BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Title says it all.

King's Bounty (Sega Genesis)

"I want YOU for U.S. Army!" - Uncle Sam

Today, we shall begin our time-killing sessions with a review of an instant classic: King's Bounty, first released in 1990, for multiple systems; for the purposes of complete accuracy, I shall be reviewing the Sega Genesis version.

Now, many old video games captivate the player's sense of wonder and imagination. Doom, for example, provokes many questions: What is that demon doing behind those bars? What is that wall made out of? Who put that biohazard suit behind the acid? Why does it only protect me for a limited time? King's Bounty is another game that can give rise to many wondrous questions. Why can I only recruit 10 sprites if there are 110 at the creature dwelling? How am I supposed to build up my armies to fight the overpowered rogues that hide in castles? How the hell do enemy creatures counterattack you after you've already killed them? Why do I feel as if the interface if fighting against me more than the game's enemies? What's wrong with the day system? What kind of king leaves his scepter right outside his castle and then hires somebody to find it!?

The objective of this game is to hunt down villains and find the King's scepter within a limited time period, because apparently he'll die if you don't. You'd think he'd want to protect his scepter more. However, the villains put up quite a fight- I never beat a single one of them. The first one I fought, some pirate dude, had these insane berserker-like warriors who carved through my troops. Then the king proceeded to lecture me on strategy after I miserably failed due to a lack of troops. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME SOME MORE TROOPS INSTEAD!?!? ISSUE A DRAFT OR SOMETHING! HIRE MORE HEROES!!!!! NAEUIAERUGHAYUEEWEEE!!!!1!!!!1

I fondly remember two things about this game when I was young:
1: I couldn't get very far.
2: I couldn't recruit any creatures.

Playing the game now, I don't have any clue why I remembered those two things in specific.

According to Wikipedia, a reviewer from Computer Gaming World magazine said that he "finished it in six hours." One must wonder what kind of wizard he was to finish the game at all, let alone in six hours. He also called the battles "exciting." Tense, more like it. What, is the computer version that different from the Genesis version?

Pros:
+ Cool fantasy setting.
+ It was the predecessor to Heroes of Might and Magic, I guess.
+ There was a boardgame version too?

Cons:
- Confusing user interface and controls.
- Confusing battles.
- Confusing objectives and day system.
- What? You can't buy a boat?

Final Score: 7/10

Reviewer notes:

• Play Heroes of Might and Magic instead. Or even Might and Magic.
• GUIDE DANG IT!

Reviews so far

1: King's Bounty (Sega Genesis)

2: Heroes of Might and Magic: A Strategic Quest (PC)

3: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Wii)

4: DUEL REVIEW: Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Succession Wars (PC) vs. Heroes of Might and Magic III: The Restoration of Erathia (PC)

5: Rocket Knight (PS3)

6: Perfect Dark (Xbox 360)

7: Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA)

8: Shrek Smash n' Crash Racing (DS)

9: Heroes of Might and Magic III: In the Wake of Gods (PC)

10: Need for Speed: Most Wanted (PS3)

11: DUEL REVIEW: Alien Hominid (GBA) vs. Gunstar Heroes (Sega Genesis)

12: DUEL REVIEW: Castle Crashers (PS3) vs. Alien Soldier (Sega Mega Drive)

13: Super Rub 'a' Dub (PS3)

14: Heroes of Might and Magic III: Horn of the Abyss (PC)

15: Family Dog (SNES)

16: Gain Ground (Sega Genesis)

17: The Monkey King: The Legend Begins (Wii)

18: DOOM (SNES)

19: Fat Princess (PS3)

20: Sonic the Hedgehog (NES)

21: DUEL REVIEW: Pokemon Omega Ruby (3DS) vs. Pokemon Alpha Sapphire (3DS)

22: Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis)

23: MEGA REVIEW: Two Sentences Hate: SG-1000 Games

24: DUEL REVIEW: Undertale (PC) vs. Fez (PS3)

25: Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis)

26: Anticipation (NES)

27: Sonic Mania (PS4)

28: RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC)

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Games by Score

Shrek Smash n' Crash Racing (DS) - 2
Lode Runner (SG-1000) - 2.5
Anticipation (NES) - 3.0
Congo Bongo (SG-1000) - 3.5
DOOM (SNES) - 3.6
Dragon Wang (SG-1000) - 3.7
Family Dog (SNES) - 3.8
Sonic the Hedgehog (NES) - 4
H.E.R.O. (SG-1000) - 4.1
Super Rub 'a' Dub (PS3) - 4.2
The Monkey King: The Legend Begins (Wii) - 6.2
Alien Hominid (GBA) - 6.5
King's Bounty (Sega Genesis) - 7
RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC) - 7.2
Heroes of Might and Magic: A Strategic Quest (PC) - 7.4
Fez (PS3) - 7.4
Fat Princess (PS3) - 7.5
Zoom 909 (SG-1000) - 7.6
Alien Soldier (Sega Mega Drive) - 7.8
Heroes of Might and Magic III: In the Wake of Gods (PC) - 7.9
Rocket Knight (PS3) - 8
Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA) - 8.2
Gain Ground (Sega Genesis) - 8.2
Heroes of Might and Magic III: Horn of the Abyss (PC) - 8.4
Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Succession Wars (PC) - 8.6
Undertale (PC) - 8.6
Need for Speed: Most Wanted (PS3) - 8.8
Castle Crashers (PS3) - 9
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire (3DS) - 9.2
Pokemon Omega Ruby (3DS) - 9.2
Sonic Mania (PS4) - 9.2
Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis) - 9.4
Perfect Dark (Xbox 360) - 9.5
Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis) - 9.6
Gunstar Heroes (Sega Genesis) - 9.8
Metroid Prime Trilogy (Wii) - 10
Heroes of Might and Magic III: The Restoration of Erathia (PC) - 10

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Non-reviews

A Column in Which I Analyze the Difference Between Multiple Things, and Express My Direct Preference For One or Another (1) - "The Music of Chris Hülsbeck: Turrican 3 (Amiga) vs. Super Turrican (SNES) vs. Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis)"

VG Rankings and Top 10s (1) - "The Weapons of Gunstar Heroes"

VG Rankings and Top 10s (2) - "The Worst Sprites of Pokemon Generation 1"

VG Rankings and Top 10s (3) - "The Manufacturers of Borderlands"

VG Rankings and Top 10s (4) - "Borderlands DLC"

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[Dudeman]

Congratulations, BDS. My time has been officially wasted.

[blueflower999]

Oh no, not another one.

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Another one, you say? Who am I not to oblige!?

Heroes of Might and Magic: A Strategic Quest (PC)

"This game should be rated M!" - videogamedunkey

And now, for a much, much better game to review. Cleanse our palates with something a little less archaic, but still very much archaic. This game was first released in 1995, five years after King's Bounty, and boy, it was a hard-hitter! Oddly enough, this game was included alongside King's Bounty in a release in 1996 (for Windows 95); of course, after playing this game, why would you want to play King's Bounty ever again? Nostalgia...? HA!

In essence, all I need to say is that Heroes of Might and Magic is a much more advanced and less frustrating game than King's Bounty. But that wouldn't be much of a review, now would it?

In the game, there are four factions: the honorable Knights, the less honorable Sorceresses, the even less honorable Warlocks, and those dirty-rotten honorless Barbarians. Of course, unless you are yourself honorless, the choice of a faction is clear: Warlocks. And that's why their story is the canonical one. They have dragons. Big, purple dragons. And cute little slow hydras. They are the strongest; all shall bow before the Warlocks. Wait... no... I think I got that wrong... Join the Knights! They have Paladins! Don't bother with the Peasants though!

All this talk of creatures brings me to another important aspect of the game: Combat! There are only five slots in your army, but six creatures available to recruit! My, this is quite a dilemma! Whatever shall we do? Ditch the level 1 creature; feed it to the Ghosts- you don't need them anymore!

Combat itself is quite enthralling and often provokes an extreme desire of bloodlust: the game even encourages the shedding of blood by having creatures spout blood whenever they're attacked by certain other creatures. Don't believe me? TOO BAD! Blood must be spilled to appease the demon lords! It's fun to watch squashed cartoony characters kill each other on the command of their masters. The music sets the tone of violence phenomenally!

The Map Editor for this game is the most loveably archaic thing to ever grace my computer's taskbar: you have to have the disk for the game in in order to run the map editor! Isn't it lovely? I don't get why they ever got rid of that feature in future games! In addition to that, the map editor is not user friendly, and is like trying to play an accordion with only your feet while you eat a messy sandwich with your hands.

Pros:
+ Even cooler fantasy setting.
+ No lazy king to lecture you on strategy.
+ You can actually recruit creatures based solely on how much gold you have!
+ Four factions and three different recruitable neutral units!
+ You can buy a boat!
+ BLOOD!
+ Lovably archaic at times!

Cons:
- No boardgame version.
- Squashed cartoony graphics.
- Archaic.

Final Score: 7.4/10

Reviwer Notes:

• Because a 7 is too low and a 7.5 is too high.
• BLOOD! Chris's blood!

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Metroid Prime Trilogy (Wii)

"Wow! That's a LOW price!" - guy from Staples commercial

Three amazing games in one! Wow! The groundbreaking first game from the Gamecube era, the somewhat-forgotten-but-still-groundbreaking-sequel, and the third game for Wii. The only bad thing about the first two is that their obviously archaic controls were no match for the Wii's superior technology-advancement of a controller! That's why they updated the controls... yay... and graphics too!!!

Now, I'm sure you all know about the Prime series and how it completely revolutionized the Metroid series. That's why I'm going to unashamedly bash the Prime Trilogy collection instead of just rehashing its merits in one collective review.

First of all, you've got no real set of achievements. Everybody knows how the Wii failed at adopting the achievement system à la the Xbox 360 and PS3. SHAME ON THEM. You just have this cheap unlockables-thing where you use credits to buy things. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ABOUT THE FRIEND CREDITS. As of June 28, 2013, you can't even really get them any more! WHAT A PIECE OF...

...

rotten pie.

Second, you have the price. Now now now, I know what you're all thinking! "You're crazy; you're getting three games in one!" Well, some genius at Nintendo (the sales and marketing director- beat him!) decided to give the game as short of a sales run as possible; needless to say, they sold like hotcakes, and when they didn't restock, countless, countless gamers were left disappointed... the only way to get a copy now is to pay an arm an a leg to buy a new copy... unless you're fine with a used copy, but... *shudder* You'd think that they'd want to keep selling it as long as possible to rake in as much money as is thrown at them... and why not! I'd buy three copies if that were the case!

Third of all, the Prime series caused a drought of 2D Metroid games- in fact, the only 2D Metroid game released during the dynasty of the Prime series was Zero Mission, and that was a blatant rip-off of the original. I mean, the plot was exactly the same! And that setting: you can't hide the fact that it's pretty much just the same Zebes from the original...

Finally, you have the Wii. The graphics for this game are great and all... but seriously, you can get much more from the processing power of the PS3! Bad marketing decision, I say.

Pros:
+ The original Metroid Prime!
+ Metroid Prime 2: Echoes!
+ Metroid Prime 3: Corruption!
+ Revolutionary gameplay!
+ Upgrade from archaic Gamecube graphics and controls!

Cons:
- Did you even read the review.

Final Score: 10/10

Reviewer Notes:

• I think you're not the only ones whose time is being wasted.
• BEAT the marketing director! Make him think about all the bad decisions he has made.

[mikey]

Do this more often.  The time before my 2nd hour is very boring.

[BlackDragonSlayer]

It's Christmas Eve, and do you hear those bells a' ringin'?

Well, I don't. All I hear is the war machines a' rollin'. Because it's time for a...

DUEL REVIEW!

Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Succession Wars (PC)

vs.

Heroes of Might and Magic III: The Restoration of Erathia (PC)

"Magic. *snort* *snort*" - Mr. Bean

"The empires of the future are the empires of the mind." - Winston Churchill

It's the first of many battles of the ages to be heroically chronicled on this not-so-humble review topic! So, to start this review out, I will be comparing these two games in numerous categories, such as: Gameplay, Graphics, Story, In-game Content, Music/Sound, Map Editors, and Expansion Packs, some of which are unique to these games. So, with absolutely NO hesitation, let's begin!

Gameplay
HoMM II plays like an updated version of the original game, and that's exactly what it is. I give them credit, though: they did improve upon much of what was wrong with the original. They got rid of the blood, though.

Playing HoMM III after playing either of the first two is like playing Ocarina of Time after playing A Link to the Past! Woah! It's so non-archaic! I think that sums it all up pretty well: HoMM III is the obvious winner in this case.

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 9/10

Graphics
HoMM II looks like an updated version of the original game, and that's exactly what it is. I give them credit, though: they did improve upon much of what was wrong with the original. The graphics don't look squashed, nor cartoony, and this is very evident, in both the battle and castle screens. It's a clear improvement. They got rid of the blood, though.

In HoMM III, the town screens are beautiful, the map screen is beautiful, the battle screens are beautiful, the map screen is very beautiful, and the town backgrounds are simply gorgeous. Playing HoMM III after playing either of the first two is like playing Ocarina of Time after playing A Link to the Past! It's all like: Woah! Nice graphics! I'm glad I got my hands on this game! I can safely say that HoMM III BLASTS the competition away.

HoMM II Score: 7.5/10
HoMM III Score: 9/10

Story
Here's the story summary of HoMM II (and I didn't just rip it from Wikipedia!):
After Morglin Ironfist's (that guy from the first one) death, his two sons, Archibald and Roland, fight to become king, but Archibald plays dirty and ends up winning the crown, but Roland (who was exiled), protests, and fights for his right to be king! He's all like: "I just can't wait to be king!" I mean that literally. He's so overconfident, he just sits back most of the time and makes YOU do all the work! I wonder what kind of a king he'll be...

On the other hand, here's the story summary of HoMM III:
After the assassination of King Gryphonheart of Erathia, Catherine, the wife of Roland Ironfist (and King Gryphonheart's daughter) travels back to Antagarich in order to unite her people against the forces of evil that have taken over, including the dungeon lords of Nighon, the Kreegans of Eeofol, and the Necromancers of Deyja. Eventually, the Necromancers plot to revive King Gryphonheart as a lich, but he proves to be too powerful for even them, and they're forced to ally with Catherine in order to stop him! And all while these events happen, numerous side plots are going on. How enthralling.

HoMM II Score: 8/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10

In-game Content
In talking about the length of the campaign in HoMM II, I say this: There are technically only two campaigns, and each of them is about the same length (which I think is about ten or twelve levels?). This is impressive, until you see that HoMM III has seven different campaigns, albeit of different lengths (the shortest, if I recall correctly, only having about three maps, but most have more). Now, THAT is variety.

Now, if you want to know about factions and creatures, I say this: In HoMM II, there are six factions (the Barbarians, Knights, Sorceresses, Warlocks, Wizards, and those dastardly Necromancers), with several creatures (but not all) having an upgrade, and the Warlocks' Green Dragon having TWO upgrades! Wow! This is impressive!... until you see the selection in the sequel. Watch and fall to your knees! There are a total of EIGHT factions in the original HoMM III, and one added in the expansion packs! WOW! Nine factions! And every creature has an upgrade! And what about those neutral units? In the expansion packs, you have... dragons, dragons, and more dragons! So many dragons to slay! You're got Faerie Dragons, Rust Dragons, Crystal Dragons, and Azure Dragons! And that's in addition to all the other dragons already in the game! Wow! So many dragons! What does HoMM II have, on the other hand? At best, Ghosts and Genies... and you can't even recruit the Ghosts until the expansion pack! Boo...

HoMM II Score: 8/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10

Music/Sound
HoMM III is a newer game and thus has more superior sound. Do I need to say more. No? Now, for the music.

Necromancer Castle HoMM II

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VS.

Necromancer Castle HoMM III

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Knight Castle HoMM II

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VS.

Knight Castle HoMM III

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Barbarian Castle HoMM II

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VS.

Stronghold HoMM III

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Sheer brilliance on the part of HoMM III. Oh. OHHHH! So expressive! Captures the mood so well! OOOOHHHHHHHH! I must say, though, the music of HoMM II has its merits... but it's a bit too archaic for my tastes. Pew.

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10

Map Editors
Both map editors are so wonderful, I don't think I can say much in terms of how b... oh wait. The HoMM III Map Editor is SOOOO much more advanced and user friendly. I mean, what, was HoMM II's map editor made in 1996 or something? Seriously, who could even bear to use such an unfriendly map editor even in such a time long past!? Do you mean to say that... back then... people had more patience? The thought... it shocks me! Zap.

HoMM II Score: 8/10
HoMM III Score: 8.5/10

Expansion Packs
It's all down to this. HoMM III has been fighting a winning game since nearly the beginning, and at this point, my fingers are tired, and I'm just ready to declare HoMM III the instant winner... but wait! There's something more! I saved the best for last! It's a two against one fight! That's right folks: HoMM II only had one expansion pack, but HoMM III had two! This is going to be good!

Let's start with Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Price of Loyalty. This expansion adds FOUR new campaigns, new artifacts, new scenario maps, new in-map buildings and an improved map editor to bind it all together! But, really, this expansion was essentially the developers' way of saying "Screw the game balance! We're the developers!" Why, you ask? BARROW MOUNDS. Here, you could recruit ghosts, which, whenever they kill a unit, incorporate them into their ghostly ghost ranks. Needless to say, after some bouts of peasant-killing, this leads to some amazingly large stacks of ghosts. Lol. It's pretty gutsy to include such a thing without first balancing the creature (never mind that it can also be interpreted as lazy).

HoMM III had Armageddon's Blade and the Shadow of Death. Now, Armageddon's Blade is an interesting case, because of a little controversy amongst fans involving a new town. I, personally, think that it's a shame that it was scrapped... but hey! I'm not here to give you too many interesting tidbits and honest opinions! Quite simply put, Armageddon's Blade significantly advanced the content of the game, but had a somewhat lackluster story/campaign (though not necessarily disappointing), and the Shadow of Death only made a few minor changes to gameplay/content (being shafted and losing a new castle due to Armageddon's Blade, although there were a number of gameplay improvements), but had an exciting story/campaign (who doesn't love Sandro! ).

Quite simply put, even though the Price of Loyalty Expansion pack for HoMM II puts up a fairly good, long, and entertaining fight, the dual expansion packs of HoMM III ultimately beat it to a pulp. And when I said "entertaining" earlier, I meant, "entertaining to watch Price of Loyalty get the goblins beat out of it." And when I said "long" earlier, I meant "long because Armageddon's Blade and The Shadow of Death really want to teach it a lesson." By this point, I think you know what I meant when I said "good" earlier.

If you want the Price of Loyalty's beating to turn into a "tearing-apart-limb-from-limb-session," you can even count the fan-made In the Wake of Gods expansion (Wikipedia mentions it, so I thought I should too). But now, now, that would just be absolutely cruel and vile, and it IS Christmastime, after all (and I haven't tried WoG yet)!

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 9/10

Conclusion
These are both really good games, but in the end, there is, and can be, only one winner. After a brutal mauling, HoMM II gets thrown into the Skeleton Transformer- and while most of you probably don't know what that means, I can assure you that it's not pleasant for anybody involved (depending on what you throw in, but I digress).

HoMM II Final Score: 8.6/10
HoMM III Final Score: 10/10

Reviwer Notes:

• #nostalgiabias
• #beatingsforall
• In a hypothetical battle situation, I suppose HoMM II would win, because all of the world's peasants would be sacrificed to the ghosts in order to propel their numbers to ridiculous heights, but then, the ghosts would get out of control and kill everybody. Then everybody would be ghosts, and this would be "Ghosts of Might and Magic."
• HoMM II IS clearly better in one regard, though: Its sequel was better than HoMM III's sequel.

[FireArrow]

Sheer brilliance on the part of HoMM III. Oh. OHHHH! So expressive! Captures the mood so well! OOOOHHHHHHHH! I must say, though, the music of HoMM II has its merits... but it's a bit too archaic for my tastes. Pew.

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10

I love you for introducing me to the sound track for II (III is just meh, idk what your talking about.)

[BlackDragonSlayer]

I love you for introducing me to the sound track for II (III is just meh, idk what your talking about.)

Aaah; I guess we just have different tastes then...

But, you're welcome!!

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Ring in the New Year with rockets! Or...

Rocket Knight (PS3)

"The future ain't what it used to be." - Yogi Berra

This game is the sequel to the classic Rocket Knight Adventures for the Sega Genesis. And, I figured, instead of reviewing another Sega Genesis game (there are more coming in the future, though!), I'd review this. There's nothing like a new game review every so often! So, here we go.

Rocket Knight takes place after the last Rocket Knight game, Sparkster: Rocket Knight Adventures 2. Like, fifteen years after. So Sparkster is old. And fat. And his armor is rusty. Now, what kind of a game do you think this will be? To rub in the fact that Sparkster is old and his armor isn't working due to its advanced age, Sparkster's nemesis took his place in the war between the Pigs + Opossums and the wolves. Thus, jealous, old, and paranoid (he apparently doesn't trust the pigs, the enemies of the previous games; pfft), Sparkster starts his quest to take back his title and his land! Getting his armor on once more (I seem to recall it being unusable, but whatever), he battles against the wolf army and eventually defeats them. But, what's this! The pigs are, in fact, evil, and they do in fact turn against the possums!! Oh no! I was wrong! To complete his quest and assert his dominance over the land, Sparkster must defeat the pigs and save the world... his future empire... the kingdom!

Now, I personally found the game to be rather easy, but I must say that there seem to be random difficulty spikes at certain points in the game (specifically around the middle and towards the very end), as if the level designers want to bore you to death with bland cakewalk levels and then make you bash your controller against the wall when you least expect it to be difficult. I found most of the boss fights to be fun, and adequately difficult (but the final boss was a "slash around until you find out what you have to do" sort-of boss... GUIDE DANG IT!).

The controls, gameplay, and music are all adequate. The jetpack is fairly unique, but still falls into the category of adequate (ain't got nothin' on Jango Fett, old man!). Overall, this game is good, but it's nothing compared to the original. So go play that instead. Stop reading this and play it now. That's what I'll leave you with.

Pros:
+ Adequate.
+ Better graphics than the original.
+ Old Sparkster gets back in shape!
+ Like the Rocket Knight we know and love... but still not the Rocket Knight we know and love...

Cons:
- Nothing compared to the original.
- Just adequate
- Plotholes.

Final Score: 8/10

Reviwer Notes:

• NOW.
• Are you still reading this!?!

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Perfect Dark (Xbox 360)

"Burn it down! Burning people. He says what we're all thinking." - GLaDOS

Perfect Dark for the N64 is the spiritual successor to GoldenEye 64, the legendary shooter developed by Rare. They are called Rare because it's rare to find a developer as great as they are. Or, at least, were. BUT THIS ISN'T PERFECT DARK FOR THE N64! It's the XBLA remake, silly; that's why I said it in the title!

Anyway, back to the review: Microsoft completely screwed up Rare by forcing them to work on mindless Kinect games, so instead of having them develop more GOOD GAMES, they went like "OH ****" and had 4J Studios port this and Banjo-Kazooie to the Xbox Live Arcade (XBLA). But I don't care, because it brings the lovably archaic Perfect Dark into the modern era. NOW we are playing with power! Blast processing power!

Perfect Dark is what I like to call a mutilation shooter. Why? Because, quite frankly put, you can mutilate the dead mooks' bodies with bullets after you've killed them. And that's not it! You can even do it before they're dead! In the game, you play as Perfect Dark... errr, Joanna Dark. Perfect Dark is her codename, because she's an agent of the Carrington Institute, an institute devoted to contacting aliens. Their rivals, DataDyne (because every truely evil corporation in the future has "Dyne" in their name), though, have made a pact with the evil aliens, who are known to mutilate (I'm noticing a recurring theme here already) Earth's livestock. But the Maians, the good aliens, team up with the agents of the Carrington Institute to stop them. OH YEAH!

The main campaign is fun, but it's the combat simulator that puts the icing on the cake. You get to play simulation challenge after simulation challenge until you finally get to the point where you want to rub the controller into your forehead until you expose your skull. Yeaaaah... But the main point of it is to play with your friends! You can use all the guns that appear in the main campaign, even those that barely appear! You can use rockets, alien rockets, alien laser guns, invisibility guns, and even a combat knife! YAAY! You can fight with dumb sims, somewhat dumb sims, and cheating-computer-sims. What variety!

The voice acting is ham, but it wouldn't be Perfect Dark without ham. The graphics are stellar, though. You can't get this on the PS3, now can you! Can't get it on the Wii, either. Snicker. Snicker. I suppose you could get it on the Wii U, but I don't own a Wii U. And Nintendo doesn't own Rare.

Pros:
+ Those graphics will blow you away.
+ Same old Perfect Dark, but new!
+ GUNS. Alien. Guns.
+ Call of Duty can't stand up to this!
+ Combat Simulator. With guns and sims.

Cons:
- What has become of Rare.
- You don't get an actual flamethrower!

Final Score: 9.5/10

Reviwer Notes:

• Nothings says post-Christmas like shooting people!
• The achievements are worse than the simulator challenges.
• Shameless self-promotion!

[Sebastian]

Could you review one of these games?

Super Mario Sunshine
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Diddy Kong Racing (N64)
Super Mario 64
Mario Kart Wii
Super Paper Mario
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

I think all of these have some pretty good music

Thats ok if cant or dont want to
Oh, and good job with your reviews so far

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Could you review one of these games?

Super Mario Sunshine
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Diddy Kong Racing (N64)
Super Mario 64
Mario Kart Wii
Super Paper Mario
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

I think all of these have some pretty good music

Thats ok if cant or dont want to
Oh, and good job with your reviews so far

The only ones of those I've played are Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time. I'm sure I might get to those eventually.

[Sebastian]

Great!! 

[mikey]

The only ones of those I've played are Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time. I'm sure I might get to those eventually.

o.O hasn't played Mario Kart Wii...