News:

Local man invests life savings into turnips. When asked whether it was a wise decision he responded, "Eh. I'm sure someone will buy them."

Main Menu

[PS1] Final Fantasy VII - "The Planet's Crisis" by Whoppybones

Started by Zeta, September 29, 2022, 06:50:31 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Final Fantasy
Game: Final Fantasy VII
Console: PlayStation
Title: The Planet's Crisis
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Whoppybones

[attachment deleted by admin]

Whoppybones

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMopN8p7MN0

And we're back! The files have been updated since the old submission was deleted, so all of Bloop's previous feedback should be taken care of. :D

Bloop

Nice! Only a few small things about the previous section:
-m26: The top layer in the L.H. here should be flipped
-m30: There should be a double barline before the key change

About the next sections (a big chunk of this is multiple different arranging suggestions):
m39-47:
-About the arranging choice: While the timpani as a pitched percussion on Eb is there in the original, the timpani usually doesn't have much of a harmonic function and more of a percussive one. I think it might sound better to remove the Eb's and add another line doubling the (now) bottom note up an octave, like this:
You cannot view this attachment.
You could even consider moving this new line to the R.H. instead, and add yet another octave below the L.H., for an even stronger sound:
You cannot view this attachment.
The Db-C-Cb-Bb line in m43-45 is a bit tricky to play with this though, it's only playable like this for the little-bit-bigger-handed people:
You cannot view this attachment.

-About the enharmonic spelling: This whole section is really just a descending tritone, so it doesn't need a new set key signature: it will just cause more naturals to appear and flats to disappear where you'd expect them. I'd write this without a key signature, and just use flats whenever there's a black note, since it's all descending towards the next note. The F#'s in the clarinet line in m46-47 should stay as F#'s though.

m45-47:
-It's not possible to hold the note in m45 and play the clarinet line in m46-47 without a middle (sostenuto) pedal. However, it's very possible most of the people looking for sheet music here on NSM don't have a sostenuto pedal on their keyboard/electric piano/upright piano, so it's best to assume the player only has a damper pedal. This will mean that all the notes of the clarinet line will be held with the pedal too. There's a few things you could consider doing: 1. If you don't dislike the sound of having the clarinet line held (I think it works better than expected), you can just add a pedal marking from m45 to the end of m47. 2. You could add an "opt. sost. pedal" marking at the chord in m45. 3. You could decide to not tie over the R.H. chord in m45, and just have the L.H. ring on.
-I count the tempo in m46 at q=130. However, it's best to add "(q=140)" after the metric modulation in m39, so the player knows how the q=130 relates to the double time. You could also instead write "Slightly slower" in m46, since that might be a bit more straightforward (you could even still add both tempo marks in brackets in m39 and 46)
-The quarter rest in m46 should be moved either one step up or down, whichever you prefer.
-The beams of the tremolo in m47 should be flipped.

-m48:
-The timpani C on beat 1 here is more like a pick-up measure in the middle of the piece, and beat 2 the "real" first beat of the bar. You could write beat 1 as a hidden 1/4 bar, and remove it from the measure numbering (like between m4 and 5 in this sheet.
-The grace notes should be sixteenths instead of 8ths: grace notes are always 16ths when there's two or more notes, and always 8ths when there's just one note.
-It's probably better to write the first and third grace note an octave lower, since playing the same note at this speed is quite hard, maybe even impossible on some heavier pianos.

Other stuff:
-m48-53: All Ab's should be written as G#'s, the whole section is in A melodic minor. All G#'s eventually lead to An's too.
-m53: There's a similar thing here as in m45-47 about the (now) G# in the L.H. that can't be held for its full duration. The sostenuto pedal won't work that well either though, because it'll hold the L.H. E and R.H. G# that are played at the same time as well.. Maybe something like this is an alternative solution?
You cannot view this attachment.
I moved the L.H. line up a few octaves so the R.H. can play it, but removed every second note so the line is less staccato (and a bit easier to play). You could still add them in though, as it's not necessarily impossible:
You cannot view this attachment.
Or, if you want a less staccato solution that accentuates every third note instead of every second (since that is where the beats are), you could also do this figure:
You cannot view this attachment.

-m54-58: I won't give detailed feedback on this yet, but as it is right now, it's definitely not going to playable, since the middle voice is way too far from either the top or bottom voice to be played with either hand. The 16th-note clarinet part isn't that much in the foreground anyways, similarly to how the strings weren't that in the foreground in the foreground in m39-44. I'd suggest re-tackling these 5 measures in a similar way to how I suggested you could tackle 39-44: more focused on a strong (probably octave doubled) sound with the dissonant chords, rather than the clarinet line. A tip for the enharmonic spelling: make sure to use sharps when you ascend chromatically towards another note.

---
That was quite a wall of text :p If you have any questions, feel free to ping me on discord about them!

Whoppybones

Discussed with Bloop via Discord. All SHOULDTM be taken care of, with the exception of the tempo change in m46. There were other changes made, but as Bloop is the only one reviewing this at the moment and knows about every single one, I don't feel a need to go over them in detail. ;D

Bloop

-m59 and 61: I hear constant B#'s in the L.H. in beat 5.5-6.5
-m60 and 62: Here I hear constant Bn's in the L.H. in beat 5.5-6.5
-m59-62: These 6/4 bars are divided into 2+2+2, so the beaming in the R.H. on beat 3-4 should be the same as beat 5-6. Also, the key change at the end of m62 should once again have a double barline.
-m65: The C on beat 2.5 should be a D.
-m66: Maybe you could add a C# under the R.H. as a whole note? It's there in the strings in the original, and fills a harmonic empty spot.
-m69: The G# from the previous bar should be tied over to this note, and the C# isn't here anymore (there are 3 string voices in the R.H. in m67-69: one stays on the C#, one goes A-G#-G#, and the lowest goes C#-C#-F#)
-m75: The low D in the R.H. isn't playable without rolling the chord here, you could either move it up an octave or accept that there will be some chord-rolling :p
-m76-77: It might depend a bit on the piano this piece is played on, but I think it's fine to extend the pedal line to the end of m76 here.
-m79-81: I think I hear this chord here:
You cannot view this attachment.
I feel like there should be more, but I can't make out any more voices :p You can add a pedal line in these 3 measures too, since the strings also seem to blend into each other.

-m82-91: I'm also a bit skeptical about 3+3+2 8/8 time signatures, because more often than not they sound like 4/4 to me. Currently it's also beamed like 4/4, there's a bass drum that accentuates beat 3 of 4/4 too, which corresponds with the melody D on beat 3 in m86. If you change it to 4/4, you should change the tempo marking too (I'd say q=80) Aside from that, maybe you could add an octave above the L.H.? The bass is played by brass and strings in the original, so doubling it an octave gives it some more punch. Most of these edits and the other coming ones apply in m118-124 too.
-m83: I think enharmonical spelling here might look a bit better like this (there were also a few wrong notes at the end of the R.H.)
You cannot view this attachment.
-m85: For this measure I'd suggest removing the held C# from the previous bar, as it will be very hard to play the 32nd run with it, and moving the focus from the 3nd run to the accentuated sixteenth triplets:
You cannot view this attachment.
-m86, 88, 90: It might look a bit better to write the Cb/Bb dyad as a Bn-Bb like this:
You cannot view this attachment.
It will require some note and accidental moving though, as Finale doesn't do this by default.
-m87, 89 and 91: I'd suggest removing the held C# from the previous bar here too, for the same kind of reasons as in m85. The grace notes should be 16ths, the slur should be connected to the D as well, and there's a B# between the B and C# too. In m87 and m91, it'll be hard to play the first layer 3 dyad in the R.H., and having the L.H. play it in the second half of the bar will mean using the pedal to hold the bass note, which is probably not preferred with something as chromatic as this. I'd suggest removing the bottom voice of that layer and having the R.H. play all of it.

-m92-95: There should be a tempo change here (I'm counting something like q=88). The key change from m95 should be here too (with a double barline again). I think enharmonically it's better to write the chord as B-D#-E#, because that way the intervals are clearer (no augmented thirds or augmented seconds). Lastly, I think I'd suggest adding a pedal marking and re-striking the chord every half note, instead of tying everything over, so the crescendo can be conveyed that way.
-m101-105: I think it's better to enharmonically write this part like this:
You cannot view this attachment.
The G#7 in m101 works as a secondary dominant to C#m in m102, and the C#m raises up to Dm in m106 via the secondary dominant A in m105.
-m111 beat 1-2, m112 beat 3-4: I think you can add a "L.H." marking in the second layer here, since the R.H. can't play both at the same time, but the L.H. has time to jump up and down again.
-m115: The staccato dots on beat 1.5 and 3.5 in the R.H. should be above the note.
-m116-17: Maybe you could move the staccato 8ths in the R.H. an octave down to the L.H.: there's a (not pizzicato) string line playing those same notes down an octave too.

-m121: You can write the Db and Gb in the second and fifth 32nd as a C# and F#, as those are in the key signature already. In beat 2.5 I think you can switch to the triplet voice since that is more in the foreground, and add back the B-C# from the strings on beat 4:
You cannot view this attachment.
-m125: I think it's better to write the L.H. either as an (also octave doubled) half note instead, or an octave tremolo in triplets (you could also make them two sextuplets instead of four triplets actually). On beat 3, the L.H. can be octave doubled too, and the chord should be enharmonically spelled as an Eb7#11 (so, from bottom to top, L.H. Eb Eb R.H. Gn Db Eb An)

Whoppybones


Whoppybones

Significantly more changes have been made as Bloop was kind enough to continue providing feedback via Discord. We've now gone over everything (unless there's a hidden section I don't know about, lol), so the sheet should be at least playable now should anyone desire to attempt it. Thanks again, Bloop! ;D

Bloop


XiaoMigros

Spoiler
You cannot view this attachment.
[close]

I don't really know much context for what's going on here (old sub deleted + discord) so I'll just point out what stands out to me:
  • m7 b4.5 LH: I hear Bb here, not A. Would it be better to combine the 8th+16th rests into a single dotted eighth rest?
  • m15 b1: I hear an An below the Bb in the RH
  • Dashed line between m26 and m27?
  • m36: Maybe you could put the harp part in a separate layer to show it's a continuation of the previous part?
  • m39-45: I hear the voice that's a 9th lower than the highest one throughout this whole section
  • m45-48: I hear this whole section in the same tempo of q=131 (though syncing it worked better with q=130, maybe that's closer)
  • m46: You can hide the brackets for the tuplet at beat 3
  • m47: What I've seen more often on site is for the tremolo to leave no gap between the stems of half notes, but either way is fine
  • m47.5: I think there's 4 grace notes here before the main note here, which would allow you to end on the more impactful lower C. Even if you don't include the 4th grace note I'd still recommend ending on it.
  • m66-67: If you want you could include the timpani here? It plays A on beat 4 and F# on beat 5
  • m75: The first C in the RH can go in the lower voice. I also don't hear an A here, only in the LH
  • m78: I also think the timpani plays Bb again here, but I'm not sure. Context aside it sounds like it would lead into Eb
  • m79: I don't hear an An in this chord, but I do hear an Fb3
  • m81: The timpani again plays Bb
  • m83: The last note in the triplets sounds like a 16th not an 8th
  • m85: I think you could include more of the harmony between beats 2.5 and 3.5
  • m87: Same comment as earlier about the triplet 8ths
  • m87, 89 & 91: I think the grace notes would be better before the barline
  • m118: Oh, this again... same comments as earlier
  • m126: I'm not a fan of using common time over 4/4, especially since you've already used 4/4 elsewhere in the sheet
  • m130-133: I think you can add in the previous RH part here, in a different voice
  • m134-149: I don't hear a 5th above the lowest LH note anywhere in this section
  • m151/155: I do hear a Bn at beat 4.5, but I think it belongs to the lower voice and the higher one play an En
  • m166-167: You can hide the tuplet brackets here in all cases except the last

Bloop

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 12:55:02 AM
  • m7 b4.5 LH: I hear Bb here, not A. Would it be better to combine the 8th+16th rests into a single dotted eighth rest?
Fixed the Bb! I remember suggesting the dotted 8th rest myself too, but Whoppy hadn't changed that, so I figured he preferred leaving it like this.

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 12:55:02 AM
  • m39-45: I hear the voice that's a 9th lower than the highest one throughout this whole section
Ah yeah, it took me some time to hear where it was. I added in a second above the top note though, because some chords become hard to play because of stretchyness or because of the speed at which the hand has to move (changed 43-45 accordingly, because the lower 9ths were there already)

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 12:55:02 AM
  • m45-48: I hear this whole section in the same tempo of q=131 (though syncing it worked better with q=130, maybe that's closer)
I think it might be like between 130 and 131 in the section afterwards too, but I'll go with 131 for consistency.

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 12:55:02 AM
  • m79: I don't hear an An in this chord, but I do hear an Fb3
No idea where we got that high An from haha, though I do still hear the lower one. I don't hear that Fb3 you mentioned though.

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 12:55:02 AM
  • m85: I think you could include more of the harmony between beats 2.5 and 3.5
I added a little bit, but I didn't want to overdo it: the R.H. has enough to do with that 32nd run before, so I think it's best to give the player some time to rest.

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 12:55:02 AM
  • m126: I'm not a fan of using common time over 4/4, especially since you've already used 4/4 elsewhere in the sheet
Must've been a weird copy-over thing from editing this section after the previous one, because the previous section is literally in 4/4 haha

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 12:55:02 AM
  • m130-133: I think you can add in the previous RH part here, in a different voice
Now that I look at this part again, I'm actually thinking about if I want to change the L.H. in m126-133 in general, because the L.H. is pretty annoying to play.
After a bit of editing I decided to go with the version currently in the sheet, I included the R.H. part you mentioned in 130-133 and simplified the L.H., as well as moving a voice from the L.H. to the R.H. in 126-129


Phew, that took some time, haha. Everything not commented on should be fixed and files are updated!

XiaoMigros

Quote from: Bloop on March 26, 2023, 01:36:48 PMNo idea where we got that high An from haha, though I do still hear the lower one. I don't hear that Fb3 you mentioned though.
Ah yeah I forgot to specify, the lower one definitely is there. The Fb3 is panned pretty far right iirc, close to the Gb

Quote from: Bloop on March 26, 2023, 01:36:48 PMI added a little bit, but I didn't want to overdo it
What you did looks great, I agree anything more would be unrealistic

Quote from: Bloop on March 26, 2023, 01:36:48 PMPhew, that took some time
I can imagine, looking through this was already so much fun!!

The changes all look good!
I'll get to the non-note correcting stuff later on, it would have been a bit much to do all at once lmao

XiaoMigros

And here it is:
  • m30 doesn't sound any louder to me than the preceding section, so I'm not sure that change is necessary
  • m36 would make more sense as p then
  • I don't think using fff in m54 is the best idea, I would opt for ff, and then change to regular f in m58 (m58 and 59 sound the same volume)
  • The hairpins on page 5 should be adjusted so they don't collide with the barlines
  • m79 doesn't sound ff, maybe changing to mp or mf&dim would work
  • m92: The hairpin should be vertically centered around the dynamic
  • m110: I feel like you're missing a change here

Bloop

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 26, 2023, 01:59:11 PMThe Fb3 is panned pretty far right iirc, close to the Gb
I still don't really hear it ;p The only things I hear right panned are the Eb and Gb I already have. Maybe it's there pretty subtly or just an overtone/resting tone of something? It sounds very jarring to add it in (as in, even more jarring than the chord already is :p), so I think I would notice it if it were there that prominently.

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 31, 2023, 06:55:56 AM
  • m79 doesn't sound ff, maybe changing to mp or mf&dim would work
I'd prefer keeping m79 at at least forte, as the sudden dissonant hit doesn't sound like a mf or mp thing to do. I did add a mp marking to the string entrance at m80 though.

Fixed the other things!

XiaoMigros

Quote from: Bloop on April 02, 2023, 07:18:57 AMI still don't really hear it ;p The only things I hear right panned are the Eb and Gb I already have. Maybe it's there pretty subtly or just an overtone/resting tone of something? It sounds very jarring to add it in (as in, even more jarring than the chord already is :p), so I think I would notice it if it were there that prominently.
Fair enough, I still hear it but it might just be me mishearing things

Quote from: Bloop on April 02, 2023, 07:18:57 AMI'd prefer keeping m79 at at least forte, as the sudden dissonant hit doesn't sound like a mf or mp thing to do. I did add a mp marking to the string entrance at m80 though.
I can't count, I meant m80 :D
If you think m79 would be better off as ff then changing it back to that would be cool

Bloop