The NSM Advice Column

[JDMEK5]

But then Bubbles might end up in jail (or, at the very least, juvenile hall).

Why does this always have to be so complicated!!?? My brain hurts!

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Why does this always have to be so complicated!!?? My brain hurts!

Especially with knowledge + C-4

[JDMEK5]

Especially with knowledge + C-4

No kidding. By that point you're really scatterbrained. (Horrible joke, I know)

[Cobraroll]

I've considered posting in here for some time, and seeing as I feel a little down now, without anything to do, might as well put down a paragraph or two to try to sort my thoughts out.

Not sure if I should be happy that I get decent grades at a rather good study, got a summer job and have an altogether stable financial situation, or be depressed that my social life is steadily declining towards zero (and has done so for years). I feel that I've managed to sort a few things in life out, but am failing beyond miserably at others. I get along with people I meet, but can count the number of close friends I've got on one hand, with plenty of fingers to spare. Whenever I try to enter a conversation, it feels like I'm intruding on the people already engaged in it. Trying to speak to somebody, I just interrupt them doing whatever they're up to. I can't remember the last time somebody seeked me out to talk or do something, other than school-related stuff. Approaching somebody feels like throwing a wrench into a fine-tuned machinery, like I'm disturbing what is otherwise a neatly planned and scheduled life. In the end, it seems like the best way to treat people is simply "not bothering them". Things work fine without my intervention, and I have nothing to add to their lives anyway, so I should just stay quiet. Everyobdy have got their plans, their social arenas, friends and family, while my life is mostly consisting of "studies" and "passing time". Approaching age 22, I've never been in anything remotely resembling a relationship.
The usual advice is "seek out a group", but my set of interests doesn't seem to overlap with anybody else's; I detest sports with a passion, don't care much for music, don't enjoy partying, and on the other hand am not "nerdy" enough to seek out the fringe communities either (a couple of my friends are into manga, tabletop-/card-gaming, role-playing or that sort of stuff, and thrive in that community, but I don't really like it that much). I live with a couple of religious people, who do a lot of social stuff with their church, but I'm an atheist and not likely to change any time soon. I've been with them on a couple of occasions, but it just feels awkward.
On one hand, I've got too much spare time, on the other, I've grown to enjoy it. "No responsibilities, no worries" as the saying goes. Besides, as I'm studying civil engineering, school work usually takes a lot of time, sometimes a lot more than that again, and committing to something extra-curricular might quickly eat up all spare time. I enjoy having a flexible schedule, even though I've got nothing to fill it with.

So basically, I've settled into a rhythm working well with school, finances and generally staying alive, yet on the social side, It feels like I've lost a game of musical chairs. All around me, people seem to live well-ordered lives. Some fill a busy schedule with school, sports and friends, yet get good grades, others fall slightly behind with the subjects but have lots of extra-curricular stuff to do. Some people stress a lot, struggling to make ends meet with relationships, work, school and all that, others prioritize partying above studies, but appear to be cool with it. And I just feel like I'm standing somewhere in the crowd, following the flow, trying to figure what's going on. I turn up at lectures, hand in my weekly exercises, I eat, sleep and maintain basic hygiene, but there is a lot of leftover time I'm not sure what to do with, and I've grown to enjoy wasting it (and then, is the time really wasted?). I don't know if it says anything that Saturday nights consistently turn out to be the least eventful time of the week.

For now, things work decently, I get some social interaction during lectures, I exchange some lines with other people about the weather, the subjects, various school tasks and recent news, yet things never go beyond small talk. After university, I don't really see things going anywhere. Sure, I have enough interest in the stuff I study, and decent enough grades to get a job, but apart from that, I can't really imagine doing anything in particular. Well over 95% of my interaction with other people is through school or online. Though, looking at the stuff I do (and don't do), I can't find anything in particular I'd like to change. All in all, I'm unsure if it is a problem, or just another phase in life. Does anybody have any advice?

[Dude]

Do anybody have any advice?

tl;dr; but this sentence should be, "Does anybody have any advice?"

Don't hit me plz.

[MaestroUGC]

You seem to be in a mentality where you validate your life-style by the amount of friends you have. You don't need to have a lot of people whom you regard as close friends. I myself have 3 people whom I regard as close. My social life isn't very large, but I still find time to be with my friends.

The important question you ned to ask is: "Do I want to hang out with people? Do I want a social life?"

Not everybody has that need to go out every weekend and just do things. Some people would like to, but have other responsibilities they need to see to first. If you do want to start building your social life, start by seeing what you're friends are up to. If you are serious about it, join them if you can. I'm not saying do something you are seriously against, but don't just say no if it's "maybe something I might not like."

Honestly, what I do, since I'm a similar spot as you, is just try to spend some time with one or two close friends once a week. Usually we just meet up somewhere, have dinner and hang out for a bit afterwards.

Personally, I don't see a point in having a large circle of friends. I'd rarely see them anyway. Instead I've opted for cultivating a few solid, lasting relationships with people and it seems to be working well. Every now and then I meet up with a group of friends and that's nice.

tl;dr
Do you want a big social life, or do you just want some social interaction with close people with a certain regularity?

[SuperFireKirby]

I'm gonna make a really bad metaphor right now. Friends are like apples(or some other fruit). It's far more pleasurable to have 3 or 4 delicious, perfectly ripe apples than 100 old and rotten ones.

But the question you need to ask yourself is: Am I satisfied with my lifestyle? It seems you are somewhat ambivalent about yours at this point. Content but not really sure if you're content with it. But if you find yourself to be discontent, change something. Disobey your parents and talk to strangers, go places you haven't been to and though maybe you have a preconceived notion that you would enjoy such places DO IT ANYWAY. You'll never know until you tried. Just try to push yourself out of your comfort zone in anyway you can. You'll probably discover things about yourself you didn't realize were part of you.

[Toby]

How2MakeFriendsOnNsm? -.-

[SuperFireKirby]

Better idea would be to make some friends outside of NSM.

Though some of you guys are pretty coll.

[Concerto No.20 in D minor]

@Cobraroll  The solution is quite simple.  Turn off the internet.

[Toby]

Better idea would be to make some friends outside of NSM.

Though some of you guys are pretty coll.

I do have friends outside -.- just not A best friend :/

[FSM-Reapr]

Nobody said you wouldn't have friends outside NSM. SFK just said that it's better to have friends outside the interwebz.

[Winter]

Relevant:

[blueflower999]

...Cobraroll? 

[Winter]

But in all seriousness, I know that feel. I have one person. I have acquaintances, I guess, but they don't mean enough for me to actually enjoy spending the time with them.

It takes really being comfortable with a person to have somebody to fill those gaps, and I don't mean just a significant other. There's no advice as to finding a person like that aside from living your life really showing others who you are and expressing yourself.

...Cobraroll? 

with sad clouds.