[SW] Kirby Star Allies - "Wish-Granting Palace" by Zeila

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby Star Allies
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Wish-Granting Palace
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Zeila]

Just a small note but the second and third eighth notes in measure 40 were intentionally raised an octave

[Radiak488417]

I am very excited.
This feedback is just for measures 1-18, there's...a lot going on in this song lol

Notes:
- m1 RH beat 1, not hearing the A here
- m1 LH beat 4, not hearing this G
- m1 LH beat 4.5 has no G on the bottom
- m2 RH beat 1.5, not sure I hear the D here
- m2 RH beat 2 has a very quiet A on bottom
- m2 RH beat 3.5 should be raised an octave and have a reverse accent
- m2 LH beat 2 has no D on top
- m2 LH beat 4.5 should be raised an octave and have a staccato
- m3 LH beat 1.5, I don't hear this C
- m3 LH beat 3, I don't hear those 16th notes
- m4 RH beat 4.5 sounds rolled to me, and could maybe use a reverse accent
- m4 LH beat 1 has a D on top
- m5 LH beat 4.5 has no G on top
- m6 LH beat 2 has no G on bottom
- m7 RH beat 2.5 bottom note should be Eb
- m7 LH beat 3.5 has no G on bottom
- m8 LH beat 2.5 top note should be an F
- m8 LH beat 4.5 has no G on bottom
- m9 RH beat 4.5 has no D on bottom
- m9 LH beat 1.5 sounds like it has a G on the bottom, and beat 2 sounds like it has an Eb on the bottom.
- I don't hear the Bb on beat 3.5 of m9 LH, although there are some very quiet upper notes in the RH on this beat, sounds like an Eb and an F maybe?
- m10 RH beat 3.5 chord should just be C - F - A
- m10 RH/LH beat 4.5 should have staccatos
- m12 RH beat 2, not hearing the G here
- Here's what I'm hearing for m11-12 LH: Image
- m14 LH beat 1 2nd layer sounds like it should be a D - G dyad
- Hearing this for m15: Image LH could maybe take the Bb on beat 2.5
- m16 RH beat 2.5 has a C on top, the LH can take the lower C if you want (I don't hear the LH A on this beat)
- m16 LH beat 1, I don't hear the top two notes
- m16 LH beat 4, not hearing this C
- m17 RH beat 1 might not have D on bottom, unsure
- m17 RH beat 2.5 has no G on top
- m17 RH beat 4.5 should be an En, and should be on beat 4.75
- m18 LH beat 2.5 not hearing the lower C, although the upper C from beat 2 might be restruck?
- m18 LH beat 4.75 there's a low F 16th note here

Other things:
- There are a few spots in the LH (e.g. m8 beats 2 and 2.5, m9 beat 1.5 and 2, m10 beats 1.5 and 2) where it might be easier for the RH to play some of the notes
- Tempo marking could be moved down a bit
- The performer's note seems a bit large, and I think it could maybe use a border


That's all for now, I'll wait to do any more checking until you've sifted through all this. I'd also recommend taking a bit of a closer listen to the rest of the piece using Audiostretch. Really looking forward to getting this on the site!

[Zeila]

This is definitely a dense piece, thank you for going in depth! I actually did use AudioStretch, but evidently it wasn't enough ;-;

- m1 RH beat 1, not hearing the A here

I can still vaguely hear one but I'm probably imagining it. It also sounds like there might be a G and F playing on beats 1.5 and 2 respectively (in the LH range), but I left those out as they're pretty faint if they're even there

- m2 RH beat 1.5, not sure I hear the D here

It's hard to tell if it's restruck or not, but I left it as it is for now

- m4 RH beat 4.5 sounds rolled to me, and could maybe use a reverse accent

I actually did put a reverse accent here, but I moved it to the performer's note because I thought it might've been a little ambiguous. Anyways, I moved it back

- m5 LH beat 4.5 has no G on top

When I raise it up an octave, it sounds like there's an F there instead

- m8 LH beat 2.5 top note should be an F

I'm still hearing an En here

- I don't hear the Bb on beat 3.5 of m9 LH, although there are some very quiet upper notes in the RH on this beat, sounds like an Eb and an F maybe?

I think those quieter notes are an F on beat 3.5 and then D on beat 4, so I added those with some reverse accents. Also, the Bb has been removed

- m12 RH beat 2, not hearing the G here

I still hear it

- Here's what I'm hearing for m11-12 LH: Image

For measure 11 I'm hearing the last three notes as how I wrote it before except for changing the D on beat 4.5 to an F, and for measure 12 I still hear it the same aside from removing the D on beat 2.5

- m17 RH beat 1 might not have D on bottom, unsure

It almost sounds like there might be one an octave lower, but I removed it

- m18 LH beat 2.5 not hearing the lower C, although the upper C from beat 2 might be restruck?

I removed the lower C and kept the rest the same

- There are a few spots in the LH (e.g. m8 beats 2 and 2.5, m9 beat 1.5 and 2, m10 beats 1.5 and 2) where it might be easier for the RH to play some of the notes

I did all of this except for m10 beat 1.5

- m1 LH beat 4, not hearing this G
- m1 LH beat 4.5 has no G on the bottom
- m2 RH beat 2 has a very quiet A on bottom
- m2 RH beat 3.5 should be raised an octave and have a reverse accent
- m2 LH beat 2 has no D on top
- m2 LH beat 4.5 should be raised an octave and have a staccato
- m3 LH beat 1.5, I don't hear this C
- m3 LH beat 3, I don't hear those 16th notes
- m4 LH beat 1 has a D on top
- m6 LH beat 2 has no G on bottom
- m7 RH beat 2.5 bottom note should be Eb
- m7 LH beat 3.5 has no G on bottom
- m8 LH beat 4.5 has no G on bottom
- m9 RH beat 4.5 has no D on bottom
- m9 LH beat 1.5 sounds like it has a G on the bottom, and beat 2 sounds like it has an Eb on the bottom.
- m10 RH beat 3.5 chord should just be C - F - A
- m10 RH/LH beat 4.5 should have staccatos
- m14 LH beat 1 2nd layer sounds like it should be a D - G dyad
- Hearing this for m15: Image LH could maybe take the Bb on beat 2.5
- m16 RH beat 2.5 has a C on top, the LH can take the lower C if you want (I don't hear the LH A on this beat)
- m16 LH beat 1, I don't hear the top two notes
- m16 LH beat 4, not hearing this C
- m17 RH beat 2.5 has no G on top
- m17 RH beat 4.5 should be an En, and should be on beat 4.75
- m18 LH beat 4.75 there's a low F 16th note here
- Tempo marking could be moved down a bit
- The performer's note seems a bit large, and I think it could maybe use a border

Fixed!

stuff I changed aside from that

- m4 got rid of the doubled G in the LH
- m7 I moved parts of the G-C-D line to the RH so the LH could play the G on the bottom at beat 4.5
- m19 RH beat 1 removed low G
- m19 LH beat 2.5 I think there's a C here so I added it, but it's possible that it's not
- m20 LH added C whole note
- m20 LH beat 4.75 added Eb here
- m21 RH beat 1 removed low E and Ab
- m22 LH beat 4 added a reverse accent here
- m23/31 RH changed the 3-3-2 pattern to triplets
- m23 LH beat 3 made this note tied to the previous one instead of having it strike an F
- m24 RH moved the Ab to the LH
- m25 LH beat 1 doubled the D an octave higher and made this a dotted half note
- m25 RH beat 1 changed D to an F
- m27 beat 1 instead of having it rolled, I just put an Eb grace note here; also got rid of the second layer C at the end
- m29 RH beat 1.5 and 4.5 added Ab
- m30 RH beat 1 added G
- m30 LH beat 4.5 added G
- m31 LH beat 4.5 added G; RH added low F here
- m32 LH beat 3 added F
- m33 RH beat 3.5 changed low G to high F; beat 4.5 second layer changed C to D, added F here too (although I'm a little unsure about the F), and cross-staved it to the LH
- m34 doubled the last 3 notes down an octave
- m35 RH added F and D on beat 1 with a reverse accent
- m35 LH beat 4.5 added G and moved the C to the RH
- m36 RH beat 3.5 added F
- m36 LH beat 1 lowered G an octave
- m37 LH beat 1 got rid of top G; beats 1.5-2.5 changed Eb-G-Eb to D-F-D; beat 2 added a G below the F
- m38 RH beat 1 removed F and made the G a grace note
- m40 LH beat 1 removed top G; beat 2 added a higher G here
- m41 LH beat 1 it was already written this way, but for clarification I kept the G up an octave and raised the low B in the RH to make it easier to play
- m41 LH beat 2 added F on top; beat 2.5 removed G; beat 4.5 lowered an octave
- m42 LH moved the doubled octave to beat 4.5
- m43 LH beat 2 made this an eighth rest; beat 2.5 removed G's and put a D here
- m43 RH beat 1 added G's; beat 4.5 lowered G an octave; unsure about this measure tbh
- m44 LH beat 2 made this an eighth rest; also changed beat 3 to an eighth note and added a higher G on beat 4.5
- m45 RH beat 1.5-2 moved the LH notes here
- m45 LH made beat 1 a quarter note and added G-F on beat 2; beat 2.5 added G; beat 3.5 just made this a dotted quarter note G
- m46 LH beat 2 added G w/ staccato; beat 2.5 added D

[close]

That was quite a lot, sorry. The files have been updated. I guess this is a sign I should go over my other submission again...

[mastersuperfan]

oh boy here we go

- Performer's note: "softer" is an adjective. "more softly" is the appropriate adverb. The performer's note is also slightly outside the left margin.
- Dynamic in m1 could be lowered.
- m2 RH beat 1.5, I think I hear C instead of D.
- Maybe an accent and/or slur starting on m3 RH beat 2.5?
- Not sure whether there's actually a D in the RH on m5 beat 2.
- m5 LH beat 4.5 sounds like a single note to me—just the low G, no F or G on top.
- There's also a D on m7 RH beat 1.
- Not sure I hear the upper G on m7 LH beat 1.
- I don't think the high D on m7 RH beat 2.5 is an actual note in the original. I can hear where it comes from but I'm not sure it's actually a strike—or if it is, it's so incredibly faint that I wouldn't even bother.
- On m8 LH beat 2.5, instead of hearing C-En, I hear the entire RH chord repeated (C, F, A). There might also be an En in there somewhere too but I don't hear it clearly.
- Not sure I hear the D on m9 RH beat 4.
- On m10 RH beat 2.5, I don't hear the high C, but I do hear a D below the F and G.
- The LH also plays a G (below middle C) on m11 LH beat 3 that you're missing. Also sounds like the same is happening in m13.
- I don't hear the F on m11 LH beat 4.5.
- On m12 RH beat 2, I don't hear the G in the RH.
- On m12 RH beat 3, I hear a D under the G.
- On m13 LH beat 1, I don't hear a D, but I think there might be another G one step above the F.
- On m14 LH beat 1, I hear a G doubled an octave above (one step below the tied A).
- In m14, the lower layer in the RH on beats 3-4 has abnormally long stems because they're cross-staved from the LH. It would be better just to delete beats 3-4 from the LH and re-enter them in a new layer in the RH.
- I don't hear the lower Bb on m15 RH beat 1.
- m15 RH beat 3.5 sounds like it has the Eb doubled an octave below.
- Not sure I hear the high C on m16 RH beat 2.5. I think it's just an overtone.
- There's also a G on m17 RH beat 2.5, one step above the F.
- m18 RH beat 1 should be an octave lower.
- Maybe courtesy flat on m18 LH beat 4.5?

That's all for now. Will check m19 onward later...

[Zeila]

MSF, Radiak, and I discussed it over Discord. There were some disagreements, so someone (or multiple people) could go over these points and share what they think/hear:


- I don't think the high D on m7 RH beat 2.5 is an actual note in the original. I can hear where it comes from but I'm not sure it's actually a strike—or if it is, it's so incredibly faint that I wouldn't even bother.
- On m8 LH beat 2.5, instead of hearing C-En, I hear the entire RH chord repeated (C, F, A). There might also be an En in there somewhere too but I don't hear it clearly.
    * for this one, it's specifically about the A, but I left it in there for now
- On m10 RH beat 2.5, I don't hear the high C, but I do hear a D below the F and G.
- I don't hear the lower Bb on m15 RH beat 1.
- Not sure I hear the high C on m16 RH beat 2.5. I think it's just an overtone.

[mastersuperfan]

Radiak, Zeila, and I went through and discussed m19-34; here are all the comments left on that section:

- m19 LH beat 2 also sounds like Eb-F 16ths to me, although the Eb seems extremely quiet.
- m19 I hear a C under the D on RH beat 2.5
- m20 RH beat 1 there's a A, m20 RH beat 2 there's also an F
- In m21 the way you have the layers set up makes it really hard to tell where the melody is, it would be a lot clearer if the G on beat 2.5 was in layer 2 and the melody was all in layer 1
- I don't hear the G on m22 RH beat 2
- On m22 beat 2.5 I hear an A in the RH as well.
- m22 the LH Bb on beat 3.5 could also maybe be moved to the RH
- I don't hear the second note (F) in the m23 LH triplet.
- m24 LH beat 2, I don't hear the Bb being restruck
- also i think for m24 the C on beat 4 could be in the RH, and that dyad should be rolled
- m25 RH beat 1, I hear the C and F up an octave, or did you lower them intentionally to prioritize the melody?
- m26 LH beat 2.5 sounds like G instead of Bn
- I think the G is tied from m26 to m27 LH instead of being restruck
- m27 RH beat 2.5 sounds like C-D 16ths instead of Eb-F
- actually i don't hear the C on m27 ​beat 3
- you could move the G on m27 RH beat 1 into the LH and then condense m27 RH beat 4 into one layer
- tbh I feel like the grace note in m27 is a little unnecessary though; i think just having the chord be rolled might be better
- m28 RH beat 1.5, I hear an A above the F
- I hear middle C struck on m28 beat 2 which could be written into the LH
- I don't hear the Ab on m29 LH beat 3.5
- I don't hear the Ab on m29 RH beat 4.5 either
- on m30 LH beat 2.5, I don't hear the Bb being restruck, and I have my doubts about that A
- reverse accent on m30 RH beat 4.5?
- m31, LH plays a low F when the RH plays the third triplet note
- i think the LH last note is actually on beat 4.5 in m31
- I don't hear the lower note on the last note of m31 RH
- reverse accent on m32 LH beat 2?
- on m32 RH beat 3 I also hear a G under the Bb
- I think m32 LH beat 4 might be an F instead of a D but I'm not sure
- m33 quarter rest is colliding with layer 1, could you move the rest and the dynamic down? might have to widen the staff
- reverse accent on m33 RH beat 3.5?
- I hear the LH play a G on m34 beat 2
- I don't think I hear the G on RH beat 2.5, sounds like an overtone

[mastersuperfan]

All right, Radiak's and my comments for the rest of the sheet (m35-46), discussed with Zeila over Discord:
- I think I also hear an A under the D on m35 RH beat 1, but it's faint
- i think the D on beat 1 of m35 RH is an overtone, it sounds more like a sine wave than a piano note, and like i said a few days ago that note will be there anyways if you play this on a real piano
- I don't think the Bb is restruck on m36 LH beat 2.5, just sounds pedaled to me
- m37 LH beat 1.5 Eb instead of D
- m37 RH beat 2.5 could be in the LH, up to you
- not sure about the D in the LH on m37 beat 2.5 either, it sounds like the LH just goes Eb - F - G
- i think there's an F grace note in addition to the G grace note on m38 beat 1
- beam m38 RH beats 1-2
- m38 LH beats 2.5-3 should be flipped up
- I also hear a C above this G in the LH on m38 beat 2.5
- On m38 RH beat 2.5, I think the F is the highest note that's actually not an overtone
- i think there's a very quiet G on m39 RH beat 2.5
- in m40, i honestly don't have a problem playing those 8th notes in their original octave
- m41 LH beat 1 seems like it should be lowered an octave
- the D on m41 beat 2.5 seems like an overtone of the low G
- m42 LH beat 2.5 should be lowered an octave
- i don't think the upper octave of beat 4.5 is there
- I think the D's on m43 RH beats 1-1.5 are overtones
- m43 LH beat 2 has a G, sounds staccato
- m43 LH beat 2.5 also has a G at the bottom
- the G in m44 RH beat 1.5 could be in the LH
- i don't think i hear the G on beat 4.5 in the LH
- I don't hear the C being restruck on m45 RH beat 2.5
- I also don't hear the upper G in the LH on m45 beat 2.5
- m46, this is what I'm getting (also add a staccato on the last note, not shown here):

Image

[close]

Changes to earlier parts:
- The D on m1 beat 2.5 sounds like an overtone
- The lower D on m7 RH beat 1 sounds like an overtone
- The upper G on m13 LH beat 1 sounds like an overtone

Minor formatting edits:
- m12 RH beat 4.5, I'd move that roll marking a bit more to the right so it's not hanging directly over the rest
- is the positioning of that dynamic in m19 intentional? ah I guess it's meant to be for the melody line in the LH... hm still looks weird for the dynamic to be there instead of on beat 1 after the crescendo, idk
- real minor but maybe the middle tie of m22 RH beat 2.5 could be widened slightly
- you could drag the right edge of the crescendo in m32 down a bit so it isn't so close to the beam


For another person to check and give their opinion:
- Is m6 LH beat 4.5 two sixteenth notes or one eighth note?
- Is there actually an A in the RH on m35 beat 1?
- Is m42 LH beat 1 written in the correct octave or should it be an octave lower?
- Is the D on m45 beat 1 an overtone or a real note?

Plus the stuff from before (these comments are written from my POV):

- I don't think the high D on m7 RH beat 2.5 is an actual note in the original. I can hear where it comes from but I'm not sure it's actually a strike—or if it is, it's so incredibly faint that I wouldn't even bother.
- On m8 LH beat 2.5, instead of hearing C-En, I hear the entire RH chord repeated (C, F, A). There might also be an En in there somewhere too but I don't hear it clearly.
    * for this one, it's specifically about the A, but I left it in there for now
- On m10 RH beat 2.5, I don't hear the high C, but I do hear a D below the F and G.
- I don't hear the lower Bb on m15 RH beat 1.
- Not sure I hear the high C on m16 RH beat 2.5. I think it's just an overtone.

[mastersuperfan]

Looks good—I'll approve this one now! A couple very minor formatting things you could tweak though:
- m21 roll marking could be further right
- m46 dynamic could be moved a smidge right so it's not so close to the barline

But that's all from me! (and thanks to Radiak for going over it as well)

For the next updater to check—see end of previous post.

[Latios212]

Some minor formatting things:
- m. 1 - flip the tie on the grace note at the beginning upwards (away from the note on the bottom)
- m. 7 LH - flip the tie downwards (away from the upper layer)
- Tie at the end of m. 26 should be flipped downwards (as it enters m. 27)
- Flip tie downward in m. 34 RH
- Adjust inner ties slightly in m. 33

Notes from my pass:
- m. 12 beat 3.5, don't hear the lower D in the RH, sounds like a singly note strike on the G. Also should be sustained instead of a rest on beat 4
- Don't hear a melody note in m. 13 beat 1
- The RH layers in m. 21 look very confusing with the layers flipped on beat 2. I would advise writing in something like this instead:
You cannot view this attachment.
- Accent in the last measure beat 4 RH?

For the below, my comments in red

For another person to check and give their opinion:
- Is m6 LH beat 4.5 two sixteenth notes or one eighth note? I think one eighth
- Is there actually an A in the RH on m35 beat 1? I don't hear anything at all in the RH on beat 1
- Is m42 LH beat 1 written in the correct octave or should it be an octave lower? I don't hear any new strike here either
- Is the D on m45 beat 1 an overtone or a real note? What D?

Plus the stuff from before (these comments are written from my POV):

- I don't think the high D on m7 RH beat 2.5 is an actual note in the original. I can hear where it comes from but I'm not sure it's actually a strike—or if it is, it's so incredibly faint that I wouldn't even bother. I don't think that should be written in. There is some dissonance between the Eb and a D but as a minor second (with the D lowered an octave), if you want to include that.
- On m8 LH beat 2.5, instead of hearing C-En, I hear the entire RH chord repeated (C, F, A). There might also be an En in there somewhere too but I don't hear it clearly. I don't hear the chord repeated. Definitely a C, En is soft but could be written in
    * for this one, it's specifically about the A, but I left it in there for now
- On m10 RH beat 2.5, I don't hear the high C, but I do hear a D below the F and G. Yeah, no C. D below doesn't make much difference because there's already a D in the bass.
- I don't hear the lower Bb on m15 RH beat 1. I think it sounds good there to reinforce the Bb melody
- Not sure I hear the high C on m16 RH beat 2.5. I think it's just an overtone. Yeah, no C

[Zeila]

- Is there actually an A in the RH on m35 beat 1?  I don't hear anything at all in the RH on beat 1

I'll remove the A and keep the F since at least MSF and Radiak heard that too

- Is m42 LH beat 1 written in the correct octave or should it be an octave lower?  I don't hear any new strike here either

Hmm, dang. I'm going to give it a reverse accent and then leave it for now. Maybe someone else could give their opinion here too if necessary?

- Is the D on m45 beat 1 an overtone or a real note?  What D?

He meant in regards to the original song since it was left out of the sheet. I'm leaving this as is for now

- I don't think the high D on m7 RH beat 2.5 is an actual note in the original. I can hear where it comes from but I'm not sure it's actually a strike—or if it is, it's so incredibly faint that I wouldn't even bother.  I don't think that should be written in. There is some dissonance between the Eb and a D but as a minor second (with the D lowered an octave), if you want to include that.

I'll just remove the D entirely

- On m8 LH beat 2.5, instead of hearing C-En, I hear the entire RH chord repeated (C, F, A). There might also be an En in there somewhere too but I don't hear it clearly.  I don't hear the chord repeated. Definitely a C, En is soft but could be written in

Changing this back to C-En then since if it actually does repeat, then it's soft enough that the sustained sound from beat 1 would be good enough to cover it

Everything else should be updated

[Latios212]

Sounds good, for those last couple things I didn't hear I'm fine if you guys heard them there quietly, they make sense even if I don't explicitly hear them.

I'll approve but hold of on accepting for just a bit in case Radiak or MSF have any lingering comments about those last couple things!

[Radiak488417]

- Don't hear a melody note in m. 13 beat 1

I think the chord on beat 4.5 of m12 could be tied over as well.

[for m8 RH beat 2.5] I don't hear the chord repeated. Definitely a C, En is soft but could be written in

I really cannot hear an En at all here, if anything I hear an F.

Hmm, dang. I'm going to give it a reverse accent and then leave it for now. Maybe someone else could give their opinion here too if necessary?

This is one of those notes that I can hear with Audiostretch, but at normal speed doesn't really sound like it's there. You could include it with a reverse accent if you want but honestly I think it's better to leave it out.

[Zeila]

I think the chord on beat 4.5 of m12 could be tied over as well.

Done

I really cannot hear an En at all here, if anything I hear an F.

I keep flip flopping here, but I'll just change the En to F because it sounds empty with only C

This is one of those notes that I can hear with Audiostretch, but at normal speed doesn't really sound like it's there. You could include it with a reverse accent if you want but honestly I think it's better to leave it out.

That's fair, I'll remove it

[Latios212]

Alrighty, I'm going to call this one done! Thanks for all the attention to detail, Zeila Radiak and MSF!