[NDS] Pokémon Diamond Version & Pokémon Pearl Version - "Snowpoint City (Day)" by Zeila

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon Diamond Version & Pokémon Pearl Version
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Snowpoint City (Day)
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila

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[Zeila]

Decided to omit the "(Day)" part since I can't tell the difference, but here's the video I used
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7FkBLIZThY

[JDMEK5]

The Day/Night themes are indeed usually very similar but I would add "(Day)" to the title since the Day and Night themes have different tracks in the original OST which means they're different enough to warrant such a move. Better safe than sorry.

-Measure 1: Unless I'm missing something, you spelled "echo" wrong. Maybe you were going for a different language but most people are going to be like me and assume it's a typo which doesn't look as great for you so my suggestion is to just stick with plain-ol' English here.
-Measures 1-6, RH: Rather than use a drum notehead for the rearticulations, I would use regular noteheads but resize the echos to make them smaller. It's the same as Latios suggested I do in measures 3-10 of this one. Same goes for where it applies in measures 40-end.
-Might I recommend the Bright Piano soundfont? Unless it was deliberate. Up to you.
-Measures 5-6, RH, beats 3-4: Fuse these rests into one and have it sit in the default position.
-Measures 19-24, RH: See, here I would suggest using a clef change in the left hand rather than cross staving (especially to negotiate that line in measures 23 & 24) but I've been told apparently clef changing within measures is pretty much always inferior. So you know my thoughts, but if you go with the clef changes then you may end up having to change them back later.
-A little spacing between systems near the bottom of page 3 would be helpful. Pretty tight it is.
-Measures 25-26, RH: I would raise the piano dynamic markings so they're in line with the hairpin crescendos. Just an organizational note.
-A little respacing could happen in the 4th page as well with all the space you have.
-Measure 29: All harmonies should be written out in accordance with a C minor key. This includes using Ebs rather than D#s.
-Measure 31: F naturals should be E sharps, as per F#maj7.
-Measure 33: Same as measure 29: do what needs to be done to make every note diatonic with C minor key.
-Measure 34: Harmony for this measure is Gb7.
-Measure 35: Enharmonic spellings should look like this:


I'll check actual pitches and arrangement next time. But otherwise it sounds promising.

[daj]

Much yes! I'll definitely take a look through your score once JDMEK5's edits are through. Snowpoint is an awesome track, it's fantastic to see it going on site soon ^^

Bookmarked!~

Decided to omit the "(Day)" part since I can't tell the difference

Ooh. They use sleigh bells in the day version. The bells come in after the solo blip section at the beginning and are sounded at the first beat of each bar.

Arrangement-wise, it changes nothing, so ^^

[Zeila]

The Day/Night themes are indeed usually very similar but I would add "(Day)" to the title since the Day and Night themes have different tracks in the original OST which means they're different enough to warrant such a move. Better safe than sorry.

Okay, I changed it

-Measure 1: Unless I'm missing something, you spelled "echo" wrong. Maybe you were going for a different language but most people are going to be like me and assume it's a typo which doesn't look as great for you so my suggestion is to just stick with plain-ol' English here.

That was what I was going for, but I see what you mean there. I changed it. Also, for some reason, when the note sizes are changed, it seems as if everything else is so if the word is too small, I can move it somewhere else

-Measures 1-6, RH: Rather than use a drum notehead for the rearticulations, I would use regular noteheads but resize the echos to make them smaller. It's the same as Latios suggested I do in measures 3-10 of this one. Same goes for where it applies in measures 40-end.

Done

-Might I recommend the Bright Piano soundfont? Unless it was deliberate. Up to you.

Sure

-Measures 5-6, RH, beats 3-4: Fuse these rests into one and have it sit in the default position.

I ended up hiding the one in the 2nd layer, but the mus file should be fixed

-Measures 19-24, RH: See, here I would suggest using a clef change in the left hand rather than cross staving (especially to negotiate that line in measures 23 & 24) but I've been told apparently clef changing within measures is pretty much always inferior. So you know my thoughts, but if you go with the clef changes then you may end up having to change them back later.

Adding clef changes seems completely unnecessary as the LH is already in treble clef. I only used cross staving since I figured that it would be easier for the RH to play that, but if it's confusing/not as optimal as leaving all of it in the LH, then I can change it. Otherwise, I'm leaving it the way it is for now

~enharmonics/other small stuff~

All of those should be fixed! (I should get into the habit of recognizing some of those stuff since I always seem to put F nat instead of E# whenever necessary)

I'll check actual pitches and arrangement next time. But otherwise it sounds promising.

Cool, thanks!

Much yes! I'll definitely take a look through your score once JDMEK5's edits are through. Snowpoint is an awesome track, it's fantastic to see it going on site soon ^^

Bookmarked!~

While I was working on the edits, I saw that you posted. And yea, it is!

Ooh. They use sleigh bells in the day version. The bells come in after the solo blip section at the beginning and are sounded at the first beat of each bar.

Arrangement-wise, it changes nothing, so ^^

Oh, I see

Well I already changed it back to include the day part, but I can change it again if necessary

[Latios212]

Measures 19-24 look cool, but they get the duration of the duration of the LH chord wrong.

Here's a much simpler way to write these measures:

[JDMEK5]

Ooh. They use sleigh bells in the day version. The bells come in after the solo blip section at the beginning and are sounded at the first beat of each bar.

Arrangement-wise, it changes nothing, so...

Well I already changed it back to include the day part, but I can change it again if necessary

Hehe yeah my bad. Oh well. Since there's no change to the arrangement then it would likely be more appropriate to just not bother distinguishing between Day/Night. Since only one arrangement will suffice for both.

Alright, last things on my end till I'm satisfied:
-Measures 10 & 14, LH: F naturals should be E#s, resulting in C#7 chords.
-Measures 19-22, RH: I would be tempted to have the stems on the notes belonging to this staff facing upwards. If it's all down, it's kinda confusing as to where the melody is sometimes. This'll help distinguish better. Actually what Latios said will take care of this issue even better.
-Measure 20, LH, Beat 1: Chord should be low E, A, B, high E (from lowest to highest). The high E is the one you already have in the chord.
-Measure 23, LH, Beat 1: Chord here should be G natural, B, E, F#.
-Measure 25, LH, Beat 1: Chord here has an E as well. So full chord is B, E, F#, A.
-Measure 29, LH, Beat 3.5: D# in this chord should be Eb.
-Measure 31, LH, Beat 1: Chord here also includes the F# above the E# you have here.
-Measure 31, LH: How do you have double whole notes here? Unless I'm missing something, those should be regular whole notes.
-Page 3, systems 4 & 5 (Measures 31-35): They're still a little too close for my liking. Namely the pedal marking is too close to the 8va marking. Maybe you could make that extra space on the last page of use?
-Measures 37-39, LH: I would spell these chords out like this (only the chord in m.38 has actually wrong notes):

-Measures 36-39: I would like another person's feedback on this, but I think maybe a smaller note value should be used on these chords. Especially the LH. The RH may be able to get away with half notes but the LH should get something shorter I think. It's only the echo in the original that makes these notes last so long into each measure.
-Measure 45, RH, Beat 4.5: Rather than a B, this should be two staccato 16ths on E. Since they're so quiet though, I personally don't think I would have an issue if you used smaller noteheads to indicate that.
-Tempo Marking: I'm not sure if I would put "Mysterious" here. Although it does definitely sound mysterious, that isn't really the effect Hitomi Sato was going for I don't think. Try something more fitting to the theme like "Forlorn" or "Distant" or something. Just a thought.

I believe that's everything. Fix all that satisfactorily and I think I should be good to give my OK.

[daj]

Ah, that's more or less what I had to say, haha. Extra plus if you end up using Latios' style of organising the B section, haha, I think it's the best way to go

Just injecting a little bt of input into JDMEK5's really comprehensive review ^^

-Measures 37-39, LH: I would spell these chords out like this (only the chord in m.38 has actually wrong notes):

Actually, in b. 38-39, the E in the left-hand part is one octave lower than what's scored. I guess it's okay to score it this way, buuuut I like to think that it's a lot cleaner if we stick to the original. Redistribute some notes to the right hand part and you don't have to spread the chords

-Measures 36-39: I would like another person's feedback on this, but I think maybe a smaller note value should be used on these chords. Especially the LH. The RH may be able to get away with half notes but the LH should get something shorter I think. It's only the echo in the original that makes these notes last so long into each measure.

Ploink!

In my arrangement I used quarter notes! ^^ Performed it using quarter notes too and I think quarter notes in both parts are the way to go. I actually considered using half notes too when I scored this, but quarter notes coupled wih some intuitive pedalling gives you exactly the effect you want, I promise! So yeah, quarter notes.

-Tempo Marking: I'm not sure if I would put "Mysterious" here. Although it does definitely sound mysterious, that isn't really the effect Hitomi Sato was going for I don't think. Try something more fitting to the theme like "Forlorn" or "Distant" or something. Just a thought.

yup! Absolutely. It's definitely not mysterious. Would go for "distant", personally~

[Zeila]

Measures 19-24 look cool, but they get the duration of the duration of the LH chord wrong.

Here's a much simpler way to write these measures

[close]

Looks much better, fixed. Also, since m25-26 sounds the same as m24, I changed it from staccato'd quarters to half notes for consistency. I ended up getting rid of the half note on beat 3 in m26 as well. In m23, a vertical hook/bracket would likely fit better, but I don't know how to do those

Hehe yeah my bad. Oh well. Since there's no change to the arrangement then it would likely be more appropriate to just not bother distinguishing between Day/Night. Since only one arrangement will suffice for both.

No worries! I changed it again

-Measure 29, LH, Beat 3.5: D# in this chord should be Eb.

Sorry, didn't notice that one. Fixed!

-Measure 31, LH: How do you have double whole notes here? Unless I'm missing something, those should be regular whole notes.

I got the idea from Bespinben's Lush Forest sheet, but after looking at it, it's kind of unnecessary/confusing and he likely only did it to suggest using the pedal for two measures, which I already wrote out. I changed it back to regular whole notes, but I originally just changed the note shape to double whole notes

-Page 3, systems 4 & 5 (Measures 31-35): They're still a little too close for my liking. Namely the pedal marking is too close to the 8va marking. Maybe you could make that extra space on the last page of use?

I think it would look weird to have extra space in one of the middle pages instead of the last one (except maybe for repeat sign stuff). However, I decided to resize everything

-Measures 36-39: I would like another person's feedback on this, but I think maybe a smaller note value should be used on these chords. Especially the LH. The RH may be able to get away with half notes but the LH should get something shorter I think. It's only the echo in the original that makes these notes last so long into each measure.

Ploink!

In my arrangement I used quarter notes! ^^ Performed it using quarter notes too and I think quarter notes in both parts are the way to go. I actually considered using half notes too when I scored this, but quarter notes coupled wih some intuitive pedalling gives you exactly the effect you want, I promise! So yeah, quarter notes.

Changed to quarter notes

-Measure 45, RH, Beat 4.5: Rather than a B, this should be two staccato 16ths on E. Since they're so quiet though, I personally don't think I would have an issue if you used smaller noteheads to indicate that.

I changed the notes, but it won't let me use smaller noteheads since the last two 16ths would be connected to the regular sized ones

-Tempo Marking: I'm not sure if I would put "Mysterious" here. Although it does definitely sound mysterious, that isn't really the effect Hitomi Sato was going for I don't think. Try something more fitting to the theme like "Forlorn" or "Distant" or something. Just a thought.

yup! Absolutely. It's definitely not mysterious. Would go for "distant", personally~

True. I think distant would fit the most too, and it also goes with the city location itself

Ah, that's more or less what I had to say, haha. Extra plus if you end up using Latios' style of organising the B section, haha, I think it's the best way to go

Just injecting a little bt of input into JDMEK5's really comprehensive review ^^

Again, while I was working on it, you seemed to have replied (which certainly isn't a bad thing! Just an observation)

Actually, in b. 38-39, the E in the left-hand part is one octave lower than what's scored. I guess it's okay to score it this way, buuuut I like to think that it's a lot cleaner if we stick to the original. Redistribute some notes to the right hand part and you don't have to spread the chords

I think you meant m37-38, but sure thing!

Another thing, if the decrescendo's are confusing, I could put a note about it. I just think that if you're familiar with the song (which most people who download it probably are), seeing a bunch of mf's would be slightly unnecessary. All of the other stuff should be fixed. Thanks for the feedback guys!

[JDMEK5]

Actually, in b. 38-39, the E in the left-hand part is one octave lower than what's scored. I guess it's okay to score it this way, buuuut I like to think that it's a lot cleaner if we stick to the original. Redistribute some notes to the right hand part and you don't have to spread the chords

Yeah I got that but using the RH to help eluded me so I spelled them slightly differently. Using the RH like you said is the way to go tho so good call. :J

I got the idea from Bespinben's Lush Forest sheet, but after looking at it, it's kind of unnecessary/confusing and he likely only did it to suggest using the pedal for two measures, which I already wrote out. I changed it back to regular whole notes, but I originally just changed the note shape to double whole notes

Yeah, see I'm not sure I believe in the legality of such a move at all for multiple reasons. First (and smallest) being that I've never ever seen that done before, second being that it goes against a lot of theory rules that govern the way music is written and read, and third being that if anyone like me who didn't understand the reason for that saw it, we wouldn't get it and most certainly wouldn't hold it for two measures.

I changed the notes, but it won't let me use smaller noteheads since the last two 16ths would be connected to the regular sized ones

One of the backslash keys will toggle a forced beam. Either break an existing beam or force a new beam. Using that, it's possible to even beam across barlines. If it's clear as you have it tho then that should be fine.

Another thing, if the decrescendo's are confusing, I could put a note about it. I just think that if you're familiar with the song (which most people who download it probably are), seeing a bunch of mf's would be slightly unnecessary.

I don't remember the decrescendos raising a red flag to me. I would agree at the frivolity of too many mf's so whatev.

[Latios212]

Super review time!

Bunch of things to say after looking at your (very accurate!) arrangement closely.
- Added "(Day)" to the title for OST consistency, standardized copyright info as well to match our other sheets.
- Accents added to notes in the intro (and similar places).
- Tenutos: You used tenutos on a lot of 16th notes which confused me a bit; I'm not sure what they were supposed to imply. Articulations are good, but overuse is bad and just adds clutter. I do think it looks cleaner with them removed in most places, but let me know what you think.
- Measure distribution! You have a bit too much space on page 1 for just repeated chords. And putting 18-20 in one system makes it far to cramped in comparison. I've made a more optimal distribution which allows more room for the 16th note runs in the middle of the piece.
- Clef changes: Some places like measure 35 had a lot of ledger lines that make the chords difficult to read easily. I've changed some of them to cut down on that.
- The last eight measures: What you wrote in is technically accurate, but I feel it makes the arrangement sound too cluttered - especially with the droning E's in the right hand. These bars in the original were meant to sound a lot emptier. I experimented with it for a while and cut out most of the nearly inaudible notes to end up with something that I believe sounds more faithful to the original. Take a listen!

[Zeila]

- Tenutos: You used tenutos on a lot of 16th notes which confused me a bit; I'm not sure what they were supposed to imply. Articulations are good, but overuse is bad and just adds clutter. I do think it looks cleaner with them removed in most places, but let me know what you think.

- The last eight measures: What you wrote in is technically accurate, but I feel it makes the arrangement sound too cluttered - especially with the droning E's in the right hand. These bars in the original were meant to sound a lot emptier. I experimented with it for a while and cut out most of the nearly inaudible notes to end up with something that I believe sounds more faithful to the original. Take a listen!

I used a multitude of tenutos since several of those notes sound slightly louder than the others (which is also why I included some of the quieter notes). After giving this version a listen, it sounds and looks a lot simpler/clearer, and is ultimately better. I'll try to take cluttering and overusage into account for the future. One small thing though: I ended up putting accents where the tenutos originally were on the beginning chords

Everything else is perfectly fine with me and looks great! Thanks for the help

[Latios212]

You're welcome! :J

Mm yes, save the articulations for where you really need them. Accents work well for those aforementioned 16th notes, good.

Made a couple of miniscule changes (m. 8, 9 position of the accents and simile marking). Good to go!

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot