[MUL] The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - "Cargo Game" by Whoppybones

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: The Legend of Zelda
Game: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Cargo Game
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Whoppybones

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[Whoppybones]

I had no clue this song existed until Latios questioned my replacement. But, since I was already done with the other one which is similar to this one, I figured I'm halfway there on this one, may as well just do both. Here ya go!

[Whoppybones]

In attempting to play this yesterday, I noticed that I forgot to add the parentheses in around a couple of notes. Those are now in (and nothing else is changed)

[Bloop]

-The tempo mark is a bit close to the first system, I'd place it more up and to the right.
-m1: Maybe you could add a grace note Eb before this D, to imitate the nasty airhorn attack?
-m2: The 8ths on beat 2-2,5 should be legato, not staccato.
-m20-21: I think I hear octaves above the L.H. here.
-m22, 26, 30 and 34: the staccatos on beats 1-2 should be above the note, since there's not second layer in these 2 beats.
-m23 and 31: Since it's not really feasible to hold the top layer B for three beats, you could just write it as a quarter note too I think. If you really wanna keep the dotted half though, I'd switch the placement of the first and second layer notes, so the dotted half is to the right of the 8th. Currently the dot is clashing with the 8th note.
-m25 and 33: The staccato in the R.H. on beat 3 should be above the note. The octave A in beat 1 in the L.H. should only be a half note. Also, the L.H. note on beat 2 isn't playable while holding this octave A. I'd personally write something like this:
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I removed the lower octave A so it won't be misheard as the root of the chord.
-m27 and 35: I think here it'd be better to remove the lower layer, since it's clashing a lot with the melody line.
-m36-37: I don't hear these chords in the second layer, but I hear this in the guitar:
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-As with Falbi's House, Mahito Yokota is credited as composer for Twilight Princess sheets too according to vgmdb.

[Whoppybones]

Tempo mark: Interesting. I attempted to fix it, so let me know if it's better?
m1: Funny, I debated doing this when I first arranged it but then decided not to. Seeing as you also think it should be, however, I have gone and added it in.
m2: You right.
m20-21: If you listen close enough, there's an octave above all the notes from m5b4-m21b3. However, that's hard to play for the entire time, so I left them out of all measures for consistency. Let me know if you think I should add them in to m20/21 anyways.
m22 et al: Taken care of.
m23/31: Changed to a quarter
m25/33: All three points taken care of.
m27/35: While I see what you're saying, there is a sudden drop in momentum that occurs when I drop that layer out. As such, I'd prefer to leave the lower layer in.
m36/37: I tried to hear it as you wrote it, and I couldn't. I hear nothing on beat 2 and I hear a G on beats 2.5 and 3. While I don't hear a G on beats 4 or 1, dropping the chords out entirely leads to the final note (m37 b1-3) being VERY bland. I have left it as I had it before for now, but if you come up with any ideas to change that up while not making it resolve poorly, let me know and I'll gladly consider incorporating them.
Composer: As with Falbi's House, I left them as is.

Thanks again for your feedback, Bloop! It's always a nice feeling when you pop on forum and see your sheet has feedback!

[Bloop]

Tempo mark: Interesting. I attempted to fix it, so let me know if it's better?

I don't remember how it was before anymore haha, it still feels a bit close but not as badly. Maybe it's because of the grace note and the accent that I'd like to have it up a little bit.

m20-21: If you listen close enough, there's an octave above all the notes from m5b4-m21b3. However, that's hard to play for the entire time, so I left them out of all measures for consistency. Let me know if you think I should add them in to m20/21 anyways.

That's true yeah, though the ones in m20-21 sound a bit louder to me I think. Maybe you could then still add them for the extra punch ^^

m23/31: Changed to a quarter

m31 is still a dotted half though ^^

m25/33: All three points taken care of.

The way you've done it works too, technically, but it feels just a bit unnatural to play (i need to use the 3rd finger to hold the A, have the 5th play the bass note on beat 1, and the 1st and 2nd play the dyad on beat 2). If you prefer it over anything else though, I'm okay with it ^^

m27/35: While I see what you're saying, there is a sudden drop in momentum that occurs when I drop that layer out. As such, I'd prefer to leave the lower layer in.

I don't know if keeping the momentum is really worth covering the melody behind some dissonant seconds, though. Maybe another option is to leave out the guitar in general in m26-27 and write out the harmony voice that gets added to the melody (a third above)?

m36/37: I tried to hear it as you wrote it, and I couldn't. I hear nothing on beat 2 and I hear a G on beats 2.5 and 3. While I don't hear a G on beats 4 or 1, dropping the chords out entirely leads to the final note (m37 b1-3) being VERY bland. I have left it as I had it before for now, but if you come up with any ideas to change that up while not making it resolve poorly, let me know and I'll gladly consider incorporating them.

The guitar voice is panned completely to the right, could that be why you didn't hear it? I really don't hear those G's though, and the first note in m37 seems like it's orchestrated pretty much the same as m36 beat 1 (except with the guitar that's also playing a C).

[Whoppybones]

 - Tempo mark should be fixed
 - m20/21 I read your previous comment on these measures as RH before. LH octave has been added in.
 - m31 Whoops. Should be fixed
 - m25/33 Moved the top note down an octave to make it more playable.
 - m27/35 I actually really like the suggestion to add in the upper harmonies. It has been done.
 - m36/37 Mono audio for the win! After a mention of earbuds making it clear over Discord and then me not noticing a difference when I tried it, I noticed I had mono audio on. Much more comfortable for the ears, much less helpful for arranging. Has been adjusted to what you mentioned before. I'll have to keep that in mind when reviewing too... 

Thanks again for the feedback and patience with me! I think I got it done right this time!

[Bloop]

The staccatos in m27 and 35 on beat 4 in the R.H. should be above the note (like in beat 1), and I don't think the guitar voice in m36 necessarily needs staccatos, but aside from those two tiny things I'll approve!
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[Whoppybones]

Both should be fixed! Thanks (once again) for the feedback!

[Maelstrom]

is m26 not supposed to have a staccato on b2?

[Latios212]

Before I forget, the measure distribution for both this and your other submission seems rather arbitrary with four to six measures to a system and extra white space on the last page. Give this some thought and let me know if you want some help playing around with it due to Notepad limitations.

[Whoppybones]

To Mael: It's supposed to. I pushed delete a couple times instead of backspace when trying to get placements correct and I thought I'd caught them all. Apparently not. I also changed the LH of m34 to be the same as m26 because apparently I forgot to do that too. 

To Lat: I'll definitely take some help on that. Can't say I was too happy with the spacing, but I also had no clue how to do it better. Thanks for being willing to help me.

[Latios212]

To Lat: I'll definitely take some help on that. Can't say I was too happy with the spacing, but I also had no clue how to do it better. Thanks for being willing to help me.

Sounds good we discussed a bit over Discord and the layout's been updated. Also did the following things:
- Updated composer information (Ota > Ohta, & symbol, two lines)
- Added a slur to the grace note at the beginning
- Aligned dynamics
- Re-superimposed noteheads in m. 23/31 beat 1
- Flipped the staccatos in m. 25/33 LH as normal since layer 2 doesn't interfere

I updated the files to not worry about Notepad~

[Maelstrom]

Thanks for the help, lat

fantastic

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom.

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