Jokes

[blueflower999]

You've never heard that joke before, Waddle? It's like the definition of cliche. 

[BlackDragonSlayer]

You've never heard that joke before, Waddle? It's like the definition of cliche. 

That... kind of disturbs me in a way...

EDIT: Keyboards...

[SlowPokemon]

It distrubs me you'd misspell that

[Waddle Bro]

I do not hear much English jokes, if you understand.

[Zunawe]

It took me a while to get it.

It's basically the origin of anti-jokes. It's ironic that so many other real jokes are based on it.

[Zunawe]

Pascal, Einstein, and Newton decide to play hide and seek. They drew straws to find out who would do the seeking. Einstein ended up with the short straw. So, Pascal runs and hides behind a bush while Einstein is counting to 100. Meanwhile, Newton stands directly in front of him and draws a square with meter-long sides in the ground. He then stands in it and waits for Einstein to finish counting.

Einstein opens his eyes to see Newton and says "I found you, Newton!" To which Newton replies "No you haven't; you've found Pascal."


If you didn't get it: 1 Pa = N/m/m (A Pascal is equal to a Newton over a meter squared.)

[Yugi]

What does the suicide bomber instructor say to his class? "Pay attention, I'm only going to do this once."

[blueflower999]

What do you call a midget fortune teller on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

[JDMEK5]

I found a joke book on music as well as someone way back on the earlier pages. Same idea here; don't take offence.

Q: What's the difference between a dead frog in the middle of the road and a dead conductor in the middle of the road?
A: The skid marks in front of the frog.

Q: What's the difference between a tuba player and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

Q: If you're driving down the road, turn a corner and find a conductor and a clarinet player directly in front of you, and can't avoid them both, which do you hit?
A: The conductor. Business before pleasure.

Q: If you were to drop a euphonium and a viola off the empire state building at the same time, which would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?

Q: How do you get a guitarist off your doorstep?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

I should try to find that book again. It had a bunch of hilarious music term definitions..

[Ruto]

Haha viola jokes xD poor Michael...

Anyway here's a similar one.

How do you prevent your violin from being stolen? Put it in a viola case.

The other versions include saying your violin's a viola in some way.

[SlowPokemon]

Come on guys, gay jokes aren't funny

Okay that was terrible

[FSM-Reapr]

How does a Dalek make soufflé?

Eggs, stir, min. 8.

[Kman96]

How does a Dalek make soufflé?

Eggs, stir, min. 8.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH CLARA CAN MAKE AS MANY FUCKING SOUFFLÉS AS SHE WANTS

[EFitTrainr]

I am shadowkirby, and I approve of this.

[JDMEK5]

What do you throw a drowning bass player?

Spoiler

His amp.

[close]

What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?

Spoiler

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

[close]

Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?

Spoiler

You might bend the nail.

[close]