Jokes

[Waddle Bro]

That joke was in my English exercise book in 7th grade.

[SlowPokemon]

How do you fit five Bulbasaur and two Charizard on a bus?
You poke 'em on.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken.

[Nebbles]

I just looked outside to check the patriarchy and apparently it's reigning men.

[Dude]

Q: What do you call a rule63 Chen?

A: Chin.

[ZeldaFan]

The president, his wife, and Oprah were riding together on Air Force One. Pres. Obama said, "I could throw $1000 note out the window right now and make someone very happy." So Oprah replied, "Well, I could throw 10 - $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." In response, Michelle said, "I could throw 100 - $10 bills out the window and make 100 people very happy."

The pilot then rolled his eyes, turned to his copilot and said, "Big deal. I could throw all 3 of them off this plane and make 256 million people very happy."

[EFitTrainr]

Who is this ZeldaFan person

[Saria]

She was the 39th person to join NSM. She hasn't been active for a long time. Now she returned! =D

[Pit0010]

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

(Pun...if you don't get it..READ IT OUT LOUD...xD)

[SlowPokemon]

A nun is in the shower when she hears the doorbell ring. She's home alone and runs to the door. "Who is it?" she calls anxiously. "The blind man," he answers.
"I'm sorry but I just got out the shower," she says, embarrassed. "I'm still naked."
"It's the blind man," he repeats, laughing. "Just let me in."
Reassured, she does so. He enters, looks her over, and says, "Nice tits, lady. Where do you want the blinds?"

[Ruto]

^OH GOD xD what a nightmare...

[BlackDragonSlayer]

A nun is in the shower when she hears the doorbell ring. She's home alone and runs to the door. "Who is it?" she calls anxiously. "The blind man," he answers.
"I'm sorry but I just got out the shower," she says, embarrassed. "I'm still naked."
"It's the blind man," he repeats, laughing. "Just let me in."
Reassured, she does so. He enters, looks her over, and says, "Nice tits, lady. Where do you want the blinds?"

I heard a similar version, except with three female soldiers painting an office at an army base (they're told not to get any paint on their uniforms, so they take their clothes off and lock the door).

[ZeldaFan]

Who is this ZeldaFan person

Technically I've been here a long time... But! I got busy and started livin it up.
Anywho,
What do a woman and a condom have in common?

If they're not on your d*ck, they're in your wallet

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Russian joke!
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev are travelling across Siberia to Moscow. Suddenly, halfway along the route, the train stops.
Lenin goes to the cab and lectures the engineer on the wonders of Marxism and the importance of duty. After he is finished, he goes back and sits down with the others.
Afterwards, Stalin goes to the cab and shoots the engineer, who falls to the ground. After he is finished, he goes back and sits down with the others.
Khrushchev says to the others, "Violence is not the only solution; let's give the engineer another chance," and goes to the cab, where he props the body of the engineer at the controls. Then, he goes back to the others.
Brezhnev suggests that they close the curtains and pretend that the train is moving; after doing this, he remarks how quiet the train is.
Finally, Gorbachev climbs out the window, goes on top of the train, and proclaims to the passengers: "Everybody! The train is not moving!"

The passengers are thrilled by his honesty... yet the train, still, is not moving.

[SuperFireKirby]

I heard a similar version, except with three female soldiers painting an office at an army base (they're told not to get any paint on their uniforms, so they take their clothes off and lock the door).

And then they all die after suffocating on the paint fumes?

[BlackDragonSlayer]

And then they all die after suffocating on the paint fumes?

No. They didn't start painting yet, I assume (or didn't get very far before the "blind man" interrupts).