ThatHiddenCharacter's Aquatic Update Project Sheets

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

For now I'm only going to put one here, but I may do a second one as well.

Cherry Lake - MUSX

[Latios212]

Just taking a peek, a couple passing comments:
- How would you feel about including the beat 2/5 hits in the m. 5-12 section where it makes sense to do so? I feel like that rhythm is pretty important to the sound here, and you could either write it in either the left or the right hand part, e.g. just another bass hit an octave up, in the left hand, or a harmony note or two in the right, without making this much more difficult.
- Having a Bbb chord in m. 37 is pretty weird, I would definitely recommend writing m. 37-38 using sharps instead - this would also make the transition from 38-39 smoother. m. 36 I think can stay as-is as a Db chord, although the walk down from Cb to An on the next page is kinda weird.

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

m. 36 I think can stay as-is as a Db chord,

I did actually change this as well because you're right about the Cb to An being weird. Especially taking the context of the entire descending line.

I've done the other changes as well. Plus a couple small things I noticed myself.

[Latios212]

I did actually change this as well because you're right about the Cb to An being weird. Especially taking the context of the entire descending line.

It's kind of weird for the right hand to be say F while the left hand says C# (this major third would make sense harmonically as C#-E# or Db-Fn) but it definitely makes more sense to read each hand independently this way, at least without any harmony written in.

Changes in m. 5+ look good as well! (Disclaimer, I haven't actually checked the sheet yet, was just commenting on stuff that stood out to me when I skimmed it)

[Kricketune54]

• m4 LH while it technically is sliding down to a Gn, I think that last note would work a little better transitioning to the next measure as an Ab. Listening to the bass in the original, I find Ab lines up also a bit more with the beat, and that the Gn is more at the very end of it. Same thinking would also apply to m52
• I think you could add a slur between the first note of an 8th note triplet where it's going from an unaccented note to a staccatoed one. (ex. m5).

Spoiler

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• m14 LH I hear an 8th note Ab at the end of the measure, sounds like the current note on beat two is just quarter length.
• m15 LH beat 1 layer 1 sounds like it's just a Bb dotted quarter like the current 2nd layer.
• m15 RH there is a Fn above the notes currently on beat 1.33, and I don't hear the Ab
• m18 RH beat 1.0 doesn't sound staccatoed, but the next two 8th notes do
• m23 RH should be down an octave
• m25-31 RH I am hearing some notes harmony notes that could be added underneath current melody notes.
• m25 LH not hearing a separate 8th note Bb at end of measure
• m37 RH beat 2.33 hearing a Bn not C#
• m37 LH technically there's no restrike of the An before the gliss
• m49-51, thoughts on adding some hand/stomp percussion for the LH (and RH as well for m50, maybe a clap to imitate the tom strike on beat two)? To emulate the drum beats and stuff, it's a bit empty without that stuff but not a stipulation for approval if you don't want to do it imo.

[Kricketune54]

Bumping for arranger as it's been over a month since I left feedback and we generally try to move the projects on a bit more of a fixed timeline

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

Bumping for arranger as it's been over a month since I left feedback and we generally try to move the projects on a bit more of a fixed timeline

Sorry, work has been hectic lately, we've been understaffed. I've updated the file now, though!

• m15 RH there is a Fn above the notes currently on beat 1.33, and I don't hear the Ab

This is the only particular note I disagree with, though I do believe what I had was also a bit incorrect. I'm pretty sure the clavichord is playing a (each pair listed in descending order) Bb-G, Bb-Ab, Bb-D, then Ab-C on the offbeats. It's also an octave higher than I originally had it. So I adjusted that accordingly, still including the flute bit in there as well, of course.

I also noticed a couple more notes in the bass I had missed and added those.

[Kricketune54]

 

Sorry, work has been hectic lately, we've been understaffed. I've updated the file now, though!

Oh sorry, totally understandable reason. 

This is the only particular note I disagree with, though I do believe what I had was also a bit incorrect. I'm pretty sure the clavichord is playing a (each pair listed in descending order) Bb-G, Bb-Ab, Bb-D, then Ab-C on the offbeats. It's also an octave higher than I originally had it. So I adjusted that accordingly, still including the flute bit in there as well, of course

On my own relistening, I think the flue part is correct, but the clavichord on 1.33 sounds like Fn-Eb underneath the Bb. For 2.33 I think you could have the same notes again to represent the clavichord part (Bb-Fn-Eb)

• m6 and m10 LH 2.33 I think instead of Gn, Fn would be a bit more accurate to the progression of the clavichord here.
• m14 LH 2.33 Ab is restruck
• m13-14 and m17-20 I think you could add the clavichord parts to the RH, just as harmonies underneath beat 1 and beat 2 (where applicable). Separately though, is there a reason m17-20 is down an octave?
• m24 RH beat 2 the Eb sounds like it is restruck
• m26 RH beat 1 hearing Cn under the Gn
• m28 RH beat 1 is the Bb actually played? I was thinking on relistens that it was an 8th rest like how m31 begins
• m35 RH beat 1 hearing Fn under the Bb
• m36 RH beat 1 hearing Db under the Bb
• m37 RH beat 1 hearing An under the C#
• m38 RH hearing An and C# under the En
• m39 RH beat 1 hearing F# under the Bn
• m40 RH beat 1 hearing Fn under the Dn

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

• m13-14 and m17-20 I think you could add the clavichord parts to the RH, just as harmonies underneath beat 1 and beat 2 (where applicable). Separately though, is there a reason m17-20 is down an octave?

I had a little trouble with the chords in m19-20 because I had to listen to it with one ear at normal speed, but I think I've gotten at least close.

• m36 RH beat 1 hearing Db under the Bb

Just for the sake of being consistent with the LH I wrote it as a C# and changed the F to an E#.

Otherwise, I believe I made all the changes you suggested.

[Kricketune54]

I had a little trouble with the chords in m19-20 because I had to listen to it with one ear at normal speed, but I think I've gotten at least close.

These seem right to me!

Just for the sake of being consistent with the LH I wrote it as a C# and changed the F to an E#.

So given the key for this track is in F major, a Db is going to be closer on the circle of fifths than C# minor. So flats for this measure

• m1-3 I relistened to this a few times, I'm hearing the Eb is restruck once on the next 8th beat. So basically add an Eb underneath the next note after each Eb (does not apply to m4). Did you interpret that to just be reverb? I thought it was clear enough on this listen that it was an actual restrike.
• m22 and 24 just make the trills consistent in placement, I think usually centered above notehead is recommended so the one in m24 move that a little to the left.
• m32 LH I hear a Gn on beat 1 and an Fn on beat 2 in the harpsichord part that could be placed up an octave from the current bass notes
• m33-34 similar to m25-28 I think there's harpsichord harmony notes that could go under the melody.

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

So given the key for this track is in F major, a Db is going to be closer on the circle of fifths than C# minor. So flats for this measure

I had actually changed it from that because of this comment from Lat. I agreed that it made more sense to go with C# for this reason.

, although the walk down from Cb to An on the next page is kinda weird.

Just a quick response to that particular note. I'll look at the other stuff when I get a chance.

[Kricketune54]

I had actually changed it from that because of this comment from Lat. I agreed that it made more sense to go with C# for this reason.
Just a quick response to that particular note. I'll look at the other stuff when I get a chance.

Latios did say here to stick with a Db chord though, even if it was a little weird for the LH to go Cb to An. I'm interpreting as a little weird is just a little weird, not flat out wrong.

Can leave it I guess for a third opinion but I think m36 should revert to being written in Db

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

Latios did say here to stick with a Db chord though, even if it was a little weird for the LH to go Cb to An.

Looks to me more like he was saying it would make more sense to change it to C#, but wouldn't have any problems with keeping it as Db if I had chosen.

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

I think can stay as-is as a Db chord, although

"I think can stay as is, although"

Plus, there's also the context of the chord it's leading into. It makes more sense for C# to lead to A than Db to lead to A.

[Kricketune54]

Okay rereading this reply, https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=13016.msg443019#msg443019 I misinterpreted his final conclusion. But this was also before harmonies were added...