Submission Information:
Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon Sword & Pokémon Shield
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Battle! (Calyrex)
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Kricketune54 (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6528)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Wasn't originally going to submit this yet but I got some excellent feedback tonight (sorry I do not know your username dropbox user lol) and figured it was time to let the bunny loose
Sorry for the wait!
Quick question first - do you have a source for the composer? As far as I recall we don't have a breakdown for Sword/Shield's soundtrack per track, but Minako Adachi and Go Ichinose are listed on the credits.
Okay, now on to the time signatures! I don't feel like what you have right now fits quite right. For later reference, here's what you currently have:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/794747759268724736/unknown.png
Let's look at the first part, up until measure 10 which is definitely correct as the starting point where the drums drop. It's difficult to notate the rhythms without any backing accompaniment for context, but a couple of things that seem off:
- The main melody at the start doesn't begin at the beginning of a measure like it does in the other places in the song - m. 14, 27, 31, 47.
- The descent in m. 7-8 is offset by a quarter unlike in m. 53 which is a simple 4/4 measure with descending quarter notes.
With that in mind, shifting some things around, I think this makes more sense for the first 9 measures:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/794747021704953856/unknown.png
A few time signature displacements, but I think the downbeats make more sense especially in context of the rest of the song. Except for measure 3... that one's still weird. Toyed around with it along with MSF, and came up with this:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/794762482904334336/unknown.png
This puts the bass strikes on downbeats instead of writing them as syncopated. This does have some weird side effects though particularly with that one F# that doesn't quite belong in the phrase before or after it.
What do you (or others) think about these?
Quote from: Latios212 on January 01, 2021, 07:04:09 PMSorry for the wait!
Quick question first - do you have a source for the composer? As far as I recall we don't have a breakdown for Sword/Shield's soundtrack per track, but Minako Adachi and Go Ichinose are listed on the credits.
Okay, now on to the time signatures! I don't feel like what you have right now fits quite right. For later reference, here's what you currently have:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/794747759268724736/unknown.png
Let's look at the first part, up until measure 10 which is definitely correct as the starting point where the drums drop. It's difficult to notate the rhythms without any backing accompaniment for context, but a couple of things that seem off:
- The main melody at the start doesn't begin at the beginning of a measure like it does in the other places in the song - m. 14, 27, 31, 47.
- The descent in m. 7-8 is offset by a quarter unlike in m. 53 which is a simple 4/4 measure with descending quarter notes.
With that in mind, shifting some things around, I think this makes more sense for the first 9 measures:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/794747021704953856/unknown.png
A few time signature displacements, but I think the downbeats make more sense especially in context of the rest of the song. Except for measure 3... that one's still weird. Toyed around with it along with MSF, and came up with this:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/794762482904334336/unknown.png
This puts the bass strikes on downbeats instead of writing them as syncopated. This does have some weird side effects though particularly with that one F# that doesn't quite belong in the phrase before or after it.
What do you (or others) think about these?
No biggie, I understand NSM staff was busy last month with the replacement project
I don't have a composer source so I'll put both of them.
Thank you for the clarity on the time signatures here. I agree with the 1/4 bar because it still sounds correct, though honestly this is the first time I've tried arranging something with any semblance of an irregular time signature.
Uploaded new version with the changes as recommended. Are there any other bits to fix here?
Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 02, 2021, 03:06:29 PMNo biggie, I understand NSM staff was busy last month with the replacement project
I don't have a composer source so I'll put both of them.
Thank you for the clarity on the time signatures here. I agree with the 1/4 bar because it still sounds correct, though honestly this is the first time I've tried arranging something with any semblance of an irregular time signature.
Uploaded new version with the changes as recommended. Are there any other bits to fix here?
Okey, sounds good! Yeah, more feedback coming right up :)
One major (no pun intended) point across the whole sheet - you have a lot of notes written as Fn that should be spelled as E#. This sheet is written in C# minor and the E# is the major third above the root. (compare to: using E natural instead of F flat when in C minor - keysig of 3 flats.)
- For m. 7-9 I would recommend lowering the RH melody an octave back to where it is in the original (and removing/adjusting the harmonies below it accordingly)
- Remove the half note in m. 15 that's tied to the previous measure
- m. 16 beat 4 - would suggest making that a power chord too (B in the middle instead of G#)
- Some notes in m. 17-19 RH are flipped down unnecessarily
- Use a clef change for at least part of the section m. 17-18 is in - the chords are too far off the top staff.
- I think the second chord in m. 18 has a couple wrong notes - sounds like D#-B-D#
- Last chord in m. 18-19 - I'd recommend octave doubling that E# on the bottom of the chord too.
- Similar comments as the above few for m. 48-52.
- For m. 20-35 LH I'm consistently hearing C# in the left hand on beat 3.5 (like how you wrote in m. 20/22, unlike how you wrote in 21/23)
- m. 53 beat 1 should be a B major chord - suggest writing it like D# F# B D#
- I'd suggest filling out the chords in m. 54, and the last one in 56 (adding B A G# F# in 54 and G# in m. 56)
- Cn should be B# in 55
Stopping here for now since that's already quite a lot, but note to self for next time: check the RH in m. 20-43 and LH in 36-43
Quote from: Latios212 on January 10, 2021, 02:28:24 PMFor m. 7-9 I would recommend lowering the RH melody an octave back to where it is in the original (and removing/adjusting the harmonies below it accordingly)
Kind of confused about this feedback because I don't what you mean by lowering an octave back to where it is in the original because I thought that was the octave in the original.
QuoteFor m. 20-35 LH I'm consistently hearing C# in the left hand on beat 3.5 (like how you wrote in m. 20/22, unlike how you wrote in 21/23)
Yeah I went back and forth on this but I agree with you on the C#
QuoteG# in m. 56)
Did you mean m. 55? Or Did you think G# should be added to bottom of 56
Files updated minus that first change. I also preempted you a bit on fixing some of the stuff in the RH in m. 20-43 and LH in 36-43
Quote from: Latios212 on January 10, 2021, 02:28:24 PM- For m. 7-9 I would recommend lowering the RH melody an octave back to where it is in the original (and removing/adjusting the harmonies below it accordingly)
Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 10, 2021, 02:47:09 PMKind of confused about this feedback because I don't what you mean by lowering an octave back to where it is in the original because I thought that was the octave in the original.
This is what I hear for 6-10, more or less:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/798033380117184532/unknown.png
Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 10, 2021, 02:47:09 PMDid you mean m. 55? Or Did you think G# should be added to bottom of 56
Oops, yes 55 :P you have it correct now
Okay thanks for clarifying that! Files have been updated
Cool. Sorry once again for the delay, this piece is rather tricky to check in the mid-section.
Here's my feedback for the remaining parts which I haven't checked yet:
- m. 20/25 beat 3 RH sounds like G# instead of A
- m. 22 RH should use E# instead of Fn
- m. 30/34 would suggest lowering the G# whole note down an octave to keep the melody on top
- In m. 37 I would suggest writing in harmony in the RH for beats 3-4 and instead having the LH play the bassline instead of everything moving in parallel. I think I hear the bass going E-B-E-G# like in 41
- m. 41 beat 3 RH sounds like G# instead of B
I'll fix up the formatting for you after these edits are made and we'll have another updater do a pass.
Thanks, files are updated!
You're welcome! Since that was the last major round of feedback from me, I went ahead and updated the files with some cleanup work done. Made the following changes:
- I think you missed the E#s in m. 22 and G# in m. 41 I mentioned above
- Flipped some incorrectly flipped stems
- Adjusted which notes are affected by the bass clef changes in m. 17-18 and 50-51
Also, I adjusted the dynamics on the first page a bit. The beginning was missing a dynamic so I moved the mf from measure 7 to measure 1. I also made m. 11 mp and 15 mf since measure 11 is rather subdued compared to the section around it.
Let me know if this looks good to you.
Quote from: Latios212 on February 12, 2021, 07:47:11 PMYou're welcome! Since that was the last major round of feedback from me, I went ahead and updated the files with some cleanup work done. Made the following changes:
- I think you missed the E#s in m. 22 and G# in m. 41 I mentioned above
Also, I adjusted the dynamics on the first page a bit. The beginning was missing a dynamic so I moved the mf from measure 7 to measure 1. I also made m. 11 mp and 15 mf since measure 11 is rather subdued compared to the section around it.
Let me know if this looks good to you.
This looks good to me, thank you!
Sometimes I make a mental mistake where I read RH on here as if it's the secondary part (not sure why I do that as a righty) which is why I missed the E#'s; I was looking at the LH part at 22 and read it as correct. As for the tempo, I had it the first time I submitted this arrangement here, only for it to get removed on accident I think by myself and missed subsequently.
Gotcha, and you're welcome ^^
Approving this one now!
LH:
-m27 sounds like m23, not m22.
-Would recommend dotted tenutos for m36-37 off beats and similar.
-m38 - Pretty sure I hear a quarter note on b1 and b3.5 as an 8th, possibly an octave lower than the previous E#
RH:
-m28 - layer 2 chord should be G#-B, same in m32
-m28-29 - I think I hear some chord motion here in the 2nd layer between the measures but I can't pinpoint what's moving so I guess you aren't forced to change it. Thought I'd mention it though.
The rest looks fine
Quote from: Maelstrom on February 21, 2021, 04:00:58 PM- I think I hear some chord motion here in the 2nd layer between the measures but I can't pinpoint what's moving so I guess you aren't forced to change it. Thought I'd mention it though.
I think the B moves to a E and the G# goes to an A. Problem with moving to an A is it's unplayable at original octave because of the distance. That's why I had the C# at the bottom of voice 2 on beat 4 because that's at least present in the original octave. That is also why beat 3 in the second voice of m29 the half notes moved to C# and A nat.
Do you think the phrase would sound better chord wise like this?
(https://i.imgur.com/FVcUvO9.png)
Additionally, I have two asks about m30 in the RH. I wanted to know if I should add D# to that chord to add to it. Additionally, do you hear a A# at the bottom of the chord as opposed to the G# at m30? I have gone back and forth on that since starting this arrangement.
One other request I had is in the format: I would like to change the half notes in m20-28 RH to whole notes so that they are accurate to the song. Would it be okay when I resubmit this that you hide the half rests? I can't get rid of them in Notepad.
First of all, I like those chords better. What I was referring to specifically was movement from b4 of m28 to b1 of m29. Can't put my finger on it still.
This is what I hear in m30, unsimplified. Do with this what you will
(https://i.fiery.me/C9rey.jpg)
I hear no A#s here.
Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 21, 2021, 08:06:46 PMOne other request I had is in the format: I would like to change the half notes in m20-28 RH to whole notes so that they are accurate to the song. Would it be okay when I resubmit this that you hide the half rests? I can't get rid of them in Notepad.
sure thing
Quote from: Maelstrom on March 02, 2021, 05:39:13 PMFirst of all, I like those chords better. What I was referring to specifically was movement from b4 of m28 to b1 of m29. Can't put my finger on it still.
This is what I hear in m30, unsimplified. Do with this what you will
(https://i.fiery.me/C9rey.jpg)
I hear no A#s here.
sure thing
I played around with the chords a little more at m 28-29, and here is what I have put now (measure 32 labeled, standing in for m. 28). I also simplified what you had at m.30, removing the E#.
(https://i.imgur.com/ZrP0z90.png)
In my previous comment, I had meant m.31, not m.30 with regards to A#. I have made a couple changes to the m.31 chord.
New files uploaded, with a couple additional LH rhythms on the second page as well as a small addition in RH on the last measure of the song
Yeah, that looks good. Great work, glad I was able to help.
This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4119).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot