[PC] OneShot - "Niko and the World Machine" by Francesca Minasi

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: OneShot
Console: PC
Title: Niko and the World Machine
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Francesca Minasi

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Francesca]

Note: The original seems to be played on a slightly out of tune piano.

[Metamyrrh]

Hey, I love this song! Glad it's gotten a submission!

In the interest of making my comment productive, here are some things I hear a little differently than written.
m6/14 RH: You could include the faint F#?
m76 RH: I hear a fifth in beat 3
m78 RH: When I slow it down, I hear A natural (I think) without a grace note, instead of the second G# with grace note
m80 LH: I don't hear the G# in beat 3
m87-88 RH: I hear these all as sixths

[Francesca]

Thank you for your feedback.

m6/14 RH: You could include the faint F#

Don't exactly hear what you mean here?

m76 RH: I hear a fifth in beat 3

This has been updated.

m78 RH: When I slow it down, I hear A natural without a grace note

It is A natural (updated) however, even though it's really subtle, I think all of the notes in that section have that same effect that I decided to interpret with grace notes.

m80 LH: I don't hear the G# in beat 3
m87-88 RH: I hear these all as sixths

These have also been updated.

[Metamyrrh]

Don't exactly hear what you mean here?

Fair enough! Listening back again, I can't tell if it's a very faintly played note or just an overtone

[Francesca]

I can't tell if it's a very faintly played note or just an overtone

No worries, it could also just be the subtle dynamic change of the audio that makes the F# on the bass line sound a bit louder.

[Static]

Just a heads up, the console tag should be [PC] instead of [MUL]. Even though the game was ported to consoles eventually, the console tag reflects the initial release of a game. This game came out in 2016 for PC only.

You can't change it from the Edit Submission menu, so we will fix it for you soon. You don't have to resubmit anything.

[XiaoMigros]

Nice arrangement! Looking better than your first submission^^
Notes

• m13 & 45: I would tie the RH note into the next measure
• Same for m29 & 61
• The 4th system is unevenly spaced, the 16ths seem super cramped for some reason. Try clicking in the measures with the note entry tool and they should fix themselves automatically.
• m32: I would extend the previous RH chord into this measure, The ottava should end just after the RH chord, and not continue into the next measure
• m70: The RH note should fill the measure
• m78 & 79: I don't hear a grace note an octave lower for the last notes in these measures, but there might be one in the same octave.
• m80: The RH should fill the measure, if not tie into the next one
• m85: Theres an A# below the F# in the RH
• m86: The LH note should fill the measure
• m87: I hear an additional A an octave higher than the one in the LH
• m88: The B in the RH should be a C#
• m94&95: The A#s in the RH should be Ans, and the one in m95 should be an octave lower
• m96: I'm guessing the fermata is your own ending? If so, that should be written outside of the repeat, because I'm not hearing it in the loop

General

• I think this piece fits better in 6/8, because the chords change at most every 2 (current) measures.
• In general when writing for pedal, you should try to fill the durations in the measure, leaving rests can be confusing and make the performer think they should lift the pedal. Particularly the RH, but also one instance in the LH, is affected by this.
  Also, writing this in 6/8 allows the longer notes in the melody to be held for longer.
• At NSM we prefer when grace notes have slurs between them and their parent note, but this is optional
• The dynamic should be visually centered between staves, currently it's a little too high up
• A few things about ottavas:
  • Make sure to leave enough vertical distance between the ottava line and the notes/beams, you can adjust their position with the smart shape tool
  • The hook of the ottava should end just after the last note it affects, not at the end of the measure/barline
  • If it can be helped, it's best not to use 15ma where possible. I think it's still readable with only 8va (4 ledger lines is ok)
• Is there a reason you have the LH written an octave higher than the original, up until m65? It's fine in its original octave. Also, feel free to switch to treble clef where needed.
• This piece is in C# minor (assuming you're rounding down the tuning), so the keysig should have only 4 sharps (this destroys around as many accidentals as it creates, so no worries)

Formatting

• You can remove the 'OST' appendage from the subtitle
• Your page numbers and mini-titles aren't aligned, can you check over those? Also, make sure the page numbers in general follow the formatting guidelines.
  If you want, it might be fastest to copy over everything into the NSM template file (download link in the guidelines)
• Make sure that the copyright also follows the guidelines, the ordering is incorrect at the moment

[Latios212]

Just a heads up, the console tag should be [PC] instead of [MUL]. Even though the game was ported to consoles eventually, the console tag reflects the initial release of a game. This game came out in 2016 for PC only.

You can't change it from the Edit Submission menu, so we will fix it for you soon. You don't have to resubmit anything.

Got this updated for you~

[Francesca]

Notes

m13 & 45: I would tie the RH note into the next measure
Same for m29 & 61
The 4th system is unevenly spaced, the 16ths seem super cramped for some reason. Try clicking in the measures with the note entry tool and they should fix themselves automatically.
m32: I would extend the previous RH chord into this measure, The ottava should end just after the RH chord, and not continue into the next measure
m70: The RH note should fill the measure

These have all been fixed.

m78 & 79: I don't hear a grace note an octave lower for the last notes in these measures, but there might be one in the same octave

Fixed this, and also as we discussed on Discord I turned the grace notes into arpeggiated octaves.

m80: The RH should fill the measure, if not tie into the next one
m85: Theres an A# below the F# in the RH
m86: The LH note should fill the measure
m87: I hear an additional A an octave higher than the one in the LH
m88: The B in the RH should be a C#
m94&95: The A#s in the RH should be Ans, and the one in m95 should be an octave lower

These have been fixed aswell.

m96: I'm guessing the fermata is your own ending? If so, that should be written outside of the repeat, because I'm not hearing it in the loop

This has also been fixed by using 1st and 2nd voltas.
General

I think this piece fits better in 6/8, because the chords change at most every 2 (current) measures.
In general when writing for pedal, you should try to fill the durations in the measure, leaving rests can be confusing and make the performer think they should lift the pedal. Particularly the RH, but also one instance in the LH, is affected by this.
Also, writing this in 6/8 allows the longer notes in the melody to be held for longer.
At NSM we prefer when grace notes have slurs between them and their parent note, but this is optional
The dynamic should be visually centered between staves, currently it's a little too high up
A few things about ottavas:
Make sure to leave enough vertical distance between the ottava line and the notes/beams, you can adjust their position with the smart shape tool
The hook of the ottava should end just after the last note it affects, not at the end of the measure/barline
If it can be helped, it's best not to use 15ma where possible. I think it's still readable with only 8va (4 ledger lines is ok)
Is there a reason you have the LH written an octave higher than the original, up until m65? It's fine in its original octave. Also, feel free to switch to treble clef where needed.
This piece is in C# minor (assuming you're rounding down the tuning), so the keysig should have only 4 sharps (this destroys around as many accidentals as it creates, so no worries)

I fixed the time signature and the key signature, plus the ottavas.
Formatting

You can remove the 'OST' appendage from the subtitle
Your page numbers and mini-titles aren't aligned, can you check over those? Also, make sure the page numbers in general follow the formatting guidelines.
If you want, it might be fastest to copy over everything into the NSM template file (download link in the guidelines)
Make sure that the copyright also follows the guidelines, the ordering is incorrect at the moment

The formatting has been fixed aswell.

[XiaoMigros]

Thanks! I think we're almost there...

• Can you explain why you put 2 different years in the copyright? Wikipedia gives me a whole array of various release dates, these ones seem kinda arbitrary
• You have 'Composed by' and 'Arranged by' mixed up
• Generally one shouldn't use 8va bassa in treble clef, or 8va alta in bass clef. Can you write m17-32 LH just with bass clef instead?
• Some of the new arpeggio markings are a bit too long, can you either move them up slightly or make them shorter?
• For the last measure, the RH should also have a fermata, to follow the LH. Also, can you mark this as a custom ending? (I'd recommend 'Optional Ending', 14pt, bold)
• You do still have some space available at the top and bottom of page 2, it's up to you if you want to use it or not
• For m32 and m36, I wouldn't recommend tying the notes here across measures. Like that the start of the phrase is more visible.
• Tempo in 6/8 is most commonly given relative to a dotted quarter note, so if you want you can change that. If you find eighth to be a more useful indication you can also leave it as is

[Francesca]

Can you explain why you put 2 different years in the copyright? Wikipedia gives me a whole array of various release dates, these ones seem kinda arbitrary

The only instance of official copyright I could find was in the Fangamer merch, so that's the one I used. Should I use another one?

Generally one shouldn't use 8va bassa in treble clef, or 8va alta in bass clef. Can you write m17-32 LH just with bass clef instead?
Some of the new arpeggio markings are a bit too long, can you either move them up slightly or make them shorter?
For the last measure, the RH should also have a fermata, to follow the LH. Also, can you mark this as a custom ending? (I'd recommend 'Optional Ending', 14pt, bold)
For m32 and m36, I wouldn't recommend tying the notes here across measures. Like that the start of the phrase is more visible

These have been fixed.

Tempo in 6/8 is most commonly given relative to a dotted quarter note, so if you want you can change that. If you find eighth to be a more useful indication you can also leave it as is

As we discussed, I mainly used the eighth indication because of the overall slow pace of the song (and because 91/3 would equal to a periodic number) but I changed it to the dotted quarter and rounded the number to 30.

[XiaoMigros]

The only instance of official copyright I could find was in the Fangamer merch, so that's the one I used. Should I use another one?

Usually we choose the year the game was first released, which I think is what makes the most sense here too.

• The clef in m16 overlaps with the notes, clicking in the measure with the note input tool should fix it
• For the 'Optional Ending' text, I would recommend using the Expression Tool to create a custom expression and adding that to the sheet, instead of using the text tool. Like that you get nicer sizing and positioning. Also, have you experimented with putting it between staves?

[Francesca]

Usually we choose the year the game was first released, which I think is what makes the most sense here too

Got it, updated.

For the 'Optional Ending' text, I would recommend using the Expression Tool to create a custom expression and adding that to the sheet, instead of using the text tool. Like that you get nicer sizing and positioning. Also, have you experimented with putting it between staves

I have added it as a custom expression mark. Also, I tried putting it between the staves, but I'd prefer to keep it underneath if that's okay.

[XiaoMigros]

Also, I tried putting it between the staves, but I'd prefer to keep it underneath if that's okay.

Fine by me, just wanted to present it as an option

I approve