Maestro Advises You on Things

[MaestroUGC]

How do I find a baby arctic wolf and bring it back to the US to keep as a pet?

The hunting of the Arctic Wolf is an easy task, simply find one, hit it with something heavy and take it with you. The tricky part is bringing it in the US and keeping it there.

The legal way is to fill out mountains of paperwork, by which time you are down the baby wolf will have matured into and adult and probably mauled several times. (Should this happen simply beat it like the savage animal it is, it knows what it did to deserve it.) Once you are done with the paperwork you must submit it to your local Home Owner's Association to gain their approval for allowing a feral animal within the boundaries of 500yrds of your home. After dealing with them you must submit a form to the local Animal Control division and the CDC to make them aware of the presence of the beast.

Once you do that you will be taxed heavily for until 10 years after the beast dies. The US government charges $100 per pound plus 10% of your taxable income. After this point you must, as per the State Game and Fish Department, create and maintain a 500²yrd area of barbed wire around your property and supply your wolf cub with approximately 10lbs of fresh meat everyday and at least one live animal for it to hunt every week. Should you provide a human you will be fined between $1,000-$5,000, depending on your state of residence.

Upon the beast's death you must bury it in a shallow grave at the nearest 4-way intersection, as per the Wildlife Preservation Act, and erect a sign stating "A great beast, [insert animal type], is buried here, signifying Man's cruelty and disregard to nature." You may plant some flowers if you wish.

Otherwise, if you don't wish to deal with all that, simply capture the beast and hide it in you basement/cellar; if not then you will have to keep it in your house where it will undoubtedly kill and eat you the first chance it gets.

It's a wolf. They do that.

-Best Wishes
Maestro

[MaestroUGC]

Have you ever thought about writing more hitchhiker's books?

I'm not sure what you are talking about. Have you tried prayer?

-Best Wishes
Maestro

[mikey]

[MaestroUGC]

My expert advise would be to see a doctor about... that.

-Best Wishes
Maestro

[MaestroUGC]

10 days and no more requests for advice?

I have done it. I have solved all of the world's problems.

[Maelstrom]

How do I get more ninsheet people to play Bravely Default?

[SlowPokemon]

Choose a better game lol

I played the demo for a while and it was very lame

[MaestroUGC]

How do I get more ninsheet people to play Bravely Default?

Getting other people to do things is an art as old as some really old thing. There are two way you can do it:

1) Hit them over the head with a shovel, or some other hard, heavy thing. A thick piece of wood will do, like a bat, or a lead pipe. Bricks or stones do really well too. You could also try using a hand gun to feel like a badass. I personally prefer the use of a crow bar. Once you knock them out, assuming you didn't kill them (in which case if you did you should probably spend the next 30 years in Argentina), tie them to a chair and provide for them only the thing you want them to do and a bucket. You may feed it if you wish. Leave them with the thing doing for 2-3 weeks and when you return they'll either before dead (you should probably book your tickets in advance) or in love with you. Once they're in love you can make them love the same things you love.

2) Give them money to do something.

-Best Wishes
Maestro

[Maelstrom]

I played the demo for a while and it was very lame

The demo features unbalanced classes, nonexistent story, and no content taken directly from the game. In fact, there are no sidequests in the actual game, and the "bosses" are just stronger enemies you meet normally in the game. But if you hate "traditional" JRPGs, there is no way you will enjoy the game.

[SlowPokemon]

Yeah you're not going to sell me on this one. I love traditional JRPGs but have no faith in Square Enix.

Also the story for Bravely Default looks really dumb tbh.

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Yeah you're not going to sell me on this one. I love traditional JRPGs but have no faith in Square Enix.

Also the story for Bravely Default looks really dumb tbh.

does this convince you

[Sebastian]

How do I arrange better quicker/

[Maelstrom]

does this convince you

Didn't even know there was an english version. I just used the japanese dubs because the english voice acting is soooo bad. And, slow, Bravely Default is generally recognized as the best final fantasy game in the last decade.

[MaestroUGC]

How do I arrange better quicker/

The quickest way to becoming a top-notch arranger is to have me transfuse my blood into you.

I charge $1.5M a pint. First ounce is free.

-Best Wishes
Maestro

[Winter]

This is precisely why you can't have two accounts on this forum. People would abuse it and Maestro would die suddenly.