[WiiU] Mario Kart 8 - "Bone-Dry Dunes" by amc

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Mario Kart
Game: Mario Kart 8
Console: Wii U
Title: Bone-Dry Dunes
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: amc

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[amc]

BONESAW IS READY

[Apind]

i never understood the hate for this track, i like it and has some good music, very good piano arrangement!

[Zeila]

This sounds nice :3 . I have a few things to say:

• I think some parts could use some staccatos such the first three eighth notes in measure 26 or the first eighth note of measures 6 and 9, so it's worth going over the entire sheet again
• Instead of (or in addition to?) breaking up the beams between eighth notes when a new phrase starts, you could add slurs
• m4 beat 4.5 and m5 beat 1 you're missing some sixteenth note dyads here
• m13-20 I feel like you could be more experimental here with the LH by incorporating more of the bass part, but it's up to you; also in this section I think it would be better if you alternated between octaves more for the different voices in the RH (e.g. beat 3.5 to beat 2.5 of measures 17 to 18 could be lowered an octave)
• m23-24 RH I think instead of octaves the lower notes are just sixths below the top line (i.e. the first two notes would be Bn, then C and so on), or you could keep the lower octave and include the sixths anyways

[amc]

Updated.

[Static]

Pretty cool arrangement, here's some feedback:

• The key should be G minor.
• Watch the guitar pattern starting in m3; in m4 and 10 it doesn't go up to Ab-Eb, it stays on G-D.
• I would add a staccato to the 8th notes on beat 2 of m13/17, beats 2 and 3.5 of m14/18, and on beat 1 of m15/19 (all RH).
• Staccatos would also be nice on some of those 8th notes in m25-26 RH.
• Copyright text and page numbers/titles are not within the margins.

[mastersuperfan]

Just dropping in to add that I think that the LH playing power chords (octaves plus fifth) in a low register the whole way through is very overpowering, especially since the RH is mostly only playing a single voice. I'd only recommend it where the RH is also playing chords; otherwise, you might consider removing one of the notes. Maybe other people who've reviewed it have different opinions, though.

[Static]

Just dropping in to add that I think that the LH playing power chords (octaves plus fifth) in a low register the whole way through is very overpowering, especially since the RH is mostly only playing a single voice. I'd only recommend it where the RH is also playing chords; otherwise, you might consider removing one of the notes. Maybe other people who've reviewed it have different opinions, though.

When playing on an actual piano, the player has the power to balance each voice out on their own; something you can't really do in Finale without very meticulous hidden dynamic placements. Personally, I like having the upper octave bc it fills up that mid-register that the RH doesn't really play very often in this piece. Maybe just marking the overall dynamic of the LH lower would help.

[amc]

Updated.

[Static]

When you updated the sheet, it looks like the mezzopiano and mezzoforte in m4-5 moved too close to the barline. Just move those a bit to the right.

[amc]

fixed it.

[Static]

Looks good, approved

[mastersuperfan]

Wow, this actually works way better on piano than I thought it would. The LH works too; I take back when I said before about it.

Notes all seem great, so I just have some stuff to say about presentation and phrasing:
- Something weird happened with the "3" on the triplet in m1 LH. It's below the notes when it should be above.
- In m3-5, the RH and LH staves could be spread apart a little more so that the sf in m3 isn't so cramped.
- The dynamics in m4 and m5 should be moved just a little to the right so they're not so close to the barline.
- For m4 LH beat 4, maybe it would be better if you removed the low G from Layer 1 and instead put an eighth note G in Layer 2? Either way is okay, though.
- Not sure whether the courtesy flat in m7 is necessary, since the LH is also playing an Eb at the same time, and En in m6 was in a different octave.
- m9 RH Layer 2 beat 4 (C quarter note) could be moved slightly to the left so that it's clear that it plays simultaneously with the first sixteenth note in Layer 2. Right now, it looks closer to the second sixteenth note instead.
- m13 dynamic could be moved slightly to the right so it's centered with the noteheads.
- I hear beat 4.5 of m17 RH as two sixteenth notes (En followed by F), rather than a single eighth note En.
- The accidentals are really cramped in m18 RH. Maybe you could try giving the measure some more width, and/or manually moving the notes and accidentals a bit.
- Have you considered adding harmonies under the RH in m19?
- I think m22 RH would look better if you rounded the slur upward and moved the mordent below the slur.
- Slurs are colliding or almost colliding with accidentals and should be slightly adjusted (probably by rounding them upward more) in the following places: m1, m12 (both slurs), m13, m16 (both slurs), m18 (both the first and third slur), m19, m28.
- I think the final measure (m31) would look cleaner as an accented and/or staccato'd quarter note, rather than an eighth note. You might consider doing something similar for m3 RH too.
- In m5/7/9/11 RH, the melody sounds more to me like it's staccato'd on beat 2 (thus ending the first slur), and a new slur begins on beat 2.5. In m6/10 RH, the same thing, except beat 2.5 also sounds staccato and the second slur begins on beat 3 instead.
- The slur at the beginning of m13 RH should probably end on the staccato'd note, rather than the note before. Same for m17.
- Do you want to put staccatos on the last notes of the slurs in m13-14? Same for beat 2 of m18.
- The last slur in m14 should probably extend to the first note of m15 too.
- Do you want to put staccatos on the non-slurred notes in m25-26 RH?
- The phrasing in m27-28 RH sounds more like this to me (as before, I would add staccatos at the ends of these slurs):

Image

[close]

[amc]

Updated.

[mastersuperfan]

Looks great, a few last things:
- Tempo marking could be moved up a bit so it's not so close to the slur.
- m1 LH slur should be adjusted so it doesn't collide with the "3" from the triplet.
- Slur at the end of m10 could be extended to the first note of m11.
- Slur at the end of m15 could be extended to the first note of m16.
- Slur in the middle of m16 could be extended to the eighth on note beat 4.
- You might consider combining the slurs at the end of m17 and the beginning of m18 into a single slur.
- The first eighth note (beat 3.5) of m22/26 RH sounds staccato rather than part of the slur (in which case, the mordent should probably go above the slur instead).
- m26 RH shouldn't have a mordent.
- The systems on page 2 are pretty close together compared to page 1, and you have a lot of empty space on page 3. To spread the systems out more, you might consider moving one of the systems from page 2 to page 3.