Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Yoshi's Story
Console: Nintendo 64
Title: Page Themes
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Bloop (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1023)
Replacement Information:
Links to Existing Sheet: MUS (http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/download/mus/880) | MIDI (http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/download/mid/880) | PDF (http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/download/pdf/880)
Replacement Type: Challenge (new arranger)
[attachment deleted by admin]
It's been a little while
Or a big while I guess
All 6 youtube links
This is late, but welcome back! Nice job with the sheet :>
Formatting stuff- Some of the dynamics like in themes 1 and 3 could be centered a little better (both horizontally and vertically)
- For Heartbeat Caverns and The Summit, why not do 2 and 3 measures per system respectively? Both look a little cramped
- Copyright and header info are outside the margins; also it should be https
- The measure numbers should technically reset for each theme
- m2 beats 1-2 RH flip the staccatos so they're on the notehead side
- m14 it would be better if you just added a second layer to the LH so the A could be pointed upwards (it's still possible to do so after cross staving but that takes more work)
- m23 the arpeggio marking could be centered around the chord more
- m31 the quarter rest could be moved a bit lower
Note stuffThe Summit- m9/11 I'm not sure if this is intentional but the D's on beats 2.5 and 4.5 should be F#'s
- m12 I imagine the C# instead of B# on beat 2.25 was intentional here though, but I just felt like pointing it out in case it wasn't
Alone In The Jungle- It sounds like it loses intensity from m17-20, so maybe it could be mf here then back to f at m21
- The dotted eighth notes with staccato could be written as staccato eighth + sixteenth rest
- m15-16 the LH pattern here is a little off. For example, I think the C#-Dn pattern would be better as Dn-Eb (the C# is still there on top, but the second note was wrong anyways and Dn-Eb fits more imo than C#-Eb). I also think it would be better to prioritize the low note that alternates between G# and A instead of the voice that just does G#, so it would be G#-A-G#-A-A in the first measure and then G#-A-G#-A-B in the second
- m18 beat 4.5 RH G# sounds like A
Grande Finale- m32 beats 1-2 RH I think there are C's playing here too?
- m32 beat 3 Db sounds like Dn and I think there are Bn's here too
- m32 beat 4 I think the 5th is omitted here if anything, so you could replace Fn with Dn
Fixed!
Quote from: Zeila on July 04, 2021, 04:23:15 PM- For Heartbeat Caverns and The Summit, why not do 2 and 3 measures per system respectively? Both look a little cramped
I originally thought it was a bit too spread out, but that was a year or two ago and now I don't feel that way lol.
Quote from: Zeila on July 04, 2021, 04:23:15 PMThe Summit
- m9/11 I'm not sure if this is intentional but the D's on beats 2.5 and 4.5 should be F#'s
- m12 I imagine the C# instead of B# on beat 2.25 was intentional here though, but I just felt like pointing it out in case it wasn't
I think I just missed that they weren't the same notes, the attack of the bassoons obscures it a bit. Fixed though!
Quote from: Zeila on July 04, 2021, 04:23:15 PMAlone In The Jungle
- m15-16 the LH pattern here is a little off. For example, I think the C#-Dn pattern would be better as Dn-Eb (the C# is still there on top, but the second note was wrong anyways and Dn-Eb fits more imo than C#-Eb). I also think it would be better to prioritize the low note that alternates between G# and A instead of the voice that just does G#, so it would be G#-A-G#-A-A in the first measure and then G#-A-G#-A-B in the second
Did that, plus some extra notes. I hear a voice going C#-G#-C#-G#-D and a voice going D-Eb-D-Eb-Eb, and I have a bit of a hard time hearing what to bottom voice does exactly, but I think this sounds pretty close. I wanted to keep some of those minor seconds in though, because I feel like there's some more crunch than just diminished fifths.
Quote from: Zeila on July 04, 2021, 04:23:15 PMGrande Finale
- m32 beats 1-2 RH I think there are C's playing here too?
- m32 beat 3 Db sounds like Dn and I think there are Bn's here too
- m32 beat 4 I think the 5th is omitted here if anything, so you could replace Fn with Dn
Fixed too! I feel like there's some change happening between beat 3 and beat 4, but I can't hear what it would be. Maybe it's just in my head.
Looks pretty great, just a few extra details from me:
Some general stuff first:
- Man, titles are annoying sometimes... it appears you're using the Nintendo of Europe CD titles (https://vgmdb.net/album/1886), which are a bit more verbose than the original Japanese titles (https://vgmdb.net/album/282). The American CD (https://vgmdb.net/album/819) just has all the tracks under "Page Medley" which isn't very helpful here. None of these quite match the in-game world map names though (Beginning, Cavern, Summit, Jungle, Ocean, Finale). And maybe a better overall title would be "Page Themes" since each world is referred to as a page (this matches up with the soundtracks as well). Just something to think about, up to you if you want to change the titles or not.
The Story Begins/Beginning
- The bass notes sound lower to me, like almost G#s.
Heartbeat Caverns/Cavern
- The F#s on beats 3-4 RH of m4 sound like D#s to me. It's fine to move around the other offbeat notes to make this part easier to play, but these two beats have nothing else going on.
Alone in the Jungle/Jungle
- The harmony part obscures this a bit, but I still hear the tonic as A. Maybe A major would be better.
The Grande Finale/Finale
- The F on beat 3 of m2 sounds like it has some grace notes leading to the to the Eb (Gb and F it seems).
- I don't think you need to shorten the final system, since it has the same amount of stuff going on as the one above it. As it is now, it looks a bit squished compared to the one above.
I think I'll keep the page specific titles as they are. I thought about putting the in-game titles in brackets, but except for Mermaid's Tears, their title is in their name in some way too. I do like "Page Themes" as overall title too, but I can't edit the submission title itself because it's a replacement, so I guess that's an updater thing.
@The Story Begins: I think I prefer the B over the G#, because the G# doesn't make much sense with the other harmonies. The actual note is between G and G# I believe, but because it's percussion, I'd rather have something harmony-neutral.
@Heartbeat Caverns: I didn't notice at first, but the offbeat notes are just the onbeat notes an octave lower. Except for the first measure I changed the offbeat notes to be the upper note of the dyad (and the sole D# in the beats you mentioned).
@Alone in the Jungle: I still feel it more as C# minor, but I did feel weird having Dn's and Eb's while having a D# in the key signature, so A major fixes that for me lol.
@Grande Finale: Fixed!
All those points make sense to me. I'll change the submission title and approve
I find it interesting how a bunch of Yoshi's Story themes sound so unnerving despite how cute the game is...
Just a few small things:
- Last measure of The Summit: the "tr" is too far to the right (should be above the note, this also applies to the ones in the last few measures) and the stem for the C# is too short
- Much of the second page is pretty cramped vertically. I'd suggest reducing the space between LH/RH staves slightly where there's extra space in some systems in order to put a bit more space between the header and the top system in particular.
- Page number (2) is above the top margin
Fixed!
Terrific! I'll accept now, hooray for replacement :D
This submission has been accepted by Latios212 (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4344).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot