Maelstrom's Arrangements - 8th Anniversary - Xeno Suprise

[Jompa]

Ah who am I kidding, I'll probably be up until 3 anyways.

Here are some key changes you should put in:
at 57 it should be F-minor to next key change.
at 80 it should be B-minor to next key change.
at 84 it should be B-major to next key change.

[Echo]

Bump for feedback.

K. Hopefully some of the other, better arrangers give you some feedback too, but I'll try to help you out a bit too.

Title should say "Horizon" instead of "Ground." I'd rephrase it too, but eh.

Overall, a lot of parts should be higher. Don't agree with a bunch of those four note chords either (not even sure they should even be four notes, for instance). Couldn't be bothered to change any of them myself though. Make sure your legato/phrase markings go completely over tied notes.

The section at measures 30-33 shouldn't just repeat, because there's a rest before the third time. Could also change to the higher notes each repeat.

Measure 37 should have triplets at the end. Pretty sure Measure 45 and a few other measures are wrong, don't feel like finding out the notes myself though. Around 46 onwards I would check if those are actually triplets or if they should be two dotted 16ths + a 32nd (or rather, a dotted 16th, a 32nd tied to a 16th, and then a 32nd).

I did make a few changes though, just make sure to check them over (changed some pitches but didn't check spelling, for instance). Couldn't include the key changes mentioned by Jompa since I have NotePad, sorry.
Measures 28-29 - corrected some pitches
Measures 34-37 - corrected the pitch on the highest notes, changed quarter notes to eighth notes on the left hand to match guitar
Measures 46-47 - added some E notes before the G notes.
Measure 49 - Changed the first C in the right hand to a B natural. Changed the length values of the D and C after it.

Didn't really check after that until the medley of character themes (you can assign text to measure, by the way, so it won't get moved around when you edit them):
Measure 76 (Tiz's Theme): Corrected the melody
Measure 80 (Agnes's Theme): Changed the left hand, corrected melody at 81.

Didn't check after that. Anyways, great start, can't wait to see the finished product since it's a pretty epic song, and good luck finishing your arrangement!

Download Link of my edits: https://www.dropbox.com/s/dqnpkmm90529pan/Serpent%20Eating%20the%20Horizon.mus

[Maelstrom]

I'll make a few changes, but I can't change everything until I get home. And, for next time, I have finale 2011, not 2012, so I can't edit finale files saved by notepad. Next time, it might be easier for you to just post what needs to be changed, instead of changing it for me.

[Maelstrom]

Making changes right now.
Known issues to be fixed upon my return
Measure 20-21 -- something is wrong here...
51-52 -- Timing is off. Will experiment to figure out tempo stuff
75 -- See above
Final 2 measures -- Same
And I hope I don't lose the changes I just made because finale is denying my saving because I procrastinated activating it with the previous owner.
And what is the official name of the song? I've seen it as: Snack of the Snake, Serpent Eating the Horizon, Serpent Devouring the Horizon, and Serpent Eating the Ground, which seems to have been used the most.
edit: And Final Fantasy Wiki calls it The Horizon-Devouring Serpent

[Echo]

And Final Fantasy Wiki calls it The Horizon-Devouring Serpent

This is what I would personally call it. The title's 地平を喰らう蛇, where 地平 = Horizon, を = a connecting particle, 喰らう = Eat, and 蛇 = Serpent/Snake. Literally Horizon-Eating Serpent, but I prefer "devour" because it sounds more powerful in English. "Ground" is a misreading of horizon, but that's because horizon's spelled in a kind of uncommon way (it's common to be read that way in Chinese, while in Japanese it has another character to be more specific). But considering the story, the other soundtrack titles, and the composer (whose groups are called Sound Horizon and Linked Horizon), then it's pretty obviously meant to say "horizon." I prefer serpent > snake because it has a more mythical connotation, like what Ouroboros's name comes from.

So yeah, I'd go with "Horizon-Devouring Serpent" or "Horizon-Eating Serpent."

[FireArrow]

May as well jump in again:

-The intro (along with the reprise) should be notated with two treble voices - the lower a dotted half and the upper a quarter followed by two tied quarters. The bass can then be written as a dotted half.

Measures 22-26: Change the quarter notes in the bass to two tied eighths.
Measure 49: The C in the treble clef should be a sixteenth tied to a dotted eight.
Measure 51: Ignoring because you might change this in the future.
Measure 61-63: half notes should be tied quarters.
Measure 67-68: All eighth notes, besides the last one in each measure, should be tied sixteenths.
Measure 71-74: I'm really not sure because the phrasing is so weird.

Yay for rhythm groupings.

[Maelstrom]

Thanks. I had already caught the last two, but those changes can't be reflected in the file you got. (long story)

[Maelstrom]

Revising's going well. I'll have up a much better and more accurate version by tomorrow night.
It's done now.
[PDF] [.mus] [midi]

Original

[close]

I fixed:
Note Beaming
Key signatures as suggested by jompa
Some notes (mostly in the transitions)
Added bass in transitions and made it less boring in other parts
Changed title 

I still need some advice on:
Measures 20-21 -- nothing I try seems to work
45 -- Changed a lot, but I'm not sure it's completely correct
117-118 (final 2) -- I changed a bit here, but I might just take the whole thing out: it just doesn't work right.

[Jompa]

The note beaming is a lot worse now. You didn't fix what was wrong, and what you've done changes to now is not what I meant by correcting note beaming. You'll need to learn the basics about this: http://www.brl.org/codes/session10/groupings.html
After the last time I checked it out, more accidental errors have turned up - even in places where you shouldn't have done any changes since then. Like in the beginning.
You also still have lots of rhythmical errors, but that's not new since last time.
I'll help you tomorrow, cause it's midnight here right now, but now you know what I can see from first glance.

[Maelstrom]

I see the problem. I'll have the beaming fixed by the time you start on this.

edit: I don't know what I was thinking.... Anyway, the links are updated with 98.5% correct note beaming
I'll see what I can do with the accidentals...

[Jompa]

Here, I went through it and fixed stuff
MUS

[Maelstrom]

Thanks! looks not that much need changed after all, but thanks, especially for the ending!
But what should I do with measures 20-21? it still sounds off....

[Jompa]

I forgot to mention that you have the wrong time signature where you now have 3/4. It is true that it is in the original, but you've chosen to notate twice as fast as necessary, so the time signature has to be either 6/8 (practically the same as you have now) or 3/8 (arguably the correct way). The note beaming here will take care of itself.

[Maelstrom]

OK. I've updated the links now.

[Maelstrom]

You weren't expecting this, were you?  I decided to take a breat from harder stuff and do this. I forgot how easy easy songs are.  So, how is it?

Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones

Final Battle

[PDF] [.mus] [midi]

Original

[close]