[N64] Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards - "Neo Star" (Replacement) by Kricketune54

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards
Console: Nintendo 64
Title: Neo Star
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Kricketune54


Replacement Information:
Links to Existing Sheet: MUS | MIDI | PDF
Replacement Type: Challenge (new arranger)

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[Kricketune54]

Wasn't originally planning on doing this but I really got going last night and had a good amount of time today to iron things out for the submission.

Not much for RH to do at 50-52 because the melody chord line has ended... so I did my best to pull out a fairly active part and pull the LH down an octave (to where it actually is in the song)

[Kricketune54]

Made a couple of small changes and reuploaded files; took off the staccatos from the LH rhythm and added an mp before the crescendo beginning in 42

[Static]

Alright, more Kirby 64 replacements! That game really needs them lol

- m1 beat 3.5 should be F instead of G, in both the RH and LH
- It sounds like there's some additional harmony in m1 RH:

- For those breaks in m5/16/etc., what you have written is correct, but I hear the low 16th note part as more prominent (the same voice that you included in m50-52). Consider including that instead, if you want (maybe raising it up an octave as well).
- m13/29/45 LH beat 3.5: There's an additional Eb here
- The Dbs in the melody in m13/20/29/30 should be C#s, since they're chromatically ascending.
- m34-42ish would look better in bass clef imo
- m41 RH: The bottom voice I think moves to Fn on beat 4
- m47 RH: I think only the middle voice moves, the D on the bottom should also just be a whole note.
- m49 RH: Watch the spacing here
- m50-52 RH: I hear this completely differently:

- m50-52 LH: Instead of moving the bassline down an octave, consider either A: remove the low Gs from the LH part, making it a bit simpler in the process (or perhaps raising the entire line up an octave), or B: only move the LH Gs down an octave, keeping the Ds as they were. It sounds a bit jarring having the bassline shift so low like that for just a few measures.
- For the last two systems, I would recommend having 5 measures per system, then 3 (m50-52). Or alternatively, add an extra system and do 4-2-2.

[Kricketune54]

Alright, more Kirby 64 replacements! That game really needs them lol

Yeah only 4 Commander6's to go right haha

- m1 beat 3.5 should be F instead of G, in both the RH and LH
- It sounds like there's some additional harmony in m1 RH:

Fixed these all

- For those breaks in m5/16/etc., what you have written is correct, but I hear the low 16th note part as more prominent (the same voice that you included in m50-52). Consider including that instead, if you want (maybe raising it up an octave as well).

Yeah more or less I had an easier time hearing the part I put.  The moving inner voices with this one were very hard for me to pick out but I have switched so that it is in line with 50-52, albeit up an octave and with the rhythms I thought I heard for these parts

- m13/29/45 LH beat 3.5: There's an additional Eb here

Fixed

- The Dbs in the melody in m13/20/29/30 should be C#s, since they're chromatically ascending.

- m34-42ish would look better in bass clef imo
- m41 RH: The bottom voice I think moves to Fn on beat 4
- m47 RH: I think only the middle voice moves, the D on the bottom should also just be a whole note.
- m49 RH: Watch the spacing here

This section is fixed. I did let 49 RH go back to the spot finale wanted to by default though

- m50-52 RH: I hear this completely differently:

- m50-52 LH: Instead of moving the bassline down an octave, consider either A: remove the low Gs from the LH part, making it a bit simpler in the process (or perhaps raising the entire line up an octave), or B: only move the LH Gs down an octave, keeping the Ds as they were. It sounds a bit jarring having the bassline shift so low like that for just a few measures.

I probably could've taken a better stab at this part.  Fixed and took option A (left just the D's in the LH part, and made it so they are same octave as rest of song)

- For the last two systems, I would recommend having 5 measures per system, then 3 (m50-52). Or alternatively, add an extra system and do 4-2-2.

I made 45-50 2 systems of 5 and 3 measures

[Static]

Most of the things look good!

- All the 8th notes for that part you added in m5, etc. should probably be staccato
- m5 RH: This starts on beat 1.5 with a G, beat 1 is an 8th rest.
- m16-17 RH sounds more like this to me (the D on beat 2.5 of m16 is moved up an octave):

- m21 RH: should look the same as m5
- m32-33 RH: should look the same as m16-17
- m49: Generally, bottom layers should be aligned to the right of the top layer when there are 2nds (this is why Finale defaults to having Layer 1 flipped up and Layer 2 down). It should look like this:

The spacing here is more efficiently used than before, the natural sign for the F isn't all the way out to the left, and generally I think it looks slightly cleaner.
- m50-52: Looking at this part again, you could also remove the Gs from the RH, and add the LH Gs back in. That would make the RH part a lot easier to play, but still sound pretty rhythmic. You can also remove the repeated D in m51 for added playability. Up to you.

[Kricketune54]

Okay, new upload should address all of the points

[Static]

Just a few last things:

- I'd recommend beaming across beats 1-2 of m17/33 RH to keep the beaming consistent across the sheet
- Maybe remove the last D of m33 RH (make the previous F a staccato 8th instead), so that the D isn't restruck so fast between m33-34.
- The crescendo in m42 got messed up somehow, it's colliding with the mp now

[Kricketune54]

- Maybe remove the last D of m33 RH (make the previous F a staccato 8th instead), so that the D isn't restruck so fast between m33-34.

Yeah that makes sense to me.  Addressed all comments and reuploaded

[Static]

Changes look good! I'll approve

[Bloop]

Looks very nice already!

- m5 RH: This starts on beat 1.5 with a G, beat 1 is an 8th rest.
- m16-17 RH sounds more like this to me (the D on beat 2.5 of m16 is moved up an octave):

I actually hear a B instead of a G on beat 1.5 of m5 (and m21), a (low) G on beat 2.5 of m16 (and 32) instead of a D, a C on beat 1.5 of m17 (and 33) instead of a D as well as a G on beat 4 instead of an F.
-m45 R.H.: I hear F-Ab-C on beat 3 (instead of Db-F-C). Also, you could lengthen the crescendo a bit so it includes the Bb in the L.H. too:
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-m51 R.H.: I hear this at beats 3 and 4:
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-Also, a very minor thing, but the spacing of the top staff on pages 2 and 3 feels pretty low to me. Maybe you could heighten it a bit to about the same height as the top of the composer text?
Here's a comparison of page 2 heightened and page 3 as you have now, as well as a bit of page 1:

Spoiler

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[Kricketune54]

Looks very nice already!I actually hear a B instead of a G on beat 1.5 of m5 (and m21), a (low) G on beat 2.5 of m16 (and 32) instead of a D, a C on beat 1.5 of m17 (and 33) instead of a D as well as a G on beat 4 instead of an F.

Gave this section a pretty deep deconstruction through pitching up and slowing the tempo in Audacity.  The rhythms are mostly the same with a few changes, but to me they came out very clearly through this process, so I have linked the file if you dare to put your ears through it   

Neo Star but it randomly slows down and pitches up when it gets hard to hear the areas I needed to change based off feedback

-m45 R.H.: I hear F-Ab-C on beat 3 (instead of Db-F-C). Also, you could lengthen the crescendo a bit so it includes the Bb in the L.H. too:

Fixed!  I guess I had thought that it was more of a melody crescendo but I see it looks better this way


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-m51 R.H.: I hear this at beats 3 and 4:
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Gave this another listen, simplifications and all this is what I hear

Spoiler

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-Also, a very minor thing, but the spacing of the top staff on pages 2 and 3 feels pretty low to me. Maybe you could heighten it a bit to about the same height as the top of the composer text?
Here's a comparison of page 2 heightened and page 3 as you have now, as well as a bit of page 1:

Spoiler

You cannot view this attachment.

[close]

Fixed this spacing- though I hope page 3 isn't too high now.  Files updated

[Static]

For that weird voice in m5, etc., I still hear it mostly as I did before:

- m5/21 beat 1.5 I still hear as G
- I still hear m16-17 a little closer to how I had it (but with some more differences I didn't catch before):

- For m51 beat 4, I still hear the first 16th note as D instead of E, but yeah the second 16th is F.

This voice is pretty tricky to hear clearly, but I think raising it up the octave helps a lot.

[Kricketune54]

For that weird voice in m5, etc., I still hear it mostly as I did before:

- m5/21 beat 1.5 I still hear as G

Listened to a bunch of times, still with Bloop on this

- I still hear m16-17 a little closer to how I had it (but with some more differences I didn't catch before):

- For m51 beat 4, I still hear the first 16th note as D instead of E, but yeah the second 16th is F.

Okay... m16 completely agree.  However, I hear m17 still as follows:


There isn't a chance you're hearing beat 4.5 for m51?  I do hear that as a D after E and F on beat 4 and 4.25, but have left it out to simplify the part

Reuploaded files with the small changes

[Static]

Ah yeah I hear the B there now in 5/21, and beat 4 of m51 is also appears to be E too, so yeah looks good (beat 4.5 still sounds like E though like you had in that earlier screenshot - but keep it simplified).

m17 I hear what you have now up until beat 4; those upper 16ths still sound like Fs to me.