Submission Information:
Series: Rhythm Heaven
Game: Rhythm Heaven Fever
Console: Wii
Title: Screwbot Factory
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: ThatHiddenCharacter (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5110)
I's strongly recommend using clef changes instead of using an upper layer for the bottom staff for where the melody goes low. It'd help get rid of a lot of clutter of extra rests and stuff where the top staff is just sitting empty.
Also this might be a MuseScore setting or messed up on import, but the 8th/16th notes should be beamed together within each beat. There's a lot of disconnected notes that make it a bit difficult to rea the rhythms as is.
Quote from: Latios212 on March 20, 2024, 04:55:51 PMI's strongly recommend using clef changes instead of using an upper layer for the bottom staff for where the melody goes low. It'd help get rid of a lot of clutter of extra rests and stuff where the top staff is just sitting empty.
Also this might be a MuseScore setting or messed up on import, but the 8th/16th notes should be beamed together within each beat. There's a lot of disconnected notes that make it a bit difficult to rea the rhythms as is.
Fixed! I will also be giving my other submission (considering it is Screwbot Factory 2) the same treatment.
Quote from: Latios212 on March 20, 2024, 04:55:51 PMAlso this might be a MuseScore setting or messed up on import, but the 8th/16th notes should be beamed together within each beat. There's a lot of disconnected notes that make it a bit difficult to rea the rhythms as is.
Also, yes, that's exactly what it is.
And I always forget to fix it...
Just making a quick post to say that I have made some edits to this submission based on feedback I had gotten for Screwbot Factory 2 that also applied to this one.
I would also like to take this opportunity to specify that m20 beats 4 and 4.5 were an intentional choice/addition to this arrangement to distinguish the measure from m24 so as not to lose the impact of the sudden silence present in the original song.
Thanks - I was gonna comment on the measure distribution suggesting to use 3-measure systems as well. Looks much better :D Solid arrangement too.
- I'm hearing m. 2/17 beat 3 has a D instead of C#? If so, the B# on beat 2 could be respelled as a Cn
- I think the C bass notes on beats 2.5-2.75 in m. 4/8 would be better as Bn to double the right hand - the major seventh sounds muddy down there and if I understand the intention correctly the left hand is there to reinforce the rhythm here.
- In measure 10 beat 3.5 LH, I'm not sure I hear the F-F# there? It also sounds a bit muddy above the D bass that low. Conversely, I do hear a C# grace note you could write in the right hand.
- Some LH parts are flipped down unnecessarily, in m. 15-17. Rather than flipping them back manually, I suggest using the Stem Direction tool under Special Tools to clear the selections and this have directions
- m. 29 beat 2.5 chord sounds like C instead of Db. Beat 3, sounds like it contains an Eb instead of F.
- Make sure the crescendo in m. 30 isn't touching the mp on the right side
- For the glissando from m. 30-31, it should be angled up a lot more sharply leaving m. 30 if the intent is to continue it on the upper staff in m. 31. You could also give m. 31 a bit of extra space at the beginning using the Measure Tool for the wavy line. Actually, how about just moving m. 30 to the next system so the line is unbroken? m. 28-29 are dense so the two-measure system doesn't look off here, and the second-to-last system is empty so you can bump another measure down there.
- m. 33 RH - A instead of Bb on beat 2.5 chord
- The RH seems a bit empty in m. 35-37... maybe add D's as a fourth underneath or something?
Also, remind me, do we have a composer listing for RHF? I forget...
Quote from: Latios212 on April 07, 2024, 03:55:12 PM- I think the C bass notes on beats 2.5-2.75 in m. 4/8 would be better as Bn to double the right hand - the major seventh sounds muddy down there and if I understand the intention correctly the left hand is there to reinforce the rhythm here.
I just want to comment on this quickly before taking a look at the rest of the feedback. I want to keep things like this consistent between this and Screwbot Factory 2. I originally had it as you said, but Kricketune told me to change it to this in the other track (the major seventh is also there due to it). I don't particularly care which one to go with, but if I change it here, I'm going to change it there, meaning there's going to need to be a consensus between the updaters on this note.
Quote from: Latios212 on April 07, 2024, 03:55:12 PMAlso, remind me, do we have a composer listing for RHF? I forget...
There was a site that specified which composers did which songs, but I've been having trouble finding it again since someone had sent it to me. I know that it had said Masami Yone was the composer for the Screwbot Factories.
UPDATE: I found who sent it to me, but the wbesite actually changed it's information and no longer specifies the composers for each song, just listing Nintendo for the ones not done by Tsunku (similar to the David Mismol channel except that David also includes the list of "Nintendo" composers in parentheses), so I'll update that as well.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 08, 2024, 02:47:00 PMI just want to comment on this quickly before taking a look at the rest of the feedback. I want to keep things like this consistent between this and Screwbot Factory 2. I originally had it as you said, but Kricketune told me to change it to this in the other track (the major seventh is also there due to it). I don't particularly care which one to go with, but if I change it here, I'm going to change it there, meaning there's going to need to be a consensus between the updaters on this note.
Sorry if this came across as rude. That wasn't my intention at all. I just want to be consistent.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 08, 2024, 02:47:00 PMI just want to comment on this quickly before taking a look at the rest of the feedback. I want to keep things like this consistent between this and Screwbot Factory 2. I originally had it as you said, but Kricketune told me to change it to this in the other track (the major seventh is also there due to it). I don't particularly care which one to go with, but if I change it here, I'm going to change it there, meaning there's going to need to be a consensus between the updaters on this note.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 08, 2024, 02:58:37 PMSorry if this came across as rude. That wasn't my intention at all. I just want to be consistent.
Oh no worries! Sorry about the disconnect, I agree with you they should be consistent. Lemme poke Kricketune and see
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 08, 2024, 02:48:42 PMThere was a site that specified which composers did which songs, but I've been having trouble finding it again since someone had sent it to me. I know that it had said Masami Yone was the composer for the Screwbot Factories.
UPDATE: I found who sent it to me, but the wbesite actually changed it's information and no longer specifies the composers for each song, just listing Nintendo for the ones not done by Tsunku (similar to the David Mismol channel except that David also includes the list of "Nintendo" composers in parentheses), so I'll update that as well.
Gotcha. Yeah I've found that the Nintendo fandom wiki (https://nintendo.fandom.com/wiki/Masami_Yone) often has track breakdowns by composer for Nintendo games, but this only seems to have the listing for the GBA and DS versions. VGMDB (https://vgmdb.net/album/26916) has the same info.
Quote from: Latios212 on April 08, 2024, 03:09:38 PMOh no worries! Sorry about the disconnect, I agree with you they should be consistent. Lemme poke Kricketune and see
Yeah, something similar happened with Micro-Row and Micro-Row 2 (except I didn't have them submitted at the same time), and it's bother me ever since that there's a disconnect.
Quote from: Latios212 on April 08, 2024, 03:09:38 PMVGMDB has the same info.
Yeah, that's the site I was talking about. It used to specify, but they seem to have changed it.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 08, 2024, 03:37:51 PMYeah, something similar happened with Micro-Row and Micro-Row 2 (except I didn't have them submitted at the same time), and it's bother me ever since that there's a disconnect.
Yeah, that's the site I was talking about. It used to specify, but they seem to have changed it.
I hear Cn in the instances I pointed out for Screwbot 2 but they sound like Bn's here. In my opinion they should be Cn's in Screwbot 2 because they are literally audible as such and here I understand the reasoning for making them Bn's.
Quote from: Kricketune54 on April 08, 2024, 07:20:09 PMI hear Cn in the instances I pointed out for Screwbot 2 but they sound like Bn's here. In my opinion they should be Cn's in Screwbot 2 because they are literally audible as such and here I understand the reasoning for making them Bn's.
I still hear them as C's here, but the reasoning behind making them Bn's in this one also applies to Screwbot Factory 2, since Lat's point was about the major 7th sounding muddy at that octave. Personally, I think the major 7th sounds fine. Either way, since Lat's critique applies to both sheets, I would still like to keep them consistent with each other since I hear them as the same notes in both songs using AudioStretch.
Alright, I've decided to keep thing consistent and accurate, since it sounds perfectly fine to me, I'm keeping them as C's. If that becomes a sticking point, I'm willing to discuss it more, but for now I feel it's the best course of action. I believe the only other note of Lat's that I disagreed with was
Quote from: Latios212 on April 07, 2024, 03:55:12 PM- In measure 10 beat 3.5 LH, I'm not sure I hear the F-F# there? It also sounds a bit muddy above the D bass that low. Conversely, I do hear a C# grace note you could write in the right hand.
because that note is from the glurpy synth that plays in those sections, and I still don't think it really sounds that muddy.
Otherwise, I
believe everything should be updated fine. Still navigating my recent PC disaster.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 21, 2024, 09:32:14 AMAlright, I've decided to keep thing consistent and accurate, since it sounds perfectly fine to me, I'm keeping them as C's.
Sorry for the wait here! I'm fine with your decision. I'd probably have written it as a Bn but the major seventh is pretty quick to pass and keeping the bass rooted in C makes sense musically.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 21, 2024, 09:32:14 AMOtherwise, I believe everything should be updated fine.
Skimming through everything else, I think the rest of my comments were addressed, except this one:
Quote from: Latios212 on April 07, 2024, 03:55:12 PM- m. 29 beat 2.5 chord sounds like C instead of Db.
Lastly, you can move the music down on pages 2-3 a little bit to give the header and page number a bit more room. I think that's all that remains from me, nice work!
Quote from: Latios212 on April 26, 2024, 05:17:14 PMSkimming through everything else, I think the rest of my comments were addressed, except this one:
How correct you are.
I have updated the files.
Quote from: Latios212 on April 26, 2024, 05:17:14 PMLastly, you can move the music down on pages 2-3 a little bit to give the header and page number a bit more room. I think that's all that remains from me, nice work!
Missed this too? :P
Anyway, everything else looks good so I'll
approve! Nice work, glad to have more Rhythm Heaven sheets!
image.png
Quote from: Latios212 on April 28, 2024, 07:50:55 AMMissed this too?
What, no. I did move them down. Quite a bit, too.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on April 28, 2024, 12:09:52 PMWhat, no. I did move them down. Quite a bit, too.
Ah, I see. I don't mean to overindex on this point, but I did want to make sure I explained myself properly (reference post (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=11783.msg424680#msg424680)).
With what you have right now, the header has a disproportionately small amount of space above the top staff. By contrast, the bottom of the page has a lot of whitespace, which makes the distribution of stuff on the page look a little lopsided.
Spoiler
(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/1234230022391337093/image.png?ex=662ff9c8&is=662ea848&hm=4834a522e36ea51be8529ca097b2a15f19744246f5fb22e61a49f8bbef84fc14&)
If you lower the top staff some more to give the header more space underneath, you also help the page look a bit more balanced.
Spoiler
(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/1234230195989381251/image.png?ex=662ff9f1&is=662ea871&hm=585a6f9f678b93ea8b10ead497cbaca542261a48d51fde66cc125136e9a1ac6b&)
I think I realized what happened. These are older arrangements of mine, so it's very likely I made them with the old template I had which doesn't fit some of the current standards for submissions. Does it look better now?
Looks good, not a whole lot for me to comment on here!
• m2 both staffs and m38 RH I think staccato is too short - you could do portato (staccato and tenuto marking) to indicate space between pitches... but not full staccato.
• m10 LH 4.0 hearing Dn under here as well
• m11-12 RH I think you could tie the half note to an 8th note as it doesn't really sound like a gap to me
• m12 RH 4.5 hearing this C and the Bn in m13 up an octave. You could pull up m16 and m17 same spots as well, but I do understand if you want to keep this as is.
• m29 RH 1.75-2.0 hearing Fn on bottom not Gn
• m31 RH 1.0 hearing Dn on bottom not En
Quote from: Kricketune54 on May 10, 2024, 01:01:21 PM• m10 LH 4.0 hearing Dn under here as well
You're right.
Quote from: Kricketune54 on May 10, 2024, 01:01:21 PM• m12 RH 4.5 hearing this C and the Bn in m13 up an octave. You could pull up m16 and m17 same spots as well, but I do understand if you want to keep this as is.
I spent some time debating whether it was an octave higher or not, but came to the conclusion that it sounds more like it's just a change in the shehnai's timbre as it goes into its lower register. I've messed around a bit with shehnai sounds in the past, and it does do that as it gets lower.
Well, it's either a shehnai or a zurna, but both kinda do that same thing either way.Files are updated.
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on May 11, 2024, 08:15:03 AMI spent some time debating whether it was an octave higher or not, but came to the conclusion that it sounds more like it's just a change in the shehnai's timbre as it goes into its lower register. I've messed around a bit with shehnai sounds in the past, and it does do that as it gets lower. Well, it's either a shehnai or a zurna, but both kinda do that same thing either way.
Yeah reexamined as well, I think you are good to keep as is.
I do have one really minor comment before I accept, the sempre 8vb text should be be sized the same way as other expression elements, meaning the font should show up a little smaller than currently.
You can duplicate one of the the expressions (personally I like doing this as opposed to having a text element) and make the text "sempre 8vb", or decrease the size of your current one to 9 pt font so it matches that expression font sizing. Currently "sempre 8vb" looks a little too big.
Done diddly done! Files are updated. Sorry it took so long, my computer is doing that whole crashing thing again.
Perfect, no worries on time.
This submission has been accepted by Kricketune54 (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6528).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot