[PC] OneShot - "My Burden Is Light" by Francesca Minasi

[Francesca]

Measure 10 the tie could be a little more to the notehead and less through the other notehead

Fixed. Thank you.

[Bloop]

I only have a few comments about the notes itself:
-m6, 12, 18 and 24: I hear Ab-C on beat 2 in the voice in thirds (instead of F-Ab)
-m7 and 19: Maybe instead of putting this first beat in the L.H. already, you could keep beat 1 in the R.H. and move it to the the L.H. from beat 2 on. It feels like a more natural place to switch hands.
-m11 and 23: It's a bit stretchy for the L.H. to get to the F-Ab dyad, maybe you could move that one to the R.H.?

About the time signatures, this piece is definitely something weird, haha. I can kinda see where you got these time signatures from, but I think changing time signatures each bar makes it harder to read. There doesn't seem to be a strong downbeat, so I think you can use some freedom and put it in one time signature only. The loop is 30 beats long and seems to be divided into two sections of 15 beats (considering where the held note and two 8th notes fall). This would mean each section could be three bars of 5/4 or five bars of 3/4. I think three bars of 5/4 (3+2) makes the most sense when looking at phrases, but five bars of 3/4 is easier to read. Maybe try these things out and see if you like it!

[Francesca]

-m6, 12, 18 and 24: I hear Ab-C on beat 2 in the voice in thirds (instead of F-Ab)
-m7 and 19: Maybe instead of putting this first beat in the L.H. already, you could keep beat 1 in the R.H. and move it to the the L.H. from beat 2 on. It feels like a more natural place to switch hands.
-m11 and 23: It's a bit stretchy for the L.H. to get to the F-Ab dyad, maybe you could move that one to the R.H.?

These have been fixed. I did some cross staffing on m11 and m23 so let me know if that works.

About the time signatures, this piece is definitely something weird, haha. I can kinda see where you got these time signatures from, but I think changing time signatures each bar makes it harder to read. There doesn't seem to be a strong downbeat, so I think you can use some freedom and put it in one time signature only. The loop is 30 beats long and seems to be divided into two sections of 15 beats (considering where the held note and two 8th notes fall). This would mean each section could be three bars of 5/4 or five bars of 3/4. I think three bars of 5/4 (3+2) makes the most sense when looking at phrases, but five bars of 3/4 is easier to read. Maybe try these things out and see if you like it!

It looks much cleaner now, thank you! I decided to go with 5/4 - 3/4 doesn't really help with such irregular time.

[Bloop]

Mostly some formatting stuff left:
-m7 and m19: Make sure there's a quarter rest in the top layer in the L.H. on beat 1
-m9, 11 and 23: The first note in the L.H. is quite close to the barline, make sure to move both layers a little a bit to the right so the dyad aligns with the note in the R.H.
-m11 and 23: The Db's in the L.H. should have its stem flipped downwards. Also, I didn't mean moving this dyad up to the R.H., but the one (currently) in m10 and 22 on beat 4. Make sure to add a quarter rest in the L.H. and flip the stem of the R.H. note above it upwards too there.
-m18: The octaves in the L.H. should have its stem flipped upwards.
-m24: Because of the fixed L.H. beat 2, the L.H. has to stretch quite a lot here too, so you can either move this dyad up to the R.H. (make sure to add a quarter rest in its place in the L.H.), or you can move the Ab up an octave.

[Francesca]

-m7 and m19: Make sure there's a quarter rest in the top layer in the L.H. on beat 1

I've added the quarter rest.

m9, 11 and 23: The first note in the L.H. is quite close to the barline, make sure to move both layers a little a bit to the right so the dyad aligns with the note in the R.H.

Let me know if what I did works- some of the opposing layer notes have to be beside each other not to collide.

-m11 and 23: The Db's in the L.H. should have its stem flipped downwards. Also, I didn't mean moving this dyad up to the R.H., but the one (currently) in m10 and 22 on beat 4. Make sure to add a quarter rest in the L.H. and flip the stem of the R.H. note above it upwards too there.

Ah, I see! I've made the changes. Should I hide the 2nd layer rests in the upper staff?

-m18: The octaves in the L.H. should have its stem flipped upwards.
-m24: Because of the fixed L.H. beat 2, the L.H. has to stretch quite a lot here too, so you can either move this dyad up to the R.H. (make sure to add a quarter rest in its place in the L.H.), or you can move the Ab up an octave.

I've made these changes too. Thank you

[Bloop]

Just two tiny things and then it should all be ready!
-m8: The Gb in the L.H. on beat 4 should be flipped downwards (I missed that before I think, sorry about that!)
-You could increase the distance between staves in the last system, so the quarter rest and note in m24 beat 2 aren't too close to each other.

[Francesca]

-m8: The Gb in the L.H. on beat 4 should be flipped downwards (I missed that before I think, sorry about that!)
-You could increase the distance between staves in the last system, so the quarter rest and note in m24 beat 2 aren't too close to each other.

No worries! I've made the changes- thank you for the feedback.

[Bloop]

Great! Then I'll accept!

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Bloop.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot