Jokes

[SlowPokemon]

Post 'em here--good ones, bad ones, cheesy ones, whatever.

[Winter]

Well I was gonna tell you a joke about nachos but it was too cheesy

[SlowPokemon]

Now that you haven't told me it I have some beef with you.

[SuperFireKirby]

Two termites walk into a bar.

One termite asks the other,"Is the bar tender here?"

[SlowPokemon]

A piece of string goes into a bar and tells the bartender he wants a beer.

The bartender refuses him, stating that he doesn't serve strings.

So the string, determined to be served, leaves the restaurant. He ties himself up, and ruffles his hair till he is unrecognizable. He walks back into the bar and requests a beer.

The bartender studies him for a second and asks suspiciously, "Are you that same piece of string that was just in here?"

The piece of string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

[ETFROXX]

That made me laugh too much. xD

[Shadoninja]

A jew, an asian, a black person, and a priest walk into a bar and the bartender asks "is this some kind of joke?"

two men walk into a bar, you'd think the second one knew better.

[SlowPokemon]

A man goes ice fishing. He finds a spot and begins picking at the ice, when suddenly he hears a booming voice say, "There are no fish there."

The man, a little bewildered, goes to another spot and has at it again. A very short time later, the booming voice says, "There are no fish there."

The man, more than a little freaked out, goes to another spot, but before he can begin, the booming voice says, "There are no fish there, either."

The man says shakily, "Are you God?"

The voice responds, "No, I'm the arena manager."
God that joke is awful but I couldn't resist. xD
Also, @Shado--I was gonna post "Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it."

[Shadoninja]

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"

[SlowPokemon]

LOLOLOLOL
Two muffins are in the oven. One says, "It's getting hot in here!"

The other one says, "HEY! A talking muffin!"

[MasterPenguin]

Three scientists were sailing across the ocean, when their boats gas ran out, and they were washed upon a random island. They decided to go exploring, so that they could figure out how to get off the island. While exploring however, they came across a group of cannibals, and were captured. The cannibals told them: "Bring us 10 of one kind of fruit, and we'll release you."

So off went the three scientists. Soon, the first scientist came back. He came back with 10 strawberries. With smiles on the cannibals faces, they then told him: "You must shove these fruits up your butt without showing any emotion. If you do this, you are free to go." So away he went. One. Two. Three. Four. On his fifth, he slightly squinted in pain, and was killed. Poor guy.

Along came the second scientist. He had ten blueberries. The cannibals told him the same thing, though quite sad as they believed he would be able to complete the task. So away he went, shoving them up his butt. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. On the tenth, he burst into laughter. Needless to say, they killed him.

Now, in heaven, the first scientist said to the second: "Why did you burst into laughter? You could have lived!" The second scientist replied: "I saw the third scientist coming with pineapples."

[SlowPokemon]

THAT IS SO HORRIBLE because I laughed

[SuperFireKirby]

My cannibal joke:

Three friends went on a cruise with their wives to the Caribbean islands. The three of them decided to take kyaks out for the day and go exploring.
They landed on an island and came across one of the last cannibal tribes in the Caribbean.
The cannibals said to them,"We will not lie. We are going to eat you and use your skin to make the hulls of our canoes"
"But because we are peaceful cannibals, we will let you choose your own form of death."

The first guy though about it and finally said,"I want to make this quick and painless. Could I have a gun?"
He went out into the woods and shot himself in the head.
The second man thought that that was a descent way to go. So he did the same.

Then the cannibals asked the third man how he wanted to die.
He asked,"Could you bring me a fork"
Some of the cannibals began to wonder what he was going to do.
As he was killing himself he screamed "ENJOY YOUR FUCKING CANOES!"

[Qew]

There was this brilliant mathematical horse. You could teach him arithmetic, algebra was a synch, it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. But when you tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly and make violent head motions in resistance.

The moral is: You can't put Descartes before the horse

Also another my friend told me,

Descartes walks into a bar and the bar tender asks, "Would you like a drink?" Descartes replies "I think not" and promptly disappears.

[MasterPenguin]