Relationships

[mikey]

Have you never seen zunawe's face?

[AmpharosAndy]

O' course, I'm still trying to work my way outta the friend zone. *sighhhh* such a slow process, but it'll be worth it in the end, right?

I was stuck in that loop of thinking for yeeears. The link is referring specifically to 3:38 and onwards in the video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1huAFcy3ww

The 'friend zone' is the stupidest thing. People are either into you or they're not. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can grow up and have an adult relationship. (Not meant in a mean or personal way, you're a cool bub)

[Nebbles]

The 'friend zone' is the stupidest thing. People are either into you or they're not. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can grow up and have an adult relationship. (Not meant in a mean or personal way, you're a cool bub)

Real talk. This is absolutely true.

[Altissimo]

The 'friend zone' is the stupidest thing. People are either into you or they're not. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can grow up and have an adult relationship. (Not meant in a mean or personal way, you're a cool bub)

Thirding this.

[SlowPokemon]

I'm glad someone said it because I didn't want to be the one to again (I'm "fourthing" this)

[Altissimo]

O' course, I'm still trying to work my way outta the friend zone. *sighhhh* such a slow process, but it'll be worth it in the end, right?

(emphasis mine)

i also just want to address this for anyone reading - again this isnt meant at a jab at e gadd, its a sentiment i see from a lot of people a lot of time

stop thinking like the end goal must be a relationship. "It'll be worth it in the end" are you implying that it's not worth it now? that friendship and that kind of bond isn't worth your time? there is no quicker way to make a girl feel unwanted than by making her think you're only friends with her so you can later date her. trust me I know from experience. people have done that to me. people have cut off contact with me when I make it clear I'm not interested in dating them. people I was on friendly terms with. and it's crushing. stop doing that.

[SlowPokemon]

Altissimo is right. I believe it still ultimately comes down to (and I know lots of people will disagree with me) thinking of the other person as an object that you'll at some point gain possession of.

You might not think that's what you're doing, and you might claim to respect her decision or believe that you're just really really in love with her, but it's a subconscious thing and you need to assess the way you think about her. If she's a "goddess who can do no wrong," or someone whose bad decisions or traits you constantly overlook in the hopes she'll like you more, you're not treating her like a human being. If you care about her that much, legitimately respect her decision and either steer clear or stop hoping, because she's a real person. And like Alti said, if she were to find out you were still secretly hoping or crushing on her, it could make her feel less like a real person. So it can actually be harmful.

[Altissimo]

Altissimo is right. I believe it still ultimately comes down to (and I know lots of people will disagree with me) thinking of the other person as an object that you'll at some point gain possession of.

in the past I've had crushes and I've asked them out and it didn't go so well. but I tried my damnedest to get over it afterward and make it as non awkward as possible because I wanted to keep them as friends. I liked them a lot as people and didn't want to lose their companionship, romantic or non-romantic. like if you don't respect the friendship for what it is that says a hell of a lot about your approach to friendship and romance.

my current bf, when I asked him out I made it exceedingly clear I was okay with it if the answer was no and that I didn't want to lose him as a friend because I liked him enough that even if he didn't reciprocate, being friends with him would still be enough for me. he did reciprocate as it turned out but my point is that friendship should be important too. Like saying "ugh I'm stuck in the friend zone" is implying that the friendship and companionship is worth literally nothing since youre not getting laid and it honestly reeks of entitlement.

Pro tip: If you care about them you should care about them as a human, a person, a friend, an individual, and not solely as a potential romantic partner.

[mikey]

I think you should be content with being in the friend zone- nothing wrong with it.  A friend is a friend and a girl friend is a girl friend (but not a girlfriend) with girl perspective n stuff so yay

[E. Gadd Industries]

I mean, I get the logic behind the friend zone. (It took me a bit, but it hit me a while ago) And I do try to remain friends even if things don't work out; I'm friends with them with the exception of one person. But concerning that one person, it was very much so for the better. She went crazy shortly thereafter. O_o

Honest question: how, then, should it be worded? I'm a very goal-oriented person, so if I can set processes, things that require time or have a system to them, et al., in terms of goals, I can understand it better. Of course, that isn't realising the potential it has to be taken in the manner you said, materialising a person.

[mikey]

Wait until after prom though
Sounds like she doesn't want to be romantically involved with you so just keep hanging out so that prom isn't awkward as heck

[Yug_Guy]

O' course, I'm still trying to work my way outta the friend zone. *sighhhh* such a slow process, but it'll be worth it in the end, right?

Honestly, speaking from experience, it isn't always worth it. Sometimes you're just better off as friends. Just my 2¢

[E. Gadd Industries]

Wait until after prom though
Sounds like she doesn't want to be romantically involved with you so just keep hanging out so that prom isn't awkward as heck

''Twas my plan. Need to keep things fun for prom!

Honestly, speaking from experience, it isn't always worth it. Sometimes you're just better off as friends. Just my 2¢

Yea, I know.

Thanks for everyone's input :3

[Zunawe]

I mean, I get the logic behind the friend zone. (It took me a bit, but it hit me a while ago) And I do try to remain friends even if things don't work out; I'm friends with them with the exception of one person. But concerning that one person, it was very much so for the better. She went crazy shortly thereafter. O_o

Honest question: how, then, should it be worded? I'm a very goal-oriented person, so if I can set processes, things that require time or have a system to them, et al., in terms of goals, I can understand it better. Of course, that isn't realising the potential it has to be taken in the manner you said, materialising a person.

Never make your goal to change the way somebody thinks of you when it comes to a relationship. Forget the existence of the "friend zone." If you make your intentions clear, you'll be told whether there's the potential for a romantic relationship. With words like "yes, I'll go on a date with you." If you're waiting around hoping they'll develop more of an interest in you, you're making a mistake. Imagine any friend you have; somebody who enjoys your company. And now imagine finding out that they've only been friends with you in the hopes you'll become romantically interested in them.



Doesn't that sound hopeless? Wouldn't you tell them they should have just talked to you about it? What would it feel like if they stopped hanging out with you after you said you weren't interested?

And if you really must hear this in terms of a "friend zone," imagine that once you're there, you can never ever ascend by your choice. Nothing you do will affect whether they think of you romantically. That's up to their own personal development, and trying to influence that is an awful manipulative thing to do. But now you're lucky enough to be considered a friend by somebody you enjoy being around. Take their company with pleasure and move on romantically.

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

Phew... I already know what I need to do, but I need some confirmation. There's a girl. She shall here unto be referred as Pikachu. I'm a huge coward and can't bring myself to tell her how I feel. I already know what you're gonna say. "Just go for it." I know I should just go for it. I want to just go for it. But I haven't been able to.

Here's a bit of backstory. I only ever see Pikachu at school before classes start. Every day she's there I say, "Hi Pikachu!" and she replies in the kind of tone you'd hear in a sitcom, "Hiiii *(Insert Name Here)". Think of halfway between fake and real exasperation. It's kinda become a normal thing for us. After that, I say, "How are you?" and she replies with either, "Tired", "Bad", or some choice words if she had a really bad night. Then I always jokingly say, "Do you want a hug, Pikachu?" and she replies by either saying no or threatening to break some part of my body if I try. In a joking way. I wouldn't put it past her, but I know she wouldn't. Well, during Valentine's Day this year, I brought candy in for all my friends. I had a ton leftover from Christmas. That was the one time she offered to hug me. I hadn't even asked. I turned her down because, at the time, I didn't know that I liked her. Or maybe I didn't like her, yet. Either way, she had said that she would hug me. Yesterday, I was explaining why I had brought in candy for everyone to her and another one of my friends. I did it because I had no one to be with and I felt in a giving mood. After that, I felt kinda down, and she offered me various foods from her lunchbox, each of them I turned down. Until she offered me her sandwich, which she argued with me until I took it. Before that, I thought I had no chance with her. I'm not saying that I think she has a thing for me because she gave me her sandwich. I'm not an idiot. But I now know that she does care about me, at least.

I actually tried to make a deal with Anton (In case you aren't part of the Skype chat, he is a friend of mine that I have referring to a lot as of late, and his real name isn't Anton). I told him that if he told the girl he liked how he felt, then I'd tell Pikachu how I felt. He said no, saying something along the lines of "I don't want to take things too fast", which isn't really a thing. Taking things too fast only really fits when one is in a relationship. Another friend of mine (Not a friend of his) said that whenever she sees them together, she just wants to push them together. I don't know the girl's side of the matter, but from what I've seen, I think she might like him back. Although, this isn't really about him...

Thanks for listening to my spiel. If you did.

*My name, but I don't want to put that here.