[DELETED] [PC] Umineko When They Cry Chiru - "Ruriair" by SammrGuy03

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Umineko When They Cry Chiru
Console: PC
Title: Ruriair
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: SammrGuy03

[SammrGuy03]

[XiaoMigros]

A few things I found:

• for m1-8, I think you should try to incorporate the build-up of suspension, either through varying dynamics or by incorporating some of the percussion in the left hand (you use ossias later on, so you could here too, though adding a crescendo would be an easier option).
• This is definitely not in the right meter, I'm hearing this as 4/4 with a bpm of 140. There is a distinct Four on the Floor beat that kicks in at m9, for example. MuseScore and Finale can both change this easily, if you're working with MuseScore you can do Ctrl+A and then Ctrl+Shift+W to double all the note values.
• m11 and similar: I don't think it's the best idea to have the ossia play at the same pitch as the above staff, if anything I'd move it down/up an octave. I also hear beat 4 for it differently than the other beats, I think it should be 16th rest/16th note/16th rest/16th note.
  In general, I'm not sure if using an ossia here is the best decision, but I think it could work so I'll wait and see what you do with it
• m13-14 RH: I'd write the E in a separate layer, as two whole notes tied to each other.
• m15 and similar: the G# in the rh should be written as two 32nd notes tied to each other (or two 16th notes once you double all note lengths).
• m23-26: The chords intended to be played by the LH should be written in the lower staff, perhaps you could use cross-staff notation but I feel that would complicate things.
• m27-28 and m45-46: I think you should show more rests in the 2nd layer here, also m27/45 b3.25 the noteheads should coincide here like they do in m28/46. m28/46 b4 is quite a stretch to play, if possible this should be changed.
• m29-30: Again the lower layer should be written in the lower staff, or is there something I'm missing? You've written that part in the lower staff after that..
• m37 b3 and similar: This 3-3-2 rhythmic figure should be written as 3 - 1 tied to 2 - 2.
• m47-50: Same comment concerning the lower layer. Its last note, m50 b4, needs a fermata like the upper layer. Consider adding an additional measure at the end, and tie the fermata-ed notes to whole notes, which would then have the fermata instead. I think this would look a bit cleaner, as having an end fermata on a 16th note is a little weird to me.
• There's also the usual placement/page layout/spacing stuff, but there's no point going into detail about that yet.

[Static]

Wanted to give you a quick poke - will you be around to make changes to this submission? You deleted your earlier subs after you made changes, so I want to make sure.

[SammrGuy03]

I'll be editing this and Fall, life got hectic with finals and I never got back to editing these submissions.

I made the edits suggested by Xiao and edited the pdf and musx files: (measures refer to current draft, after doubling note durations)

• m1-16: added dim. and cresc
• Changed TS and doubled note durations
• m22-44 wrote ossia into layer 2 of LH
• m25-28 RH sorted itself out after doubling the note durations
• m29-44 g# doesn't obscure beat 4 anymore
• m45-52 moved layer 2 in the upper staff to the lower staff
• m53-56 and 89-92 noteheads overlap now, all rests in RH layer 2 shown and final half note in rh layer 2 spans an octave instead of a tenth
• the sections immediately following have the lh parts in lower staff
• m74 etc. beat 2 is shown
• fermata added to last notes

[Static]

All good! Here's some more feedback:

• You changed the tempo marking but not the time signature. It should be c or 4/4 (not ¢)
• m1 LH should look like m9 LH (the Es on beats 3/4 should be G# and F#).
• m1-16 RH: All these chords are missing a third note. Try listening again, but if you need help on picking out the notes let me know.
• m16 LH: The downbeats are different here compared to m8. It sounds like B# for all four downbeats.
• m17: The p should be in the center, between the staves. There is no other part in the RH here, and when there is at m21, you don't have an additional dynamic there either. Both hands sound p all the way through to m29.
• That rhythm in m17+ LH should not be beamed across beats 1-2 and 3-4
• m21+: What you wrote is not an ossia, it's just an additional layer. If a performer read this, they would play both layers. This (m67) is an ossia - an alternative part rather than an additional one. With that said, I think the best thing to do here is combine both layers into one single, easier-to-play-at-140-bpm-with-one-hand layer:
  
  This is a very similar idea to what you did later on in m73-88, just with different rhythms. I would also recommend moving it up an octave (like in the screenshot above), so that the rhythm will sound clearer. In the very low register, dense rhythms can get lost in the overwhelming timbre.
• m21-28 RH: Since there are only two layers here of whole notes, the top layer ties should always bend upwards, while the bottom should always bend downwards. m21-24 should look like m25-28.
• m21-26 RH sounds like it's C#-G# the whole time. I don't hear an E there at all. m27-28 RH sounds like C#-E# (not En) to me.
• m29-44 RH: Why p here? This part sounds as loud as the LH stuff in the original track.
• m34-44 RH: You have beats 1-2 beamed for some reason, but it shouldn't be. It should look like m29-33.
• m45/47/49/51 RH beat 4: In the harpsichord part, this E is actually another G#, but an octave lower than the one on beat 3.
• m45-52 LH: Again, all these chords have 3 notes instead of 2, and the chords actually change every measure. m45 and 46 are not the same chord in the original track. If you need help, let me know and I can work with you on these.
• m53-56 RH: Unless you intend on the player using the pedal here, this will be played pretty choppily by a performer because of the jumps required to play those chords with the melody. In the original, the melody is played quite smoothly/legato. If you don't want the pedal used, I suggest removing the chord hits on the offbeats (beats 1.5 and 2.5 here).
• m53-56 LH: Like before, I'd suggest using a single layer that includes these rhythms for ease of playing. Repeated 16ths at this tempo are no joke, so I wouldn't recommend repeating them over and over. m17-20 is fine since that's the only thing going on there, so both hands can play it, but elsewhere I'd do something like in that screenshot I posted.
• The above two points also apply to m89-92.
• m57-72: These chords also have 3 notes most of the time (also applies to m93-101). When the RH gets lower starting in m61, I would also move the LH down so the hands don't overlap so much. Those chords aren't gonna be held for long when the RH is playing the same notes on top of it. Don't just transpose the chords down an octave, I would reorchestrate that section a bit (maybe only include 2 notes instead of 3 to compensate for the lower range, swap the voicings, etc.)
• m73-88: Watch your beaming here. It should be beamed like standard 4/4, with each quarter note beat separated.
• m73-88 RH: The piano part is all in octaves, not just certain measures. While it's perhaps infeasible to play everything with one hand like that, there are some adjustments you could make to make it sound more similar to the original track:
  
  Spoiler

  
  Basically, just don't put octaves on 16ths

  [close]
• m80 RH beat 4: There is no Fx at the end here, it's just an F# 8th note on beat 4.5

[SammrGuy03]

I made those edits and updated the pdf and musx files.

[Static]

Looks good, just a few more things:

• m16 LH sounds like G#-B#-D# to me (bottom to top).
• m45/47/49/51 RH beat 4: I still hear this note as G# (below the staff) rather than E. It would be fine to move it up an octave so it doesn't overlap the LH part.
• m45/49 LH sounds like G#-B-D to me.
• m47/51 LH sounds more like B-D-F# instead of A-D-F#
• m57-60, 93-100 LH: Consider adding an additional note here to fill out the chords, but it's fine to leave it
• m80 RH: The 8va is unnecessary here, it doesn't go that high. A good rule of thumb is to use 8va if it goes more than 4-5 ledger lines, like in m88.
• m88 RH: The 8va marking should hang just a little bit off the left edge of the first note, rather than lining up with it.
• m89: f marking is touching the staff, should be moved up a bit
• Pages 2-5 have a lot of empty white space at the bottom, while the top is bit cramped. You can space out the systems more evenly with the Page Layout Tool.

[SammrGuy03]

In measures 45, 47, 49, 51, I still hear an E on beat 4 (in the harpsichord).

I updated the pdf and musx.

[XiaoMigros]

In measures 45, 47, 49, 51, I still hear an E on beat 4 (in the harpsichord).

I hear E(4) here too, FWIW

[XiaoMigros]

Hi again, sorry for the wait!

It would be great if you could go over the dynamics you have written currently, as I think there's some room for improvement. Try using dynamics other than p and f to show the differences in intensity not otherwise reflected in your sheet.

Your intro covers some of these points already, but here are some specifics here to help you get started:

• I'm not sure a diminuendo marking makes sense in m1; while the first RH chord is a bit more powerful than the others I think dim. might give the performer a wrong idea of how this section sounds.
• The difference between p and f is very big, and I'm not sure that difference is warranted in m1. I think changing the RH to mf makes the most sense, as that leaves room for the crescendo later
• Speaking of the crescendo later, it would be useful if you could provide an indication as to how loud that crescendo should get. Maybe an f marking at the end of m16? (You can also change m17 to mp then, as I think p is also a little quiet).

If you'd prefer to have more in-depth comments like this for anywhere else in the score, or have any questions/uncertainties, let me know!

[Kricketune54]

Bumping, are you still around to edit this submission?

[Bloop]

I'll archive this for inactivity, feel free to reupload once you're able to work on this!