[DELETED] [MUL] Persona 4 Golden - "Snowflakes" by jb3ck15

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Persona 4 Golden
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Snowflakes
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: jb3ck15

[jb3ck15]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdfmf11Wtbo

This one was tricky for me in some places, and I think that this draft will need some fairly heavy editing. I had a hard time discerning some chords throughout the section beginning at 9, and I specifically think that chords in 11 and 13 need to be changed, but I can't for the life of me figure out what to change them to. I tried to incorporate as many of the parts as possible without making it impossible to play, and I think the piece is definitely playable as is, but if there's anywhere where you guys can hear more harmony and think I should include it or change up the rhythms of existing harmony, I'm definitely open to that.

From a software standpoint, I was able to mostly get the sheet to look right using Notepad. However, the copyright info at the bottom is covered up by some of the bottom notes. I'm not sure if I can change how many measures are on the page using Notepad, so I don't know if I can fix that on my own.

Other than that, I feel like this is a decent first draft of this piece. I think this song is really nice and would like to make it sound as good as possible, so any feedback is welcome, no matter how nitpicky! 

[mastersuperfan]

- Tempo should be 75 BPM.
- Whenever you have a sixteenth tied to an eighth or an eighth tied to a sixteenth within a single beat, write it as a dotted eighth instead (i.e. m1 LH, m2 LH, m6 LH). A good rule of thumb is that notes that are beamed together usually shouldn't be tied together. (Likewise, the beamed and tied eighths on m17/25 LH beat 3.5 would be better written as a quarter note.)
- Optionally, many people would also prefer to change the tied quarters on m11 RH beats 2-3 into a single half note. Even though it doesn't show beat 3, the rhythms are simple enough that it's still clear.
- For the eighth notes in m1/2/5/6 LH, I hear the very first note (beat 1) as an Eb instead of a D.
- The LH is pretty low in m1-7—you might (but don't have to) consider moving up the LH in most places in order to keep the eighth notes in the same octave that they were in the original.

I'm not great at chord progressions but I'll try to let you know what I hear in m9+ and what I would suggest (note: when I say to write notes into the RH, you can write them as half notes in a separate layer under the melody):
- First half of m9: I hear C in the bass and Eb, G, and Bb in the piano (seems like C minor 7th chord). I would suggest putting a low C and a Bb (one step below middle C) in the LH, and putting the Eb below the G in the RH.
- Second half of m9: LH sounds like Bb (8th note) - C (8th note) - Eb (quarter note), instead of the four eighth notes you currently have.
- Beginning of m10: I hear the same chord that you have, but I think it would be better to keep only the D and C in the LH, move the F to the RH, and let the A in the melody act as the A in the chord. (i.e. D and C in LH, F and A in RH)
- First chord in m11: I don't hear the D. I also hear a low C at the bottom. Similar to m9/10 chords, I would include a low C + high Bb in the LH, and Eb + melody G in the RH.
- Second chord in m12: Hearing something quite different from what you have. I hear F on the bottom and A (natural, not flat), C and maybe Eb? above it. (The Eb is faint if it's there) Likewise, my suggestion: F and Eb in LH, A and C in RH.
- For m12, I wouldn't tie the F over to the second chord. It's not possible to hold the F and play the D and Bb on beat 3 unless you use the pedal, and the pedal makes the bass sound really muddy. If you want, you can add an F in between the D and Bb on beat 3 to compensate.
- m13 first chord: I would move the G from the LH into the RH one octave up.
- m13 second chord: The bass still plays Eb. I don't hear a Bb here, but I do hear a C. I would just have an Eb in the LH and write an A and a C in the RH.
- m14 first chord, same deal: Move F and A to the RH, keep D and C in the LH. (You've probably noticed that my suggestions are usually to keep the 7th in the LH and move the 3rd and 5th to the RH.)
- m14 second chord, I also hear an A here. I would suggest leaving only the G in the LH and writing the D, F, and A all in the RH under the held D.
- m14 beat 4, the chord also changes here (bass stays held as G), while the rest of the chord is re-articulated as D, G, Bb. I would add these three notes to the RH on beat 4.
- m15 first chord, bass is C, sounds like another C minor 7th instead of what you have. As before, I suggest low C and Bb in LH and Eb and G in RH.
- m15 second chord, I would omit the C from the LH (since the melody already plays a C on the beat), and then add an A in the RH under the C.
- m16, this is what I hear/would write (you don't have to use this exactly; i.e. you could keep the Bb held as a whole note if you want, but I would recommend adding the Fs to the RH and changing Layer 1 of the LH):


tl;dr as far as I can tell, these are pretty much all root position 7th chords, and I recommend keeping the root and 7th in the LH and moving the 3rd and 5th to the RH

The first half took longer than I expected to check, so I'll get to the rest soon at a later time.

EDIT: About the second half—before I check the notes, let me give this suggestion:

I think that having only the bottom note of the LH play as eighth notes is a bit weak/sparse in terms of replicating the percussive, driving 8th-note feel of the original. You might consider having a second or third note on top also playing as 8th notes (i.e. converting one or both of the Layer 1 notes into eighth notes). Try experimenting and see if you can get something that sounds a bit more powerful. (To that end, you might want to move the LH up an octave when it gets really low since chords can sound really muddy down there.)

DISCLAIMER, you don't have to change the LH; maybe my suggestion actually makes it sound worse. But just try some other possibilities maybe, since I wonder if there might be a better alternative to what you have now.

EDIT 2: A few more things about the last four measures (where, once again, the pattern of root + 7th in LH and 3rd + 5th in RH returns):
- On beat 1 of m33/35, the D in the LH sounds like a B (7th) to me instead.
- m34/36 are missing a middle C (7th) on beat 1, which could be written into the LH.

The chords from m17-31 are pretty tricky to hear since they're in the background, but I'm definitely hearing some extra notes you could add. A lot of the chords have some dissonance in the original that are missing in your sheet. For example, something along these lines is what I'm hearing for m17-18 (I transposed the second half of m18 LH an octave up so the chords wouldn't sound muddy down low):


I'd rather not go through every single chord in the second half of the sheet and re-transcribe everything though, so if you could go through and listen closely to these chords to pick out more notes and see if you can bring back the dissonance, that'd be great. If you haven't already been using it, Audiostretch (mobile app) is a really good way to slow down, pause, and change the pitch of audio to identify notes and chords.

[jb3ck15]

I am in the process of rewriting according to your suggestions, most of which I really like and have implemented.

The one thing I disagree on is the second chord of m12. I have listened to the original song over and over again and I really think it sounds like a V7-I resolution. Maybe I'm misunderstanding your suggestion, but it seems like you're suggesting an F7 to an Fmaj7. I'm definitely hearing the F Ab Bb D bass line, and I feel like that goes along with the F7-Bb chord progression I was hearing too.

Other than that, I agree with all of your suggestions up to the first edit. When I get all the way through your suggestions, I will reupload, but I'm just commenting now to mention that difference before I forget to.

Thanks for the insightful comments!

[mastersuperfan]

The one thing I disagree on is the second chord of m12. I have listened to the original song over and over again and I really think it sounds like a V7-I resolution. Maybe I'm misunderstanding your suggestion, but it seems like you're suggesting an F7 to an Fmaj7. I'm definitely hearing the F Ab Bb D bass line, and I feel like that goes along with the F7-Bb chord progression I was hearing too.

Sorry, maybe my original wording was unclear. I was referring to the RH, not the LH. I wouldn't tie the F from beat 1 over to beat 3. Instead, you might consider adding an F to the RH on beat 3 (D-F-Bb chord) to make up for it.

EDIT: Oh wait, I see what you were referring to. Sorry, I meant the second chord of m11 there, not m12.

- Second chord in m12 m11: Hearing something quite different from what you have. I hear F on the bottom and A (natural, not flat), C and maybe Eb? above it. (The Eb is faint if it's there) Likewise, my suggestion: F and Eb in LH, A and C in RH.

[Latios212]

Hey jb3ck15, are you still around to work on this one?

[Latios212]

Archiving this one for inactivity - feel free to resubmit with edits, and feel free to reach out if you need help.