[GBA] Fire Emblem - "Girl of the Plains: Lyn's Theme" by Libera

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Fire Emblem
Game: Fire Emblem
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Girl of the Plains: Lyn's Theme
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Libera

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Libera]

My first submission (woo). 

[Maelstrom]

Feedback time!

1 - Formatting
Respace the systems on the front page a little; the arranger info needs room to breathe
Use a double barline right before the key change

2 - Notes
Right hand:
m2 should look like this:

Spoiler

[close]

The E is shortened, and you don't need to split up off beat quarters in 4/4, unless they cross beat 3. Shorten that E in m6 also.
use a quarter instead of 2 tied 8ths in m23

Left hand:
Looks great

3 - Theory/Performance
Why do you have legato as a dynamic for the 2nd half if everything is slurred anyway?
Make sure slurs go to the last note in the phrase. This means if a note is tied, the slur should end on the note it is tied to. (e.g. the slur in the RH in m13 should end on the 1st layer G# in m16, not the G# in m15)
Take out the sost. pedal mark. It's not needed, as it's a minor 10th which isn't that bad of a stretch.

Overall, you did an excellent job. I can't wait to see more from you in the future!

[Libera]

Thanks for the feedback; I've now uploaded a new version with most (I think) of the changes suggested.

1.  -I had absolutely no idea how to move systems around when you said that, but I think I've worked it out now. 
-I think .musx has automatic double barlines after key changes, but this doesn't translate across into the .mus file?  Either way I had a double barline in the version I was editing so I didn't notice, but now its on all versions.

2.  -I think it's a bit ambiguous whether its a quaver or a crotchet; I've deferred to your judgement on this one and made the change. 
-I didn't know about the convention with ties, so I've fixed that as well.

3. -I guess I was thinking of them more as phrase marks rather than slurs?  Whatever the case, I wanted to get across to the performer that they should be playing the second half differently to the first since I feel like it has a much more flowing feel to it.
-I've fixed the slurs (I didn't know about that convention either, so thank you!).
-The sost. pedal has been fixed as well.  I agree a 10th is absolutely fine and I'm not sure why I put it in the first place.

Thanks for taking the time to give criticism, and I can't wait to do more arranging!

[Maelstrom]

The double barline isn't showing in the .musx, which is what I've been using the whole time.

Also, it looks like layer 2 in m7's LH got missaligned. Re-enter it to fix that.

Make these changes and then I approve.

[Libera]

I think I've fixed the double barline now.  It's hard to tell since it was showing for me the whole time.

I couldn't see what you meant by the left hand in measure 7 (it looked fine to me) but I re-entered it anyway just to be safe.

If that didn't fix either of those things then I'm not sure what's wrong.  (Both of them look OK in the pdf at least.)

Edit: I think it's done now.

[Latios212]

This is a really solid sheet, and a great first submission! I'm really glad to have you around as an arranger.

Feedback from me, just small things:
- Second page title is missing the end quotation marks.
- m. 17 beat 4, lower layer right hand should be C# instead of B.
- Would suggest getting rid of the E on top of the D# in beat 3 of m. 24. The minor second interval clashes and the focus is on the E descending to the D# in that voice.
- The G# at the end of 24 would be better played by the left hand.
- Split the dotted quarter in m. 25 into a quarter tied to an eighth (this makes the rhythm clearer to read by showing where beat 3 lies).
- m. 27 beat 3, lower layer should be B instead of G#.
- Is the whole note in m. 30 supposed to be a C#? I don't hear the D# clash with the C# in the original. (The whole note is also misaligned with the LH.)
- The lower layer in m. 31 starting on beat 3.5 should go F#-G#-C#-G#-C#.

In addition, I would recommend you put 4 systems on page 1 and 5 systems on page 2 to un-cramp page 1 a bit more and use up the available space a little better. Lemme know if you need any help or clarification, and once again great job!

[Libera]

I've updated the sheet regarding your changes (as I'll detail below).

-Yep, easy and obvious fix here.
-You're correct and I made the change.
-In my opinion the whole section around it is quite clashy (so it doesn't seem unusual) and the notes are there in the piece, so I kept this in.
-Yes I agree and I've made the change.
-Ditto.
-This was actually a ledger line error from the previous note (I got the previous note wrong but had the intervals between the first and second correct).  Either way its fixed now.
-Yes and I've made the changes.
-I struggled a bit getting those notes in the first place so no surprises that they were wrong.  Having checked them again you're right and I've made the changes.

I also tried to space the systems out better as you suggested.  Hopefully they look OK.

I'm kind of bummed that I missed the update, but thanks for the feedback regardless.

[Latios212]

Awesome, great job! Looks all good, just re-enter the last note in the RH of m. 31 - it got misaligned.

Don't worry too much about missing the update, we try to keep the process running as constantly as possible - and with your help submitting good sheets and reviewing others it'll run even faster

[Libera]

Done.  Also re-added the staccatos that had gone awry in the same bar.

[Latios212]

Woohoo!

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot