[SWITCH] Fire Emblem: Three Houses - "A Funeral of Flowers (Thunder)" by Zeila

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Fire Emblem
Game: Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: A Funeral of Flowers (Thunder)
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila

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[Zeila]

There's a bit of the Edge of Dawn leitmotif in there. Also, this is in the same state as my last edit 2 days ago

[Latios212]

A couple of things on my mind (sorry I keep splitting up the feedback as I revisit it again and again haha)

I think the octave doubled D# is there in the right hand of m. 23 (seems somewhat debatable to me at the moment), but I don't think it makes a lot of practical sense to include given how difficult that would be to reach, and the context of the surrounding parts that don't do something similar.

I think dotted eighth notes would actually make more sense than the duplets in m. 21+. They're not a syncopated rhythm here; they're paralleling the right hand part which is in threes and I think the dotted eighth notes would better reflect that without being confusing.

Bars 27-42 are a bit out of place visually as they're the same tempo as most of the rest of the song but have note durations doubled in the sheet. I think it would make more sense to halve note durations in m. 27-42, and make 27-36 have a 12/16 time signature and make 37-42 have a 6/8 time signature.

When I was referring to giving the cadenza at the end a look, I was more referring to how we wrote out the right hand notes (as 32nds/tuplets/etc). In that regard I think what you have now looks pretty good, after quickly listening to the original again. But I do think that we should leave the barlines and measure numbers there since there's still a very solid cutoff point between measures.

[Zeila]

A couple of things on my mind (sorry I keep splitting up the feedback as I revisit it again and again haha)

That's ok, lol. Thanks for giving feedback in the first place! I went ahead and updated it based off of your suggestions

[Latios212]

Awesome! This looks really good to me now. Just polish at this point!

Biggest thing I have to say is about the distribution - I think we could use 3 measures per system in most places to condense things a bit, make it more uniform overall, and save a page. Here's a file with my suggestion of measures per system, though please don't directly use it as there are a lot of clashing symbols. Try modifying your file a bit at a time.

Other things:
- I think it'd be better to just have the pickup as a 16th duration instead of having an extra rest at the beginning.
- Move the beam between staves when cross-staffing in 4 to be consistent with the measures before it. Also make sure the augmentation dot doesn't overlap the following notes in m. 4. Actually you could just not cross-staff at all here to avoid both of those issues. It may be more natural for the LH to take all the arpeggio notes here anyway so the RH can prepare for those higher octaves.
- The slur in m. 7-8 bends upwards a bit much.
- Dynamics could be lowered a bit in m. 21-22.
- Put the measure numbers back at the end.

I think I might have a few more spacing things to point out after the distribution is all settled (e.g. there'll be more vertical adjustments to make once measures are moved around). Thanks again for your patience

[Zeila]

Thanks for your help! It's been updated

[Latios212]

Awesome, awesome. Last point I have to make is to run back through each system and check the space between LH/RH staves (for instance, 55 has too little and 57 has too much). Once that's done, try and spread out the 5 staves per page to make sure there's a sufficient amount of vertical space between the symbols on each system (not just the system itself). Try to make sure the bottom of the bottom staff on each page is aligned too; page 4 has some extra space at the bottom.

I think I'm going to sign off after that

[Zeila]

Okay cool, I updated it

[Latios212]

Awesome! This gets my seal of approval

[Libera]

This is very nice indeed, and very accurate!  Just a few tiny things from me and then I'll sign off on this:

-Could the dynamic at the start be aligned above the first note?
-I think it alternates notes in the pick up and just at the end (low then high) rather than both being octaves.  It'd also be a little easier to play.
-In the left hand of bar 76 and 78 I don't hear the final notes in each set, i.e. the second and fourth F##s in bar 76 and the second and fourth G#s in bar 78.
-In bar 57, the second layer in the right hand sounds like it dips down to C# rather than up to the F# on the third semiquaver or An on the seventh.

Great work!

[Zeila]

Thanks, it's been updated! :3

[Libera]

It looks like you missed the pickup.  The other changes look good though.

[Zeila]

I moved it some more

[Libera]

No sorry, I meant:

-I think it alternates notes in the pick up and just at the end (low then high) rather than both being octaves.  It'd also be a little easier to play.

You changed it at the end of the piece but not at the start.

[Zeila]

No sorry, I meant:

You changed it at the end of the piece but not at the start.

Oh sorry, I read it weirdly and thought you meant only the last pickup. Now it should be good