Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!

[MaestroUGC]

Oh, absolutely.

[MaestroUGC]

Wario Land 4
Because My Nightmares Were Not Terrifying Enough

This was my first Wario Land game. And my last. You play as Wario (Surprise!) as he sets out to find, and clean out, a lost pyramid full of treasure. However, once he finds it, he learns that the greatest treasures are haunted, or something. I don't know. Boss battles or something.

There are 4 areas in the pyramid, plus a tutorial level and a final challenge. Each area has a shared theme: Toy Zone, Big Boo's Haunt, The Amazon, Alaskan Oil Rig?

Wario has his fair share of power-ups, each one worse than th last and serve no practical function to the game except humiliate you for being bad at video games you piece of shi-

He can get fat(ter), flat(ter), fly(ter), and other non-flat(ter)ing junk.

Each boss is absolutely hideous. There's Creepy Baby Beast; Clock Vulture; Ghost Mouse on Teddy Bear; Demon Catfish and Petey Piranha.
And the Final Boss is the living incarnation of your nightmares's nightmares. And it wears a mask.

So what do you do?

Beat the living shit out of everything you see and grab all the money.

Oh yeah, and the music is fantastic. My personal favorite Gameboy Advance soundtrack, and it actually features what can only be labeled as "experimental" or "avant-garde" music as a bonus.

Score: Mommy, why is that woman throwing her face at me HOLY SHIT NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

SO MUCH NOPE

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Wario Land 4
Because My Nightmares Were Not Terrifying Enough

Score: Mommy, why is that woman throwing her face at me HOLY SHIT NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

SO MUCH NOPE

LOL; I love that game. We have it for both the GBA and 3DS, and it's really really difficult on the hardest difficulty setting (obvious statement).
They need more Wario games like that; the minigame-games are fine, as long as we are not deprived of Wario Land-esque games.

[SlowPokemon]

I thought Wario Master of Disguise was pretty fun. It was a little boring toward the end though.

[MaestroUGC]

I actually really enjoy Wario Land 4. I played Master of Disguise but I never finished it.

[MaestroUGC]

Super Mary-o Sunshine
Mario Paint 2, Or:
Lost in the Tropics, Or:
The Ballad of Bowser Jr., Or:
Mario Teaches Good Public Service, Or:
How I Learned to Stop Complaining and Love the Piantas, Or:
The Curious Tale of the Missing Shine Sprites, and Other Tales of Mystery and Woe, Or:
An Experiment in Uprooting Familiar Gameplay and Producing What Can Only Be Called "The Luigi Of Mario Games", Or:
Not Super Mario 64 2, or Super Mario 128, or Some Other Direct Sequel to Their Greatest And Most Acclaimed Game Thus Far, Or:
Waterworld

Right, so the sequel to Super Mario 64, the most perfect game ever until this one came along. So they're going to take the gameplay that made Super Mario 64 so awesome and make it even better, right?

Fuck that shit, give Mario a water gun and some goop to clean.

So what's the story?

Mario and Princess Chronically Kidnapped are on vacation! Also Toadsworth is also there, to be worthless to the plot. So their plane lands (So, they have mastered modern flight, in spite of the fact that they have to most thorough teleportation system in all of video game-dom) but it turns out that Mario's warrant caught up to him and is arrested when they scan his visa. Turns out he had been vandalising this island he just arrived on for weeks, and they promptly arrest and jail him. Good on you, Japanese American Delfino Justice System, another delinquent behind bars.

So as capital punishment they make Mario, and his new bud Flood Fludd clean up the mess that he made, and clearly not some sort of dopple ganger that immediately kidnaps Princess Worthless. He drops her like a dumb-shit and escapes into a statue in a manner totally unlike the paintings of Super Mario 64.

The Not-Mario tries this a few more times before revealing that he's Bowser's and Dumpo's illegitimate child. One the one hand, WHAT THE FUCK MIYAMOTO? One the other hand, WHAT THE FUCK MIYAMOTO?!?!? On the other, other hand, It all makes sense now. So the Bastard kidnaps the Whore and runs into the volcano, presumably for some sort of re-enactment of Deliverence.

So Murphy and Drought go to rescue Her Royal Hoebag and fight the Bowser Duo.

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He wins.

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So Bowser reveals that Princess Dipshit isn't Bowser the Latter's mother; and Mario and Princess Loose Legs go to have a discussions regarding her lifestyle choices and the logistics of bearing the demon spawn of Bowser.

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It turns out to be a secret plot to unite the two Kingdoms and create Nintendo's first World Superpower, and launch an invasion on Hyrule.

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Still, pretty isn't it?

Score: 2 Melting Yoshis/12 Il Piantissimi

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Super Mary-o Sunshine

Mary-o!!

[FallenPianist]

This thread is full of win, but this last review is major epicness.

Spoiler

The spoiler pyramid thing was awesome

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[MaestroUGC]

Well people got mad at me for spoiling a game, so I made extra sure it wasn't spoiled this time.

[MaestroUGC]

Nintendo Land
Because Disney World is Too Damn Expensive

So Nintendo released a new console a few months ago, you might've heard about it. If you haven't it's okay get the fuck out of my house. Since Nintendo apparently has trouble making full games since they started making enough Wario of Warcraft and Wii Flail sequels to feed half of Africa, feed them horrible, horrible disc shaped food; they made their first game for this Revolutionary new system a collection of smaller, terrible games. They are all hosted by GLaDOS' younger, less evil(?) sister Monita, who may or may not been romantically involved with that bastard Lord of Games from Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts RAREWARE! HOW COULD YOU?!?!?! So what are the games? I don't want to tell you.

Solo Games: Becuase Nintendo knows you don't have any friends.
Takamaru's Ninja Castle
You ninja shit, and you look like a total fop doing it.
Score: Pass.

Donkey Kong's Crash Course
Tilt 'n' Roll: The Movie: The Game: The Novelisation: The Sequel: The Movie: The Game.
Score: Fuck this shit!

Captain Falcon's Twister Race
It's like I'm really Falcon Punching my way to Victory!
Score: I like Speed Racer better.

Balloon Trip Breeze
I haven't a clue. Ballons 'n' shit.
Score: This is the least efficient way to move cargo.

Yoshi's Fruit Cart
Yoshi's Story: the True Story.
Score: A tour-de-force! Yoshi Cart shines in his intepretation of the beloved green dino. -Roger Ebert

Octopus Dance
Because DDR is too much work.
Score: Game and Watch will shamelessly accept your charity, anything will help.

Competitive Games: So you can chase your only "friend" away over some bullshit.
Mario Chase
Tag, as done by Nintendo.
Score: Base!

Luigi's Ghost Mansion
Now without all the inuendo! And also without all the fun!
Score: I ain't callin' no plummer.

Animal Crossing: Sweet Day
What the hell is Animal Crossing
Score: I don't have much of a sweet tooth.

Team Games: becuase you really just want another excuse to dick over your "friends".
The Legend of Zelda: Battle Quest
Four Zeldas and Legolas go on an adventure. That's about it.
Score: I'm supposed to shoot arrows into your butt!

Metroid Blast
Because finally figured out the FPS's actually sell.
Score: Pew pew pew, you're dead Other Mii!

Pikmin Adventure
Pikmin 2.5
Score: As close to a sequel that we'll ever get.

Overall
It's alright, you know, if you;r einto that sort of thing.

Score: 6 Stars/Shigeru Miyamoto

[SlowPokemon]

My favorite review thus far.

[MaestroUGC]

Everybody else did a review of Nintendo Land, so I did it too.

[MaestroUGC]

MAESTRO'S MANIC MONDAY MANIA MARCH MADNESS MONSTROSITY!
Super Man 64
The one that one of you has been waiting for!

This past weekend I had the absolute pleasure of playing Supper Man 19 at friend's house. This is going to be a bullet-by-bullet review of the whole game.

• No.
• This game is dumb and all of you should feel bad about it.

Score: Johnny! Get my beating stick.

[TheZeldaPianist275]

*whistles for blueflower*

This made me laugh hard.

[MaestroUGC]

Added a Table of Complaints