Living catharsis?

[PrideSage99]

No, I'm not going to die, don't worry.... Hah, as if it would matter anyway, only I would notice myself fall into hell o_o
Anyways... If anyone can offer help, support, whatever, then please do... I'm in desperate need of hope.
Let's start at square one: Ever since I can remember, I've been an outcast. A complete. Social. Outcast. I've lived without really knowing what love feels like. I feel like Axel from KH. It's just like I don't have a heart... Well, obviously I possess the one pulsing blood and adrenaline through my veins at this very moment, buuut.... Well, anyways, wherever I go, I'm just not accepted. I fuck up. A lot. And I'm not even trying to... I try everything to make myself bearable, but even -I- can't stand me. I've been on the brink of death, only once, but, I was honestly wishing I would just die. I mean, all I wanted this year was to finally have drank myself or smoked myself to death. I just want to be able to do things right. Even 100 mg of a heavy anesthetic aren't allowing me to sleep... I'm a grown damn man, and I find myself in tears so much from the loneliness, the lack of being accepted, the social indifference, the sadness of not being able to love... Yet at the same time, that sadness feels like a void... Like I'm not even feeling anything, yet I am... Even the constant anxiety is exactly the same..... It's surreal and difficult to explain... But now all I ever look foreword to is a light up or a good few shots of whiskey... And it tastes like shit :/ Now, I'm not attention seeking here, but all I'm asking for.... is help... advice.... I have no one else to go to at the moment... Please, somebody...
-Jay'

[FSM-Reapr]

Dude, enjoy what you have. I doubt things are that bad and you don't have anyone to talk to. It's Christmas for God's sakes, don't try to depress people.

And besides, at least you got your health. I'm over here fighting cancer with a risk of me dying for real. I really don't want to hear BS like that from a guy who doesn't even know how bad things could be.

If things are really like that, go show that post to your family.

[TheZeldaPianist275]

If things are really like that, go show that post to your family.

This.  I'm really sorry to hear that Pride.  I'll pray for you.  Have you by chance tried to read the bible?  It's one of the most uplifting things you can do with yourself.  I'd understand if you didn't, but it's too effective for me not to say it.

[blueflower999]

I've felt like this before. Don't worry, PrideSage, you'll be fine. Just try to get through it. Talk to your family, and read the Bible. I'll be praying for you.

[Ruto]

Why hasn't anyone told him to see a doctor yet? -.- If it's really depression, there's not much else that would help.

[Cobraroll]

Also, simply getting out a bit usually helps a lot. Find some place to hang. A crowd to join, with the same interests as you. Just see people, they usually never bite are more friendly to strangers than you'd think. As long as you're not directly repulsive (as in, you haven't showered for weeks or keep screaming obscenities to everybody), most people are actually rather nice guys. Just giving out random compliments will bring out many a smile, and may change your day/life totally. If you're studying, check out the various interest groups around school. I'm not telling you to go join anything, just spend an afternoon or two checking out what's going on. Perhaps you'll find a bunch of like-minded people behind a door you pass by daily. If you're working, chat a little with co-workers or even customers. Again, compliments may be a starting point for a conversation (and if not, well, they will mistake it for good customer service and leave the place with a better opinion in it).


As many have said above, religious groups may be a good place to start if you have not other idea. They're usually friendly, welcome to new faces, and loving to help if you've got any problems (just watch out for the Scientologists, they'll take your money and leave it at that). Just being part of a community will usually help immensely.

Best of luck!

[PrideSage99]

Thank you, posters after the first. It means a lot. And.. I am christian, but see, I don't drive. A car on my living is like asking a homeless man to buy india o_o But see what I mean about people attacking me? I can't do -anything- without someone jumping on my back..... But anyway, can someone fill me in on some of this  on the religious side? I've never been to church above the age of 8 (Several years ago, might I add) and I remember NOTHING about it owo   
I heard religion is a wonderful path to enlightenment, but I know hardly anything about the good lord...
-My regards, and I wish you all had a merry Christmas

Edit: My family wouldn't care, honestly, if I showed them the post.

[Waddle Bro]

Edit: My family wouldn't care, honestly, if I showed them the post.

I think that might be your main problem. You ask advice from strangers rather than your own family, which doesn't make sense imo. Family should be the #1 choice to talk to. What I think is that you're afraid of talking to your family about this, that supports my theory of you adding the word "pride" in your nick. Besides, you can't know do they care if you haven't tried.

But no offense, but I think you're an attention seeker who's in the need of sympathy when you know everything has gone wrong during the time you have been here. That might the reason why you don't want to show that post to your family.

Conclusion: I am so going to study psychology in high school

[TheZeldaPianist275]

This is one of the best books I've ever read.  It doesn't force any religion down your throat, but takes a step back and looks at everything logically.  And I mean logically.  He does a great job with it.  If you have the spare funds, (and it's going for $1.20 lol) I would STRONGLY recommend this.

[Ruto]

^The reviews suggest otherwise -.-

I'd recommend this. I think everyone should read it and stop glorifying war which would solve a lot of problems these days.

[TheZeldaPianist275]

^The reviews suggest otherwise -.-

What?  That it's a bad book?  I see all positive reviews....

[Ruto]

Click on the 1 star ones. I always check to see what people have to complain about before I buy anything.

[TheZeldaPianist275]

Ouch.  Didn't see that.  Hmm...  I enjoyed it and found it appropriate.  Every single other person I know who's read it agrees.

[KefkaticFanatic]

Whenever I have looked at religion *actually* logically it only reinforces my belief that it is an outdated and primitive construct so

[TheZeldaPianist275]

Elaborate?