[GBA] Kirby & The Amazing Mirror - "Peppermint Palace" by LeviR.star

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby & The Amazing Mirror
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Peppermint Palace
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: LeviR.star

[attachment deleted by admin]

[attachment deleted by admin]

[LeviR.star]

So glad to finally submit this!

And boy, what a ways it has come, too

You cannot view this attachment.

[close]

[Latios212]

Very good work. Sure has come a long way. I like the way the left hand is really easy to play.

- You've got ample room at the bottom of page 2. Free up some space between staves by moving a system from page 1 to page 2, and raise the copyright up a bit from the bottom of the page.
- How about a D under the RH G on beat 1.5 of the last measure? (It's there in the original, just an octave lower).
- In the interest of maintaining intervallic consistency, try using a C flat in measure 32.
- Last note of measure 8 LH should be a G.
- Is there a reason you have the left hand lead-ins at measures 16 and 24 at different octaves?
- D on beat 4 of measure 32 (LH) should be Eb.
- beat 1 of measure 40 LH should be Ab.

Okay, now that those small things are taken care of, take a moment and think about the arrangement as a whole. The accompaniment up until the last section is extremely light. You've sacrificed the low bass notes, which makes it sound super light and airy. This is fine to start with, but it starts sounding same-y after a while, and it makes the transition to low bass notes in measure 32 very sudden. Consider lowering the accompaniment by an octave somewhere around the middle of the song to keep things interesting and do a better job of building up to the last section, if that makes sense.

[LeviR.star]

Very good work. Sure has come a long way. I like the way the left hand is really easy to play.

- You've got ample room at the bottom of page 2. Free up some space between staves by moving a system from page 1 to page 2, and raise the copyright up a bit from the bottom of the page.
- How about a D under the RH G on beat 1.5 of the last measure? (It's there in the original, just an octave lower).
- In the interest of maintaining intervallic consistency, try using a C flat in measure 32.
- Last note of measure 8 LH should be a G.
- Is there a reason you have the left hand lead-ins at measures 16 and 24 at different octaves?
- D on beat 4 of measure 32 (LH) should be Eb.
- beat 1 of measure 40 LH should be Ab.

Okay, now that those small things are taken care of, take a moment and think about the arrangement as a whole. The accompaniment up until the last section is extremely light. You've sacrificed the low bass notes, which makes it sound super light and airy. This is fine to start with, but it starts sounding same-y after a while, and it makes the transition to low bass notes in measure 32 very sudden. Consider lowering the accompaniment by an octave somewhere around the middle of the song to keep things interesting and do a better job of building up to the last section, if that makes sense.

Thanks, Latios. I'm a little busy with school right now so I'll have to get back to this in a few days.

[Maelstrom]

are you ok

[LeviR.star]

Sorry for the wait; files updated.

- Is there a reason you have the left hand lead-ins at measures 16 and 24 at different octaves?

A pinch of variety/prevent hands from clashing

[Maelstrom]

I'mma try a new method of feedback organization here and see how it works.
1 - Formatting
The copyright -- Where did you get that info? If you're going to include Flagship as a dev, why not include Arika and Dimps?
Maybe respace the measures on pg 1 to give it a bit more breathing space and to fill up a bit of the white space at the bottom of the page
Have you considered writing a "play RH 8va" dynamic at the beginning and a "play as written" for the last two measures? It'd clean things up even more

2 - Notes
The Bdim chord in m34 was bothering me so I rewrote the entire measure. How's this? Also use this for m38

Spoiler

[close]

3 - Theory/Performance
Looks great

Overall, gr8 sheet. Like latios said, you did a really good job of keeping the LH playable while still capturing the feel of the original.

[LeviR.star]

Overall, gr8 sheet. Like latios said, you did a really good job of keeping the LH playable while still capturing the feel of the original.

Thanks, Mael! I'm really glad I could get this one worked out.

I'mma try a new method of feedback organization here and see how it works.

Well, it works swell, if you want my opinion. Less cluttered -- you should keep doing your feedback this way.

[Maelstrom]

Oh, one quick final note:
It should be "play RH as written" not "Play RH octave as written."
Also note that dynamics don't use caps at the beginning of them

[LeviR.star]

Oh, one quick final note:
It should be "play RH as written" not "Play RH octave as written."
Also note that dynamics don't use caps at the beginning of them

Right. Files fixed again.

[Maelstrom]

Great. Accepted.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot