[PC] Deltarune - "Card Castle" by Yug Guy

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Deltarune
Console: PC
Title: Card Castle
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Yug Guy

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Yug_Guy]

Oh yeah, that's right, I have Deltarune arrangements that should probably go on site...

[Sebastian]

Not at a piano, but I do have a couple things to point out.
- M. 2, 4, etc. -  every time there are those fast 16th notes I'm hearing it noticeably get louder. Once the 16th notes are finished playing that segment it goes back to the original volume.
- Center-align the mp dynamic marking in the middle of the staff.
- Right-align the composer/arranger names.

When at an 88 keyed instrument, I'll be back to check notes. : )

[Libera]

I'll get to Chaos King later (sooooooon), but given there's a lot of overlap musically between the two a lot of my comments are likely to apply to both; so it's probably worth having a look at that as well after reading these comments.

-A 77% page resize on a 7.2cm staff gives approximately a 0.55cm staff size which is too small.  Bring it back up to at least 6cm (I prefer 6.5 but up to you.)  It might mean that you can't fit it on one page anymore, but I promise it's worth it for readability.
-I was initially sceptical of the Ab -> G# combination in bars 7 etc but I think you're actually right.  Just thought I'd mention it. :P
-The Ab in bar 16-17 should be a G# though, as it's leading up to the A in the next bar.  Same goes for bar 25.  Similarly the Gb in bar 21 and 29 should be F#s.  (Remember to remove the courtesy accidentals as well.)
-There shouldn't be a courtesy accidental in bar 25 (probably a copy-paste error).  And going off of your other courtesy accidentals, for consistency you probably want one for the Gs in bars 21 and 29.
-The lower voice in the second part of the piece (bar 17+) has a little more movement than you've written in.  If it's intentionally been left out then fair enough, but I think there are a couple of places where including it wouldn't be so tricky for the performer.
-The lower voice in bars 22 and 30 drops to a G rather than an Ab.
-First note in the left hand of bars 24 and 32 should be an A rather than a G.
-Since you write it as two separate voices everywhere else, I think it'd make sense to write the pick up to bar 17 as two separate voices too.

[Yug_Guy]

- M. 2, 4, etc. -  every time there are those fast 16th notes I'm hearing it noticeably get louder. Once the 16th notes are finished playing that segment it goes back to the original volume.
- Center-align the mp dynamic marking in the middle of the staff.
- Right-align the composer/arranger names.

-A 77% page resize on a 7.2cm staff gives approximately a 0.55cm staff size which is too small.  Bring it back up to at least 6cm (I prefer 6.5 but up to you.)  It might mean that you can't fit it on one page anymore, but I promise it's worth it for readability.
-The Ab in bar 16-17 should be a G# though, as it's leading up to the A in the next bar.  Same goes for bar 25.  Similarly the Gb in bar 21 and 29 should be F#s.  (Remember to remove the courtesy accidentals as well.)
-There shouldn't be a courtesy accidental in bar 25 (probably a copy-paste error).  And going off of your other courtesy accidentals, for consistency you probably want one for the Gs in bars 21 and 29.
-The lower voice in bars 22 and 30 drops to a G rather than an Ab.
-First note in the left hand of bars 24 and 32 should be an A rather than a G.

Fixed.

-The lower voice in the second part of the piece (bar 17+) has a little more movement than you've written in. If it's intentionally been left out then fair enough, but I think there are a couple of places where including it wouldn't be so tricky for the performer.

Deliberately simplified. Some of the accompaniment is super messy to write out/play. 

-Since you write it as two separate voices everywhere else, I think it'd make sense to write the pick up to bar 17 as two separate voices too.

I'm going to ask for a second opinion on this, since it would mean that I'd have to have 3 voices in m.17, which I think is a little excessive.

-I was initially skeptical of the Ab -> G# combination in bars 7 etc but I think you're actually right.  Just thought I'd mention it.

lol thanks

[Libera]

-Oops I think you misunderstood me over this / I wasn't very clear about this:

-The lower voice in bars 22 and 30 drops to a G rather than an Ab.

I meant the lower voice in the RH on the and of 1 rather than the LH beat 1.  The left hand is definitely playing an Ab.

-Also this:

-First note in the left hand of bars 24 and 32 should be an A rather than a G.

You got it in 24 but missed 32.

I'm going to ask for a second opinion on this, since it would mean that I'd have to have 3 voices in m.17, which I think is a little excessive.

I personally think it looks a lot more consistent writing out the separate voices, but I understand you wanted a second opinion. 

-You also missed the Ab -> G# change in bar 17 (you got it in bar 25).
-Kind of nitpicky, but the crescendo in bar 16 should really start on a note rather than a rest. 

I think that'll be it from me after you make those edits (modulo waiting on someone else's opinion about bar 16.)  Good stuff.

[Yug_Guy]

Sorry for the late response - I've been busy this past week or so. All changes have been made.

[Libera]

Other than waiting on someone else's opinion on bar 17, I think that's all from my end.

Although I was thinking that maybe it'd look nicer using two pages rather than one, but it's not really a problem, more of a personal preference I think.

[Yug_Guy]

Other than waiting on someone else's opinion on bar 17, I think that's all from my end.
Although I was thinking that maybe it'd look nicer using two pages rather than one, but it's not really a problem, more of a personal preference I think.

I usually try to keep it down to the fewest number of pages if possible. I think one page works just fine for this particular arrangement. Gotta save paper!

[Libera]

-Since you write it as two separate voices everywhere else, I think it'd make sense to write the pick up to bar 17 as two separate voices too.

I'm going to ask for a second opinion on this, since it would mean that I'd have to have 3 voices in m.17, which I think is a little excessive.

Just putting this here so the next updater knows the particular thing I'd like them to give an opinion on.  Other than that, approved!

[mastersuperfan]

I don't think it would be excessive as long as you keep the half and eighth rest the way they are (i.e. you combine the rests from both eighth-note layers into one rest in the middle of the staff). That way, it doesn't clutter up the first two beats at all and the last two beats are consistent with the following phrase.

[Latios212]

Up to you, personally think it's fine either way. However if you do change it I would suggest separating 24 and 32 as well.

Otherwise, looks pretty good! Though I'd suggest bumping up the "Arrangement by..." and the eighth rests in 17 and 25 up a notch.

[Yug_Guy]

Up to you, personally think it's fine either way. However if you do change it I would suggest separating 24 and 32 as well.

I'd honestly prefer not to change it (sorry Libera & MSF)

I'd suggest bumping up the "Arrangement by..." and the eighth rests in 17 and 25 up a notch.

Fixed.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

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