Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!

[Wolf]

I save princess apple. LOL

[MaestroUGC]

Diddy Kong Racing

A kart racing game. Not too much beyond that. Except for the F***** Overworld. What the hell is with that shit? Did they want to make Mario Kart a more single player experience? Well congratulations, Rare, you succeeded. Seriously, getting around the damn island is a pain. They give you all these vehicles, but all you really ever use the the plane.

Driving around Luigi's Raceway clone? Plane.
Trying to avoid bouncy ice(?)? Plane.
Flying around a bleeping volcano? Hovercraft.

So let's say you want to change your vehicle in this sorry excuse for a Not-DK64 Overworld. Let's just run over Insensitive Indian Stereotype No. 6! Shut the F*** up T.T.! Nobody wants to hear about your Time Trial bulls***, not like it gets you anything...

All in all, though, it's a fantastic game. I say it has far more replay value than it's counterpart, Mario Kart 64, and has held up better over time. It's got all the things.

Diddy
Not-Minnie
Turtle from Banjo-Kazooie
Banjo sans Kazooie
An Alligator
A badger (cause those exist)
An OP tiger
A Drumstick
Bombs
Oil
More bombs
Rocket boosters
Even more bombs
and a magnet

Oh and an Evil Intergalactic Pig Wizard who has nothing else to do but challenge people to races on his ICBM Missle.

Score: 6

DS Remake
Fuck.

Score: No.

[JDMEK5]

Diddy Kong Racing

Such a great game. Slams Mario Kart to the ground. (But Mario Kart's good too)

[MaestroUGC]

I will say that the game got some cred for not having a Rainbow Road clone.

[JDMEK5]

True. And it really gives you a feeling of satisfaction when you outrun a rocket.

[MaestroUGC]

Luigi's Mansion

What if Luigi, instead of being a palette swap of the Mario-man, was a coward afraid of his own shadow?

What it we sent this man-child to a haunted mansion full of puns?

Then we get one of the most game of all time. Here we play as Marion's green shadow, in his first starring role ever, and does he get to save a princess? Nope. He has to save Marty because, why not? So what do you do?

Suck.

Suck and blow.

But mostly suck.

Ghosts, that is.

Suck and blow ghosts.

And when you're done with that they give you monies, because that's what you do after a good sucking and blowing. So what ghosts do you suck? Boos. Boos and people ghosts. Why? To turn them into paintings. Why? Because Art, you uncultured swine.

And what do you do after sucking all these ghosts? You fight Bowser, who's apparently dead? So this means Luggy's Monster Bash comes after the other Mary Games.

Well it turns out you fight King Boo. Yeah, there's a King Boo, he's King of the Boos. He's mad because...Mario? I don't know, his monologue had alot of sucking in it so I tuned out. He then sucks you into a Bowser Art for a boss fight. (Notice a pattern yet?)

You also fight some other ghosts, too, I guess. There's Big Baby, Big Blob, and Bigger Boo. Music is. There's also the little old Man(?) who gives you a vacuum to suck and blow with. What do you blow? Fire. Water. Ice. But mostly fire. And water. Fuck ice.

Luigi's Mansion:
Go Suck Something.

Score: 12 Boos/50 Gadds

Or: 3000 Poltergusts

You go play now.

[Yugi]

ahhahahahahahaahahahaha sex puns

[MaestroUGC]

Spoiler Alert

You fight King Boo.

[SlowPokemon]

RUINING THE GAME

JEEZ

[MaestroUGC]

Super Mayro Sisters 1, duex, X
Marion the First
Run left.

Mario-ception
Wake up, Mario.

The Subcon has you.

Or just stay sleeping. You don't need to know about this game you were in. Shrug it off as an odd dream you once had.

Super Mario Bros 3: Bowser's Revenge
Run left again.

Also Bowser procreated a little bit...but with who?

Oh, God. No!. Naw!!!

Mario 2: The Lost World
Run left some more.

Flying Bloopers?

Fuck it, left.

Cumulative score: Basketball

[MaestroUGC]

Apparently you guys hate Mario, so I'm not going to review another Mario Game.

Mario Kart 64
"This game has not held up well," said me after I replayed it recently.

The controls are stiff, the pace is rather slow, and the action is more frustrating than fun.

On the down side, you could also say this game resulted other, possibly better, copy-cat kart racers.

On the up side, it brought us The Great Equalizer: The Blue Spiny Shell.

Life sucks sometimes, you know?

Score: That was F*cking Bullshit, and you know it!

[blueflower999]

Mario Kart 64 > Any Mario Kart game

[MaestroUGC]

Oh absolutely.

[SlowPokemon]

I like Mario Kart 7 better :/

[MaestroUGC]

Oh absolutely.