[NDS] Pokémon Black Version & Pokémon White Version - "Driftveil Drawbridge" by Cashwarrior1

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Submission Information:
Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon Black Version & Pokémon White Version
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Driftveil Drawbridge
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Cashwarrior1

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[cashwarrior1]

Quite an underrated track imo. I had a little bit of trouble figuring out the tempo for the first half, it feels like it's not consistently one tempo, but I settled on 53bpm.

[Latios212]

Quite an underrated track imo.

Yeah! I've rarely if ever heard people talk about this one. It's so slow-paced and ambient but it does do some neat things, and the more I listen to it the more it grows on me.

I'll be back to check this one later, but it looks pretty solid at a glance in the meantime, the same things I mentioned in your other sub regarding the text styles, game title, https apply here. Also give this topic about text alignment and page margins a read.

[cashwarrior1]

Man, I need to get in the habit of doing that first. Updated

[Latios212]

Bear with me a bit since these instruments are a bit strange to translate pitches to piano for... just going through the first half now. Let me know if you disagree with any of these, because I'm not 100% sure myself.

- For m. 1, 3, 5, etc. up until 20 I think the second LH chord should be inverted down (F-C-F)
- For the 16th note ascent in m. 5, I'm hearing the 5th note as a Bb instead of C. Also be sure to flip the beat 1 LH note downwards so it doesn't look like it's part of the upper layer. So I think it should look like this, and same goes for m. 13:

Spoiler

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- Last RH note of m. 5 sounds like Eb instead of Bb (m. 13 too)
- The LH chords in m. 9 sound like they should be inverted downwards (so Bb octave, then Eb octave)
- I'm really not sure about the run in m. 9... will need to come back to it or ask someone else what they hear for it as well

[cashwarrior1]

- Last RH note of m. 5 sounds like Eb instead of Bb (m. 13 too)

Ah, I think I was hearing the harmonics of the chime. The Bb seemed more prominent to me, but I hear Eb now

- I'm really not sure about the run in m. 9... will need to come back to it or ask someone else what they hear for it as well

So the way I tried figuring out these lines was by taking a tubular bell sound in Logic and playing the notes to see if the texture matched up. It's hard to tell since a lot of the harmonics obscure the line way down there, but I checked it again and I think I got something closer.

Updated.

[Latios212]

Ah, I think I was hearing the harmonics of the chime. The Bb seemed more prominent to me, but I hear Eb now
So the way I tried figuring out these lines was by taking a tubular bell sound in Logic and playing the notes to see if the texture matched up. It's hard to tell since a lot of the harmonics obscure the line way down there, but I checked it again and I think I got something closer.

Yeah I'll have to ask for another opinion on this not because I don't think it's definitely wrong, but because I'm not sure myself

- The LH chords in m. 9 sound like they should be inverted downwards (so Bb octave, then Eb octave)

Think you might have missed this... first chord I'm hearing Bb-F-Bb and second chord Eb-Bb-Eb. Listening again I also think that goes for m. 10-12 as well (except for the lower chords in m. 11-12 which look right to me as is).

Also for m. 17 and 19 did you mean to put a F on the bottom of the second chord like the other measures?

Anyway, the second half! Which I like a lot better...
- The minor second between the G and Ab in m. 25 sounds a bit odd (or empty and exposing the minor second really noticeably). How about changing the upper G in the LH to an F instead to give it a fuller sound? I think the second chord in m. 25 might also be nice with an F added (G7>Cmaj7 since just G major sounds a tad empty). Same comments apply to m. 29 and 33.
- Could add an Ab to the second chord of m. 28 RH (side note, are the chords in m. 24 and 32 different or are they supposed to have D in them as well?)
- For m. 27 and the last few measures, write your grace notes like this instead. Stem should point up, and I'd recommend using just one flag (8th note) instead of two (16th note) since it's just one grace note.
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[cashwarrior1]

Also for m. 17 and 19 did you mean to put a F on the bottom of the second chord like the other measures?

Yeah 😅

- Could add an Ab to the second chord of m. 28 RH (side note, are the chords in m. 24 and 32 different or are they supposed to have D in them as well?)

I listened to it a few times and I don't hear a D in those other two chords. I can only make it out in that second chord (though, just barely).

[Latios212]

Sorry, for m. 9 and 12 I think I might have confused us both. This is what I'm getting for those chords:

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Other small things:
- You might want to flatten the slur into m. 26 a bit
- Flip the ties downwards for the grace notes in m. 27 (Ctrl+F when using the Simple Entry Tool)
- Make sure the header/footer text is within the page margins

I think that's mostly it from me ^^

[cashwarrior1]

- Make sure the header/footer text is within the page margins

I swear one of these days I'll get it right.

updated.

[Latios212]

I swear one of these days I'll get it right.

Page number too

I'll approve this one now, though I would like whoever checks this next to take a look at those 16th note runs on page 1.

[mastersuperfan]

Really nice arrangement for an interesting track.
- I would move the RH m2 Layer 2 beat 1 rest down one more notch since it's currently pretty close to touching Layer 1.
- m6/7 RH beat 3 should have D as the lower note instead of C. Same with m14-16.
- I'm not sure I hear where the F on m10 RH beat 1 is coming from.
- The crescendo in m14-15 and the mp in m16 should be vertically aligned (right now, the crescendo is a little bit lower).
- Double barline at the end of m22 RH to indicate section change?
- It might be nice to add "Più mosso" to the tempo marking in m23 for clarification. The tempo change is (numerically) so small that just putting the new tempo marking doesn't really convey the intent to the player clearly, IMO.

For the 16th-note runs:
- I hear the run in m5 as it's written currently, except the first note starts on Bb instead of C... but I think the C works better on piano for the chord.
- For m9, I don't think the run actually starts on beat 1; I hear a rest instead of the first note. I hear Ab instead of Bb for the second note and Eb instead of Db for the third note. The rest sounds the same as written.
- m13 seems right to me.

[cashwarrior1]

I listened to it again and I also didn't hear the F at m10 so I dunno what I thought it was either lol.

Updated.

[mastersuperfan]

All right, nice. Last few things:
- Might consider moving the m1 RH beat 2 rest down one notch. Works either way though.
- You have the slur in m9 starting on the rest lol
- You didn't actually have to delete the q.=57; I just meant add the "Più mosso" in front of it as well. I actually just went and checked the tempo myself, and m23+ is q.=60, which I'd say is a significant enough change to warrant specifying explicitly.

[cashwarrior1]

- You have the slur in m9 starting on the rest lol

oh, oops.

Updated.