[NDS] Professor Layton and the Unwound Future - "London Streets" by PokéMaster

[mastersuperfan]

- As Latios said, all of this should be in swing, with the dotted eighth - sixteenth patterns as swung eighths.
- In m3-4, I don't hear a Dn in the LH chord, just the other three notes.
- In m8, the LH chord should be Gb-Bb-Dn, not F-Ab-Dn.
- I don't hear Cb's in the m14 LH chord.
- m16 LH would be better represented as a dotted quarter than a quarter, IMO. (You could also write it as a quarter tied to an eighth, if you prefer.) Or, you could just write a half note to keep it simple. Either way, it should be held for longer than one beat.
- In m21-22 LH, the top of the triad sounds like a Dn rather than a Cb.
- In m30 LH, the Bb's in the chord should be Ab's instead.
- In m36, I would remove (or at least parenthesize) the top note of the chord from LH beat 3 since the RH is playing the same note non-staccato.
- In m2-15, I feel that you often cut off the melody note too early and leave too many rests in the phrases as a result, compared to the original (in particular: m2, m3, m8-10, and m15). I would hold those notes out longer, up until the next note in the melody.
- In the melody, it might be helpful to put two-note slurs on patterns where a held note is followed by a staccato note (e.g. m1, m2 after you change beat 1 to a half note, m5, etc.). That would make the phrasing easier to see.

[PokeMaestro]

- As Latios said, all of this should be in swing, with the dotted eighth - sixteenth patterns as swung eighths

I think that the rhythmic points are already emphasized enough here so that a swing is not necessary. Besides, I'm not a big fan of jazz, so please don't be angry with me if I don't transfer it in swing 

- In the melody, it might be helpful to put two-note slurs on patterns where a held note is followed by a staccato note (e.g. m1, m2 after you change beat 1 to a half note, m5, etc.). That would make the phrasing easier to see.

please don't

- In m3-4, I don't hear a Dn in the LH chord, just the other three notes.
- In m8, the LH chord should be Gb-Bb-Dn, not F-Ab-Dn.
- I don't hear Cb's in the m14 LH chord.
- m16 LH would be better represented as a dotted quarter than a quarter, IMO. (You could also write it as a quarter tied to an eighth, if you prefer.) Or, you could just write a half note to keep it simple. Either way, it should be held for longer than one beat.
- In m21-22 LH, the top of the triad sounds like a Dn rather than a Cb.
- In m30 LH, the Bb's in the chord should be Ab's instead.
- In m36, I would remove (or at least parenthesize) the top note of the chord from LH beat 3 since the RH is playing the same note non-staccato.
- In m2-15, I feel that you often cut off the melody note too early and leave too many rests in the phrases as a result, compared to the original (in particular: m2, m3, m8-10, and m15). I would hold those notes out longer, up until the next note in the melody.

All done and updated! And happy Halloween you all!

[mastersuperfan]

I think that the rhythmic points are already emphasized enough here so that a swing is not necessary. Besides, I'm not a big fan of jazz, so please don't be angry with me if I don't transfer it in swing 

It's true that this isn't jazz... so yeah, it shouldn't be written with swing. Actually, it should be written in 9/8. (It's not a matter of rhythmic emphasis; it's the fact that everything is in triplets, and writing them as dotted eighth - sixteenth parts would be rhythmically incorrect.)

please don't

What do you mean?

[PokeMaestro]

chatted over Discord and updated

[Latios212]

I can't say I like it better in 9/8 since the lots of dots make it more confusing... but I'm not arguing since it's correct. However, I'm seeing some new things that need to be tidied up (even though I had signed off on a previous version) -
- All the dots make it hard to tell where the melody is staccato and where it isn't. I'd suggest putting slurs over beats 1-2 in measures 1, 5, etc., similar places throughout the sheet.
- Condense rests into a quarter rest in m. 6
- Rhythm in m. 11 is missing beats
- Wrong rhythm in m. 14
- Tying over into beat 2 in m. 16/48 seems a bit awkward. I'd write it as a dotted half instead.
- Beat 3 of m. 8 should be staccato. I'd also suggest being consistent and writing the rhythm in the second to last measure in the same way.

[PokeMaestro]

I'm sorry for late replying. Updated now.

[mastersuperfan]

- Tempo should be written as dotted quarter = 120 instead of quarter = 180.
- Staccato on m1 RH beat 3 should be above the notehead, not below the stem.
- Right parenthesis in m36 should be moved more to the right so it doesn't clash with the dot.
- In m11 and m14 RH, the two eighth rests should be written as a quarter rest.
- m7/12 RH beat 4 sounds staccato to me.
- m13 RH beat 1 sounds like it lasts for two beats instead of one.
- m22/24/30 RH beat 4 are legato and shouldn't have the staccato.
- In m32 RH, beat 3 is legato. In addition to removing the staccato on beat 3, I would also write the two-note slur on beats 1-2 and remove the slur from beats 2-3.
- On m11/14/38/44/46 RH beats 1-2, I would put a two-note slur from beat 1 to beat 2 to make the phrasing more visible.
- In m38/44/46 RH, I would use a staccato'd dotted quarter instead of a staccato'd quarter since the LH always has staccato'd dotted quarters.
- For m1-24 (and m49) (except for m16), I would suggest making LH beat 1 only a single note instead of an octave. Having LH beat 1 be octaves for the entire sheet is pretty pounding and repetitive... so I would recommend reserving the beat 1 octave only for m25-48 when the original track also has that pounding feel.

[PokeMaestro]

just updated

[mastersuperfan]

Looks great! Just two last things:
- I would also make m24 LH beat 1 a single note instead of an octave, since it doesn't change until the start of the new section at m25.
- The slur in m32 RH should be from beats 1-2 instead of 2-3.

[PokeMaestro]

updated 

I'm glad we've finished that sheet after over a year. Thank you, Mastersuperfan and Latios for supporting this. I got a lot of experience.

[mastersuperfan]

aaaaa sorry I just noticed something else (last thing, I promise): For m7/12 RH, did you mean to put the staccato on the beat 3 quarter note, rather than the eighth note at the very end of the measure?

[PokeMaestro]

ah right, updated

[Latios212]

This should be the last post of feedback this time... thanks you two for fixing this one up a lot!

- I think the slurs in m. 1 and 5 should be between beats 1-2 and not beats 2-3.
- The melody on beat 1 of measure 3 can just be a dotted half note instead of dotted quarter + dotted rest.
- Measure 12 should have parentheses on the lower F on beat 3 instead of making the F in the right hand staccato.
- Parentheses on the overlapping note in m. 34 as well.
- The quarter notes on beat 2 in the right hand of measures 22 and 24 should be quarter rests instead (the melody note doesn't hold over for that long).

If you would like help making these last few edits before we accept, just let me know.

[mastersuperfan]

- I think the slurs in m. 1 and 5 should be between beats 1-2 and not beats 2-3.

To my understanding this was intended to convey portato, although I might be mistaken.

[Latios212]

I figured the intention was similar to m. 11/14/etc to denote a sustained note followed by a shortened note, but feel free to let me know if that wasn't the case and it is as MSF mentioned above.