure 2: Beat 2 of LH should be A-C; beat 4 should be G#-B.
Measure 3: This is one of very few in the treble clef of this song. The last two notes of this measure (G-F) are not sixteenth notes. However, the correct rhythm is kind of difficult to pick up on. It is either the last two notes of a sixteenth note triplet or two thirty-second notes; however, none of them sounded quite right to me (maybe it's just Finale playback...). For now, I'd leave it as is and let the updaters make the call.
Measure 5: Beat 2 of LH should be D#-F#; beat 4 should be B-D#.
Measure 6: Beat 2 and 4 of LH should both be F-B.
Measure 7: Beat 2 of LH should be C-E; beat 4 should be B-D. In addition, the right hand is simply a whole note C. The Bb only occurs the second time.
Measure 8: That first B in the right hand should be a whole note. To accommodate the rhythm following it, move the B into the second layer and keep the B-Bb-B in the first. For the left hand of this measure, move the first E into the second layer and follow it with a quarter note E-G# chord and a half note chord with the same pitches. The B-Bb-B will remain in the first layer.
Measures 9-15: The left hand changes are the same as 1-7, so reference the changes found there.* 
Measure 11: Assuming you have updated this measure to show beat 3, the treble clef should show a half note, tied to a quarter note, tied to a dotted eighth note, followed by a sixteenth note. Once again, this is the updaters' decision, but you might be able to condense that into a half note tied to a double-dotted quarter note, followed by the sixteenth. I don't know what they'll say about a double dot, so wait for them to confirm or deny this.
*Measure 13: The exception to the identical LH pattern. Beat 4 is D#-F#.
Measure 16: See Measure 8.
Measure 17: Beat 3 of LH is a C.
Measure 19: Beat 2 of LH is B-F; beat 4 is B-D.
Measure 20: Beat 3 of RH is a C#, not C natural.
Measure 21: The G# in the RH should be an Ab. In the left hand, there should be a quarter rest on beat 1 and a C on beat 3.
Measure 22: The note on beat 2 of the RH should actually be the chord C-F#-A, and the note on beat 3 should be the chord A-C.


I want you to know that even though there is a lot of writing, I honestly thought that this was a pretty decent arrangement. Sure, there were a couple notes off here and there, but I could tell you knew what you were doing. Also, if you have any questions at all, feel free to ask via this topic or PM. Good work overall!

 

[DonValentino]

I'm sorry for you TMP, but seeing both his submissions are blatant midi dumps, I'll have to delete them.
Sorry, Retropardies, arrangements made by copying a midi file are not permitted here. If you want to submit something, try again with a sheet you actually arranged yourself.

Deleted for midi dump.