Submission Information:
Series: Touhou
Game: Touhou 17: Wily Beast and Weakest Creature
Console: PC
Title: Joutoujin of Ceramics
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Maelstrom (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4119)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Ignore the title in this video, it's improperly mistranslated. Gave me a headache when I originally arranged it.
I'm not exactly confident about the tempo in LH m35-36, but I think I approximated it as best I could.
I like this quite a bit...
- Any reason you used 8th rests in m5, 7, and 8, but not in 1 and 3? I can hear the different rhythms but it sounds like those notes should be held like in m1 and 3.
- The F and E in m6 LH should be E and D.
- The 16th notes in m13 LH and onward sound like they should match whatever chord they're on at any given time. So like the ones in m14 should be A and D, m16 should be B and E and then C and F. Basically just the 5th and root of each chord.
- Maybe put a crescendo in m31-32?
- m35 RH and similar should have the middle note be 2 tied 8th notes since it's 6/8 time... However I realize using quarters is sometimes acceptable, it's not really the "correct" way. Up to you I suppose.
- In m36 and 40 RH, consider removing the bottom A on the first and sixth 8th notes so that you don't have to restrike them. I think it makes it a bit easier to play without losing much sound. Same goes for the Fs in m61 and 65.
- m41: All F naturals should be E#s (C#7b9 chord). Likewise, in m66, the Dbs should all be C#s.
- The last page kinda bothers me a bit because of all the empty space, but I actually would rather it stay this way since all the repeated sections stick to only one page. If you want though, you could redistribute the measures so it's a full page at the end. I'm fine with how it is though, personally.
EDIT: Actually looking again at the piece, I would really strongly suggest using a tied 8th note for m35 and likewise because those measures are the ones with the weird bass rhythm. It's kind of hard to line up two different syncopations like that when one of them isn't written along the beats of the time signature.
All things changed and files updated, and your advice was taken for the quarter note before I read your edit.
Thanks for the feedback, it was helpful.
And yes, I did arrange this entire song because I wanted to transcribe the 6/8 sections.
Looks
good.
Quote from: Maelstrom on May 18, 2020, 09:03:02 AMAnd yes, I did arrange this entire song because I wanted to transcribe the 6/8 sections.
This is a good reason.
This submission has been accepted by Static (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4960).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot
This is not actually accepted yet, I am just stupid and accidentally clicked the button... Sorry about that.
I'll just finish up here instead of creating a new thread since this is almost done anyway.
- Don't see a segno and it sounds like the end of what you have written resolves to a high Dm chord before starting the repeat. Write out another measure (or the rest of the section) at the end and put a segno in/after the intro of the song.
- I think the duplets inclusing 16ths (like in m. 35) should be written as 4-tuplets instead
- m. 78 is missing harmony (thirds) above
- Would highly recommend making the last pages 5 systems each instead of 6+4 (unless you're adding more systems for the first comment). I get that there's a section break at the page turn now but the spacing is pretty uneven looking. If you must keep it, bring the tempo marking down in 58. (Some systems on page 1 could afford to be bumped up a bit as well.)
All nice and updated. Had to work some beam magic to make the quadruplets work, so make sure that looks fine.
Cool, thanks. Yeah, looks good so I'll consider this one formally accepted now :P