[DELETED] [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "M-A-X Power!" by Th3Gavst3r

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Paper Mario
Game: Paper Mario: The Origami King
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: M-A-X Power!
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Th3Gavst3r

[Th3Gavst3r]

[Latios212]

This works... surprisingly well haha

A few comments:
- I don't hear the staccato notes in the RH of m. 10 - it sounds like the offbeat notes are just sustained instead.
- m. 12 beat 1.5 RH I'm hearing E instead of D
- How about an accent on the chord in m. 17?
- Don't think I hear the D# at the end of m. 17
- Pedalling - it starts in m. 17, takes a brief break in m. 21, but where does it end? Perhaps in the last measure before it loops?
- I think the chord in m. 20 beat 2.5 might sound better with a D on bottom instead of a B?

[Th3Gavst3r]

- I don't hear the staccato notes in the RH of m. 10 - it sounds like the offbeat notes are just sustained instead.

It sounds a lot muddier with the heavy reverb. If you filter it out they're noticeably shorter, and I think it sounds a little more interesting than 6 straight B's

- m. 12 beat 1.5 RH I'm hearing E instead of D

This is a lot clearer without the reverb again but I definitely hear a D, and I like how it sounds better than just repeating the same note, same as above.

- How about an accent on the chord in m. 17?

Yes I like the that

- Don't think I hear the D# at the end of m. 17

I think it's there, but it's definitely debatable. Even if the D# I'm hearing is a holdover from the chord, I think it works well as the drum pickup into the next phrase that the LH octaves don't get across very well

- Pedalling - it starts in m. 17, takes a brief break in m. 21, but where does it end? Perhaps in the last measure before it loops?

Added a pedal raise at the end

- I think the chord in m. 20 beat 2.5 might sound better with a D on bottom instead of a B?

I think that's a better idea. The B is a carryover from the Em/C stabs in the first half of the measure, but since there's a chord change as you cross into beat 3 it's probably better to use D/C

[Latios212]

- I don't hear the staccato notes in the RH of m. 10 - it sounds like the offbeat notes are just sustained instead.

It sounds a lot muddier with the heavy reverb. If you filter it out they're noticeably shorter, and I think it sounds a little more interesting than 6 straight B's

Ah, to clarify I meant this (maybe the first quarter is an eighth + rest). I feel like maybe the staccato notes you wrote in might be confused with the accompaniment?
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- m. 12 beat 1.5 RH I'm hearing E instead of D

This is a lot clearer without the reverb again but I definitely hear a D, and I like how it sounds better than just repeating the same note, same as above.

I think I was getting confused with the accompaniment here - wasn't sure but raised it an octave and yep the D's definitely there

Rest of the stuff sounds good, will approve after you (and the next updater) take another peek at 10

[Th3Gavst3r]

Ah, to clarify I meant this (maybe the first quarter is an eighth + rest). I feel like maybe the staccato notes you wrote in might be confused with the accompaniment?
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Rest of the stuff sounds good, will approve after you (and the next updater) take another peek at 10

Yeah I totally hear it differently now, that's wild. The melody releases inside of the stabs so I took it to be restrikes. I did some EQ on B5 and it still sounds to me like this pattern:
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The stabs aren't on the downbeats to mask the cutoff, so I'm mostly sure beat 4 is a real restrike. He's an mp3 with the EQ for reference.

[mastersuperfan]

Paper Mario: The Drift King

- This can definitely fit comfortably on 2 pages if you shrink the spacing between systems and between staves to get 5 systems per page.
- "Vivace" feels really inappropriate for a Eurobeat track. I don't think any traditional tempo direction can really mesh with this, tbh.
- Measure numbers are off... m1 should start after the pickup. All the feedback below will be for the measure numbers as they're currently written, though.
- m2 RH beats 2 and 3.5 sounds like they should be staccato; beat 2.5 sounds like it should be held.
- m2 RH beat 3.5 also has an A on top.
- m3 RH beat 1.5 also has a G on the bottom. I'm assuming you omitted the bottom notes off the other ones for playability, but the G shouldn't be a problem to play here.
- m4 RH beat 2 sounds like two 16ths instead of one 8th.
- m4 RH beat 2.5 also has an A on top.
- m4 RH beat 3.5 should have a staccato.
- m5 LH beat 3.5 sounds like a D instead of a B.
- Like m2, m6 RH beat 2 should be staccato, and beat 3.5 should have an A on top.
- m8 RH beats 2.5-3.5 should all have the A on top.
- The way you have the 16th notes written in m9 LH loses the nice G and the upward motion from the original... and it also loses the rhythmic eighth-note driving force on beat 4.5 when it stalls for a quarter note. Might I suggest something like this?

- mf seems more appropriate in m10 than mp. It's still a loud, upbeat racing-like theme, after all. I'd suggest forte instead of mf for m18, too.
- Wholeheartedly seconding what Latios hears in m10. They're long enough that I think it's best to write them as fully held. Definitely not hearing a restrike on beat 4.
- The melody also plays a staccato eighth (D) on m16 beat 4.5.
- Also seconding Latios that I don't hear the D# at the end of m17 RH. It sounds like nothing's restriking there except the bass.
- About m12 LH... there's not actually a C in the harmony. It's an A bass under an E minor chord. So I think it'd be more accurate and appropriate to write the E using fourths instead of the C, like how you do in m2-9:

Yes, it's not consistent with the thirds you have in surrounding LH measures, but neither is the harmony in the original. If you wanted to keep the LH consistent, you might consider making all the dyads fourths like in m2-9, which would also make the sheet massively easier to play.
- You might consider adding harmony under the RH in m17 beats 1-2 to emulate the accented chord hits in the original.
- For m18 onward, I strongly recommend against using small notes in the RH. It's unconventional and ambiguous notation that doesn't actually convey any defined meaning to the performer, and it also makes them look like grace notes and harder to read (especially since they're unbeamed from the surrounding notes).
- For m18/22/23 RH, you might consider moving the top notes on beats 2-2.5 down an octave so that the melody stays on top. You don't have to, but that's how I would personally write it since it brings out the melody, which would otherwise by obscured by the notes above it.
- For m20, the melody rhythm for beats 1-3 sounds just like straight eighth notes, not with any 16th rhythms. (The dyad falling on beat 2 sounds staccato.)
- For m20 RH, I would also suggest making the RH melody only dyads, like you do in m23, since that's how it is in the original, and the LH already covers those notes harmonically. It also distinguishes the main melody better from places like m21.
- Is the lower G on m21 LH beat 4.5 necessary? It sounds out of place to me since the LH doesn't play octaves anywhere else, and it also makes the LH a lot harder to play there without the pedal...
- For m27 RH beat 2, I hear the lower note as a B instead of an A. Although, oddly enough, I hear it as an A in m31 and everywhere else, so if you want to keep it consistent, the A is fine.
- In m29 RH, I'd suggest removing the E from the triad on beat 2. It's not in the original as far as I can tell, it's easier to play, the LH already plays an E, and keeping it to a dyad makes it sound consistent with the other melody dyads (as opposed to the triad on beat 1, for instance, which is a hit separate from the melody).
- m33 RH beat 3.5 has a D# under the F#.
- Why not also have an accent (without the staccato) on m25 beat 1.5 and m33 beat 1.5?

I think that's all I've got.

[Latios212]

poke poke

[Libera]

Poking intensifies.

[Th3Gavst3r]

Hey I haven't forgotten about this yet don't worry. I'm trying to get a lot of other stuff out of the way so I can work on this again. Hopefully I can get back to it before the 1 year anniversary lol

[Libera]

Bump for arranger.  Do you think you might get to this anytime soon?  Otherwise it might be worth archiving for when you're ready to come back to it.

[Kricketune54]

At long last, I'm gonna archive this one. If you have a chance to in the future, definitely resubmit!