[3DS] Fire Emblem Awakening - "Id (Purpose)" by Maelstrom

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Fire Emblem
Game: Fire Emblem Awakening
Console: Nintendo 3DS
Title: Id (Purpose)
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Maelstrom

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Maelstrom]

Here we go (again).

[Latios212]

I think you did a pretty good job at addressing the heaps of feedback I gave last time! Maybe this weekend I'll have time to delve into this one more but for now here's one major thing still left over from that.

Measures 103-111
- You have this written as 1-2 repeat but this whole section repeats five times (beginning at 87), each more climactic than the last. I'd recommend writing out the fourth iteration separately. You do a good job of making each iteration fuller than the last, with the countermelody in the second, more bass in the third, and more RH harmonies and (finally) the 12/8 rhythm in the fifth. Use the fourth iteration to bridge a better gap between the third and fifth, because as it's written right now, both the RH harmonies and LH 12/8 rhythm just come BLAM out of nowhere but in the original it's a gradual buildup. If you want my suggestion, start introducing more RH harmonies and change up the bass part.

Other few quick things while I'm peeking at this:
- Extra space in the title
- "Risoluto" for the expression text
- Caesura awkwardly placed in m. 86
- You can probably afford to drop the RH articulations too in the m. 87+ section. It'd probably be clearer to just use an 8vb for the four systems too.
- Not sure how useful the articulations are in the LH of m. 112+. It's pretty clear this is the climax and that octave is going to have to be pounded loudly and quickly anyway.
- Use DS instead of DC

Will have more to say later, of course.

[Maelstrom]

All fixed

[Libera]

Let's see how much I can get through.

-In bar 3 I think a Bb under the F would be more suitable than a C since this is like a sus4 chord that resolves in the next bar.  Also the part that's playing the Bb, personally I would have included it instead of the high arpeggiated (a word???) thing, but I can see the value of both.
-General comment about the piece: Anywhere with those constant semiquavers in the left hand I'd recommend going to three bars per system rather than four because everything is a little cramped at the moment (and it's causing collisions/near collisions in a lot of places.)
-Bars 7-16 there's quite a lot of movement that you've omitted from the right hand and, particularly in bars where the right hand isn't really doing anything at all (15-16, 7-8) I think it'd be nice to include it (although I think you could probably include the whole of the second part in this section without cluttering the main melody).
-Bar 38 it sounds like that D is re-articulated in the right hand, and that would match with everywhere else that figure appears.
-Bar 39-40 there are the horns (???) that go A D C# D E but you've only included the A D C#.  I don't think it'd hurt to put that extra little flourish in for bar 40 and it'd give it more momentum going into bar 41.
-Kind of random place to put this but I don't want to forget, http -> https.
-Is that figure re-articulated as well in bar 46?  I'm not so sure about that one personally, but maybe I just have a bias towards re-articulating it here.
-Bar 48 sounds like a F chord to me, not a Bb chord (it resolves from the sus chord in bar 47.)  Speaking of which, there's a Bb -> A resolution under the melody here that you could easily fit in since the right hand literally isn't doing anything in bar 48.
-Any particular reason you put in pedal markings for bars 49-50 when you leave the pedalling to the performer everywhere else?  Seems a little bit arbitrary to me, personally.
-You could include more harmonies in the right hand in bars 51-66 like you have in 56-57.
-Playability of 67-68?  Four semiquavers of octaves is one thing, but two full bars of them is very demanding.  Especially those two consecutive seventh jumps at the end of the phrase.  I'd cut this down to one octave.
-I'm honestly having a hard time hearing the notes for the fall in 75-76.  What you have is certainly pretty close, and I think regardless it's a good realisation of whatever it is that part is doing so I'm not going to quibble it I don't think.
-The lowest notes at bar 69-76 are D# C# G# F# E C# G# F# so you might want to throw those notes under the ones you currently have (they move in the exact same motion).
-There's a similar thing going on with the bass notes in 77-85. (i.e. Gn -> E -> F# etc.)  Ending with an F# in the bass in bar 85 (like you have in bar 86).
-The 'Play LH 8vb' symbol is a bit too close to those articulations I feel in bar 87.
-Natural sign colliding with the A# in bar 101.
-I'd probably flip the tie in bar 104.  Same with bar 112.
-You wrote the 'Play LH 8vb' under the staff in bar 87 so the 'Play LH as written' in 107 should probably go under the staff as well to avoid confusing it with the system above it.  Maybe this is actually meant to refer to bar 102, in which case it should definitely be higher up, as evidenced by my confusion.
Wait now I've just got to bar 119 and I'm really confused about these LH markings.  Is the one in 102/107 an accident?  Is there a missing 8vb somewhere?  I have no idea what's going on.
-Latios might have more to say about the 12/8 section but I think it looks pretty nice so far as I can tell.
-The most interesting thing going on bars 127-134 in the original is the choir, and that isn't really anywhere in the sheet.  You could hit the chords they sing with the right hand and then pedal to sustain it while keeping the accompaniment going at the same time which would certainly make the ending of this arrangement a bit more interesting.  At the moment it's just bass notes and the accompaniment so it feels a little lacklustre.
-I'm getting F#s in the bass for bars 133-134 rather than Bns.

...I think that's it for the time being.  I'll have another look through when you've addressed this stuff.

[Latios212]

-You wrote the 'Play LH 8vb' under the staff in bar 87 so the 'Play LH as written' in 107 should probably go under the staff as well to avoid confusing it with the system above it.  Maybe this is actually meant to refer to bar 102, in which case it should definitely be higher up, as evidenced by my confusion.
Wait now I've just got to bar 119 and I'm really confused about these LH markings.  Is the one in 102/107 an accident?  Is there a missing 8vb somewhere?  I have no idea what's going on.

My suggestion was just to use an 8vb line from 87-102 and remove the expression texts referring to which octave.

[Maelstrom]

Let's see how much I can get through.

-In bar 3 I think a Bb under the F would be more suitable than a C since this is like a sus4 chord that resolves in the next bar.  Also the part that's playing the Bb, personally I would have included it instead of the high arpeggiated (a word???) thing, but I can see the value of both.

There is now a Bb and a C

-General comment about the piece: Anywhere with those constant semiquavers in the left hand I'd recommend going to three bars per system rather than four because everything is a little cramped at the moment (and it's causing collisions/near collisions in a lot of places.)

I get this, but I want to  leave it the way it is. Everything feels way to spread out with 3 systems, and doing so would add another 2 full pages to the piece. The trees don't want it to be changed.

-Bars 7-16 there's quite a lot of movement that you've omitted from the right hand and, particularly in bars where the right hand isn't really doing anything at all (15-16, 7-8) I think it'd be nice to include it (although I think you could probably include the whole of the second part in this section without cluttering the main melody).

I tried to add them in the first draft. They always sound much, much worse when put in and I can't figure out why. I will not be adding them, no matter what

-Bar 38 it sounds like that D is re-articulated in the right hand, and that would match with everywhere else that figure appears.

Changed

-Bar 39-40 there are the horns () that go A D C# D E but you've only included the A D C#.  I don't think it'd hurt to put that extra little flourish in for bar 40 and it'd give it more momentum going into bar 41.

I'd honestly prefer not to include these. I think the flow is fine as it is.
[/quote]
-Kind of random place to put this but I don't want to forget, http -> https.[/quote]
fixed

-Is that figure re-articulated as well in bar 46?  I'm not so sure about that one personally, but maybe I just have a bias towards re-articulating it here.

Yep, it does. Fixed.

-Bar 48 sounds like a F chord to me, not a Bb chord (it resolves from the sus chord in bar 47.)  Speaking of which, there's a Bb -> A resolution under the melody here that you could easily fit in since the right hand literally isn't doing anything in bar 48.

Did stuff here. SHould be better now

-Any particular reason you put in pedal markings for bars 49-50 when you leave the pedalling to the performer everywhere else?  Seems a little bit arbitrary to me, personally.

It is a bit arbitrary. Hid them.

-You could include more harmonies in the right hand in bars 51-66 like you have in 56-57.
-Playability of 67-68?  Four semiquavers of octaves is one thing, but two full bars of them is very demanding.  Especially those two consecutive seventh jumps at the end of the phrase.  I'd cut this down to one octave.

Latios tested this when I met him IRL. It's actually easier than it looks. I'm not changing it.

-I'm honestly having a hard time hearing the notes for the fall in 75-76.  What you have is certainly pretty close, and I think regardless it's a good realisation of whatever it is that part is doing so I'm not going to quibble it I don't think.

Let's just say there was a lot of guess and check combined with extrapolation to make this a complete sheet.

-The lowest notes at bar 69-76 are D# C# G# F# E C# G# F# so you might want to throw those notes under the ones you currently have (they move in the exact same motion).

Nice. Added.

-There's a similar thing going on with the bass notes in 77-85. (i.e. Gn -> E -> F# etc.)  Ending with an F# in the bass in bar 85 (like you have in bar 86).

done also

-The 'Play LH 8vb' symbol is a bit too close to those articulations I feel in bar 87.

Fixed

-Natural sign colliding with the A# in bar 101.

fixed

-I'd probably flip the tie in bar 104.  Same with bar 112.

I'd rather not, since it's the lower layer here. If you insist, then maybe....

-You wrote the 'Play LH 8vb' under the staff in bar 87 so the 'Play LH as written' in 107 should probably go under the staff as well to avoid confusing it with the system above it.  Maybe this is actually meant to refer to bar 102, in which case it should definitely be higher up, as evidenced by my confusion.
Wait now I've just got to bar 119 and I'm really confused about these LH markings.  Is the one in 102/107 an accident?  Is there a missing 8vb somewhere?  I have no idea what's going on.

I raised the LH and octave in 103-118 but forgot to delete the later LH marking. Idk why the 103 one is so off target

-Latios might have more to say about the 12/8 section but I think it looks pretty nice so far as I can tell.

thanks

-The most interesting thing going on bars 127-134 in the original is the choir, and that isn't really anywhere in the sheet.  You could hit the chords they sing with the right hand and then pedal to sustain it while keeping the accompaniment going at the same time which would certainly make the ending of this arrangement a bit more interesting.  At the moment it's just bass notes and the accompaniment so it feels a little lacklustre.

to be perfectly honest, i have no clue how to integrate the choir in properly so I didn't. If you can make a full suggestion, then i might go with that

-I'm getting F#s in the bass for bars 133-134 rather than Bns.

Changed

...I think that's it for the time being.  I'll have another look through when you've addressed this stuff.

thanks for taking the time to do so

[Libera]

-You could include more harmonies in the right hand in bars 51-66 like you have in 56-57.

You missed this.

Final things:

-Move the tie in bar 19 up a little.  You could also do the same in bar 53, but it's less of problem there.
-If you don't want to have less bars per system, then you're going to need to tidy up stuff manually which is a bit of a pain but the trees will thank you I guess. :P  The main thing is that everywhere like bar 9, 10 etc. you need to move the dot on the minim back a tiny bit.  It looks too cramped at the moment.
-The mf in bar 95 could do with moving slightly to the right.  The mf in bar 77 could also be moved down slightly.
-All of the pages after the first have slightly awkward empty space at the bottom.  It would probably help to spread the systems out a bit more evenly (and there's certainly enough going on to warrant it).

[Latios212]

My suggestion was just to use an 8vb line from 87-102 and remove the expression texts referring to which octave.

this still

Other than that...
- Adjust the ties at the end of m. 3, they look a bit messy

-Bars 7-16 there's quite a lot of movement that you've omitted from the right hand and, particularly in bars where the right hand isn't really doing anything at all (15-16, 7-8) I think it'd be nice to include it (although I think you could probably include the whole of the second part in this section without cluttering the main melody).

I tried to add them in the first draft. They always sound much, much worse when put in and I can't figure out why. I will not be adding them, no matter what

- Try this: parallel sixths in m. 9-13, and countermelody in m. 15-16. Suggest modifying places like m. 25+, 59+ with the same harmonies instead of just octaves as well.

Spoiler

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- Would suggest moving the bass down an octave in m. 9-10 and similar - it ascends from the C to the G, and the texture just kinda lightens up suddenly without those low notes. It isn't harder to play than anything around it this way either. (As a side effect this also avoids the tightness Libera mentioned above with the augmentation dot)
- I'd suggest filling in the chord at m. 31-32 to highlight the Ebsus4 harmony
- Bass starts out as An in m. 39. Similarly F in 47
- Bit more space for the way line in 40
- Could just put more space between the staves in 19 and 53
- m. 83-84 I'm hearing F# as the topmost note instead of G#
- Dynamics at m. 87+ - how about mp at 87, mf at 95, f at 103, ff at 111, fff at 119
- m. 104 bass should octave double like the rest, 107 too
- Flip beats 2 and 4 of RH m. 118 because there's no layer under it
- rit.'s a bit close to the notes in 126
- LH would be better an octave down in 126
- m. 135-136 - hearing a bunch of notes off in the melody
- Comma in copyright, not slash

Some larger things:
- The bass seemed off in m. 77-85
- Higher notes in the choir jump in at m. 111. Definitely suggest adding this in as otherwise it's mostly the same as iteration 3; it'd be a better transition to iteration 5 at m. 119 as well
- I'd suggest some cooldown, at the very least dynamically, in m. 127+, as suggested earlier. I've tried writing something in for 127 that I think makes some sense.

I've made all the above edits in this here file, see if that all works for you. Once you're done with that, I approve.

[Maelstrom]

Updated, and tweaked a few dynamic placements.

[Khunjund]

...it's pieces like this one which remind me that I really haven't played enough Fire Emblem in my life.

I just wanted to mention this: the B natural in measure 30 and elsewhere should be a C flat; it's a VI>VII>I cadence using mode mixture.

I'd like to provide more detailed feedback, but I'd need a couple days, so it'll depend on how fast it's accepted.

[Libera]

Just fixed a couple of things for you.  There were notes missing in the tied over chord in bar 66 and the right hand was a little cramped in bar 39 so I manually misaligned the semiquaver a smidge to make it look nice.

Accepting!

...it's pieces like this one which remind me that I really haven't played enough Fire Emblem in my life.

I just wanted to mention this: the B natural in measure 30 and elsewhere should be a C flat; it's a VI>VII>I cadence using mode mixture.

I'd like to provide more detailed feedback, but I'd need a couple days, so it'll depend on how fast it's accepted.

I've edited in the Cb; good spot.

In the interest of keeping things moving though, I hope you don't mind me accepting this as two updaters have now given their approval.  This submission has been here for a month (and it was around in subs for longer than that before as well) so we'd like to get it taken care of.  If you'd like to continue discussing the sheet with Maelstrom, feel free to do so in his PA thread or privately.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot