Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Team Kirby Clash Deluxe
Console: Nintendo 3DS
Title: Quest Board
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: LeviR.star (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5007)
[attachment deleted by admin]
I'm afraid I can't find a non-extended version of the song on YouTube, but I
did find
this (http://23.237.126.42/ost/team-kirby-clash-deluxe-gamerip/mxukykdu/4%20-%20Quest%20Board.mp3).
Okay, main thing about this is that it's a
big step up from what I normally arrange, so I saved it for a submission slot. My main concerns here lie within the left hand.
Especially between measures 13 - 21, I need everyone who checks this sheet to re-evaluate the rhythms and harmonies I have in place, because they're experimental and I'm not very sure of them myself, and I will
not be offended if someone offers to overhaul the bass line, because I'm ready to do just that. If anyone's got questions, ask away.
Heck yeah, the best Quest Board theme in the Kirby Clash sub-series! (IMO, both Super Kirby Clash ones are worse.)
In Bar 8's left-hand tied chord, I'm hearing an F as the topmost note in the original instead of a G.
In Bars 10-13, why does the right hand jump down an octave each time instead of up an octave? I personally hear (and sing) going up an octave instead of down in each of those measures. Also curious about why those right-hand notes in Bar 10 are C sharps instead of D flats--the passage sounds like it's modulating to F minor there, and D flats are more idiomatic in both C minor and F minor.
Why is there a half-measure of rests in Bar 23? IMO, that just stops the momentum right there and didn't sound natural. At the very least, there are two xylophone notes (at least I think they're from a xylophone) and then a drum roll where your rests are--at least transcribe the xylophone notes.
I'm hearing the last left-hand note in Bar 21 as a G in the original instead of an F.
In addition to everything above:
- Pickup: I think this is more accurate instead of a held tremolo Bb, but if you don't think it sounds as good, then keep what you have:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/syrryQG.png)
- m10-13: I can see why you have the first note up an octave because of the xylophone, but I agree with Dekkadeci here that the overall feel of that section is down-up instead of up-down.
- m21 LH: I hear this instead:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/nHgVhTn.png)
- There is a lot of white space between systems and on the 2nd page, but the staves themselves seem really squished together. You have a lot of room, so I would recommend spacing them apart to maybe 1.2in.
Quote from: Dekkadeci on September 24, 2019, 09:11:01 PM- In Bar 8's left-hand tied chord, I'm hearing an F as the topmost note in the original instead of a G.
- In Bars 10-13, why does the right hand jump down an octave each time instead of up an octave? I personally hear (and sing) going up an octave instead of down in each of those measures. Also curious about why those right-hand notes in Bar 10 are C sharps instead of D flats--the passage sounds like it's modulating to F minor there, and D flats are more idiomatic in both C minor and F minor.
- Why is there a half-measure of rests in Bar 23? IMO, that just stops the momentum right there and didn't sound natural. At the very least, there are two xylophone notes (at least I think they're from a xylophone) and then a drum roll where your rests are--at least transcribe the xylophone notes.
- noted, I'll fix that
- I personally never heard it that way, but I can be talked into changing it because I see your perspective now
- I know it really stops the momentum, but I'm not sure at the moment what to write in to fill the gap. And I'm not sure what I can turn those xylophone notes into that wouldn't sound out-of-place, either
Quote from: Static on September 26, 2019, 03:46:42 PM- Pickup: I think this is more accurate instead of a held tremolo Bb, but if you don't think it sounds as good, then keep what you have:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/syrryQG.png)
- m21 LH: I hear this instead:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/nHgVhTn.png)
- There is a lot of white space between systems and on the 2nd page, but the staves themselves seem really squished together. You have a lot of room, so I would recommend spacing them apart to maybe 1.2in.
- that works better for the performer, so I'll change it to that. Thank you
- sounds pretty good to me. Re-writing that part
- how's that? Spaced far away enough?
Files updated except for Dekka's comment about the half rest. I'm going to need you guys to paint a better picture of what you want written there that will still sound appropriate.
Looks very good. I looked through the chords again and didn't find anything off, I know you mentioned to me you were wondering about that stuff. For the empty part in m23, I would suggest something like m25, but with F and C instead of G and D. I would put the two C octaves on beat 3.5 and 4 (to match the timpani). Up to you what you want to include though, so for now I'll approve.
I think the octave positioning of the right-hand 8th-note-tied-to-half-note chords of Bars 9-12 in your first version were better. I think it sounds more faithful to the original if the last right-hand chord of Bar 9 and the entire right hand of Bars 10-12 were lowered an octave. At this point, you can discard the lowest notes of the right-hand initial-8th-note-octaves-with-grace-notes of Bars 10-12 if you like.
I'm sorry, can you show me a picure of what you're asking for, Dekka? You're still making it unclear for me; I'm not sure what you wanted.
Here's what I meant by what I tried to say in my last post about the octave voicing of the right-hand notes of Bars 9-12:
(https://drive.google.com/uc?export=download&id=163fRzzNzvDJJHbdhSECwzy8j9T7nPeuk)
In case the picture doesn't work, the link to the picture is https://drive.google.com/open?id=163fRzzNzvDJJHbdhSECwzy8j9T7nPeuk.
I ended up discarding the lowest notes of the right-hand initial-8th-note-octaves-with-grace-notes of Bars 10-12 in the picture version--that version sounded passable on Finale Notepad, at least.
Okay, I made the changes requested. Now there's a few specific places I need to ask about:
- m. 1 - 6, LH: At times, I was unsure if I was hearing the root of a chord, or 2 - 4 part harmony, so places like m. 1 have triads and dyads, while others like m. 5 have almost everything from tetrads to singular notes. If I may ask for it, I'd like to request a more thorough analysis of the LH in this section, and suggestions on places where I should add missing harmonies, or places I can remove ones that aren't really there.
- m. 9 - 12, LH: There's no problem with how it is at the moment, is there? When I first wrote this, I heard the same pattern repeating over all four measures, but with the RH moving up gradually, I'm not so sure anymore that's the case.
- m. 13 - 18, LH: It's simple enough to have octaves, but this idea came when I wrote the part for m. 16, where a different part entirely took higher priority over the pattern before it. Does it work for this case, or am I missing harmonies that need to be included before/after?
- m. 19 - 21: Even assuming those chords are right, something feels missing in the last two measures; like the chords are sustained even while both hands continue moving again. Are you guys hearing this? If so, what do I need; pedal markings? a second layer? Tell me what you think.
The reason I have to ask these questions is because I was never really satisfied with this as a final product, and never sure about a lot of what I was writing while working on it. This sheet was a big step up for me, so I need everyone's detailed input even if this sheet isn't a high priority for the site.
Update: Libera and I went over the sheet extensively over Discord. He will be here shortly to go over what we changed, and in the meantime, the files have been modified.
As Levi says, we talked about this a lot over discord as Levi had asked for detailed input. You can always look at the sheet to see what's changed, but I'll give a not entirely exhaustive rundown here:
-Pickup changed to a Dn octave tremolo.
-Bass movement moved down an octave in bars 4 and 6.
-Chords have been thinned out in bars 5-6 to keep the texture more consistent in this section.
-Extra bass notes have been added or taken away to match the original more closely (bars 2, 7, 8, 13, 15, 24).
-Lowest notes in the right hand chords in bars 10-12 have been altered to make it easier to play.
-Most of the left hand notes have been beefed up to power chords in bars 13-18 so as to not lighten the texture too much.
-Bar 16 was reworked to keep the bass rhythmic pattern going while still incorporating the lower riff.
-The chord at the end of bar 19 was revoiced to make it less muddy.
-The chord at the start of bar 22 was revoiced so as to make it easier to play.
-One of the xylophone notes was changed in bar 12 (An->Bb).
Although we just talked about this for ages, I did just notice that the ties in the second chord in the left hand of bar 19 are a bit messy. The second one down could be altered a bit so it's not stuck inside the notehead. Other than that this should be good to go on my end.
Quote from: Libera on October 21, 2019, 06:19:06 PMAlthough we just talked about this for ages, I did just notice that the ties in the second chord in the left hand of bar 19 are a bit messy. The second one down could be altered a bit so it's not stuck inside the notehead. Other than that this should be good to go on my end.
You got it. Is that better?
Indeed it is. I let Static look over this again and he didn't have anything to add, so it shall be accepted.
This submission has been accepted by Libera (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5291).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot