A Poem for My Mother

[Hero of Trains]

Maybe try not to do it again? And I would never, ever hurt you intentionally. Got it? 

[mayastarr041]

Maybe try not to do it again? And I would never, ever hurt you intentionally. Got it? 

I want to say that my mother's death is not my fault, but I just can't. I'm so overcome by grief and by hurting myself, I think it's all my fault. I deserve to be tortured, to be brutally beaten up. Heck, I spend at least an hour figuring out ways to hurt myself, to fill myself with pain so bad that..that...shizz. I'm such an emotional wreck. 

[Hero of Trains]

It's not your fault. None of it is. Grief is a normal feeling, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it. And I'll keep telling you it's not your fault until you believe it yourself!

[mayastarr041]

It's not your fault. None of it is. Grief is a normal feeling, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it. And I'll keep telling you it's not your fault until you believe it yourself!

You're never gonna stop telling me that, huh?

[Hero of Trains]

Nope, never! Because I firmly believe it to be true!

[Hero of Trains]

Thanks a lot! Also thank you for how nice you were earlier in this thread!

[Pianist Da Sootopolis]

I was just about to say that stars reflect post count. Dammit!
In all seriousness, like J said, if your mom was here she'd tell you to LOVE YOURSELF , so do it!
Your poem was beautiful. Hope you're doing well, and happy birthday~

[mayastarr041]

Thanks a lot! Also thank you for how nice you were earlier in this thread!

Your welcome! I really expected myself to become bitter after all this, and even though I kind of am, I can never say a bad thing to any of my friends. Train, you are the best!

[Hero of Trains]

No, you are! And I'm not just saying that. I really believe in you!

[mayastarr041]

I was just about to say that stars reflect post count. Dammit!
In all seriousness, like J said, if your mom was here she'd tell you to LOVE YOURSELF , so do it!
Your poem was beautiful. Hope you're doing well, and happy birthday~

Thank you. Or maybe my mom would say, "I'm glad you are suffering! Once you die, I will torture you in hell for all eternity!"
Sorry about that, I'm a pessimist, although it could be true...who knows?!!

[mayastarr041]

No, you are! And I'm not just saying that. I really believe in you!

Nooooo, you are Train!!! Same here! I will always turn to you first in times of need Train, promise.

[Hero of Trains]

Thank you! I'm glad you can trust me! 

[mayastarr041]

Thank you! I'm glad you can trust me! 

Same!
If I lost you, I'd probably go all crazy.

[Pianist Da Sootopolis]

Thank you. Or maybe my mom would say, "I'm glad you are suffering! Once you die, I will torture you in hell for all eternity!"
Sorry about that, I'm a pessimist, although it could be true...who knows?!!

I don't think any parent could do that to a child, if they were good parents. So, your peace in the afterlife is secured, so long as you live a long life here on Earth.
Temporary Pessimism is often an unfortunate byproduct of depression (can say this for sure, having had this happen myself), but you should try your best to look at everything and find something to like.
There's a "famous" (or rather infamous" post on tumblr and it's like "Always stay positive! *falls down stairs* Man, I got down those stairs fast!"

[Hero of Trains]

I'm never really pessimistic, but based on what you've described about your mother, she seems like she would give you better advice than I ever could. I'll try though! I believe in you, and think you're going to find a way out, no matter what!