[WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Fuzzy Flood Mine" by LeviR.star

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Mario 3D World
Console: Wii U
Title: Fuzzy Flood Mine
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: LeviR.star

[attachment deleted by admin]

[LeviR.star]

[Libera]

Nice sheet.  I've just got some small details below and some spelling suggestions.

-I hear a D under the Ab in bar 8.
-The E->F at the start of bar 23/27 sounds like it might be better represented as a quarter F with a grace note En bending onto it.  I think that might reflect the original bass playing a little closer.
-The F# in bar 22/26 should be a Gb I think.  We're kind of in Fm here and b2 makes more sense than #1.
-Do you want a crescendo going into bar 29?  Might be nice.
-It sounds like bar 38's right hand is like in bar 2, with the C moving up to a D.
-With regard to the accidentals in bars 29-35, I think the main thing should be to make these ascending patterns look the same each time.  I think they should all match up with how bar 30's is spelt as that spelling matches up with the chord beneath it and doesn't respell anything in the same phrase.  The upshot is, I think the A#s in bars 29/33 should be Bbs and the C#s in bar 31/35 should be Dbs.  That's what makes the most sense to me, anyway.

[Bloop]

let's get funky
EDIT: Libera posted during my checking, so I deleted the things that Libera already said:

-m3 and 39: Very small thing, but maybe you could put the clef change at the end of this bar instead of before, so it's a bit less likely to be overlooked.
-m4 (and similar): Maybe it's worth lowering the F on beat 4.5 down an octave: I think the descending G-F-D sounds a bit better that way. I believe the piano and the bass do that motion in their own respective octaves.
-m5 (and similar): Maybe you can add a slur to the R.H. from beat 2 to beat 3 too? It has the same legato-to-staccato articulations as other slurred places.
-m6, 11 and 19: The grace notes here should be 8th notes: single note grace notes are usually always 8th notes. If there are more notes, you can use 16th (or even 32nd) notes.
-m10: Maybe also a slur from the F on beat 2.5 to the G on beat 3.5? (also in m18)
-m19: You're missing some articulations in the R.H.: staccatos on beat 1.5 and 2.5, slurs on beat 2 to 2.5 and maybe also on beat 3 to 3.5. Also, it's better to not change the clef during a tied note: there's enough space to do it after the tied note. Although, you could consider not changing clefs during m13-19 altogether. The only note that could be questionable is the D in m16, but context will make it clearer already.
-m25: I'm not sure if I hear the F in the R.H. on beat 2. If you think it's there, you forgot to tie it to beat 4: if it's not, just delete it :p
-m29-35: In the L.H., maybe you can delete the top note of the brass chords: the note below the top note is the highest note in the trumpets, but the top notes pull the attention away from them.
-m30 and 34: The E in the L.H. on beat 2.5 sounds like it should be Eb.
-m32: Maybe the L.H. note on beat 3.5 should be F#, but I'm not 100% sure.
-m35-36: You could put the bass notes from beat 3.5 in m35 to beat 2.5 in m36 in the same octave (so either the Ab-Bb an octave down or all C's an octave up)

-With regard to the accidentals in bars 29-35, I think the main thing should be to make these ascending patterns look the same each time.  I think they should all match up with how bar 30's is spelt as that spelling matches up with the chord beneath it and doesn't respell anything in the same phrase.  The upshot is, I think the A#s in bars 29/33 should be Bbs and the C#s in bar 31/35 should be Dbs.  That's what makes the most sense to me, anyway

I was thinking about this a bit too, the #9/b10 chords are always a bit of a pain to spell enharmonically. I was originally tending towards a #9 approach, but either way should work, as long as it's consistent.
The only thing I'd like to add is to either change all Eb's in m30 and 34 including pickup to D#'s (#4 in chord), or the F#'s in m33 and 37 including pickup to Gb's (b5 in chord)

[LeviR.star]

Whoa mama, there's a lot of stuff here. Instead of addressing each of these one-by-one, I'm only going to address the point I disagree with and left no changes to:

-m32: Maybe the L.H. note on beat 3.5 should be F#, but I'm not 100% sure.

I listened again, that note is an F-natural for sure.

Everything else is fixed, but just one of these points need clarifying on what exactly I fixed:

The only thing I'd like to add is to either change all Eb's in m30 and 34 including pickup to D#'s (#4 in chord), or the F#'s in m33 and 37 including pickup to Gb's (b5 in chord)

I went with the ♭5 option, if that's okay and in-line with everything else. Also, I think you meant m. 32 and 36, so that's what I changed.

Files are ready for more feedback.

[Bloop]

Just a few things that popped up:
-m18: The R.H. slur starting at beat 2.5 ends on the wrong note (it should go to the G before, instead of the G#)
-m31 and 35: The C#'s in the R.H. should be Db's

But that should be all our feedback implemented!

[LeviR.star]

Just a few things that popped up:
-m18: The R.H. slur starting at beat 2.5 ends on the wrong note (it should go to the G before, instead of the G#)
-m31 and 35: The C#'s in the R.H. should be Db's

- ooh yeah, got that
- fixed

Alright, it's ready!

[Bloop]

Yup, looks good!
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[Libera]

It looks like you adjusted all the things I mentioned.  The only other thing I'll add now is that the distribution on pages 2-3 is a little vertically imbalanced with a big gap between the first system and the mini titles and, on the other hand, running right up to the bottom margin.  I'd just bring all the systems on pages 2-3 a little higher so that the gap between the top system and the mini title is about the same as the gap between the bottom system and the bottom margin.  Compare page 2 (adjusted by me) to page 3 (original) in the following picture:

Spoiler

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[close]

It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but you get the idea.

[LeviR.star]

It looks like you adjusted all the things I mentioned.

Yup, I believe that's how it works around here

The only other thing I'll add now is that the distribution on pages 2-3 is a little vertically imbalanced with a big gap between the first system and the mini titles and, on the other hand, running right up to the bottom margin.  I'd just bring all the systems on pages 2-3 a little higher so that the gap between the top system and the mini title is about the same as the gap between the bottom system and the bottom margin.  Compare page 2 (adjusted by me) to page 3 (original) in the following picture:

Spoiler

You cannot view this attachment.

[close]

It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but you get the idea.

Sure, I'll adjust those accordingly.

Files are ready!

[Libera]

Looks good, I'll accept.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot