[DELETED] [PS2] Final Fantasy XI - "Battle Theme" by Fantastic Ike

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Final Fantasy
Game: Final Fantasy XI
Console: PlayStation 2
Title: Battle Theme
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Fantastic Ike

[Fantastic Ike]

In the process of cleaning up and submitting my old old sheets

[Whoppybones]

This is an intriguing song. Never heard it before, but it does feel like it would inspire the troops onwards.

The following is my feedback, and apologies for it being slightly out of order. Wasn't sure what the best way to organize these was.
 - You're missing a space between the copyright symbol and the year.
 - m6, m14, m30 LH The Gs should be G#s.
 - m11-12 There's some significant crossover here between the right and left hands, making this confusing to play and muddy when heard. I don't know what the best way to solve this would be, but one thing you could try is removing some of the LH harmonies and then moving the melody down to that staff while the right hand plays some harmonies that are a bit higher. I'd say just tinker around here and find what you thinks works best.
 - m27-28 Same as above, though here you could just chose to drop the lower octave and that should clean it right up.
 - m12, m20, m28, m36 RH Beat 3 is not clearly visible. The quarter note in the RH should be split into two tied eighths.
 - m24 LH I'm hearing more F#s in here. Might be other notes I'm not hearing as well.
 - m32 b2 You could turn the two 8th rests into a quarter rest.
 - m38 b4.5 Starting here, the notes in the RH should be an octave lower.
 - m37-40 LH I can't hear these chords clearly, but I definitely hear the tonics as D, F#, E, and E. I also am not certain I hear the movement that you put on the harmonies in the chords with base E, but I also can't hear it super well. 
 - m55 LH A courtesy accidental would be nice here.
 - m59 LH Another courtesy accidental would be appreciated.
 - m59-60 RH I hear the upper Fs as As
 - m62 b1.5 I hear a Cn as opposed to a Bb
 - m65-66 I think the LH restrikes every eighth
 - m67 RH I think I hear a D instead of an En as the bottom note of the chord.
 - m65-69 RH I don't hear the G at all here (but maybe I just can't tune in to the right sound channel?
 - m69-70 RH Same as above, I don't hear an Eb but I do hear a D. I also don't hear the A, but that might be in the same sound channel as the Gs prior.
 - m72 RH I don't hear the A, but I think the lower D gets restruck.
 - For measures 65-72, I feel like you could include more of the arpeggios as the RH isn't doing much else there. You'd have to play around with it a bit, but it would help that section feel less empty than it currently does.

This piece is really impressive and I must say congrats on arranging it! Must've taken quite a bit of time, and I look forwards to when this gets on site!

[Fantastic Ike]

Thanks for the detailed feedback! Really appreciate it, though it looks like I've got a lot of work ahead of me. I think that should be most of everything you said fixed

[Fantastic Ike]

Updated files again because I'm a dummy who missed some changes the first time around

[Whoppybones]

 - m3-8 I hear the B below middle C played throughout these measures. m3 and m5-7 I think it plays on almost every note (I don't hear it on b1.5 or 1.75 but I do hear it on all the others), and m4 and m8 it plays on b1.5. Technically speaking, I believe this pattern continues throughout the whole section, but I support leaving it out of everything after these measures to prevent overclutter.
 - m8 I hear an upper voice like the one in m4: B on 1.5, Cn on 2.5, 3.5, and 4. I also hear a Cn an octave up in the RH on b4 (I'd just adjust the one in the RH and add a new one to the LH.
 - m19 b3.5-4/5 I do believe these 8th notes aren't staccato.
 - m21-23 RH These are the chords you're working with.

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The bottom note is definitely restruck each time, and it's up to you if you include the other two (cuz I can't hear well enough to know if the notes are/aren't there, lol), but I'd suggest making them consistent (so if you only do the top and bottom note in one measure, do the same in the other two).

I think that's everything I got for ya! I look forward to playing the completed version!

[Fantastic Ike]

Think it's all fixed now, thanks!

[Maelstrom]

some thoughts
-The note beaming is inconsistent. Sometimes you don't group sets of 3 (m4) while other times you do (m8). Up to you whether sets of 3s includes beaming over rests like m1 and elsewhere.
-Feel free to lower rests when they're not in the way of the 2nd layer (e.g. m11)
-honestly was pleasantly surprised that the overlap in m6-m7 is actually really playable and nice. cool job with that
wonder if you'd like to work the melody into the LH in m8. Just a fun idea free of charge:

-I feel like there's a few too many notes in the 2nd half of m12. The original sounds like a sharp, strong phrase and the harmonies here are clouding the main notes. Maybe take off the top harmonies in RH to clear that up a bit?
-Personally not a big fan of starting a quarter note on beat 2.5, especially in a song as syncopated as this (m20 and m36)
-Rh slurs in m20/36 between beats 2.5 and 3.5 in RH?
-Backing strings feel meatier in m36 RH than you have, would recommend a C# between the two notes you've got on b1.
-m43b1 RH - Just this note is a Eb, same in m55. The rest are a Cn for some reason....
-m37-40 bassline is wrong. I'm hearing the root note go, measure by measure, from D to G to C# to F#. Since the octaves don't follow the bass here, it doesn't sound quite right. This would also allow you to add an F# to m41b3 RH to fill it out and then it ends up sounding really nice.
-Not sure what to do with m20 bassline ending. It sounds muddy no matter what I tried and won't sound quite like the original. Possibly make the last 3 notes E -> A+G -> E? It emphasizes the correct beat sorta.
-I don't think the unemphasized LH notes in m21-23 are right, and certainly not in the last measure where the rhythm and direction seems to mix it up.
-I think your LH simplifactions in m24 are fine, but something to emphasize the beats might be cool. Not 100% required given how loud the RH is.
-Too many parallel 3rds/4ths in m28 b4-4.5 make it sound odd and unlike the original. Might I suggest:

(the Gn is pulled from some instrument only hitting on that beat in the background)
-Would recommend making m32 LH b4 a staccato
-Would really like you to bring in the lowest bass into m49-64 LH somehow, either by pedal or black magic. Right now it lacks weight and impact without the lower notes grounding it. I don't think including some pedal would harm this section too much, personally.

Wew, ok that was a lot. Feel free to disagree with anything, and I'll give this another go through once these are fixed.

[Fantastic Ike]

Still looks like I got a long way to go.

I feel like there's a few too many notes in the 2nd half of m12. The original sounds like a sharp, strong phrase and the harmonies here are clouding the main notes. Maybe take off the top harmonies in RH to clear that up a bit?

Would doubling in octaves help?

-Rh slurs in m20/36 between beats 2.5 and 3.5 in RH?

Should I keep the staccato on the last slurred note?

m37-40 bassline is wrong. I'm hearing the root note go, measure by measure, from D to G to C# to F#. Since the octaves don't follow the bass here, it doesn't sound quite right. This would also allow you to add an F# to m41b3 RH to fill it out and then it ends up sounding really nice.

Not sure how to voice m39 but fairly confident about the bass on the other measures now

I don't think the unemphasized LH notes in m21-23 are right, and certainly not in the last measure where the rhythm and direction seems to mix it up.

I've had trouble with this section since I started arranging this five years ago, hopefully now it's closer lol

Would really like you to bring in the lowest bass into m49-64 LH somehow, either by pedal or black magic. Right now it lacks weight and impact without the lower notes grounding it. I don't think including some pedal would harm this section too much, personally.

Gave that a shot, dunno how to notate some of the bigger leaps.

Anyway think that should be all the changes you suggested, thanks for looking this over

[Maelstrom]

spent too long trying to make this good, but how's this look?

what I did - 2nd layer in m11 doesn't change now, because it was giving the impression that the bassline moves down there, when it doesn't.
Simplified the 2nd half and then added in the notes I heard. How's this sound?I tried to keep notes a ways apart to avoid giving the feeling of parallel clusters or the weird feel of those parallel 3rds/ I think the key was that it's not actually parallel notes in even intervals.

Should I keep the staccato on the last slurred note?

yup


Some more stuff:
-Take another listen to m13-16 LH. I'm not hearing perfectly repeated 16th notes and it sounds like there's on-beat bassline notes on b4 of each measure. Same for m29-32
-M16 b4 - would recommend staccato in both hands, and a C#-E 3rd in Rh. There's a fun C#dim chord here that would be cool to incorperate and this might be the easiest way. Could be in the LH instead, but it sounds weird without the E on top. Same in m32.
-ok m21-23 LH notes. B1-2 are tricky since it's all slightly off of 4/4, but 2 8ths instead of 16ths+restrike would be cleaner. I hear m22 with m21's rhythm. B1.5-2 is G#->A#->G# and b3-end is just G#s and A#s as 8ths. m23 is the same as m22 but with A#s and B#s instead.
-m37-41 - I'm not quite sure what you have going on here. I can't seem to hear the top notes in each chord in the original, and the repeated string you seem to have the rhythm from isn't replicated in the voices, since it's a C# in m37 and a E# in m39. Might I suggest having 2 layers here, one with the full rhythm of that string line that matches the rest of the song and lower bass hits for when the notes are emphasized by the rest of the instruments?
-I'm not quite sure what's going on with your ped markings... Right now they currently imply you should keep the pedal depressed from m45 to m64 and I don't think that's what you want. You can just write "con pedale" and hide the markings if you want. Just make sure to end with a "senza pedale"
-Final arpeggio section - try tying some of your bass notes to the next measure for clarity when possible since m51-52 looks weird (but you obviously can't do this in m53). As for notation, you can just write a roll mark in m51/59 and the rest seems fine.

I think that's most of what I've got.

[Fantastic Ike]

Did my best with implementing your suggested changes. My ear still isn't the best and I've listened to this piece so many times it's broken my brain, so I can't promise 100% accuracy. Still unsure on some of the tricky sections like m37-40, but tried to follow along with what you're saying. I don't want to necessarily be handheld through this entire arranging process, but at this point I'm not sure how close I'll be able to get this with just my ear alone.

Apologies for the inconvenience, and I appreciate your help and patience.

[Static]

I was waiting for someone to submit something from XI. Very nice work

• Nitpicky I know but the original PS2 launch was still developed/published by Square, this was right before the merger. For reference, X-2 was the last Square-only title.
  With that said, leaving it as Square Enix is acceptable too. I just prefer to use the original info
• Marcato markings should always be above the staff, unless there's multiple layers in which case they go on the stem side.
• Dynamics should be aligned with the center of the note.
• Keychanges should always have double barlines.
• m13-16, 29-32 LH beat 1.5: Even if those 16ths aren't necessarily in the strings/brass parts as Maelstrom pointed out, I would still recommend including them because the snare drum is still playing that rhythm. I think it adds a lot of extra energy and forward motion to the piece. Also, is there a reason why m15/31 LH beat 1.75 is tied? Not sure I'm hearing that part in the original.
• m7 RH: There's a D here between the C# and F#.
• m38-40 LH beat 2.5: You can combine the rests here too like you did in m37, but I think it would look better (in m37 as well) if they were all just in the middle of the staff, the default position.
• m37-40: There are several chord tones missing here that give this progression a lot of richness. I'll leave the exact placement in the RH or LH up to you, so I'll just tell you the notes I'm hearing:
  
  • m37: Dmaj9; you're missing an E.
  • m39: C#m9; you're missing a B.
  • m40 beat 1: F#sus9; you're missing a G#
    
  • m40 beat 3: F#9; you're missing G# and A#; the B in the LH should be C#.
• m41-72: This entire section would look cleaner if you hid all the half rests and flipped surrounding notes to their default positions if needed. Showing rests in layers is useful if the rhythms are more complicated, but the constant 8th notes here means readers are unlikely to get confused, at least in my opinion.

[Fantastic Ike]

Updated, looking a bit cleaner now. Tried adding the notes @ 37-40 without making it seem too cluttered in the bass, but now m39 seems a bit bare in the LH. Should I add a top note (probably F#) to make the texture more similar to the other measures?

[Static]

Updated, looking a bit cleaner now. Tried adding the notes @ 37-40 without making it seem too cluttered in the bass, but now m39 seems a bit bare in the LH. Should I add a top note (probably F#) to make the texture more similar to the other measures?

I actually think spacing apart the LH intervals makes this sound fuller. One thing that helps out with texture is to consider range. For example, if you space out lower notes (octaves/4ths/5ths), and use closer intervals in the mid-high register, chords generally sound more "full," though of course sometimes you might not want that. In your sheet I think m37 and 40 LH sound a bit muddy, but it's also fine if you want to leave it.
Basically, anything you choose to do will probably be fine there lol

Last comment is about marcato placement; all of your marcatos should be centered over the note, and right now they're all offset to the left. You can fix it easily by highlighting all the articulations (select Articulation tool, then ctrl+A/cmd+A, then backspace - this will only work for the articulations visible on your screen so you'll have to scroll over to get the rest).

Also the marcatos in m21-23 should be flipped

[Fantastic Ike]

Okay, I think this is best that m37-40 has sounded so far. Fixed articulations too, probably an export issue from Musescore