[NES] Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom - "Password" by Lumaga

Started by Zeta, June 03, 2021, 02:27:39 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Libera

This looks like a pretty clean sheet, so I don't have much to say on the presentation (other than a comment about the margins).

-In bar 16, you have a doubled up G on beat 4, but also you obscure the descending line E -> C -> G -> E by writing the final E into a dyad with the C.  I think it'd be better to keep the E beamed with the previous three RH notes and cross staff it into the left hand (and also just remove the left hand G on beat 4).
-In bar 17, I think there is some clear imitation going on between the upper and lower lines here, but the way you wrote it out obscures this a little i.e. I think you should write the left hand notes on beats 2 and 4 into layer 1, which makes the imitation clearer.
-A few things about 18: firstly, the third note in the left hand should be an A, not a B.  Secondly, what is going on with the second half of the bar in the left hand?  You have the lower part put up an octave above what was the higher part, which I don't think is a good idea.  You can just flip them around and it's still perfectly playable with the LH taking the first B and the RH taking the C and the D.
-I've included a picture showing what I mean for all three of the previous comments here:
Spoiler
You cannot view this attachment.
[close]
-Did you choose your margins?  They're rather tight, and I think the sheet would look a lot cleaner if you widened them out a bit.  Particularly bars 19-21 would benefit from a having a little more horizontal space.  I'd recommend 0.5 for the top, bottom and RH margins, with something a little narrower, say 0.65 for the LH margin.

Lumaga

Quote-In bar 16, you have a doubled up G on beat 4, but also you obscure the descending line E -> C -> G -> E by writing the final E into a dyad with the C.  I think it'd be better to keep the E beamed with the previous three RH notes and cross staff it into the left hand (and also just remove the left hand G on beat 4).
I'm not sure how to change the beams like this.  Maybe it's possible in Finale NotePad 2012, maybe not.

Quote-In bar 17, I think there is some clear imitation going on between the upper and lower lines here, but the way you wrote it out obscures this a little i.e. I think you should write the left hand notes on beats 2 and 4 into layer 1, which makes the imitation clearer.
Makes sense.  Done.

Quote-A few things about 18: firstly, the third note in the left hand should be an A, not a B.  Secondly, what is going on with the second half of the bar in the left hand?  You have the lower part put up an octave above what was the higher part, which I don't think is a good idea.  You can just flip them around and it's still perfectly playable with the LH taking the first B and the RH taking the C and the D.
Good ear to catch that it's an A, not a B.  I've swapped the directions of the notes as you suggested.  It sounds much nicer.  However, I'm not sure how to make the lines to show what should be played by the RH.  I have added an RH expression above the C in any case.

Quote-Did you choose your margins?  They're rather tight, and I think the sheet would look a lot cleaner if you widened them out a bit.  Particularly bars 19-21 would benefit from a having a little more horizontal space.  I'd recommend 0.5 for the top, bottom and RH margins, with something a little narrower, say 0.65 for the LH margin.
No.  I started with a template from elsewhere on the site (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=7600.0).  I don't see anywhere that I can adjust the margins for the page in Finale NotePad 2012.  Do I need a registered copy?  A more recent copy?

I've updated the .mus, .mid, and .pdf, and it sounds like everything else is style.  If I'm unable to change these last few things, is there a way you could share what you had changed plus adjusted margins?  Thanks for the help and pointers on this sheet.

Libera

Quote from: Lumaga on July 13, 2021, 08:44:44 PMI've updated the .mus, .mid, and .pdf, and it sounds like everything else is style.  If I'm unable to change these last few things, is there a way you could share what you had changed plus adjusted margins?  Thanks for the help and pointers on this sheet.

I think you got everything that you could do.  I've uploaded new files based on the other edits and you can check them over to see if they're to your liking.  If they are, I'm happy to accept.

Thanks for the speedy turnaround!

Quote from: Lumaga on July 13, 2021, 08:44:44 PMNo.  I started with a template from elsewhere on the site (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=7600.0).  I don't see anywhere that I can adjust the margins for the page in Finale NotePad 2012.  Do I need a registered copy?  A more recent copy?

Ah, I see.  I guess those templates are quite old and have some strange margins attached to them.  Thanks for bringing that to our attention.  Maybe we could make some new versions with less dubious margins...

Lumaga

I've reviewed the uploads, and they look and sound great!  Thank you and Latios for working with me these past several weeks to get this completed!

Libera


Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot