NinSheetMusic Forums

Hello, updaters! Just my luck, I have several sheets that fit this theme. Here are my two personal favorite "hot" sheets:

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470th

[NDS] Kirby: Squeak Squad - "Vocal Volcano"


461st

[PC] Annalynn - "Lava Factory"

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This is exciting, I've been aching for another special project for a while now. Here's to hoping it goes well! :D

Kirby: Squeak Squad - "Vocal Volcano"

• I hear the verses in m9, 11, 13, 15, 19, 21 and 23 as a quarter and then an eighth, like this:
  https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1139615345674567734/1139797995357999195/image.png
  I can see why you'd prioritize the chords in m17, though

Annalynn - "Lava Factory"

• There are currently no double barlines indicating different parts, and I feel like one would fit at the end of m10
• I hear grace notes in the bassline in m13, 15, 17 19, 21, 23 and 25. Is there maybe a reason you didn't add those?

Vocal Volcano
-m2 and on: Maybe you can add a single note on every third 8th in the L.H., to imitate the timpani/percussion part a bit more? (so a 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 2 rhythm)
-m6 and 16 (and 24): Maybe you can start the glissando on beat 4 at the E instead of the A? It's a bit more comfortable to play than to suddenly jump up to the A, and it extends the amount of possible glissando a little bit.
-m17 and on: The accents in the L.H. arpeggios are a nice idea, but I feel like it makes the arpeggios a lot harder to play for quite a small effect. Maybe you can just leave them out? Most of these accents are in the R.H. as well anyway
-m24: Not necessarily impossible, but combining the R.H. glissando with the L.H. arpeggio makes the transition to m25 quite hard: stopping the arpeggio at beat 4.5 maybe fixes that issue a little bit.
-m27 and m29: The standard ostinato starts on beat 2 in these bars, but maybe you can make m26 and m28 a 5/4 measure instead and put the R.H. chords on beat 5 of those bars?

Quote from: Bloop on August 15, 2023, 05:36:36 AMVocal Volcano
-m2 and on: Maybe you can add a single note on every third 8th in the L.H., to imitate the timpani/percussion part a bit more? (so a 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 1 - 2 - 2 rhythm)
-m6 and 16 (and 24): Maybe you can start the glissando on beat 4 at the E instead of the A? It's a bit more comfortable to play than to suddenly jump up to the A, and it extends the amount of possible glissando a little bit.
-m17 and on: The accents in the L.H. arpeggios are a nice idea, but I feel like it makes the arpeggios a lot harder to play for quite a small effect. Maybe you can just leave them out? Most of these accents are in the R.H. as well anyway
-m24: Not necessarily impossible, but combining the R.H. glissando with the L.H. arpeggio makes the transition to m25 quite hard: stopping the arpeggio at beat 4.5 maybe fixes that issue a little bit.
-m27 and m29: The standard ostinato starts on beat 2 in these bars, but maybe you can make m26 and m28 a 5/4 measure instead and put the R.H. chords on beat 5 of those bars?

- sorry, what is it you would like me to do? Could you please produce a screenshot to demonstrate what you're suggesting?
- I don't get why it's needed for m. 24, but sure. Do you want me also to lower the glissando in m. 2 to match the next three?
- you got it, I'll remove them. Felt pretty unsatisfied with them myself, if I'm being honest
- since I understand that you want the last 16th dropped out, I'll put a set of parentheses around it to let the performer know it's optional
- yeah, that looks better, I'll do it

Quote from: Francesca on August 11, 2023, 11:18:06 PMKirby: Squeak Squad - "Vocal Volcano"

• I hear the verses in m9, 11, 13, 15, 19, 21 and 23 as a quarter and then an eighth, like this:
  https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1139615345674567734/1139797995357999195/image.png
  I can see why you'd prioritize the chords in m17, though

- well I'll be damned, I've been listening to Vocal Volcano since I was in elementary school and never heard that rhythm, though it's clear to me now that it's in there after all. Thank you for bringing this to my attention

Quote from: Francesca on August 11, 2023, 11:18:06 PMAnnalynn - "Lava Factory"

• There are currently no double barlines indicating different parts, and I feel like one would fit at the end of m10
• I hear grace notes in the bassline in m13, 15, 17 19, 21, 23 and 25. Is there maybe a reason you didn't add those?

- generally speaking, I reserve double barlines for intros that aren't looped back to, certain key/meter changes, and significant tonal shifts in the music. That is to say, I'm not sure m. 10 or anywhere else in the sheet is the right spot for that
- I see what's going on, I had mistaken the figure in beat 3 of those LH spots as two 16ths instead of a grace note into a staccato'd 8th. That said, I hear no such grace note in m. 19, which already has a grace note in it

Thank you both for taking a look at my sheets. The files are updated.

Quote from: LeviR.star on August 16, 2023, 07:30:27 PM- sorry, what is it you would like me to do? Could you please produce a screenshot to demonstrate what you're suggesting?

Pretty sure they mean something like this:
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/844835144242298910/1141614763261046845/image.png?width=860&height=193

Quote from: LeviR.star on August 16, 2023, 07:30:27 PM- sorry, what is it you would like me to do? Could you please produce a screenshot to demonstrate what you're suggesting?

What Xiao posted yeah, though you could choose to keep the top octave or bottom octave too instead of changing between them like in Xiao's pic.

Quote from: LeviR.star on August 16, 2023, 07:30:27 PM- I don't get why it's needed for m. 24, but sure. Do you want me also to lower the glissando in m. 2 to match the next three?

I mentioned m24 for consistency, but I forgot there was one in m2 as well, so for consistency: yes, m2 too :p

Also, don't know if it's just my file, but the time signatures in m26-29 aren't showing up for some reason?

Quote from: Bloop on August 17, 2023, 11:17:13 AM- What Xiao posted yeah, though you could choose to keep the top octave or bottom octave too instead of changing between them like in Xiao's pic.
- I mentioned m24 for consistency, but I forgot there was one in m2 as well, so for consistency: yes, m2 too :p
- Also, don't know if it's just my file, but the time signatures in m26-29 aren't showing up for some reason?

- I think I came up with something that will work. How does that look?
- okay then
- ahh, I know what went wrong there; fixed!

Thanks, you two!

Awesome, then I'll approve of Vocal Volcano!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174785795522560/BloopActuallyApproves.png

Lava Factory
• m18 beat 2.0 RH sounds like full quarter no staccato
• You could add the beat 3 rhythm to beat 2 in m29

Round Clear
• m1 LH beat 3.5 sounds like it's graced and that current 3.75 is an eighth/staccato eighth note

Quote from: Kricketune54 on August 21, 2023, 09:51:36 AMLava Factory
• m18 beat 2.0 RH sounds like full quarter no staccato
• You could add the beat 3 rhythm to beat 2 in m29

Round Clear
• m1 LH beat 3.5 sounds like it's graced and that current 3.75 is an eighth/staccato eighth note

- not sure if you misspoke or not, but I assume you meant to say that beat 2.5 is a sustained 8th and not staccato'd? There's definitely two notes there, so I'll just change the articulation to a tenuto instead
- could I please get a second opinion on this? I know the performer is capable of playing the pattern on beat 2, and I did give this some honest thought, but I think the music needs a beat of rest before returning to the accompaniment part, so that the transition is a little less jarring
- ooh, yeah, that's the same figure Francesca had corrected me on from earlier in the piece, thanks for catching that

The file is updated. Thanks, Kricketune!

Vocal Volcano

Nice work! I think the end you currently have written as a cadenza is actually in strict time. (Also, sounds like an 8va instead of 15ma to me)

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/1145366595921793114/image.png

Also, in general, I think you could move the ottava markings a bit closer to the notes they modify, to have them float around closer to other staves less.

Quote from: Latios212 on August 27, 2023, 07:39:48 AM- Nice work! I think the end you currently have written as a cadenza is actually in strict time.
- Also, sounds like an 8va instead of 15ma to me
- Also, in general, I think you could move the ottava markings a bit closer to the notes they modify, to have them float around closer to other staves less.

- I'll be honest with you, Latios, I quite like the cadenza and think notating the phrase in four measures of strict time instead of one measure overcomplicates things a bit
- went back in and checked this, I can't say that I hear it :-\
- done, I've adjusted them a bit

Files are updated. Thanks, Latios!

Quote from: LeviR.star on August 21, 2023, 07:15:43 PM- not sure if you misspoke or not, but I assume you meant to say that beat 2.5 is a sustained 8th and not staccato'd? There's definitely two notes there, so I'll just change the articulation to a tenuto instead

Yep mispeak on my part there, meant full 8th, adding tenuto works

Quote- could I please get a second opinion on this? I know the performer is capable of playing the pattern on beat 2, and I did give this some honest thought, but I think the music needs a beat of rest before returning to the accompaniment part, so that the transition is a little less jarring

reexamining, I suppose I don't mind this despite sounding empty there. Let's look for that second opinion but with an approval

Quote from: LeviR.star on August 27, 2023, 02:42:58 PM- I'll be honest with you, Latios, I quite like the cadenza and think notating the phrase in four measures of strict time instead of one measure overcomplicates things a bit

Respectfully, I disagree. Listening to the original again, the ending definitely fits neatly into the 4/4 rhythm that's already established and the way it's written now loses the differing note durations of the last four notes. Additionally, there is no tempo variation in the whole piece to really imply any looseness in timing, so it just feels out of place to me (even stylistically).

Quote from: Latios212 on August 27, 2023, 07:39:48 AM(Also, sounds like an 8va instead of 15ma to me)

Quote from: LeviR.star on August 27, 2023, 02:42:58 PM- went back in and checked this, I can't say that I hear it :-\

Checking again, I agree with you on this one though ^^

Quote from: Latios212 on August 28, 2023, 03:10:40 PM- Respectfully, I disagree. Listening to the original again, the ending definitely fits neatly into the 4/4 rhythm that's already established and the way it's written now loses the differing note durations of the last four notes. Additionally, there is no tempo variation in the whole piece to really imply any looseness in timing, so it just feels out of place to me (even stylistically).
- Checking again, I agree with you on this one though ^^

- okay, after giving it some more thought, I've decided that I agree, and have replaced the cadenza figure with what you're proposing
- great! Thank you for looking into that

Got the file fixed!

Fantastic! I'll accept Vocal Volcano then!

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/1093726541533413376/image.png

Hi, just bumping this thread for the updaters in case I missed something in the previous feedback

Hiya, sorry for the wait! Most of the updaters have been pretty busy last few weeks

Lava Factory
-There are a few places in the R.H. where you've used 32nd notes to imitate the vibrato of the melody (like in m5-8, not the ones like in m13). They're not wrong, but I personally have some trouble trying to play them, they feel a bit counterintuitive at this speed or quickly start sounding a bit messy. I'm ok with them staying if you prefer them (might just be a skill issue on my part haha), but some alternatives may be leaving them out, or changing them to grace notes so it's easier to differentiate them from the actual melody notes.
-m12: I hear the G# in the R.H. already in beat 2.5. Also, the three E's in the L.H. in beat 4 are a bit uncomfortable to play, maybe you could move the second one up an octave?
-m14 and 22: Also this bass movement from beat 2 to beat 3.25 has some quite large leaps at this tempo, maybe moving up the E and G on beat 2.5-2.75 helps easing it up for the player?
-m20 and 28: I hear an A instead of G# in the R.H. on beat 2.5 (still G# on beat 2.75 of course)

Quote from: Bloop on October 19, 2023, 05:09:33 AMHiya, sorry for the wait! Most of the updaters have been pretty busy last few weeks

Understood, I was checking in to see if I missed something in the previous posts

Quote from: Bloop on October 19, 2023, 05:09:33 AM-There are a few places in the R.H. where you've used 32nd notes to imitate the vibrato of the melody (like in m5-8, not the ones like in m13). They're not wrong, but I personally have some trouble trying to play them, they feel a bit counterintuitive at this speed or quickly start sounding a bit messy. I'm ok with them staying if you prefer them (might just be a skill issue on my part haha), but some alternatives may be leaving them out, or changing them to grace notes so it's easier to differentiate them from the actual melody notes.
-m12: I hear the G# in the R.H. already in beat 2.5.
-Also, the three E's in the L.H. in beat 4 are a bit uncomfortable to play, maybe you could move the second one up an octave?
-m14 and 22: Also this bass movement from beat 2 to beat 3.25 has some quite large leaps at this tempo, maybe moving up the E and G on beat 2.5-2.75 helps easing it up for the player?
-m20 and 28: I hear an A instead of G# in the R.H. on beat 2.5 (still G# on beat 2.75 of course)

- you make a good point; aside from the difficulty issue, I also want to distinguish the vibrato-esque flourishes from the 32nds in the melody, so this would be a smart thing to do. If the performer finds these parts too tricky to play, then now I'm sure they'll know which notes to leave out
- I've been discontent with these added chords, as I think they take away from the impact of beat 3, so I'm proposing a solution: in this spot, as well as the similar instances in m. 20 and 28, I'm removing an A so that it's neither a suspended 2nd nor dominant sound, but a neutral 4th interval as a transition point. That way, it makes the fast 16th chords easier to play, and solves the issue with the voice leading's timing. What do you think?
- you got it
- great idea! I assume you want this done wherever it occurs, not just m. 14 and 22, so I'll modify the other spots as well
- (see point from above)

The file has been updated; thanks, Bloop! Let me know what you think.

Quote from: LeviR.star on October 21, 2023, 08:18:08 PM- I've been discontent with these added chords, as I think they take away from the impact of beat 3, so I'm proposing a solution: in this spot, as well as the similar instances in m. 20 and 28, I'm removing an A so that it's neither a suspended 2nd nor dominant sound, but a neutral 4th interval as a transition point. That way, it makes the fast 16th chords easier to play, and solves the issue with the voice leading's timing. What do you think?

That works too yeah!

Quote from: LeviR.star on October 21, 2023, 08:18:08 PM- great idea! I assume you want this done wherever it occurs, not just m. 14 and 22, so I'll modify the other spots as well
- (see point from above)

Ah yes, I looked over those other spots haha

Everything looks good to me, I can accept!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174892746108988/BloopApproves2.png