[DELETED] [NDS] Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - "Recollection ~ DL-6 Incident" by Stell

Started by Zeta, June 01, 2021, 02:25:45 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Ace Attorney
Game: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Recollection ~ DL-6 Incident
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Stell

diceLibrarian

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mastersuperfan

This is good! Here's my feedback:
- Forte seems like a bit too much for a slow, somber piece like this. I'd consider mp or mf instead. Additionally, you might consider having some dynamic changes—for instance, you could start with mp in m1, add a crescendo in m9-10, and escalate to mf in m11. Even though the original track is somewhat loud from the start, I think mp might make more sense for the first section since you've omitted the octaves from the melody in the sheet.
- In m5, Layer 1 should be flipped down since it's the melody, which is in the lower layer in the next few measures. (It might just be easier to swap Layers 1 and 2 in m5 instead of manually flipping all the stems.)
- I don't think you need the harmony to be so thick in m6-7. The texture in the original is sparser, and I think that filling in the triads overloads the RH a bit and obscures the melody. I'd suggest just keeping it to the voices in the original, like so:
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- On a similar note, I would also suggest keeping the chords in m9-10 to the texture and notes in the original, instead of trying to fill them out as much as possible. For instance, the chord on m9 beat 1 doesn't actually have a G in it. Likewise, in the second chord in m9, it's not necessary to include the Ab on the RH staff because the LH bass already emphasizes the Ab enough—same for the lower Bb's in the m10 chords. So in summary, I'd omit those notes and suggest this for m9-10:
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- For m14, I'd suggest something slightly different for the harmony in the RH. On beat 3 (where the melody plays D), the voice udner the melody also plays a D. On beat 3.5 (where the melody plays Eb), the voice under the melody is playing a G, rather than a Bb like you have. So I would suggest making the lower note a Bb on beat 3 and a G on beat 3.5 (right now you have a G on beat 3 and a Bb on beat 3.5). I suggest this because (a) placing the G on beat 3.5 is more accurate to the original, and (b) making beat 3 a third (Bb and D) sounds more consistent following with the thirds in the previous measures. Does that make sense? This is not a requirement but my suggestion—here's what it'd look like:
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- Right now you have m11-18 written as eight measures at a BPM of 120, but actually, it should still be written with a BPM of 60 like the first section is (the tempo doesn't change). So you would write it as four measures at a BPM of 60, where the RH has lots of sixteenth notes instead of eighth notes.
- The measure distribution in the first two systems is a bit cramped. I'd suggest keeping it to four measures in the first system and four, maybe five, in the second system. Once m11-18 is rewritten to be four measures of sixteenth notes, there might be more space in the third and fourth systems so that you can push some measures from the first two systems down. I'm not sure if you're able to edit the measure distribution—if not, I can help out.

Nice work! The sheet looks solid overall. If you're having trouble making any changes, let me know and I can help.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Latios212

I'm going to archive this for inactivity. In the future, please make sure you respond to feedback on your submission in a timely manner.

Let us know if you need any assistance! Feel free to resubmit after taking into account the comments above.
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Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
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