Edit Replacement
Undertale - Undyne: original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXGMRVYmFYw)
- I ended up modifying my original arrangement after someone mentioned the tempo marking, and it went from 120 to 115
- Articulations and general formatting were changed
- I added an extra note to the chords in the beginning, and I also kept it going throughout the rest of the song
- The melody in the middle was raised an octave
Challenge Replacements
Super Smash Bros. Melee- Brinstar: original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GR47lpQoPc8)
- Dr. Mario (currently labeled as Fever on-site): original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyPivh5SGT4)
- Flat Zone: original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMWyIqpguNc)
- Fountain of Dreams: original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz3BQFXjEOI)
- Icicle Mountain: original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUChBiDcccY)
Tales of Symphonia- Full Force (technically "Full force" according to vgmdb (https://vgmdb.net/album/35), although a 2008 album has "Full force!" instead): original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UChIIyqJ2gI)
I added Fountain of Dreams. If the section at m40 is too hard then I can just simplify it some more
I finished Dr. Mario, Icicle Mountain, and Full force, so that's all from me for this update. With those 5 melee sheets complete, I think that's the last of the ones that need replacing apart from small edits or text/formatting fixes on a few others
Brinstar- Maybe consider having a drum pickup at the beginning similar to m54. Up to you though.
- m10 and similar: The 4-tuplets in the original have 2 voices; you included the lower one. I would only include the upper one (A-Bb-A-F) since that's the melody of the tune, it lines up with the top long notes.
- m18/20/22 kind of has the opposite problem; the melody note should be Bb, so that should be on top in those measures. In addition, the notes underneath should be D and F, not Eb and G. It's a Bb chord, but with a C in the bass.
- m17-24 should stay in G minor, it's more of an extended IV chord than a modulation.
- I'd add some extra space at the beginning of m39 (under Edit Measure Attributes to make some more space for the mezzoforte.
- In terms of rhythm, I hear beats 3-4 of m47 and similar the same as beats 1-2, but with the octaves flipped.
- The same comments I said about m9-24 apply to m63-78.
Quote from: Static on June 14, 2020, 01:22:49 PM- Maybe consider having a drum pickup at the beginning similar to m54. Up to you though.
I think I will just leave it as is, but thanks for the suggestion anyways!
Quote from: Static on June 14, 2020, 01:22:49 PM- m10 and similar: The 4-tuplets in the original have 2 voices; you included the lower one. I would only include the upper one (A-Bb-A-F) since that's the melody of the tune, it lines up with the top long notes.
I wasn't sure if I was imagining that tbh so I just went with the more prominent tone (to my ears anyways...). I changed it
Quote from: Static on June 14, 2020, 01:22:49 PM- m18/20/22 kind of has the opposite problem; the melody note should be Bb, so that should be on top in those measures. In addition, the notes underneath should be D and F, not Eb and G. It's a Bb chord, but with a C in the bass.
Yeah uh idk what I was thinking. Fixed
I also got rid of the cautionary accidental I mistakenly left in m35 for the F. Thanks for the feedback! I fixed the stuff I didn't address too
Quote from: Zeila on June 14, 2020, 10:27:04 PMI also got rid of the cautionary accidental I mistakenly left in m35 for the F. Thanks for the feedback! I fixed the stuff I didn't address too
You might want that accidental for the last note in m34 though, since the previous F was F#. It's fine as it is though.
Starting at m47, the 1st layer rests should be combined into dotted quarter rests like in the 2nd layer.
All the other changes look great!
Quote from: Static on June 15, 2020, 10:32:07 PMYou might want that accidental for the last note in m34 though, since the previous F was F#. It's fine as it is though.
Sure, done.
Quote from: Static on June 15, 2020, 10:32:07 PMStarting at m47, the 1st layer rests should be combined into dotted quarter rests like in the 2nd layer.
All the other changes look great!
Thanks! I updated it
Looks good
Dr. Mario
- In m. 12, the second group of notes, it sounds like the descending D-C should be D#-C#
- m. 16 RH first two beats - sounds like the lower voice goes D-F#-D-F# instead of D-D-F#-F#
- I think the beat 4 bass in m. 18 would make more sense as F# (chromatically ascending to the G in the next measure). Same for m. 30-31, writing F# instead of using Gb and courtesy natural
- Are the arpeggios in m. 21-28 extrapolated from the harmonies? I'm hearing a voice that's repeating C-B-C-G instead
- For the cross staff arpeggios, make sure that the beam doesn't angle downwards when the voice ascends. Measure 26/28 in particular have that awkward reverse beam angle.
- Move the eighth rests up where they're touching the lower layer (m. 24, 28)
- Measures 41-44 would be better with the octave doubling in the RH I think (this would give continuity to the descending line in m. 40 as well).
- I think m. 41-43 should be spelled using F#/C# instead of Gb/Db
- Regarding the overall layout, I would suggest sticking to the hypermeter of 4 measures per system. I recommend changing m. 12 to all have small noteheads to clarify it's a flourish as well as cut down on the space it takes up so you can bump it up a system. Also the systems on page 2-3 can be moved closer together to make more room around the header.
Quote from: Latios212 on July 05, 2020, 04:54:44 PMDr. Mario
- Are the arpeggios in m. 21-28 extrapolated from the harmonies? I'm hearing a voice that's repeating C-B-C-G instead
Yes those are
Everything else should be fixed, thanks for the feedback!
No problem, sounds good! Approving
Undyne
Just one thing - The chord you wrote in m13 is significantly different than the chord earlier. I'd recommend writing it like this instead:
(https://i.fiery.me/LE7ZM.jpg)
Icicle MountainYay! I'm happy to see this one. Been wanting to do it myself for a while, but never got around to it...
In particular I really like the left hand accompaniment you wrote out for m. 53-58! Anyway, feedback time:
- Those chords at the beginning are pretty punchy and seem to imply more than triads. I think it would help if the second/third/fourth chords in m. 1 had both A and G in them. For m. 3, I think the first chord should have C instead of G and the second chord should have F too.
- I think the last two chords in m. 1 should be disconnected
- m. 9 first chord sounds like it should be inverted downward (hearing ascending E F# G in those three chords)
- Move the lower layer rests in m. 5 a bit down
- G in second triplet in m. 10 should be sharp
- Yikes... those are some tricky chords in m. 15-16. I'm hearing the contour a bit different from how you wrote it, and I also think it would make sense to keep them as dense right hand chords only given the style of the piece. Here's what I'm getting - although I'm definitely not 100% confident about it, I think it could look something like this...
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/731668031922765913/unknown.png
- Keep LH spelling consistent between m. 15/27 LH - I'd recommend A#
- I think the chords in m. 21-22 should be octave doubled
- Use Gb instead of F# in m. 22
- I think the chords in m. 39- would be nice octave doubled as well
- Measures 59-60 feel a bit empty in the RH after all the chords from before. I think it would be nice to add some harmonies and/or dynamic contrast. (Also the 3s are kind of squished together between the staves... you could do things like increase the inter-staff space or flip the 3's outside)
Quote from: Maelstrom on July 11, 2020, 04:07:19 PMUndyne
Just one thing - The chord you wrote in m13 is significantly different than the chord earlier. I'd recommend writing it like this instead:
(https://i.fiery.me/LE7ZM.jpg)
Done, thanks!
Quote from: Latios212 on July 11, 2020, 05:44:38 PMIcicle Mountain
Yay! I'm happy to see this one. Been wanting to do it myself for a while, but never got around to it...
In particular I really like the left hand accompaniment you wrote out for m. 53-58! Anyway, feedback time:
- Those chords at the beginning are pretty punchy and seem to imply more than triads. I think it would help if the second/third/fourth chords in m. 1 had both A and G in them. For m. 3, I think the first chord should have C instead of G and the second chord should have F too.
Thank you! They do sound punchier, but after listening to it again it sounds like the actual chords in m1 are C6/9 and Eb6/9 in stacked fourths (idk about nomenclature, but note-wise yes). Since I think condensing it all to the RH within one octave would be too dense, I omitted the D and F respectively and put a Bb in the fourth chord of m1 instead of A like you mentioned
Quote from: Latios212 on July 11, 2020, 05:44:38 PM- Yikes... those are some tricky chords in m. 15-16. I'm hearing the contour a bit different from how you wrote it, and I also think it would make sense to keep them as dense right hand chords only given the style of the piece. Here's what I'm getting - although I'm definitely not 100% confident about it, I think it could look something like this...
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/731668031922765913/unknown.png
Yeah it makes sense to keep it with the RH. I think you're right about it except for the 3rd chord of that phrase, and the whole thing sounds like this to me:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/26ozmLV.png)
But in the actual sheet I just went with what you wrote except the A in the 3rd chord was changed to a Bb
Quote from: Latios212 on July 11, 2020, 05:44:38 PM- I think the chords in m. 39- would be nice octave doubled as well
I just did it for the whole notes
Quote from: Latios212 on July 11, 2020, 05:44:38 PM- Measures 59-60 feel a bit empty in the RH after all the chords from before. I think it would be nice to add some harmonies and/or dynamic contrast. (Also the 3s are kind of squished together between the staves... you could do things like increase the inter-staff space or flip the 3's outside)
I flipped the 3's and added both harmonies and dynamic contrast
Everything else was updated, thanks for the feedback!
Undyne
approval
Quote from: Latios212 on July 11, 2020, 05:44:38 PMIcicle Mountain
- I think the chords in m. 39- would be nice octave doubled as well
oops yeah I meant up to 44, which you figured out
Looks good,
approving! Although a couple of really tiny things you might still want to change are moving the right end of the cresc. in m. 38 left a bit and indicating how loud to get in m. 60 (perhaps ff on beat 3?).
Quote from: Latios212 on July 13, 2020, 04:46:11 PMAlthough a couple of really tiny things you might still want to change are moving the right end of the cresc. in m. 38 left a bit and indicating how loud to get in m. 60 (perhaps ff on beat 3?).
Sure thing! Done
Icicle Mountain
m,27 RH - pretty sure both of these chords have grace notes leading up to them. Also in m33. For m27, I can see no reason not to add them, as it doesn't make it significantly difficult to play, unlike some other places where you left it out.
Big fan of what you did with this, nice work.
Quote from: Maelstrom on August 08, 2020, 01:37:31 PMIcicle Mountain
m,27 RH - pretty sure both of these chords have grace notes leading up to them. Also in m33. For m27, I can see no reason not to add them, as it doesn't make it significantly difficult to play, unlike some other places where you left it out.
Big fan of what you did with this, nice work.
Thanks! I added some in m27 and m29 too but I don't hear any in m33
sounds fine.
I'll accept it
Flat ZoneThanks for finishing this one! It's... weird, but your sheet makes a bunch of things more sensible for the piano.
Some feedback:
- m. 3/7, hearing more like this:
- m. 11 beat 3 RH A# is an octave up
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/745418611727925258/unknown.png
- I think the beeps in m. 12 also sound like A#s rather than C#s?
- m. 7-8 and m. 11-12 aren't actually the same the second time through. Maybe worth writing this section our explicitly? (Also these couple of systems are rather crushed... don't have an easy solution for that besides re-distributing)
- Not too sure about the spelling in m. 14... that Cn in the triplet is pretty awkward given the notes that come before and after it but not sure what the best solution here is
- In m. 20 I think the LH notes would be better on the lower staff the whole time. Also I think the last Gb might be better as F# (resolving to the E in the next measure).
- I would recommend lowering the RH an octave in 25+ to match the original melody octave, but your choice
- Second to last note in m. 33-36 sounds like a Db instead of Cn.
- I'm a bit skeptical of the way the arpeggios beginning in m. 33 are spelled (with the key changes) since they use the whole tone scale, but it's consistent so I'm fine with it
- Hide the rests in m. 33+
- D.S. is a bit high at the end.
- Is there a "fine" missing in the last measure or something, as the "Only on D.S." implies?
Just peeking at Brinstar for a moment, I think the quardruplets are better written as 16ths instead of 8ths
Quote from: Latios212 on August 20, 2020, 04:14:10 PMJust peeking at Brinstar for a moment, I think the quardruplets are better written as 16ths instead of 8ths
I'm pretty sure you're only supposed to go to the next subdivision of notes (16ths) when you get to that division normally (in this case 6 notes per beat). So 4- or 5-tuplets would be 8ths, while 7-, 8-, 9-, 10-, and 11-tuplets would be 16ths, etc.
http://www2.siba.fi/muste1/index.php?id=100&la=en (http://www2.siba.fi/muste1/index.php?id=100&la=en) (first diagram, though I haven't read the whole page)
I thought about it a bit, and while you could write it both ways I think 16ths makes more sense because four 16ths typically constitutes one beat in normal time. Our current Brinstar sheet from Metroid on site is also written like that and I think looks better.
https://www.johnbuccheriteachingmusictheory.com/9-beams-and-tuplet-notation (https://www.johnbuccheriteachingmusictheory.com/9-beams-and-tuplet-notation)
This is how I learned it, personally, but it looks like everyone has different thoughts on it...
I think your explanation for this particular case makes sense though, so I'm fine either way.
Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2020, 04:25:12 PMFlat Zone
Thanks for finishing this one! It's... weird, but your sheet makes a bunch of things more sensible for the piano.
Some feedback:
- I think the beeps in m. 12 also sound like A#s rather than C#s?
Np, and thanks again for letting me use your unfinished version! That one was actually purposeful since I thought C#s would translate better for that part just like how I changed the F#s in m4 and 8 to E, but I'll change it back then so that it's at least consistent with the other A#s
Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2020, 04:25:12 PM- m. 7-8 and m. 11-12 aren't actually the same the second time through. Maybe worth writing this section our explicitly? (Also these couple of systems are rather crushed... don't have an easy solution for that besides re-distributing)
I did that to conserve space since they just seem like assorted beeps (which is why I wrote RH improvise), but since it is crowded then I'll write everything out and use 5 pages. Also as a heads up, in the new m20 I wrote the Dn beeps as C# instead but if it's preferable to be Dn instead then I can change it
Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2020, 04:25:12 PM- Not too sure about the spelling in m. 14... that Cn in the triplet is pretty awkward given the notes that come before and after it but not sure what the best solution here is
I'll change it to B# for now
Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2020, 04:25:12 PM- Second to last note in m. 33-36 sounds like a Db instead of Cn.
I think I wrote those as C#'s initially and removed the accidental, so while it sounded the same it was written incorrectly since I overlooked changing those back too
Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2020, 04:25:12 PM- I'm a bit skeptical of the way the arpeggios beginning in m. 33 are spelled (with the key changes) since they use the whole tone scale, but it's consistent so I'm fine with it
I thought they used a whole tone scale but then the top note was always outside of it so I wasn't sure anymore. If you're fine with it then I guess that's okay, but I'm open to taking suggestions on notating it differently
Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2020, 04:25:12 PM- Is there a "fine" missing in the last measure or something, as the "Only on D.S." implies?
I thought writing that would be sufficient enough since it was the last measure. I put a fine there now
Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2020, 04:25:12 PM- m. 3/7, hearing more like this:
- m. 11 beat 3 RH A# is an octave up
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/745418611727925258/unknown.png
- I would recommend lowering the RH an octave in 25+ to match the original melody octave, but your choice
- Hide the rests in m. 33+
- D.S. is a bit high at the end.
Done, thanks!
BrinstarPersonally I've usually looked at triplets and the like the same as Static, but I am okay with changing it to 16th's so consider it done
Flat Zone
Okay great, thanks for the fast turnaround! I think it makes more sense expanded 5 pages now, since you've written out the beeps pretty much as they are everywhere else it makes sense to do so in that section too. I don't think I have anything else to add other than some of the pedal markings seem a little off in m. 22-24 but that might just be Finale.
Approved :)
Undyne
-Have you considered making the slide down to the Eb on bar 12 slower, like it is in in the original? Obviously it's a bit difficult with only two notes but you could make them take up the whole of bar 11 rather than just right at the end.
-I'm not 100% sure what to do about the Dns. On the one hand, they're part of Cbm chords and so should be Ebbs, but it does look a little ugly with the Ebbs next to the Ebs, especially in bar 12. Still, having all of the Cbm chords misspelled is also not great, hence me not being sure what to do. I don't know if you've thought about it at all, but let me know what you think. I might ask about to find some other opinions as well.
Dr. Mario
-I'm hearing something completely different for the quaver lines in 21-28. If this change was to keep the same rhythms but to use them to flesh out the harmony instead, you could always just put the harmony underneath the melody notes and keep the guitar part as verbatim. It sounds quite different the way you currently have it...
-It's kind of hard to hear but I'm hearing the second quaver triple in bar 45 as F G F, rather than F D F.
-I'd write in a diminuendo in the final bar for those repeating octave Bbs (also, I think there should probably be one on beat 4.5, it's just that it's faded out so much it's barely audible).
UndyneQuote from: Libera on August 28, 2020, 07:09:57 AM-Have you considered making the slide down to the Eb on bar 12 slower, like it is in in the original? Obviously it's a bit difficult with only two notes but you could make them take up the whole of bar 11 rather than just right at the end.
Sure, I tried
Quote from: Libera on August 28, 2020, 07:09:57 AM-I'm not 100% sure what to do about the Dns. On the one hand, they're part of Cbm chords and so should be Ebbs, but it does look a little ugly with the Ebbs next to the Ebs, especially in bar 12. Still, having all of the Cbm chords misspelled is also not great, hence me not being sure what to do. I don't know if you've thought about it at all, but let me know what you think. I might ask about to find some other opinions as well.
I wanted to avoid using more accidentals and I do think measure 12 would look especially ugly compared to 4, 8, and 16. I would rather keep it the way it is
Dr. MarioQuote from: Libera on August 28, 2020, 07:09:57 AM-I'm hearing something completely different for the quaver lines in 21-28. If this change was to keep the same rhythms but to use them to flesh out the harmony instead, you could always just put the harmony underneath the melody notes and keep the guitar part as verbatim. It sounds quite different the way you currently have it...
It was purposeful, but since it does change the overall sound then I will use put the harmony underneath the melody like you mentioned. Also, I went with the harpsichord part which sounds clearer than the guitar since most of it stays consistent
Quote from: Libera on August 28, 2020, 07:09:57 AM-It's kind of hard to hear but I'm hearing the second quaver triple in bar 45 as F G F, rather than F D F.
The only G I'm hearing is from another layer/voice that plays G-D-G-D. Listening to it again I hear the middle note as F but in a higher octave. I ended up adding D's to the chords in the RH of measure 45 and G's in measure 46
Quote from: Libera on August 28, 2020, 07:09:57 AM-I'd write in a diminuendo in the final bar for those repeating octave Bbs (also, I think there should probably be one on beat 4.5, it's just that it's faded out so much it's barely audible).
Done
Thanks for checking both sheets!
Quote from: Zeila on August 30, 2020, 11:01:10 PMUndyne
Sure, I tried
I wanted to avoid using more accidentals and I do think measure 12 would look especially ugly compared to 4, 8, and 16. I would rather keep it the way it is
That's fine, I'll accept.
Quote from: Zeila on August 30, 2020, 11:01:10 PMThe only G I'm hearing is from another layer/voice that plays G-D-G-D. Listening to it again I hear the middle note as F but in a higher octave. I ended up adding D's to the chords in the RH of measure 45 and G's in measure 46
I admit I'm finding it pretty hard to work out exactly what's going on in bar 45, but what you've written in there just sounds out of place to me compared to in 46-47 where it's fairly consistent. The general pattern (low high low) with not too large an interval sounds like it should still be going on in 45, if you understand what I mean. Particularly the F-F-F octave jump in the second half of the bar sounds especially off to me. Maybe we could get another opinion if necessary.
The edits to 21-28 look great!
Quote from: Zeila on August 30, 2020, 11:01:10 PMThe only G I'm hearing is from another layer/voice that plays G-D-G-D. Listening to it again I hear the middle note as F but in a higher octave. I ended up adding D's to the chords in the RH of measure 45 and G's in measure 46
Quote from: Libera on August 31, 2020, 08:08:05 AMI admit I'm finding it pretty hard to work out exactly what's going on in bar 45, but what you've written in there just sounds out of place to me compared to in 46-47 where it's fairly consistent. The general pattern (low high low) with not too large an interval sounds like it should still be going on in 45, if you understand what I mean. Particularly the F-F-F octave jump in the second half of the bar sounds especially off to me. Maybe we could get another opinion if necessary.
This is what I hear for m45 (transposed down to be in the same octave as the notes in m46-47):
(https://i.imgur.com/XZ7yBp9.png)
It's hard for me to hear where the F's come from, let alone the octave jump, so I personally wouldn't recommend that. These notes in m45 that I wrote above come from the same voice that plays what you've written for Layer 2 in m46-47, so I would be consistent here and transcribe the same voice for m45 too.
For the arrangement, I would just write it like the way I put above, except I would turn m45 beat 1.5 (the low G) into a D so that the RH doesn't restrike the LH G right away, and so that Layer 2 sounds more consistent.
Quote from: mastersuperfan on August 31, 2020, 11:30:43 AMThis is what I hear for m45 (transposed down to be in the same octave as the notes in m46-47):
(https://i.imgur.com/XZ7yBp9.png)
It's hard for me to hear where the F's come from, let alone the octave jump, so I personally wouldn't recommend that. These notes in m45 that I wrote above come from the same voice that plays what you've written for Layer 2 in m46-47, so I would be consistent here and transcribe the same voice for m45 too.
For the arrangement, I would just write it like the way I put above, except I would turn m45 beat 1.5 (the low G) into a D so that the RH doesn't restrike the LH G right away, and so that Layer 2 sounds more consistent.
I guess our ears are just different then since (I thought) I transcribed m45-48 from the same voice, and again I only really hear any G in the second half of m45 from the voice that goes G-D two octaves higher. Since two people think it's off though I'll change it, and it makes sense. I wrote your suggestion for the first two beats of m45, but I kept the F's in the second half instead of D's since that will start the descending pattern that Libera mentioned
Thanks for your input!
Quote from: Zeila on September 07, 2020, 07:19:05 AMI guess our ears are just different then since (I thought) I transcribed m45-48 from the same voice, and again I only really hear any G in the second half of m45 from the voice that goes G-D two octaves higher. Since two people think it's off though I'll change it, and it makes sense. I wrote your suggestion for the first two beats of m45, but I kept the F's in the second half instead of D's since that will start the descending pattern that Libera mentioned
Thanks for your input!
That works for me so I'll accept!
Brinstar
I remember this piece well from playing SSBM back in the day haha, nice sheet generally.
-I'd write the guitar slide thing in bar 4 the same way as in the previous two bars to be more consistent. I don't think they sound very different personally.
-The last note in bar 41 sounds like an A rather than a G to me.
-I'm not sure about the F in the final chord of 15 (and everywhere else this figure shows up). It sounds like the only note that changes is the B -> C to me.
-I think it'd be less confusing to write the right hand in bars 47-53 in one layer rather than two. I'm not sure you gain anything out of writing it in two layers and it looks more cluttered and confusing to read.
-Be careful with your rests in 12/8. The crotchet rest in bar 8 should be two quavers rests. Same for bar 62 (and potentially others I've missed).
-It's kind of hard to hear because it's so low, but it sounds like the bass note at the end of bars 91 and 95 is an F rather than a G.
-You could cue in the drums in the first bar, rather than starting on bar 2. It might be less deceptive that way, but it's not super necessary.
-The way the top line gets hidden in bars 41-42 isn't ideal. I think it wouldn't be too bad to put the little resolution an octave lower, even if that means some hand crossings. But I haven't actually tried it out so I'm not sure how awkward it is.
-I think the key signature should be in G major. It definitely feels more like the tonal centre is G major with some modal stuff or whatever over the top.
Quote from: Libera on October 06, 2020, 02:11:03 PMBrinstar
I remember this piece well from playing SSBM back in the day haha, nice sheet generally.
Thanks!
Quote from: Libera on October 06, 2020, 02:11:03 PM-I'd write the guitar slide thing in bar 4 the same way as in the previous two bars to be more consistent. I don't think they sound very different personally.
The last one sounds a bit more delayed in my opinion. Maybe someone else can chime in
Quote from: Libera on October 06, 2020, 02:11:03 PM-The last note in bar 41 sounds like an A rather than a G to me.
-It's kind of hard to hear because it's so low, but it sounds like the bass note at the end of bars 91 and 95 is an F rather than a G.
I don't hear these two. Maybe someone else will feel differently?
Quote from: Libera on October 06, 2020, 02:11:03 PM-I'm not sure about the F in the final chord of 15 (and everywhere else this figure shows up). It sounds like the only note that changes is the B -> C to me.
I personally still hear an F in measures 7 and 61, but you're right about 15/69
Quote from: Libera on October 06, 2020, 02:11:03 PM-You could cue in the drums in the first bar, rather than starting on bar 2. It might be less deceptive that way, but it's not super necessary.
I'd rather not personally because of spacing
Quote from: Libera on October 06, 2020, 02:11:03 PM-I think it'd be less confusing to write the right hand in bars 47-53 in one layer rather than two. I'm not sure you gain anything out of writing it in two layers and it looks more cluttered and confusing to read.
-Be careful with your rests in 12/8. The crotchet rest in bar 8 should be two quavers rests. Same for bar 62 (and potentially others I've missed).
-The way the top line gets hidden in bars 41-42 isn't ideal. I think it wouldn't be too bad to put the little resolution an octave lower, even if that means some hand crossings. But I haven't actually tried it out so I'm not sure how awkward it is.
-I think the key signature should be in G major. It definitely feels more like the tonal centre is G major with some modal stuff or whatever over the top.
Done, thanks!
Fountain of Dreams
-m2 - I think the Ab-A-Bb progression here is the most important part and should be the lowest note in the LH. Currently, the inversion obscures that motion.
-m2 LH - I'm not sure what the G is doing there. The lowest note should be a Bn to show the progression.
-I don't hear the scale in m3?
-RH m4-7. Not a fan of the chords. I hear something more like this:
(https://i.fiery.me/Oh1S7.jpg)
-m7 - Any reason the 16th run here is in 16ths and not grace notes? It prevents the F chord from coming in on b4 which would add quite a bit of flavor and, I would argue, is much more important.
-m7 LH- b4 is an F. A case could be made to argue for a Bb here and it would certainly be more playable.
-I'm not positive LH m8-9, 12-13 etc are actually that different from m4-5. Notating it the same way would make it feel less empty. At the very least, 12-13 onward is pretty much identical to 4-5.
-m17 RH - I hear the strings chords here on the offbeat of every beat of the measure
-m22 RH - the A and G on b1 and 3 are held. I'd recommend either making them tied/2nd layer half note, or restriking them in the next chord.
-m28-31 LH - there's offbeat strings here that would be very good to include. You chose to include those only in 36-39 which I don't feel works either. I'd recommend a mixture to be used consistently in both places.
Re: Brinstar
Sorry for taking so long to respond. The changes look great. And I had another listen and agree with you about those two discrepancies and so I'm happy to accept now. Good work! (I've fixed the articulations, but let me know if anything looks off.)
Full Force
Is force not capitalized?
m8 b3 RH - I hear the E restrike
m10 - isn't that supposed an inverted mordent or whatever it's called? It goes the other direction.
m46 RH - I hear the first note of hte triplets as an E.
LH:
m3 - I don't hear the restrike you have here on b4.
m7 - beat 3.5 is a C.
It's hard to make out, but I hear Bbs on b4 of m5 and 9.
m25-m41 - I don't hear any restrikes on b1.5 of any of these measures
m41 - b2.5 is an A.
m42 - I hear b1 as a C tied from m41 and b1.5 as the D.
Can't seem to tell why m47-48 is written differently than 43-44
m52 - first 3 notes are tied, b3.5-4 as well.
m55-56 is the same as m43-44 as well.
The first 2 8ths are tied (meaning a quarter) on every odd measure from 41-end. So like m43, 45, etc
I realize I have a lot of combining notes which might take away from the driving force of the song. However, variation is important, and, most importantly, it makes the already difficult song more playable. Repeated 8ths at q=220 is brutal. I really like how you made this work on piano as a whole, the playability is my largest concern now.
Quote from: Zeila on June 06, 2020, 04:31:23 PM(technically "Full force" according to vgmdb (https://vgmdb.net/album/35), although a 2008 album has "Full force!" instead): original (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UChIIyqJ2gI)
Cool, good to know
Fountain of DreamsQuote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-m2 - I think the Ab-A-Bb progression here is the most important part and should be the lowest note in the LH. Currently, the inversion obscures that motion.
There is a G and I lowered it to make it less dense sounding, but you're right that it was too drastic of a change. Anyways I raised it up an octave and lowered the Bn to be the lowest to fit with the bassline
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-I don't hear the scale in m3?
That was just some random thing to try and imitate the wind chimes in order to have something there
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-RH m4-7. Not a fan of the chords. I hear something more like this:
https://i.fiery.me/Oh1S7.jpg
I listened to it again and I disagree. If anything, the only difference is that I don't hear any E in measures 6-7 while the F is in both 6 and 7 instead of just 7. And while this may not hold much if any weight since it is technically from a different game, it sounds clearer in the Kirby Air Ride (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ97qqMU1tI) version (and it's consistent enough for other versions of the song too, but this one is closer to the original than say the Nightmare in Dream Land (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfWiF6JC5Rc) one)
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-m7 - Any reason the 16th run here is in 16ths and not grace notes? It prevents the F chord from coming in on b4 which would add quite a bit of flavor and, I would argue, is much more important.
Not any strong one, it's been updated
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-m7 LH- b4 is an F. A case could be made to argue for a Bb here and it would certainly be more playable.
I still hear a G, although if you feel strongly about using Bb instead then I will change it. Currently, I left it alone
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-m17 RH - I hear the strings chords here on the offbeat of every beat of the measure
Are you talking about measure 17? Because I genuinely don't know what you're talking about, and if you meant the LH for measure 18 then technically there are chords playing eighths throughout, but I just highlighted the brass. Or are you suggesting that I add offbeat string chords to measure 17 for the RH (And if that's the case, why not m9/13/etc?)
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-m22 RH - the A and G on b1 and 3 are held. I'd recommend either making them tied/2nd layer half note, or restriking them in the next chord.
I will just restrike them
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-m28-31 LH - there's offbeat strings here that would be very good to include. You chose to include those only in 36-39 which I don't feel works either. I'd recommend a mixture to be used consistently in both places.
I'm not sure if this is any better because it may seem a little too crowded and using just one part provided a nice contrast (imo ofc) between the heavier sections, but I tried to combine both. I did the same for m36 up to beat 3 of m38, and I changed the G on beat 4 to F because it was wrong
Quote from: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 02:35:56 PM-m2 - I think the Ab-A-Bb progression here is the most important part and should be the lowest note in the LH. Currently, the inversion obscures that motion.
-I'm not positive LH m8-9, 12-13 etc are actually that different from m4-5. Notating it the same way would make it feel less empty. At the very least, 12-13 onward is pretty much identical to 4-5.
Changed
Full ForceQuote from: Maelstrom on December 10, 2020, 02:20:16 PMm46 RH - I hear the first note of hte triplets as an E.
While I do hear an E, that sounds like it's coming from another voice line that goes E-D-C and not from the melody itself
Quote from: Maelstrom on December 10, 2020, 02:20:16 PMLH:
m7 - beat 3.5 is a C.
I don't hear it, and it seems to go against the other changes like in m3, 4, and 8
Quote from: Maelstrom on December 10, 2020, 02:20:16 PMCan't seem to tell why m47-48 is written differently than 43-44
m55-56 is the same as m43-44 as well.
The other voiceline that I used for m41-42 and other spots does a bunch of fast sixteenth notes in m43-44/m53-54 so I kept the original bassline there, but in m47-48 it goes B then G so I changed the main note in order to provide variety (and in m55-56 it goes B then E). Also in m54 I decided to change beat 4 to be what the countermelody plays (B-C) instead of what the bassline plays
Quote from: Maelstrom on December 10, 2020, 02:20:16 PMI realize I have a lot of combining notes which might take away from the driving force of the song. However, variation is important, and, most importantly, it makes the already difficult song more playable. Repeated 8ths at q=220 is brutal. I really like how you made this work on piano as a whole, the playability is my largest concern now.
That's totally fair, and thank you! The stuff you mentioned is both more accurate and easier to play, so I consider that to be two wins since it does not detract from the overall drive and sound much if at all anyways
Quote from: Maelstrom on December 10, 2020, 02:20:16 PMm8 b3 RH - I hear the E restrike
m10 - isn't that supposed an inverted mordent or whatever it's called? It goes the other direction.
m3 LH - I don't hear the restrike you have here on b4.
It's hard to make out, but I hear Bbs on b4 of m5 and 9.
m25-m41 - I don't hear any restrikes on b1.5 of any of these measures
m41 - b2.5 is an A.
m42 - I hear b1 as a C tied from m41 and b1.5 as the D.
m52 - first 3 notes are tied, b3.5-4 as well.
The first 2 8ths are tied (meaning a quarter) on every odd measure from 41-end. So like m43, 45, etc
Done, although it's possible I misunderstood what you meant for m52 (i.e. beat 3-4 looks like tied eighth-quarter-eighth, but maybe you meant tied eighth-dotted quarter)
Anyways, thank you for the feedback and sorry for not clarifying more stuff initially!
Quote from: Libera on December 04, 2020, 03:46:09 PMRe: Brinstar
Sorry for taking so long to respond. The changes look great. And I had another listen and agree with you about those two discrepancies and so I'm happy to accept now. Good work! (I've fixed the articulations, but let me know if anything looks off.)
It's alright, and the articulations look fine to me. Thanks!
Fountain of dreams
-After listening to the other versions and going back to the melee one, I think I can hear the m4-7 chords as you have them now.
-I still think b4 of m7 is an F, but we can let the next updater chime in if you'd like.
-m17 yes I meant m18 oops. I'm fine with emphasizing the brass here.
The rest looks great, nice work
Approved
Full force
Wait, if the alternate title "Full force!" is what you're going with, why isn't there an exclamation mark?
-m46 RH - Yep, I hear it now.
-not sure what I was hearing in m7 now that I listen again....
-last page bassline - Ah, I hear it now. Sounds cool.
misc. stuff:
-8th note beaming in 2nd layer m23-24 isn't consistent with the way you beamed the rest of the song, including the LH in 23.
-Break the b3.5/b4 LH beam in m51.
Fix this and I'll approve. Alternatively, I can just make the changes for you if you want.
edit: talked with zeila on discord, edited, and approved.
Flat Zone
for m29-31 and only those measures, I hear this in the bassline:
(https://i.fiery.me/qLWCU.jpg)
That's all, nice work on this insane song
I agree with this. The beat 1.25 will have to be omitted in 29 though as that's currently written down as an eighth note jump down to the 8vb part.
Sounds cool
accepted
Full force
This looks very nice, just a couple of minor comments:
- Top RH notes in m., 8 was missing a tie
- Ties in m. 25 could use a bit of adjusting to avoid overlap
- Ab in m. 40 should be G# (E chord)
- D.S. is a bit high and the segno is a bit left
Got this as well as the articulation reset, and accepting :)
Fountain of Dreams- Not sure if this is just because I'm using Finale 2014, but some of the slurs on page 2 look a bit too rounded if that makes sense. They should be more flat to line up better with the contour of the notes. If it looks normal to you then leave it as is.
this is what I'm seeing
(https://i.imgur.com/gayTZuU.png)
- m18-19 RH I think would be better without the roll markings. The way the orchestra plays it in the original sounds just like staccato notes to me than deliberately out of sync, even if there is kind of a delay. Up to you though.
- m28-31, 36-38 LH: You can include all the offbeat chords and bass notes if you want, it's not too hard to play.
- m46 beats 3-4: This is the bVI of Eb Major (aka Cb Major chord), so the notes should be Cb, Eb, Gb (and the C# should be Db).
Really nice work, this is a very tough sheet to condense into a piano version.
Fountain of Dreams has been edited with the 1st and 4th points above (leaving m18-19, 28-31, and 36-38 as-is), and I'll now accept
That's it for your sheets, so I'll go ahead and archive this thread