Tobbeh99's story: Galck and Lord Uhh??

[Tobbeh99]

So there seem to be a lot of people writing stories lately so I decided to share with you guys a story I wrote in high school for an English exercise. I think it's quite funny and so thought my friends; but a teacher trainee Urban, who was teaching for our class at that time, really adored it saying it was completely hilarious and almost like a "children story for adults".
So here it is:



                                                                   Galck and Lord Uhh??


 
Galck was punching a tree (as usual). The tree fell down and smashed the ground. 9982157, said Galck."That tree was too simple, but now I need to slay the evil Lord Uhh??"(and yes he got two question marks in his name for some reason). Galck started to walk to the caves. He stood up on a mountain and needed to jump down one kilometer to get to the caves that would lead to Lord Uhh's fortress. He jumped down. He didn't die because he's Galck.

 He then entered a cave, a cave that was dark and therefore called the dark cave. There were 5052,82 evil monsters at the opening of the dark cave. He punched all the monsters in the cave down, except 1,5!!! They fled and they lived, they didn't die. Galck didn't got hurt because he's Galck. You might think it's strange that Galck survives all the time, but it's probably because he has punched trees since he was five years old, so he's very strong and well trained.
   Galck continued walking through the dark cave. The cave is dark and scary and evil because its dark. They were a lot of skeletons, rocks, sand, lava, water, air, washing machines, McDonalds, keys, treasure chests, politicians, orcs, green pipes, flying sheep, cheeses, tourist, bacons, noids, the annoying devils and a lot of other things that were too dark to see what they actually were. They were not many who dared to enter the cave cause it was so dark and evil. But Galck was crazy enough to enter the cave. The cave was really quiet even though there were so many things in the cave. It depended probably on that the cave was db-compressed so the sound level was very low. After 105,28 minutes Galck past the dark cave. He was now going to attack Lord Uhh?? and cleanse the land from he evil. But first he needed to cross a few more caves and the next cave was the darker cave.

 He entered the darker cave. It was darker. An enormous roar came from the cave, but Galck continued. It appeared later that the roar came from a Phillips CD-player. Galck threw up the CD-player and smashed it to 10000*2 exponential to 2-1 pieces by his epic fists of fury. He continued on through the darker cave and passed it. He was quiet close to Lord Uhh??'s fortress of chaos, doom, destruction and construction. But first, he needed to pass through the darkest cave (oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...).

 The darkest cave was darker than the darker cave which was darker than the dark cave. So it was really dark. Galck took up a bag of crisps and a pocket lamp from his backpack. He filled his pocket lamp with lamp oil (witch was used to fuel the pocket lamp) and turned it on and it shined like a sun (it actually was a custom design that got a little sun inside). He started walk thought the darkest cave. The only passage through the darkest cave was a narrow edge of five centimeter. Below, around one hundred meter down was just a big sea of lava. So, don't fall down! Galck made it quiet well balancing through the cave but halfway across the cave he dropped his bag of crisps. "Fuck! Oh my god, so annoying"! "Arghh now I need to go down and get it", said Galck and jumped down into the lava. He swam and swam till he found it and he was nothing but happy to find it. Probably because the crisps had been barbeque crisps, witch is logic according to Blahblahblahblah's formula Crisps + Lava = Barbeque crisps. After Galck got his crisps he heard a scream" I bring darkness"! Galck looked down into a pit and saw a huge dragon monster. The dragon monster was very angry with Galck cause Galck was going to slay his master: The evil Lord Uhh??. So the dragon monster named John tried to mash Galck with his huge hand but Galck used his pocket lamp and glared John. John got so pissed with Galck so he started smashing all around himself which result that a big ROCK loose from the roof aNd ROLLed down from the wall and landed on John's head. John couldn't resist the power of Rock n' Roll so he popped like a balloon. Galck had now defeated the dragon monster John and should've climb up to the edge if he hadn't spotted a store with a sign that said "Uber-Imba-Overpowerweapons and stuff that are useful if you want to slay Lord Uhh??." "Exactly what I needed", said Galck and entered the stored.

 The Store was quiet small but full of weapons that probably were Uber.Imba.-Overpower. The storekeeper was not unique or special at any kind as you might have thought. The only thing was that he followed Galck with his eyes wide-opened which made Galck confused so he started: "ehm I'm looking for some Uber-Imba-Overpowerweapons and stuff to slay Lord Uhh??". The storekeeper answered shortly and quickly "ok", and began walking around the store searching for the right gear. After a while had the storekeeper collected all weapons and items that Galck needed. It was over 50 different items and weapons. Galck put all the items down in his backpack. His backpack which from the start was big and round as a football had now grown at least 10 times bigger, and the form of the backpack is indescribable. "And one more thing", Galck heard the storekeeper said. "The strongest weapon I got", he continued and picked up something from his desk drawer. "Behold the most Uber-Imba-Overpowerweapon: The Hammer!" The storekeeper said and showed Galck a really tiny steel hammer. "don't underrate it because of it's size, rate it of it's power, witch is tremendous". "Ok", said Galck and paid the storekeeper and moved on. He took an elevator which lead right into Lord Uhh??'s fortress of chaos, doom, destruction and construction. He was now just outside Lord Uhh??'s fortress of chaos, doom, destruction and construction. Before he entered the fortress he looked at a sign that showed which cave he was at. The sign said "the .... Cave". The big blank space in the middle was too dark too see but it made Galck got a feeling how dark the cave the fortress lied in was.

 He now entered the fortress. Galck look at a map witch showed that fortress was quiet small. It was probably thereby Lord Uhh?? has started to a construction project to expand his fortress. He walked through a room until he came to a big wall witch was guarded by two guards. Galck said "move I need to get through". One of the guards pointed a sign that said "Under Construction, no one may enter without permission". "Come on let me in or I'll need to smash this wall down by my bare hands."Good luck, this wall is called the unbreakable wall because it's unbreakable, you can't destroy it", said the guard. "Well I doubt about that", said Galck and picked up the guard and threw him into the wall... And the wall broke. "don't try too fool me, I'm not an idiot, at least I don't think I am". The other guard ran away so it was an open way for Galck to enter Lord Uhh??'s room. Galck just chose the perfect time to kill Lord Uhh?? because all his guards were busy building the fortress. Galck entered a great hall. At the end of the hall was the door to Lord Uhh??'s room. Galck started walking. Just as he started a symphony orchestra (that was placed at the sides of the great hall) play a piece called "the opened way" to make the atmosphere more epic. He finally reached the door. It said "don't disturb" so Galck first thought that it would be stupid to disturb, but he then changed his mind and entered.
   
Lord Uhh??'s room was formed like a huge round platform hanging out in the air. Galck was now around five thousand meters up in the air. There was no ceiling and no walls so you could see right out in the open, dark and evil sky. At the other side stood the evil Lord Uhh??. Lord Uhh?? was looking out into the dark thunderous sky, but he turned as Galck entered and said "I knew you would come". Galck didn't answer. Lord Uhh?? continued "But you will never defeat me, I'm immortal". "NO!", said Galck threatfully, "you will fall like  you're unbreakable wall". "We'll see", said Lord Uhh??. And the fight began.
    Galck picked randomly up a waepon from his back pack while Lord Uhh?? draw his sword and ran towards Galck. The weapon Galck picked up happen to be a huge, huge axe, witch was even bigger than himself. Galck swung the axe rapidly against Lord Uhh?? like the axe just weight much as a leaf. Lord Uhh?? backed a bit by the surprise because the axe was so big, but he later on attacked. The fight was really intense. The attack speed can be compared with a BPN (beat per minute) of 260, but strangely no one manage to get a single hit. But after a while Lord Uhh??'s defense began to fall, and Galck manage to get a great hit with his huge Uber-Imba-Overpoweraxe and Lord Uhh?? got knock backed twenty meters and was back at the position which he stood while Galck entered. "Come on you're weapons are fucking Uber-Imba-Overpower, you cheater!" Said Lord Uhh??". But I will never die, let me show you my true power!" he continued. He stepped back and hawked. He then started singing a three-lined C in an extremely high db-level. Galck felt how he started to vibrate. The tone that Lord Uhh?? sang was almost the same tone as the root note of Galck. He was going to die by destructive resonance. Galck quickly opened his backpack looking for a weapon to counter the attack with. He searched the whole backpack but find nothing useful. He felt how the vibrations grew stronger and stronger. He looked one more time in his backpack and spotted a mirror polished Shield at the bottom. Galck used all his strength to grab it and pointed the mirror polished side against Lord Uhh?? who seemed to get stunned by the tone being reflected. Lord Uhh?? stopped singing. Galck rushed towards Lord Uhh?? who seemed damaged. "ahahahahahaha, you will still never be able to kill me, because I got a divine shield that protects me from death", said Lord Uhh??". "Well I guess I break it then", said Galck with an easy tone, and picked up The Hammer. Lord Uhh?? looked shockingly at The hammer and said "no, no, no, not the hammer, how did you get it, argh you cheater, fucking Uber-Imba-Overpowerweapon!" "Shut up", said Galck and struck The Hammer against Lord Uhh?? and he turned into stone. Galck now gathered all his energy and punched the stoned Lord Uhh?? right in the face to billions, billions billion pieces. Lord Uhh?? was dead.
   
The evil Lord Uhh?? was destroyed and so was all the evil. Galck watched how the sun appeared and how the great thunderclouds disappeared and how the land smiled by the blessing of the sunlight. And then he died, because he had completed his epic quest he was given and he now flew up in the air towards heaven, but he will always be remembered down on earth as Galck: The great epic Uber-Imba-Overpover hero that saved the lands from the evil. 

The End

Hope you enjoyed it! 

[mikey]

My first thought is you were drunk
but it's too well put together for that

This has to be the next paradise lost

[ThatGamer]

I love it, Tobbeh! 

[Tobbeh99]

Thanks for all the feedback!
Glad that you enjoyed it!