Language Phrasebook Topic (Likely NSFW)

[Xaoz]

J'amorez-vous vs Ich liebe dich (you don't need imagination to think of what that sounds like )

ACTUALLY because of you horrible language fail, you made german look pretty good!

[Ruto]

@Xaoz

Sure, I'll fix it up a bit. Contractions are used way more in English (written and spoken) so I didn't bother changing or expanding. I don't think I'm going to change it to like, but just add that it's platonic love, because saying "I like you" to a friend really implies that you have a crush on them and stuff when said in English. I think platonic love is best way to describe it.

@Bloop
Thanks! I'll update those in a bit too. If you can think of a few more useful phrases that I haven't written yet, that would be nice too Also Dutch and German are from the same language family.

@Nocturne
What? I've taken one year of French but...lol

@Roz
Yay! You can translate the phrases for me that I've included, and include some new ones! Just whatever you think is useful is fine, maybe I'll have more ideas, but you actually live in a French-speaking place, so enlighten us~

[mikey]

I haven't even taken a year of french 
But even if I butchered it it still sounds better lol

[Xaoz]

I haven't even taken a year of french 
But even if I butchered it it still sounds better lol

You never heard my sexy german accent!

[Roz~]

@Roz
Yay! You can translate the phrases for me that I've included, and include some new ones! Just whatever you think is useful is fine, maybe I'll have more ideas, but you actually live in a French-speaking place, so enlighten us~

LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOU
Canadian French and French spoken in Europe are a bit different, so I'll add both version if need be.

General

(To a friend, platonic) I love you.
Je t'aime bien

(To someone you LOOOOVE) I love you.
Je t'aime/Je t'adore

(To your relatives) I love you. (Probably only socially acceptable to say if you're a girl)
Je t'aime (You can say that if you're a boy as well)

What the hell are you talking about?
France: Putain, mais de quoi tu parles? / De quoi tu parles?
Canada: De quoi tu jases? / De quoi tu parles?

Shit (used whenever it's appropriate to swear)
France: Putain (I'm not really familiar with France's swear words)
Canada: Tabarnak, osti, viarge, ciboire, sacrament, calice, criss, etc. (the list it sooper long)

Go to hell
Canadian French: Va chier
French: Vas te faire foutre

Getting out of trouble

Can I throw up in your bathroom? I'll buy something.
Je peux vomir dans ta toilette? Je vais t'acheter quelque chose.

I'm really drunk.
Male: Je suis complètement saoul
Female: Je suis complètement saoule

You're really sweet.
Male: T'es vraiment gentil
Female: T'es vraiment gentille

Getting in trouble/dirty stuff

Undress me.
Déshabille-moi

How long are you? When you're not talking about height
Elle mesure combien? / Elle est longue comment?

Can you send me a naked photo?
Tu peux m'envoyer une photo de toi nu?

[Ruto]

Thanks, Roz :DDDD I'll think of a few more after food, etc...but it takes a while to update xD

You never heard my sexy german accent!

Kefka posted this video and I've found so many situations to share it! Hahahaha IT CANNOT BE UNSEEN.

[Bloop]

I don't know. My dutch skills are insufficient to have an opinion on this one. Does it work the other way round, too? Do you get most of the german stuff? I think German is a pretty hard language to learn...

I'm having Latin classes now, and Latin also has cases. They're harder than German (Latin even has one more than German). Outside of that, German is pretty much same grammar as Dutch, so it's not as hard for a Dutchman to learn. Also listening to Rammstein improved my German by quite a bit too.

[Xaoz]

Also listening to Rammstein improved my German by quite a bit too.

Du! Du hast!
It's weird how famous that s**t is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuDtACzKGRs

Kefka posted this video and I've found so many situations to share it! Hahahaha IT CANNOT BE UNSEEN.

Admit it: No girl can resist ze german accent! Ja!

[Bloop]

Du! Du hast!
It's weird how famous that s**t is

It's quite famous yeah, but there aren't a lot of people that actually like it D:

[Xaoz]

It's quite famous yeah, but there aren't a lot of people that actually like it D:

I do not like it either...

Oh btw: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FXaB-F4pC0

[mikey]

In french doesn't vous work as well as tu though

[Bloop]

but then it would be je vous amore
as vous isn't a subject here
also dashes are used in interrogatives

[Roz~]

^You're a bit wrong here.
Dashes are used in interrogatives and can also be used with imperatives.

In french doesn't vous work as well as tu though

You could use vous instead of tu. Vous is more polite. So if you're talking to a stranger, or someone older than you, you could use vous. We're required to say vous when adressing our teachers here, but some of them don't like it, so they allow us to use tu instead.
They use vous a lot more in France. In Canada we use tu more. (Most people complain when we say vous)

tl;dr
Vous can be used as a polite tu
otherwise you use it when talking to more than 1 person, or you're talking to someone but refer to their group (I suck at explaining)

[mikey]

They use vous a lot more in France. In Canada we use tu more. (Most people complain when we say vous)

I do remember that from french class for some reason

but then it would be je vous amore
as vous isn't a subject here
also dashes are used in interrogatives

ugh lousy american grammar is weird and I'm too used to it

[Bloop]

^You're a bit wrong here.
Dashes are used in interrogatives and can also be used with imperatives.

I didn't say it was interrogatives-only so technically I'm not wrong?
I knew there was something else but I forgot what it was.