Submission Information:
Series: Undertale/Deltarune
Game: Deltarune
Console: PC
Title: Darkness Falls
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Francesca Minasi (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=8245)
[attachment deleted by admin]
This has been re-submitted, after I managed to get myself a copy of Finale so that this can be worked on more smoothly.
(Copying over my feedback from the previous submission thread)
This is one of my favorites from Deltarune, so wistful...
-Personally, I don't think that notating the delay/echo effect in m1-6 as accented dotted notes portrays the original song very accurately on piano, the effect in the original is subtle enough that I think it'd be better left to the performer to decide whether or not to include it. A performance note saying "optional dotted 8th echo on melody" or something similar would leave the option open for anyone who wants to play it, whereas writing out all the delayed notes doesn't really leave much room for interpretation. If you do still want to keep it notated literally, though, then the echo in m4 and m6 should be tied dotted notes, like this:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/771605789495394314/1123497064500822066/Zag7GDQ.png
-I think m1-6 would be better written out in 3/4, since the rhythmic structure doesn't really change that much between this section and the rest of the song. If you do want to have a different time signature for this first section though, I think 6/4 would work better than 3/2. 3/2 implies that there are 3 strong beats per measure, but I hear there being 2 strong beats per measure because of the two dotted half notes in m4 and m8 LH. That's assuming you don't want to do 3/4, which I still think would be the simplest option.
-In m2, RH beat 4-5 and LH beat 6 all sound like they're part of a separate voice from the main melody; in order to show this more clearly you could either move RH beat 4-5 to the LH, or move LH beat 6 into the RH in a separate layer.
-m8 and m10 LH beat 1 should be Bb instead of Ab.
-I don't hear the Bb on m8 LH beat 3.5.
-m13 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom.
-m16 and m18 LH beat 1, layer 1 should be Bb instead of Ab.
-m18 LH beat 3.5 should be Ab instead of Bb.
-It's faint, but m18 RH beat 3 and 3.5 sound like they're missing an Eb and Db on bottom respectively, and m19 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom.
-m20 RH sounds like it's harmonized in the exact same way as m12 RH.
-m20 LH beat 3 sounds like a Bb instead of a Db.
QuotePersonally, I don't think that notating the delay/echo effect in m1-6 as accented dotted notes portrays the original song very accurately on piano
Understood. I've replaced the dotted 8ths with regular quarters, and left the option to perform an echo effect open for anyone who wants to do it, and also for accuracy to the original track. However, I noticed while listening that the beginning part still has the melody somewhat accented, so I'm wondering if I should add a staccato or a short accent mark?
QuoteI think m1-6 would be better written out in 3/4, since the rhythmic structure doesn't really change that much between this section and the rest of the song
I had actually discussed this with Xiao prior to submitting the sheet- I feel like writing the first part as 3/4 would mess up the accents by fitting 3 quarter notes per bar, while I can hear there being accents every 2 notes. I originally meant to write the first part as 6/4, but that would have implied there being 2 groups of 3 per bar which is the opposite of that, so we ended up deciding to just write it in 3/2.
QuoteIn m2, RH beat 4-5 and LH beat 6 all sound like they're part of a separate voice from the main melody
Got it, I moved up the beat 6 of the bass clef and made a distinction between the two voices.
Quotem8 and m10 LH beat 1 should be Bb instead of Ab
I don't hear the Bb on m8 LH beat 3.5
m13 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom
m16 and m18 LH beat 1, layer 1 should be Bb instead of Ab
These have all been updated.
Quotem18 LH beat 3.5 should be Ab instead of Bb
m18 doesn't have a Bb on beat 3.5, however m19 did and I changed that to Ab.
QuoteIt's faint, but m18 RH beat 3 and 3.5 sound like they're missing an Eb and Db on bottom respectively
Don't exactly hear what you mean here?
Quotem19 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom
I have added the Bb.
Quotem20 RH sounds like it's harmonized in the exact same way as m12 RH
m20 LH beat 3 sounds like a Bb instead of a Db
These have all been updated.
Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMHowever, I noticed while listening that the beginning part still has the melody somewhat accented, so I'm wondering if I should add a staccato or a short accent mark?
Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMI feel like writing the first part as 3/4 would mess up the accents by fitting 3 quarter notes per bar, while I can hear there being accents every 2 notes.
Personally, I don't really hear any accents on the main melody at all in the beginning section, it all sounds pretty dynamically neutral to me. The main reasons I suggested 3/4 or 6/4 are:
-The bar is split into 2 groups of 3 in m4 and m6 by the two dotted half notes
-The second voice in m2 has 3 quarter notes, and starts on beat 4
Feel free to leave it as is for now, we can get a second opinion from the next updater :)
Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMThese have all been updated.
All looks good, except it looks like you changed m8 and m10 LH beat 1 to Gb instead of Bb?
Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMm18 doesn't have a Bb on beat 3.5, however m19 did and I changed that to Ab.
Whoops, that's totally my bad, I meant m16. In m19 I'm actually still hearing beat 3.5 as a Bb (so basically swap beat 3.5 of m16 and m19 lol).
Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMDon't exactly hear what you mean here?
Here's what I meant:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/771605789495394314/1124130022739943545/Finale_NotePad_NhHxLT5Vsv.png
Like I said before it's hard to hear, but I'm pretty sure it's there.
Everything else looks great to me!
QuoteThe bar is split into 2 groups of 3 in m4 and m6 by the two dotted half notes
Now that you mention it, that does indicate a very clear subdivision. I changed it back to 6/4.
Quoteit looks like you changed m8 and m10 LH beat 1 to Gb instead of Bb
I meant m16. In m19 I'm actually still hearing beat 3.5 as a Bb)
Sorry about that, updated.
QuoteLike I said before it's hard to hear, but I'm pretty sure it's there
I added this aswell.
(Just for the record, I had left my approval in the original submission topic)
Looking back at the sheet, I decided to make a few changes of my own.
- Turned the eigth note at the end of m8 in the bottom treble clef into a quarter note - considering this piece uses pedal, I thought the use of a rest (which, in the bottom part, would have been the only one in the sheet) could be misinterpreted as having to lift the pedal.
- Modified the dynamic transition at the end from f > mp to f > mf, because it sounded a lot more subtle in the original.
- Turned the bottom bass clef into a treble clef at the start to improve readability and to help the spacing.
- Changed up the system ordering a bit to make it more even and clear.
If you're unhappy with any of these changes I made, please let me know.
I have not seen this sheet before your above comment, but there are some formatting related things that need to be adjusted.
Your credits at the bottom are now outside of the margin, this can be viewed in Finale with the page layout tool. Basically, make sure that nothing is inside the dashed rectangle at the bottom
Correct Bottom Margin
(https://i.imgur.com/8XFJvca.png)
Current
(https://i.imgur.com/lacBvWO.png)
Some fixes for this:
•The first system is quite a bit wider than it needs to be, could decrease that to 1.0" with the staff tool (also move the mp dynamic up after doing this so it's not weirdly low). Honestly all of the systems could be 1.0 or less (as some are)... did you use a setting when doing the system ordering or did you make manual changes?
•You could decrease the space between your 3rd and 4th systems by a good bit.
•You could move the performance note a tad bit higher especially since all the pedals are hidden so there's no reason to be far from them.
Let me know if you need any help with this! after there's enough space, you should be able to move the copyright/site link at the bottom up to the normal position and for the spacing to not look cramped.
I agree with earlier comments about adding short accents, though you could use portatos (the accent that is a tenuto above staccato). m8 RH the Ab is held slightly shorter could add a one here, but the Db in m8 is held full length so no accent needed. m16 RH the Db on beat 2 is same length as beat 1 though, so could add short accent to both. Same for m10 beat 1 (keep beat 2 as is though as this one is longer/normal quarter length), and first two beats of m18.
A couple of small things to add on as I glance over this sheet:
- The measure spacing is off in the first couple of systems (notice how m. 5 is disproportionately wide and m. 4 and 6 are narrow). You can just click on these few measures with the Note Entry tool and they should respace automatically. Best to do this with the whole sheet to make sure spacing is normal there too, since it seems the odd spacing might have carried over from Notepad.
- The performance note's "in first part of the sheet" is ambiguous - better to write "in measures X to Y" so the performer knows exactly what part you're talking about.
I was aware of the disproportionate spacing, I was just waiting for Kricketune's response regarding the accents before updating the sheet again. It should be fixed now, and I also made the performance note more clear. Thank you for the feedback.
QuoteThe first system is quite a bit wider than it needs to be, could decrease that to 1.0" with the staff tool
You could decrease the space between your 3rd and 4th systems by a good bit
You could move the performance note a tad bit higher especially since all the pedals are hidden so there's no reason to be far from them
These have been fixed.
QuoteI agree with earlier comments about adding short accents, though you could use portatos (the accent that is a tenuto above staccato). m8 RH the Ab is held slightly shorter could add a one here, but the Db in m8 is held full length so no accent needed. m16 RH the Db on beat 2 is same length as beat 1 though, so could add short accent to both. Same for m10 beat 1 (keep beat 2 as is though as this one is longer/normal quarter length), and first two beats of m18
I have added the portato accents to the notes you mentioned in m8, m10, m16 and m18.
Hi again! It seems a lot has changed since the last time I looked at this...
- Even though I'm still 50/50 between 2 groups of 3 and 3 groups of 2 for the first section, do you think it makes more sense to use one time signature throughout the whole track?
- In m2, all stems except for the low Bb should be pointing upwards
- Even if you don't change the time signature, beat 1 of m6 should be written as a dotted half tied to a quarter, to show the 3+3 subdivision.
- I feel like the portatos in the second half would look better as eighths followed by rests, what do you think?
- I'm also hearing portatos/eighth+rests on beat 2 of m8 and m10
- Unless you're working with several voices, fermatas always go above the staff, not below it.
- There's still some space that could be saved by decreasing the distance between hands in systems 1-3. I think you can do 0.9'' (and 1''/1.1'' for the last two)
- The 2. volta is colliding with an accidental, could you move it up a little?
- I feel like the performance note would be best placed on the top of the sheet, closer to where the actual section is.
Additionally, I think it could be more nicely phrased, do you think you could work something out?
The changes have been discussed on Discord and I have updated the files.
Okay, promise, one last thing
Could you move the top layer rests to this height in m2?
(https://i.imgur.com/xuzkaQi.png)
QuoteCould you move the top layer rests to this height in m2?
No worries, I have done so and updated the files.
Great, Accepto Patronum
This submission has been accepted by Kricketune54 (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6528).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot