The Epics of Nintendo

[Dudeman]

I do realize I'm a little late, but can I be a latecomer recruit?

[Ragster2448]

Sure! I'm still taking requests.

[SlowPokemon]

Can I have a twin who's on Peach's side?

[Ragster2448]

Uh, I guess so...?

[Raymondbl]

Good job!  I like how you portray the characters' personalities.  Although Mario's voice is a-bit exaggerated, it's not-a much and isn't very noticable.  I like how Bowser isn't the whole "tyrant" type that yells all the time and demands his servants to bring him stuff. 

My character is near-perfect, just how I imagined him to be and it's almost how I'm like in real life.  Meditation can be split into many parts - one is the one you described, for ignoring outside things and for silent introspection.  Another is to focus your energy, like the pokemon move that meditite knows After the meditation reflexes and senses are sharpened.  Also under this group is meditating so while meditating, you use your ear to more precisely decipher the sounds and directions/distance the sounds are coming from. Just wanted to throw this in.


I also like how other people's characters are in the story.  I don't know about other people's opinions, though, since it's their characters, not mine. 

Your endings are good - now I really can't wait to find out what happened with Bowser  

I hope DrP doesn't murder someone O.O

[Dudeman]

Sure! I'm still taking requests.

SWEET!

Name: Dudeman
Side: Bowser (BTW, which side has more characters?)
Personality: Humorous, but self-conscious
Spieces: Human
Profession: F-Zero Pilot (because nobody else is)

[Ragster2448]

BTW, which side has more characters?

Let's see... There's Jerry, Greg, Fingerz and Me on Peach's side, and JFK, Ray, DrP and Slow on Bowser's side, so they are even.

I'm in the middle of completion for my next chapter, so I don't know if I'll get you in it. I'll try, though.

Good job!  I like how you portray the characters' personalities.  Although Mario's voice is a-bit exaggerated, it's not-a much and isn't very noticable.  I like how Bowser isn't the whole "tyrant" type that yells all the time and demands his servants to bring him stuff.  

My character is near-perfect, just how I imagined him to be  and it's almost how I'm like in real life.  Meditation can be split into many parts - one is the one you described, for ignoring outside things and for silent introspection.  Another is to focus your energy, like the pokemon move that meditite knows  After the meditation reflexes and senses are sharpened.  Also under this group is meditating so while meditating, you use your ear to more precisely decipher the sounds and directions/distance the sounds are coming from. Just wanted to throw this in.


I also like how other people's characters are in the story.  I don't know about other people's opinions, though, since it's their characters, not mine.  

Your endings are good - now I really can't wait to find out what happened with Bowser  

I hope DrP doesn't murder someone O.O

I normally don't read the stories here in the forums...but this is pretty good. Keep it up.

Top notch.

Oho, cliffhanger.  

Thanks for all of the feedback!

I like how Bowser isn't the whole "tyrant" type that yells all the time and demands his servants to bring him stuff.

That might change just a LITTLE bit in the next chapter...

[Raymondbl]

That might change just a LITTLE bit in the next chapter...

XD

Also, are you planning on making any characters "die" or are they just going to be captured and subdued? Just wondering.

[Ragster2448]

Eh, I don't like making people "die", maybe in like fights they get knocked out or something. If there is some kind of death, it wouldn't be like, stab in the heart, it would be more like fall off a cliff, or something. But I don't plan on making anybody die.

[fabbemannen]

Havn't been on the forum for awhile, so I havn't read the stories until now
I gotta say that it is much better than I thought it was, took some time to read through

The background stories are nice, the mainstory seem to advance in a good way and you're leaving those secrets for later parts
I would want some more describing into the story (remembering my Swedish-teachers -.-) as it makes you live into the story more

*Removed this text to add into the surprise, since Ragster already have read it*

I really hope for more parts as this went straight into my heart! I'm not that guy that use to read longer stories, but I've read every single word so far

Keep 'em coming

[Ragster2448]

^ Thanks for all that. I think you just gave me an idea... Though, I can't say it, it would ruin the surprise.

[Jub3r7]

My character was supposed to be sort of like that, except leaning towards Peach's side.
As my first post mentioned, he likes to help people, no matter which side they are on. :3

Later I also mentioned that "helping" people includes sparring with them to help them train.


But yeah, I really am looking forward to the next chapter of your story.

[Ragster2448]

^ Then I guess I'll put you a part of my secret plan. It will add a good twist.

Alright, this chapter is a little bit shorter, but I just wanted to imply some more stuff in the next chapter.
---Chapter 4---

   I walk out of the meeting to find another group of people waiting to see the counselors. I notice Fingerz was still gone, I guess he must of had to go really bad.
   "Finally, we got into the army," Greg says, "now we can actually fight!"
   "I wonder when we're going to actual begin the war," I reply.
   "That is what we're going to be talking about," the general says as he walks out of the meeting room.
   "Ugh, more talking?" Greg responds.
   "Don't worry, it will be quick. First off, we need to talk about... whisper whisper whisper blah blah blah whisper whisper whisper blah blah blah whisper whisper whisper... "



   "What?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?" I shout to the top of my lungs. I was about ready to fry his face off.
   "I am sorry Bowser, but you did not follow our agreements. We supply the tank brigade, and you supply the goods. Where is my share of the deal?" General Guy says in his little pip-squeak voice.
   "I have sent you over 1,000 pounds of food and water! What else do you shy guys need?!"
   "1,000 pounds cannot support our entire population."
   "You are not leaving this army! I have sent you nearly all of my goods, and for what? Nothing! Now you're just QUITTING?!"
   "Quitting? That is not the term I would use."
   "Oh yeah? How about running away? What? Is the little shy guy scared of a few little toads?"
   "You do not understand!" he begins yelling in more active voice, "Our people are suffering from a famine, and I cannot risk losing them! I need someone that will supply me with the goods that I need!" I snarl and put my hand over my face.
   "Mer... General, how about I double your goods?"
   "2,000 pounds? How in the world can you support that?" Finally, he sounded interested in my offer. Maybe I can still keep him in my army.
   "Don't worry about it! I'll get it to you, no sweat."
   "Well... Alright, but if I don't have that promised 2,000 pounds by the end of the month, I'm gone," he says, walking out the door. Bwa ha ha! I knew I could keep him in... Did I just promise to 2,000 pounds?!
   "Where am I going to get 2,000 pounds of supplies?! Ugh..." I walk out the door and head outside, shoving all the small defenseless shy guys out of the way.



   "Ah ha!" I whisper, as I find the panel below me holding the electrical room. I quickly bash the vent open, and jump down into the room. I hear a few ‘what was that's, so I hide behind a large pipe, carrying the panel along with me so they don't notice it. I peek over the pipe to see three toads walking into the room. They look around the room, but find nothing.
   "Must of been a rat," one of the toads say, as they all walk away. I swiftly jump from the hiding place, and run over to the main electrical breaker. When I am working on shutting the systems off, I hear a quiet bang coming from above me. When I look up, I could see something disappear quickly from the air vent. Must of been a rat, I think to myself. Once I finish shutting the systems down, I prepare to turn off the main  breaker. But before I could even pull the switch, to my left I hear a loud,
   "Stop right there!" I take a look over my side to see some guy.
   "And who might you be?" I ask, in a voice that didn't sound so suspicious.
   "I guess you can call me, the guardian apprentice ninja!" He yells, seeming all confident about himself.
   "Oh great, so what do you want, mister ‘guardian apprentice ninja'?"
   "I'm here to stop you from your tyranny!" he shouts back.
   "Does it look like I'm doing anything bad to you? I'm just standing in the electrical room."
   "Well, uh... What's with... So, what's with the Bob-omb, huh?" he stutters.
   "Oh, this? I found it."
   "You ‘found' it? Where do you find a Bob-omb in the middle of Princess Peach's castle?"
   "That's a good question, a question that I can't answer. I wanted to show it to Mario, and see why he thought it was here."
   "You can't fool me, DrP! I know all about you!"
   "I don't know what you are talking about. Are you accusing me of treason?"
   "That's exactly what I'm doing."
   "Well then, let me hear your proof."
   "Proof?"
   "Yes, proof. You can't accuse me of treason without proof, now can you?"
   "The... The Bob-omb!"
   "I told you, I was going to show it to Mario because I found it!"
   "No, you were going to use it to blow this castle sky-high!"
   "Do you have any evidence of that?" It came down to an investigation. I wasn't ever gonna crack, though. He was about to open his mouth yet again, when a few guards came stomping in here.
   "Alright, you stupid rats, where are... What the...?" He says, turning his head to see me and the ninja dude.
   "What in the world are you guys doing down here?" He continues.
   "Guard! Arrest this man!" the ninja shouts.
   "Oh, don't listen to him," I reply, "he's crazy. He fell and bumped his head."
   "What? No I didn't!" he yells.
   "Look! He totally forgot all about it! I think you really need to go check him out." I say.
   "Alright. Don't worry, I'll get you to the doctor," he says, grabbing his shirt and dragging him along.
   "No! NO! He's gonna blow us sky-high! Arrest him!" he shouts as he's carried off. I smile and wave to him, and he smiles and waves back, also! What in the world? Did he really hit his head? Aw, forget it. I need to get back to work. When they are out of sight, I kneel down beside the electrical system. This is the perfect spot to totally implode the castle, since it is far down in the basement right smack-dab in the center of the castle. It's gonna just plummet into a crater! Then Bowser will have victory! I reach to grab the Bob-omb that was tied to my belt, but when I place my hand where it was supposed to be, all I felt was air. I quickly scanned my entire belt, but saw nothing. I looked everywhere on the floor, and that's when it hit me. No! It was the guardian guy! HE TOOK THE BOB-OMB! I could feel my heartbeat increase, feel every inch of blood running through me as the veins bulge out of my head.
   "NOOO!!! HE WILL PAY FOR THAT!!!" I furiously shout to the top of my lungs, as I start racing down the hallway.

END OF PART I

[fabbemannen]

DrP derped mister ‘guardian apprentice ninja’
A nice part once again, didn't include so many characters, but it wasn't needed

Waiting for the next one! This is my favorite topic atm

[Raymondbl]

“Must of been a rat,” one of the toads say, as they all walk away.
When I look up, I could see something disappear quickly from the air vent. Must of been a rat, I think to myself.

lol'ed so hard.   

This is the perfect spot to totally implode the castle, since it is far down in the basement right smack-dab in the center of the castle. It’s gonna just plummet into a crater! Then Bowser will have victory! I reach to grab the Bob-omb that was tied to my belt, but when I place my hand where it was supposed to be, all I felt was air. I quickly scanned my entire belt, but saw nothing. I looked everywhere on the floor, and that’s when it hit me. No! It was the guardian guy! HE TOOK THE BOB-OMB!

PWNED

Love it! This story is turning out really good. Can't wait until next chapter!

Also Bowser might have to go hungry for a year